pride/honor crushed or humilitated?

[asian]

today i was home and my lao friend came over, being lao myself my mother could speak to her. my mother began talking to her in lao and she would answer back. my mom decided to comment on this and say i could never speak lao, when my mom never tried to teach me. this went on for several minutes. afterwards her dad came to pick her up and my mom decided to tell my friends dad that i couldn't speak lao and my mom had a big laugh about it afterwards. i felt humilitated and my pride as totally crushed.

has anything ever happened to you that made you feel humiliated or stripped of your pride/honor?

[Lune]

Lol at school we have competitions every year for my jazz choir. (yeah its not as dork/crap as it sounds XD. we goto disney and myrtle beach, and are nationly recognized). The big competition is myrtle beach, and we were doing a song from Alfie that had a solo, so i practiced for 5 months! I had this solo DOWN. and then the day of tryouts came, and my friend had started liking the solo a few weeks before. And everyone thought i had the solo, in a non conceited way, even i did. then the next day my friend got it instead of me. and it hurt/sucked hella lot. I created quite a controversy though lol.

[asian]

lol good job, creating controversy's *sp* fun ^_^

[Lune]

yes it is lol. your mom sounds just like mine, whenever shes knows something that seems humiliating to me, she doesnt hesitate to tell the world

[asian]

yeah, but my dad is worse, when he knows something that like kills me inside he rubs it in constantly...why are parents always like that?

[Crimson_Stigmata]

yeah, but my dad is worse, when he knows something that like kills me inside he rubs it in constantly...why are parents always like that?

I don't think that you are the only one. I'm also asian and my parents totally like to rub it in that I can't write Chinese characters and write viet well. At least I can read some of it. They are always talking to each other in Chinese and it pisses me off that they try to hide what they are saying about me. >_>"

I'm gonna show them off one day. Just them wait. They also talk to their friends about how I refuse to learn Chinese.

I rather much learn Japanese, and french then Chinese.

[asian]

I'm gonna show them off one day. Just them wait. They also talk to their friends about how I refuse to learn Chinese.

I rather much learn Japanese, and french then Chinese.

yeah they talk about me too, but i dont refuse, i just don't know. and yes i would rather learn japanese rather than lao. and in fact i think i do know more japanese than lao.

[Crimson_Stigmata]

yeah they talk about me too, but i dont refuse, i just don't know. and yes i would rather learn japanese rather than lao. and in fact i think i do know more japanese than lao.

It's all good. They like to talk to each other in Chinese, I just talk to my sister in french when we try to hide something from them. So it all evens out. ^-^"

[Darren337]

hey, next time they try and talk in chinese behind their back, comment to their friends on how they hide what they say from you... put them to shame for being all shady...

[Crimson_Stigmata]

hey, next time they try and talk in chinese behind their back, comment to their friends on how they hide what they say from you... put them to shame for being all shady...

Nah, that won't work because then that wouldn't be honoring my parents and then all their friends would say that my parents don't know how to raise their children. >_>" That how asian culture is like, it totally bites.

[asian]

yeah, you have to watch out for your family's honor and your own (which i never do cause i call my mom a jerk all the time...-_-*)

[Crimson_Stigmata]

yeah, you have to watch out for your family's honor and your own (which i never do cause i call my mom a jerk all the time...-_-*)

LOL, well my parents raised me to up hold those old asian traditions and yet my sister is like the total opposite of what my parents taught her. It's pretty funny because I guess in a way she thinks a lot like you.

[Darren337]

damn, i like having latin roots (at least on one side of my fam) cuz pride and honor all come with how you act. if you shape up, so does your image. you are almost never permanently black-balled if you really mess up.

[asian]

damn, i like having latin roots (at least on one side of my fam) cuz pride and honor all come with how you act. if you shape up, so does your image. you are almost never permanently black-balled if you really mess up.

lucky, if you mess up big with asians it goes on like, a mentl permanent record, which i have -_-*

[Crimson_Stigmata]

damn, i like having latin roots (at least on one side of my fam) cuz pride and honor all come with how you act. if you shape up, so does your image. you are almost never permanently black-balled if you really mess up.

Yeah I guess pride and honor is dependant on how you act. But if you mess up in the asian culture, most likely they will disown you.

[Darren337]

hey, you're cool with us, and right now (at least in here) thats all that counts.

[kinonai]

lucky, if you mess up big with asians it goes on like, a mentl permanent record, which i have -_-*
Then you should go online and try to learn that one language. Parents shouldn't treat their kids that way, and maybe she will respect you more if you prove her wrong.

[SteamedDumpling]

But if you mess up in the asian culture, most likely they will disown you.

that seems only if you're parents are really into tradition. most of the time, my parents just talk about what I screwed up on, spread the news, and then kinda just leave it there. it's not a big deal for me.

[asian]

Then you should go online and try to learn that one language. Parents shouldn't treat their kids that way, and maybe she will respect you more if you prove her wrong.

nope, once you make a big mistake its over, they never have respect for you. and whenever i try to prove her wrong she always finds another way to get me down.

[Darren337]

well, no matter what your parents think, and no matter whether you mess up in here or not, we will always welcome you back.

[asian]

well, no matter what your parents think, and no matter whether you mess up in here or not, we will always welcome you back.

T.T awww, i feel so...welcomed ^_^. thank you, *tear* you made me happy. *cries*

[Sahiden]

I think it's like this everywhere.... My parents also say everything bad about me or my brothers to everyone they meet. Even total strangers. But I know they don't mean bad with it. It's just a form of expressing concern. You only are lost when you screw up big time² ,like killing people, or injuring your parents.
I don't think there is a culture that would allow such a thing. (except for spiders...)
Every time your parents make fun of you, just ignore that. Who cares what they say. You have to create your own image and there will always be people who dislike you nevertheless.
But your family will never leave your side if you aren't evil.
It doesn't matter what you say. It's only an escape from responsibility. If you take resposibility and do something about your image.
You won't reach the goal of having a happy life if you don't do it yourself.
I know how easy it is to blame someone else... I've done that all my life. But I had to see what I could do about my problems and solve them myself. Don't count on others to solve it. (psychologists can, but they cost a lot to do virtually nothing)
It's not even hard. Just confusing in the beginning.
Your parents may make fun of you, but still care for you anyway. It's a common thing and what now seems such a big deal will seem so little later on.
Just never give up and keep a clear mind.

[Ballistics]

hmmm, Have I ever lost my pride/honor? Thats a tuff question...I would like to say no...but I have felt how dishonor and and prideless feels...The Truth is I hate being called "weak", "usless", "yellow", and or "stupid"...It just gets me worked up and may cause me to act or say some weak, usless, yellow and or stupid things...would I knock someone out over something like pride and honor? Yeah I would do it with out thinking twice about it...Talking is fine and everything but first I have to show that I'm serious about things like that...( I'm always kicked back and relaxed in my social life so no one thinks I've ever serious about anything...and most of the time its true)

Well there you have it amigos, I'll always fight. Ballistics out...[B]

[Darren337]

BP pride and honor. as long as you have that then whatever your parents say is null and void *hehe*

[asian]

good way to look at it (by the way i think you would make an awesome mod)

[Uzichida Cantameru]

ah, so far u talked about parents...
Ur parents actually say whats wrong?! luck fellers. only my madre tells me.
I got honor when fought for what i believed in.(not actual fight) I had proved 4 people wrong and then from there on out they were more understanding and listened more to me.

[asian]

god, lucky...last year i went thourgh this kinda "gothy" as you people would call it phase, and my family lost soo much respect for me. but now they make fun of me behind my back because i like anime and such.

[Uzichida Cantameru]

lol "gothy" i call it gothic phase, im still in mine a bit but i dont paint my nails etc. i just wear black, in fact i only wwear black, its rare to see me in sumtin else unless i go on vacation i wear green. black=attracts heat , green= less heat. so yep i have prid in my black only wardrobe pretty much.

[asian]

yeah, i wear a lot of black shirts, but sometimes i wear different colors...like i have a white shirt, but after a while i'm gonna take a black permanent marker and write vere iz da man? on it so it wont be all white ^_^

[Crimson_Stigmata]

yeah, i wear a lot of black shirts, but sometimes i wear different colors...like i have a white shirt, but after a while i'm gonna take a black permanent marker and write vere iz da man? on it so it wont be all white ^_^

Wow people still do goth? I'm more brit punk myself. Lots of bright plaid and checkered clothing. ^-^" It's hot.

Plus I get a lot of stares. ^-^" Extra attention I love it.

[Uzichida Cantameru]

lol right > > srry if i seem a little mean taday i feel so sick from a milkshake i bought.

[asian]

that sucks uzi.

haha crimson you nerd. i prefer to be another person in the crowd. you never really notice them until they talk to you kind of person. i don't like standing out.

[Uzichida Cantameru]

yea it does, to bad im exactly like what asian just described above, that is until i borke my leg frosh yr. now i know 95% of the kids in my grade and almost every teach.

Ediit: 900 *gives pocky to people on cp and bp*

[Darren337]

crimson: i dont wear black or loud colors... i blend. i disappear in a crowd and i can even disappear in a group of my friends (around 10 ppl)

uzi: thnx for pocky, i'll get you some koala's march

[Uzichida Cantameru]

lol, i walk away that disappearing for me.(up to 3 people dont even realize i ditched them to go home) then when i get online there like wtf did u go.

[asian]

horray for pocky. yeah that sucks you broke your leg crimson. i guess i kinda stand out since i get i'm fights with like the "toughest" guy in freshman class.

[Uzichida Cantameru]

but ur a girl! girls dont fight! u must not be a girl than!*theory rises again*

but yea breaking ur leg is recommend, missed 2 weeks cause was in hospital for 4 days and had to recoperat from all th gd pain, lasted 4 weeks. , i came back on the day of a mass then went 2 more weeks of no skool= 4 weeks..

[Porkchop Express]

Wow people still do goth? I'm more brit punk myself. Lots of bright plaid and checkered clothing. ^-^" It's hot.

Plus I get a lot of stares. ^-^" Extra attention I love it.

Brit Punk? What bands do you like?

I always just dress in blue and black, blue jeans and a very very very dark blue t-shirt generally. Sometime I wear a band t-shirt I've bought at a gig or something. People like me shouldn’t stand out.

[Darren337]

no, the people like you (on fire in av?) cant help but stand out in a crowd. *hehehe*

[Uzichida Cantameru]

so bad, but yes i found it on a website called. Porcks embarrising moments jk...lol

[Darren337]

hahahaha, nice.

[Porkchop Express]

Yeah I did actually set my shoe on fire once to light a cigarette a couple years ago just like bender in the breakfast club, unfortunately I was only wearing trainers and the fire quickly burnt through to my foot causing me to kick myself in the face, burn off the front clump of my hair and fall off my friend deck chair… I suppose that’s were my perversion for all thinks flammable started.

[Darren337]

i have a zippo with "pyro" engraved on it. an old girlfriend gave me that

[asian]

my mom took away my lighters because i would just lay around the house lighting it, putting it out, lighting it, and putting it out again.

[Uzichida Cantameru]

playing with fire. did that, i would light matches and throw them(still on fire) into the sink. very fun.

[asian]

once i lit my hair on fire...i got in soo much troble.

[Uzichida Cantameru]

i would imagine, one time i set my backyard on fire with a tank toy, it blew up it was so funny. and i have a lot of pride setting my own backyard on fire by accident with a defected toy. luckily it was very small and i put it out with a water gun.

[asian]

once i was at my friends house and there was a candle which was lit and a can of lysol a few feet away from it. haha i bet you can guess what happened! lol, well i sprayeed it but the lyrol spread and i set the whole table top on fire. which i quickly put out with my hands...

[Darren337]

i like taking a book of matches, and with one hand i fold it back, fold one match out, set it, and then strike it and throw it at somebody all in one motion.

[Porkchop Express]

I like to make them into a rocket with tinfoil, its pretty difficult to do. but just seeing the match stick fly though the air under its own power is very satisfying.

[Darren337]

yeah the rocket trick! i havent tried that in forever.... damn, i cant rmember how to do it any more its been so long.

[Uzichida Cantameru]

what what what?! rocket matches? nvr heard of them lol. were all pyro opssesed. we have a down side to most people T_T

[asian]

you have my full attention porkchop...tell me more.

[Porkchop Express]

I cant explain this without diagrams. I tried I really did...

[Darren337]

dont worry about it, i'll remember or ask a friend i can see

[Uzichida Cantameru]

its ok porck we still <3 u lol *throws match at porckchop express*

[Porkchop Express]

I feel like such a failure... I will make drawings tomorrow and pm you

[Darren337]

weeee! lostprophets - burn burn

[Uzichida Cantameru]

lol likes like in halo when 5 people kill u at the same time "u were killed by the guardians" so sick and hard to get, just like flinging the match at porck across an ocean!

[asian]

taht's what match flinging bazookas are for...durr...

[Uzichida Cantameru]

lol match flinging bazookas. what will she think of next? xploding pocky gifts. o btw *gives pocky* be sure to press this button to open the box*hands button over*

[asian]

haha sweeeettttt.

T.T man, science homwork blows...

[Uzichida Cantameru]

lol im awesome at science now, 110 out of 100 on a chem test woot!
zero prob got the same, he always surpasses me, hes to smart T_T

[asian]

....wanna help me with my science homework? ^_^

[Uzichida Cantameru]

yea what is it? pm the probs to me so we dont spam to bad *eats a pocky*

[Darren337]

what is the terminal velocity of an almond covered pocky at STP...

[asian]

lol, we finished velocity ages ago...

[Uzichida Cantameru]

its a # happy now? i did that like in 3rd grade like i member lol

[Crimson_Stigmata]

lol, we finished velocity ages ago...

Um Physics? ^-^" I remember taking that class in High school. I think in 10th grade? It was really easy, but I forgot everything I learned in that class. T_T

[Uzichida Cantameru]

u forgot how to roast marshmellows T_T how sad i get to do that again next yr, i think nyway. at a skool i looked at that was an experiment. of cousre i had the guys who played with the gas on started getting high off it. it was so funny.

[asian]

lol, i forget everything i learned from the year before...

[Crimson_Stigmata]

u forgot how to roast marshmellows T_T how sad i get to do that again next yr, i think nyway. at a skool i looked at that was an experiment. of cousre i had the guys who played with the gas on started getting high off it. it was so funny.

They let u play with the gas tank? What kind of school is that?

[asian]

a messed up one?

[Crimson_Stigmata]

a messed up one?

I think that's the correct answer. If those gases were flamable that would be even better. Lets blow up the school. ^-^"

I fantasize about that a lot in High school.

[Darren337]

im all for the exploding school trick *hocus pocus no school for a month*

[Crimson_Stigmata]

im all for the exploding school trick *hocus pocus no school for a month*

If the school did blow up I think we wouldn't have school for probably 2 years. Either that or they will send us to the nearest school >_<"

[Uzichida Cantameru]

the gases are flammable, u put a hose connector and light it to roast it duh. thats why i didnt go there. still i get to do that at my skool now

[Darren337]

the last thing i did with a marshmallow was make taffy out of it. reeaaaally fluffy taffy.

[Crimson_Stigmata]

the last thing i did with a marshmallow was make taffy out of it. reeaaaally fluffy taffy.

Umm smoores ^-^" Never actually eaten one of those before.

[asian]

smores are gross

[Uzichida Cantameru]

omg uve nvr eaten a smores, go buy the smores cereal then!

[Darren337]

not smores, i made sumthin like taffy!

[Uzichida Cantameru]

stigmata im talking to if i rd his post right. u to go get the cerael!

[Crimson_Stigmata]

omg uve nvr eaten a smores, go buy the smores cereal then!

Does it actually taste like the real thing? Because I can easily just go buy all the stuff to make a smore, in my microwave or something >_<"

[Uzichida Cantameru]

yea its basically does. cept the marshmellow, there like old crunchy ones, the way i like them but thats just me.

[asian]

haha that's freaky

by the way we are SOOO off topic lol

[Crimson_Stigmata]

haha that's freaky

by the way we are SOOO off topic lol

Oh well who cares, I gave up on staying on topic like a long time ago.

Besides I don't really care if my parents respect me or not, I'm moving my @ss out of there soon anyways.

[Uzichida Cantameru]

wow im showing how im proud of supporting a stupid cereal and i show pride of posting my pics, so im on topic at least. so im gaining it in my own way.

[Crimson_Stigmata]

wow im showing how im proud of supporting a stupid cereal and i show pride of posting my pics, so im on topic at least. so im gaining it in my own way.

I'm proud of my pics too, I'm going to have to start on my third one since I'm close to 300 post. ^-^"

[Uzichida Cantameru]

lol yep since u started talking with us you gain a lot faster. and im proud of that lol! almost at the big 1000

[asian]

lol i know! thats soo sad you loser.

[leafdeathstar19]

i have a little worse then all of you my pants came down infront of all the cheerleaders beat that lMAO

[Crimson_Stigmata]

i have a little worse then all of you my pants came down infront of all the cheerleaders beat that lMAO

MEh that's not that bad. It would have been worst if your boxers or whatever you were wearing also went down. That or you had like a major boner when your pants went down. ^-^"

[asian]

lol, or if you went commando that day and you dropped your pants.

[Uzichida Cantameru]

that happend in my gym class, not to me, we were playing volley ball and the kid jumped up and the guy next to him pulled his pants down. he got hit in the head with the ball then. so funny!

[asian]

lol. one day we were playing volleyball and this guy on the other team was stoned and he jumped up to spike the ball and ran intothe net.

[Uzichida Cantameru]

lol, lots of stoners in skool noway days...how sad T_T

[asian]

lol i know, and today was 4.20 too *sigh*

[Uzichida Cantameru]

4.20 what does that mean u crazy crazy girl.

[Tsinsanato]

it means that lots of ppl are getting stoned and the steps of the capital, atleast my capital (freakin pot heads!)

[Darren337]

uzi i cant believe you asked that. anyway yeah, i hate the stoners. they can die.

[Crimson_Stigmata]

Drugs = evil. In high school I would see so many people sneak in beer, and weed. They would chew on the weed in class, some of them even offered me some. >_>" I just get headaches from just smelling their evil drugs. >_>"

[Darren337]

some people just dont care about what they do to themselves. fine, i dont either.


to them i say: "dont worry about it. its mind over matter. I dont mind because you dont matter."

[Crimson_Stigmata]

some people just dont care about what they do to themselves. fine, i dont either.


to them i say: "dont worry about it. its mind over matter. I dont mind because you dont matter."

Meh I just say no thanks. >_>" I do care about people, because I was taught that you need to love everyone, even if they hurt you.

Meh lets see how long I can keep it up, before I go psycho on someone for smoking.

[Darren337]

i care, but that doesnt mean they matter. i feel that you have to draw the line somewhere. my last girlfriend was/is an alcoholic. she tried to stop, but she keeps falling to it. after we broke up, i stopped caring because i realized that she didnt really want to stop. if she did, then i wouldnt have had to ask her to stop so much. *sigh* im not proud of this story, but im just trying to prove my point.

[Crimson_Stigmata]

i care, but that doesnt mean they matter. i feel that you have to draw the line somewhere. my last girlfriend was/is an alcoholic. she tried to stop, but she keeps falling to it. after we broke up, i stopped caring because i realized that she didnt really want to stop. if she did, then i wouldnt have had to ask her to stop so much. *sigh* im not proud of this story, but im just trying to prove my point.

Umm from my experience which probably doesn't count as much because I'm younger than you.

Anways that kind of relationship that you had with your g/f would have never worked out anyways. If she really did love you, she would have to try a lot harder than that..

Meh I was in a similar relationship with another girl that had problems with her family. She always wanted to commit suicide and runaway from home and stuff. Being the good boyfriend that I was, I would talk and listen to her for hours sometimes without sleep. >_>" In the end I didn't want to break up with her because I feared that she would be really sad and commit suicide.

Of course this was a very unhealthy relationship. I ended up seeking professional help. >_>"

[Darren337]

i probably should have sought professional help after mine. my xgf did try to commit suicide, she cut, drank, and was on bad terms with fam. mom is bipolar and the kids are all whacked becuz of mom. plus they were all beaten a few years back by a step dad thats now in jail. im much happier as a person now that im not in that relationship, even though i had truly deep feelings for her. we used to talk on the phone until it was time to go to school the next morning.

[Crimson_Stigmata]

i probably should have sought professional help after mine. my xgf did try to commit suicide, she cut, drank, and was on bad terms with fam. mom is bipolar and the kids are all whacked becuz of mom. plus they were all beaten a few years back by a step dad thats now in jail. im much happier as a person now that im not in that relationship, even though i had truly deep feelings for her. we used to talk on the phone until it was time to go to school the next morning.

Yeah that sounds exactly like the situation I was in before. How exactly did you end it?

Sometimes we would talk on the phone so much that I would have this constant ringing in my ear, and it really hurt too. T_T"

[Darren337]

she ended it actually. she never said why really, just that things were too weird. yeah well she started going out with this other guy the next day... i didnt care. when we broke up she was 16, and i was 18 and already graduated from high school. i would never have to see or hear from her again.

[Crimson_Stigmata]

she ended it actually. she never said why really, just that things were too weird. yeah well she started going out with this other guy the next day... i didnt care. when we broke up she was 16, and i was 18 and already graduated from high school. i would never have to see or hear from her again.

I'm not sure that you can call that love then. I think it's more of warped relationship that has gone terrible wrong. It more like a realtionship of convience or something >_>" Not healthy at all.

But meh I'm just happy that she didn't commit suicide, and that we are close friends. I like to end relationships as friends because I want to be on good terms with people. Plus I don't like having a bad rep, because girls talk. >_>"

[Darren337]

here is my theory on love and relationships. i like to end as friends, but its not always possible to do so. also, once you love someone, you can never really stop loving them entirely, part of you will always love them to a degree. and in all honesty, the warp in the relationship was how bad her home situation was. we spent more time on the phone than in person because she was always grounded for being alive and thus couldnt see me.

[Crimson_Stigmata]

here is my theory on love and relationships. i like to end as friends, but its not always possible to do so. also, once you love someone, you can never really stop loving them entirely, part of you will always love them to a degree. and in all honesty, the warp in the relationship was how bad her home situation was. we spent more time on the phone than in person because she was always grounded for being alive and thus couldnt see me.

Wow that's one weird relationship you got there. Good thing you got out of it...^-^"

Also I think you are right about the love thing. Here is what I think...

If you truely love someone you give a piece of your heart to that person and they do the same for you. So basically your whole heart is now a patch work. And you always carry a little of everyone that you love. ^-^"

[Darren337]

i agree with you. my ex ex gf is a good friend of mine now, and we still love eachother. not in the same way any more, but we do enjoy eachother's company when we get to hang out

[Sahiden]

I've never been in a relationship...
I just had too much on my mind.
And now I have no time.

I guess with the little places I go and all...
I will probably never find someone who cares about me like that.
I don't mind though. I've been practically alone for all of my life. I know what real loneliness feels like and so I really don't care now. Because I have friends and people to talk to.

[Crimson_Stigmata]

I've never been in a relationship...
I just had too much on my mind.
And now I have no time.

I guess with the little places I go and all...
I will probably never find someone who cares about me like that.
I don't mind though. I've been practically alone for all of my life. I know what real loneliness feels like and so I really don't care now. Because I have friends and people to talk to.

Awww so sad T_T" You will find someone eventually. Considering you aren't over 50 because your looks start to go by then, I'm sure. >_>"

[Darren337]

Sahiden: ive been single more than ive been with someone, and i'll tell you from experience, when you're single for a while, it feels like you'll never find someone. but dont worry, someone will find you. thats what happened to me, a couple of times.

[Uzichida Cantameru]

aw darrens lonely T_T i think i have the longest streak then any of u.

[Darren337]

(not that lonely, just stating how it can get sometimes). and how long is that, uzi?

[Uzichida Cantameru]

lets see, i was in a little relation ship when i was 12, nvr dated nvr got to either she moved. so lets see about 15yrs. so i have nvr been on a date. so yea i win. which is pretty bad, i wouldve had one if the girl didnt transfer skools then move in general.

[Sahiden]

Heh, You didn't beat me...
I never did anything like that.
I'm 17. And I didn't even have like a child relation...
So yeah, I've been single for 17 years (and a half now)
I'm not proud of this...

Heh but, you never really felt the true loneliness.
I have.
True loneliness isn't just wanting to be with someone. But the incapability of being with anyone.
Of course you'll meet people then. And you'll be with your parents, etc.
But you'll never will feel them as persons.

It's nearly impossible to think there is such a feeling.
Believe me, there is a feeling that drives u nuts from loneliness.

That is the dark Negative Spiral of Decay.
Nothing can save you from it if it really has manifested.
Before it has, a psychologist could help you. But there is a good chance they can't either.
In the end there is only 1 choice.
Getting out of it as fast as you can.
But because of it's decay.
You won't see the true path out.
And only the worst solution remains.
Self-destruction.
Just suicide as the ultimate door out of there. Before you completely vanish in it.

This decay. Is a mental process. That only can be triggered by the person himself because of a situation and the consequences.
This process will make you the most lonely person in the world and cause you to do horrible things. And it all seems as a dream. You would be able to kill a person in that situatino without even feeling it. Morality simply doesn't exist in the spiral. Only decay and destruction. You can literally feel the mental decay then. And slowly you realise that something has to be done. Only because you can't get happyness then. Happy is an unknown feeling then. But you could recognise it with other people. And you want it no matter what.
But the decay won't let you.
It will never let you get happy.
Then the day of breaking comes. The day you surpass the decay and say, I'm here, now face me as I really am.
But it'll be too late in most cases.
Then a new feeling will make itself master of you. The famous Depression.
Without the Decay, depression isn't dangerous and can be healed by normal means.
The person would be able to think things through.
I know what it sounds like: People with depression just want attention of others.
But if the depression is the result of the decay. Then there is no cure. There is no way out anymore.
How long you last is no more than a matter of your own mental stamina.

Then the judgement day arrives.
The choice: death or decay

When you live with decay for a while you'll see that death really is the better option.
If you are truly all alone then. You die.
But if someone from the outside dares to venture into your world of decay only to shout a meaningless message to you. But the message is only meaningless if the decay stops it...
If that outsider can reach you. Through the wall of decay. Only then you can hear his/her message. And that means... That the wall is breakable. And you find a new way out.
The message.

Now this may sound weird to most of you since this feeling isn't a normal one.
Not to mention complicated.
But I know what I'm talking about. Because that have been those 2 cursed years of my life. I will carry the mark of decay forever.
I will pay for everything that I have done to my friends.

I'll tell you the truth about me:
The start of my third year in secundary school. I was late the first day.
Everyone in my class watched me when I came in.
They didn't know a thing about me. I had never seen those people.
Except for one girl... I felt I knew her somehow...
(later it seemed she was the ex-girlfriend of one of my friends in the previous 2 years)
We all had to introduce ourselves.
That went good. No problems.

End of week 1: a trip to the woods. One day full of walking. 30 Kilometers.
I talked to no one.
Untill a girl stepped up to me and said: 'You're awfully quiet for a day like this.'
I replied: 'I'm always quiet, I just don't like talking to people I don't really know.'
She: 'Well... you could always talk to me and get to know me.'
I looked at her. It was the girl I somehow felt to have met her before.
We had a great day. But. I screwed it.
We were walking near a river. Yet our path was 6 meters above the waterlevel. There was a pretty steep hill. Suddenly the path was gone.
We saw the road going on 1 meter below us.
So we jumped down. I jumped first and she jumped right after me. (since I won't tell her name I will adress her as T. from here on.)
My foot ended wrong. I slipped and I remember that all I thought about was.
This is my end. Ridiculous. (I can't swim... I still can't)
Yet I quickly slipped away. I fell down but... she grabbed my arm as I fell. And she was able to hold me there. She soon got help from others in my class. And so I escaped death once because she was there.
And I thought then. Why, why does she save me. I'm not important. I don't even care for her. If she'd fell. I'd let her fall damnit.

2 weeks later I still was thinking about it.
It made no sense to me. Was she just such a nice person.
Then I started to see her actions of everyday. My conclusion was pretty double: She is really nice. To everyone. But then I realised something. I never met someone like this. Why does someone like this interest me so much... Could it be. That I love this person.
No, Impossible. Love isn't my game. I'm not like that.
Actually.... I guess I am like that.
Now what do I do.

Suddenly I found an answer. I would love her. Like I can love no second person in this world. At least I had to pay back the favor for saving my life.
But how could I be NICE to her...
She isn't my type at all. She looks so.. So... I don't know. Just not like the girls I like.
I watched her more often... I noticed that she already had a boyfriend.
Good. I don't have to love her. She is already happy.

A few weeks later I noticed something.
I still love her... But she already has someone.
I won't interfere. I can't interfere... That guy is older than me.
But I knew I would anyway.
So I thought really simple.
I won't steal her happyness... If she can't love me. Right.
So I willingly submitted myself into the decay. Nobody can love a person so evil. I was already a pretty bad person back then. So I just had to be an extreme form of me.
No problem.

First I needed to test it. Who better than friends at school.
It took me 3 days to expelled out of our group of friends.
I created an extremely weird behaviour. I always went to stand alone on the playground. I never talked to a person unless I had to.
But after a while. I found the most evil thing of all.
Deception, destruction, lies and fights.
I started destroying myself. Cuting myself with knives or stabbing myself with sharp objects. It never really hurt as much as the loneliness anyway.
I bashed my head with as much force as I could on benches, walls and even people...
I lied to everyone about everything.
I forgot about tests... Homework.
Then came the day. I said to T. : How about it b****, wanna fight me.
She responded: No, why should I fight you. You don't hate me do you.
At that time I wanted to scream it damnit. I hate you. But I couldn't.
I loved her too much to say it.
So I said. 'No I don't hate you.... it's just. I never fought a girl you know.'
T: 'Silly guy, don't you know people aren't supposed to fight but to love. Now let's go before the teacher gets pissed at us.'
I wanted to die... She even talked her way out better as me.
I loved her even more.
I became friends with her friends. But I really just wanted to show them what I am. Evil.
I couldn't succeed. But they expelled me in the end.
Since I put up the most magnificent story in the world about how insane I was.
(I can't remember it though..)


shit boss walks in.
Next part later.
PS: Never do this at home. (eh, school)

[Koyuk]

Well, I have one thing to say, i'd rather be alone than lose the love i wonce had. About a year i was dating this one girl, I was totaly into her, i mean there is no capeable way of explaining how I felt for her, still do feel for her. There was this whole thing with our parents, not liking us dating each other, she eventually moved to her dads house like 3 hrs away from where i live, and shes been like, brainwashed to hate me now, it hurt when she moved, it hurts when i think about her, it hurts when i try to talk to her online, or when she visits her mum, and she either blows me off or insults me. I still kinda depressed......

[Sahiden]

Really slowly types this part...
Man, typing sure is trouble when your boss is in the same room.

I was expelled. Devasted. She would never even like me now.
But she still was all happy and cheery towards me...
I hated it.

But I couldn't hate her.
I had to make her hate me. Last option. A personal attack. She had to feel it hard.

(Now I remember how they declared me insane... I picked up every coin I found on the playground. Everyone started throwing money at me.
(€7 a day)
Even the teachers got bothered with that.
So I was even mad in their eyes.)

So I began to insult her. On everything I could.
She didn't get angry at me even once.
So I started to insult her even worse.
But she never sent me away.
She even smiled at me.

Then came the day we went to Paris. (I posted a pic of that I think)
I spent the whole day with her and her friend... At least that was the plan.
One day break from all the insults. I agreed on that.

By then the decay was unstoppable. I had invoked it on myself and now it wasn't just going to stop. I didn't even see how evil I really was.
Even when I made a girl cry in my class.

The other girls in my class said to me that day: 'You bastard, never come even close to T. again. She has a life you know. Just get lost and die somewhere in a corner.'
So that's what I intended to do.

I stepped away from the group. The girls wondered what I was up to.
I crossed the street (6 part road) intending to die by car accident.
They were stunned. And ran towards me. 'Are you insane'
I didn't get hit even once...

They got worried about me.
Later on. I picked fights with a group of "french" guys with knives because they had hit T. with a soccer ball and kept aiming at the girls.
I had my own knife so...
She stopped me and said: 'Why do try to do something like this.'
me:' I thought you didn't want me around you anymore. Get lost.'
T: 'Stop that, you idiot, I never said such a thing.'
me: 'But they did'
T: 'Who'
Me: 'Your friends'
T: 'I don't care what they say... I never said that. Now stop this nonsense and come sit with us.'
Me: 'Yeah right, With that attitude of your friends I'm better of with the local Knife lobby here...'
T: 'Then just stand still okay... Don't get yourself killed.'
She walked off saying that...
I was astounded again.
Once again she ended a discussion with such incredible ease...
She was too relaxed.
So instead of fighting knife dudes back then. I just kicked their soccer ball under a bus.

Then a teacher came in between before I was completely dead...

End of that day...
She talked to me on the road back. Shared even a bag of chips with me.


The hatred against me in my class grew.
Untill, one day I just couldn't take it anymore...
IT WAS ALL A LIE... I'M NOT LIKE THIS.... I'M NOT INSANE. I FAKED EVERYTHING UPTILL NOW.

The decay couldn't stop me...
I was free again.
But.
The year ended. I was depressed. I now see what I had done to all of them.
But mostly... What have I done to you... My dear...
I was out of control.. Now. I won't defend myself. There is no defence here. I did all of that stuff.

Teachers went all mad on my mom. Mom cried a lot back then.
I thought it was the teacher's fault.

Start of the fourth year...
I was depressed.
Everyone tried to walk around me as wide as possible.
Glass bottles were thrown at me.

I got help... From a psychologist, from them CLB.
But they didn't help.
CLB worker who watched me and talked to me was shocked. I was going beserk. I was stuck in the depression. But... I still talked that worker out the room. She never won one arguement against me.

By Christmas... I was going to be dead...
But. The last day of school before Christmas.
We had a day. Full of talking. Relation day it was called.
Our class relation had to improve.

And soon everyone discussed against me.
The 2 teachers there were shocked. They never heard the whole story. I didn't tell them eveything though.
I was the most evil being they had ever seen.
One of them started crying. 'He ruined the whole day.... The bastard.'

I said simple:
'I no longer can go on like this... I'm not feeling well at all. I did all of it for selfish reasons. And I can't live with all that guilt.' I already planned my suicide at that moment.
T said: 'But you can always talk to me about anything you know.'
Me: 'I'm sorry... I just can't live anymore after all I have done to you. Especially you... I'm sorry. Please don't hate me for it okay..'
I don't know why I said that so straightforward to her...
T: 'I don't hate you... I never have. Not one moment. Just let it go. I'll forgive you. I don't even think about it anymore. I already forgave you the day you said you aren't like that.'
I was stunned... For the first since long. I really heard her voice.
I'll forgive you.. She said that.... HOW CAN SHE. I DON'T HATE YOU!
PLEASE... WHAT IS ALL OF THIS.. CAN'T I DO ANYTHING.
no
That's not it.
She ment something else... No
She simply... really doesn't care what I did to her...
She forgave me....

(2 days had passed... I could only think about that line.)
Suddenly it was all clear to me.

The wall, the decay, the depression.
She showed me the way out at the very lest moment.
All right.
Now how to break a pure negative MENTAL wall...
MAN... How can anyone break something that isn't even real.
It is real... Just not physical.
Damnit...
When school started again.
She showed me the answer.
T:'Please, you got it now. Just be more positive okay... Like me'
Me: 'I see'
I had a great day.
I learned what happy means. I got her message. And she helped me every time I fell back.
In the end I still got accused of stalking her and such.
But she said a real simple answer to that.
T: 'You only can stalk me if I don't like it. Got that. Just don't care what the others say.'
We ended that year as friends. And even now we still talk. I became a lot better person. And she saved my life again. This time from a suicide.
I still love her. I will always love her.
And never I will give in to the decay again.
She taught me that. And I'm great now. I'm going to be even more positive in the future. So that someday. I'll meet her and say: 'Finally, I can understand you. I never really wanted to be so bad to you. Please, see me finally as the person I am now. Not as what I was. You saved my life twice. I can only give my word. To never fall back again. And you can always count on me.'

(You know... It sounds really diffirent in dutch)

(THIS STORY IS TRUE, NOT ALL DIALOGUES MAY HAVE BEEN 100% CORRECT. BUT YOU GET THE POINT EH.)
(Her real name... is Tanne Daems and I really do care about her)

End part 2

To everyone who actually read that whole thing of mine:
Reading it hurts less than writing it.
My hand is all burned out.

[Crimson_Stigmata]

You are totally bringing negative energy to the forums. <_<"

Oh and you aren't really alone because God is always with you. ^-^"

[Darren337]

sahiden: i read your entire story. i understand you pain. after my first good relationship (it ended beginning of 11th grade) i spent 18 months basically the way you were. but for me it was a little different. i was caught in the same spiral, but it was because i realized that during my relationship, all i had done was hurt my girlfriend. i wasnt trying to, but my attempts at making things right were not working, and so in the end i pushed her away, and she finally broke up with me. it was devastating. people said i looked dead. i walked around like a zombie, i cared for nothing, and my thoughts of myself were identical. writing it does hurt much more than reading it, and i should know. as you have documented your case here in the forums, i did the same a long time ago... im glad to hear that life is looking up for you, and i hope you will never be so unhappy again. the girl you found (or perhaps found you) is the girl of any man's dreams. i would feel so blessed to meet someone like her, and i hope you never lose your friendship with her.

crimson: all ends well, the happiness returns.

[Uzichida Cantameru]

Crushed :i rd that whole thing... strangly smilar to me @_@ very similar except my class hating me and my suicide planned out. but yep im wondering if anyone will show me a way out of the darkness.

Crushed + humiliated. as for God: i dont believe in him, nvr protected me or my family. to think about it i used to pray everyday to God to help me and my family, the last time i prayed is about 3-4 yrs ago ,including going to church, when i begged for my family not to die, i even wouldve sacrificed myself i said in my prayers.(a lot were in hospitals for dif reasons) What i got out of it was all of them dying and then during the period of 3-4 yrs ago, i broke my leg, been dumped, on the risk of having a stroke at age 16, could have a heart attack, could have died once already, hit by a car in a way, family suffers, picked on by people because of my weight. i can make the list go on and on but i wont.

[Crimson_Stigmata]

Crushed :i rd that whole thing... strangly smilar to me @_@ very similar except my class hating me and my suicide planned out. but yep im wondering if anyone will show me a way out of the darkness.

Crushed + humiliated. as for God: i dont believe in him, nvr protected me or my family. to think about it i used to pray everyday to God to help me and my family, the last time i prayed is about 3-4 yrs ago ,including going to church, when i begged for my family not to die, i even wouldve sacrificed myself i said in my prayers.(a lot were in hospitals for dif reasons) What i got out of it was all of them dying and then during the period of 3-4 yrs ago, i broke my leg, been dumped, on the risk of having a stroke at age 16, could have a heart attack, could have died once already, hit by a car in a way, family suffers, picked on by people because of my weight. i can make the list go on and on but i wont.

Well yeah all that stuff may suck, but you really need to have faith in God. Those thing that happened to you, may seem bad. But everything happens for a reason.

I had a pretty bad experience myself when I was in middle school. I was born in Cali, and moved to the southern states in the US. I'm not gonna get specific. However the southern states hate people that are not white, and the KKK are predominate in the southern states back in the early 90s. Anyways my parents moved there and I went to school there, and every day I would get food thrown at me. I would go home crying everyday. Of course I never told my parents. So yeah, that was pretty bad.

So what I'm trying to get at is, that even though bad stuff happens to you, it's really apart of God's divine plan for you. You may not understand it now, but you will eventually one day.

Oh and I never really recovered from the food throwing and the name calling in middle school. To tell you the truth I was very active and outgoing before all that stuff that traumatized me for life basically. However I looked on the positive side of things. Now I do public speaking at school to try and get other people who are racist to be open minded. So I used all that negative energy that was used against me for something that is good.

You really should start talking to God more. He is your friend and he will always love you no matter what. You can even be mad at God if you want, but he will still love you. Just talk to him for like 5 minutes a day. I think it really helped me when I had to go to school everyday, expecting to get food thrown at me. >_>"

Good times. T_T"

[Darren337]

uzi: i believe in god, but not under any religion, just that there is a higher force that plays a part in our existance. not to make this into a religious thread, but thats just how i feel. as for your misfortune, i almost lost my brother to leukemia, and i would pray to this higher force (that i still call god) and begged to spare my brother.

i guess i am lucky, but as for you uzi, i do not judge people by their appearance or history, only by their actions. you so far a great person, and have a reason to live.

[Uzichida Cantameru]

that mustve been bad having food thrown at you. But yea i USED to think everything happened for a reason. But now im not sure what to believe in anymore.

On a side note, rascism is bad i can almost feel ur pain cause quote:"To tell you the truth I was very active and outgoing before all that stuff that traumatized me for life basically" same happened to me for doing something actually right(stopping a fight), that humiliated me beyond belief. from that day forth i swore never to talk to anyone really, no wonder why my throat hurts so much from when i talk now in school.

Edit: wow darren u actually started to bring me to tears. no one has ever said that to me b4.

[Darren337]

uzi: friends are friends, a person's live is priceless no matter what.

[Crimson_Stigmata]

that mustve been bad having food thrown at you. But yea i USED to think everything happened for a reason. But now im not sure what to believe in anymore.

On a side note, rascism is bad i can almost feel ur pain cause quote:"To tell you the truth I was very active and outgoing before all that stuff that traumatized me for life basically" same happened to me for doing something actually right(stopping a fight), that humiliated me beyond belief. from that day forth i swore never to talk to anyone really, no wonder why my throat hurts so much from when i talk now in school.

Edit: wow darren u actually started to bring me to tears. no one has ever said that to me b4.

Yeah well not only did they throw food at me, they would call me a communist. Which my family is not! It's the reason why they left in the first place to come to America. So that totally hurt.

And yeah you really shouldn't be looking for the negative stuff about yourself, that just makes it a lot harder on yourself. Everyone, I'm sure isn't totally happy with something about themselves. I'm also sure that people want to strive to be the best that they can be.

That's how you really should live your life. Who cares what other people think about you. As long as you are living your life and doing what you want with your life, and aren't killing, hurting people. Then I think that you have accomplished a lot with your life already.

I always try to live every day like this. ^-^"

[Uzichida Cantameru]

... Darren you are to wise for me, now you have me thinking about my life over again. The best thing i can member ffrom my childhood was i actually did try to commit suicide without even knowing it...luckily my sister told me nvr to do that again, and i nvr did.
The story briefly:
It was a day after skool and i was fooling around and got my head stuck in my school belt around my neck. I couldnt get it off cause it broke and i had slipped off my bed and it got stuck, so basically i was getting stranglled. My sister snapped my belt into 2 and i was left in a little bit woosy state.

I still wonder what would have happened if i had died that day.

[Darren337]

uzi: if you would like to have known what would have happened that day, you would have died, leaving your sister feeling like the abandoned one. you are quite lucky. as for wise, i learn very quickly, and ever since i was about 6 ive always conversed with my mom about this and other more intelligent topics.

im making post number 1000 worth something. the people here that i talk to (or poke fun at every so often) are people i consider my friends. my goal in life is to keep as many friends as possible.

[Uzichida Cantameru]

ah congrats ur in the 1000's club i guess. only 3 now 4 of us ^_^

yes i do agree i was lucky but i dont talk to my family AT all really, always busy. There both major role players in 2 hospitals, and my sister goes to college during week than on weekend goes to her job. Im basically left home alone all the time. Thats why i joined here, so that i could make more friends who might be on a lot.

btw nvr used to be like this, but now since im older they leave me out of stuff a lot, but i dont mind i have fun in my own ways i e talking to you guys t etc.

[Crimson_Stigmata]

ah congrats ur in the 1000's club i guess. only 3 now 4 of us ^_^

yes i do agree i was lucky but i dont talk to my family AT all really, always busy. There both major role players in 2 hospitals, and my sister goes to college during week than on weekend goes to her job. Im basically left home alone all the time. Thats why i joined here, so that i could make more friends who might be on a lot.

btw nvr used to be like this, but now since im older they leave me out of stuff a lot, but i dont mind i have fun in my own ways i e talking to you guys t etc.

Don't you just love the internet ^-^" oh go back one page and read my post >_>" might be helpful for you.

[Uzichida Cantameru]

lol i know all, i obviously have a care free life a bit more now, but i didnt used to be like this.
By knowing all= i rd every post on this thread.

O man if i didnt have internet i wouldnt know what i do. something bad probably i e go with gangs etc. I dont care for tv as much as i used to. just the internet and this site for the time being. i wont be posting as much as i am now in like a yr lol.

[Crimson_Stigmata]

lol i know all, i obviously have a care free life a bit more now, but i didnt used to be like this.
By knowing all= i rd every post on this thread.

O man if i didnt have internet i wouldnt know what i do. something bad probably i e go with gangs etc. I dont care for tv as much as i used to. just the internet and this site for the time being. i wont be posting as much as i am now in like a yr lol.

Yeah I have no clue what I would do if I wasn't blessed with such an understanding g/f and friends.

She is one of the few asian girls that I know that totally gets...don't talk to a guy who is playing video games or watching football. And that just makes her more hott. ^-^"

[Uzichida Cantameru]

lol, i wouldnt do that on a date though, when im married yes. i forgot who said it but be good till you get married than reveal ur true lazy self lol

[asian]

lol *sigh* guys...lol. yeah, suicide sucks man, but that's what the internet's for! haha. aww man, i dont know hwat i would do without you guys...i guess daydream a lot mroe that i already do...

[Crimson_Stigmata]

lol *sigh* guys...lol. yeah, suicide sucks man, but that's what the internet's for! haha. aww man, i dont know hwat i would do without you guys...i guess daydream a lot mroe that i already do...

:: DROOLS ::

Daydreaming ^-^" Humm I better be careful or else I would get yelled at for getting my saliva on the keyboard >_<"

[Darren337]

uzi: the internet: the quickest way to make friends. also i said the line about marriage

crimson: ur g/f = cool, but im not into football/basball/other standard sports.

asian: hey, we have fun hanging with you too, ur cool!


cool = all who are part of this convo currently.

[Aboroth]

As far as i recall no one managed to harm my pride or to humiliate me well maybe cos im lucky or just that I dont care too much bout peoples that try to do that to me ;d
only thing I may be ashamed of could be tons of stupid fights and one idiotic period of my life ;d

my goal in life is to keep as many friends as possible.

Truly wise words that are worth to keep in mind

As for being alone in life well i cant say i know your pain becouse I never had problems with friends girlfriends but i think that sooner or later everyone becomes lonely thats rather sad but i think thats the way of things...

And with Suicide i was thinkin bout it lots of time like the hell ill use my old Katana replica stab myself or cut my throat 5-10 mins of pain eternal peace but than again thats not the answer my family would be sad my friends my girlfriend if would done so that would be so selfish of me every one got a few peoples that care 'bout him ..

[Darren337]

repent for you sadness, find happiness in the people around you. know that you are always welcome here, and if i ever run into any of you in person, welcome in my crew.

[Uzichida Cantameru]

welcome in my crew. sounds like ur base belongs to us lol. they sented up the bomb lol
anyway take darrens and crimson advice, im feeling a lot better after what they told me to do ^_^

[Crimson_Stigmata]

welcome in my crew. sounds like ur base belongs to us lol. they sented up the bomb lol
anyway take darrens and crimson advice, im feeling a lot better after what they told me to do ^_^

Always nice to hear. ^-^"

Not sure what crew Darren is trying to establish though >_>"

[Darren337]

im trying to establish friendship and happiness.

[Crimson_Stigmata]

im trying to establish friendship and happiness.

Yeah I want to establish the smell good friendship and happiness guild. ^-^"

[Darren337]

wow that sounds like a kids show.

[Uzichida Cantameru]

lol reminds me of fable, excellent game which im proud to talk about O and even better example film actors guild or for short F.A.G.
We should come up with a group like that!

[Crimson_Stigmata]

lol reminds me of fable, excellent game which im proud to talk about O and even better example film actors guild or for short F.A.G.
We should come up with a group like that!

WOW I want to join that guild >_>"

LOL Yeah right. That's funny though.

I'm a terrible actor and I suck even more at lying.

[asian]

lol, man uzi, you just ruined the moment...nice job!

[Uzichida Cantameru]

its my job ha ha ^_^ we should come up with a name for the what? 5-7 of us? i e pipp-ORK and hinatetsu (wow if i spekt that right)

[Darren337]

the nut house.

"I could be bounded in a nutshell and count myself a king of infinite space...!" -Hamlet

[asian]

lets see...crim, uzi, chop, darr, hina, pipp and me! that's 8counts names* seven, did i miss any?

[Uzichida Cantameru]

nope, now we just need a name, o wait we have one! Delta Quiz member? only hina pipp and crim arent in it *sigh*

[Darren337]

i should join that, im not there either. oh well, it matters not. back soon, i need to go home, lab is closing.

[Uzichida Cantameru]

awww... and yes u r, u said you would do the manga after u got caught up i shall make a picture for us!

[asian]

haha but that's not a coooool name!

[Crimson_Stigmata]

i should join that, im not there either. oh well, it matters not. back soon, i need to go home, lab is closing.

Ahh same >_<" see you guys when I get home. But first I need to satisfy my primal needs...food, water, and sex...no just kidding.

Food and water. ^-^"

[Uzichida Cantameru]

"ah now sexings for u today"Retarded animal babies.
lol so well change it when we all agree on a name but for the mean time we shall leave it like this

[Tsinsanato]

FOOD!!!!!!!!!
and sex....
sex is a great work out, strength'ns the abs, buns, lower back, and arms...
but manly food

[asian]

sexxxxxx lol wow. guys....and yet, i find them funny...

[Crimson_Stigmata]

sexxxxxx lol wow. guys....and yet, i find them funny...

Aww that's just disapointing. I was expecting a lot more post on my food, water and sex post. T_T"

[Uzichida Cantameru]

lol uve been turned down, u went down so hard you went throught the ground. i know it makes no sense. lol if u can get that u get a box of pocky ^_^

[Crimson_Stigmata]

lol uve been turned down, u went down so hard you went throught the ground. i know it makes no sense. lol if u can get that u get a box of pocky ^_^


Umm I don't get it >_<" I guess I don't get the pocky T_T"

[Uzichida Cantameru]

ur post= not popular, ur dream=crushed lol. my pocky Bwohahahaha

[Darren337]

*sigh* dreams of food sex and water. sounds like having 2 kinds of lunch in the bath tub...

[Sahiden]

Well, my problem now is considered to have been due to a mental problem.
(Sure is handy, I don't need to tell the whole story to my parents or teachers.)
I have a mental block, creating an extraoridinary effect,
I have a great fear of talking to people I don't know. In any case it's also true that because of this fear I can't imagine how other people feel or think, creating a 85% error ratio in responses. short for: I don't respond in a right manner in most cases because I'm afraid of people I don't know for a long while. But this has also a backwards effect: I possess an ability no other human has or one or more of my human abilities is far greater than normal.
What this is is unknown until it manifests. Which may be never.
Basically it is true that my mental evolution is faster than most people's but mine has been forced by the whole negative spiral thing. I guess I had to grow up at a really fast rate in order to be able to break it.
Part 2 of the problem is: self-resolvingness
This problem will be negated as I grow older. (Hey I'm at a forum, I don't know anyone here... and you really can't say I'm afraid to talk eh.)
Yet the ability will remain. But this 100% positive effect can only be completed if I do something for it myself. So I'll keep impoving myself untill the problem is completely gone.

Oh right, the girl I was talking about is in the same picture as me when we were in paris. She was so tired when that picture was taken.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/1003/HolyKnightKy/Foto4_jpg.jpg

Once more: I'm the guy with the cap adn she is the girl in front of me.
This picture sure is old though...

[Darren337]

sahiden: im glad to hear that you can work your problem out. its almost never a hopeless fight. when my brother 3 he was diagnosed with leukemia, which is an acute form of cancer that affects the lymphatic system. the first year was hell, it felt like he was going to die, but everyone including him kept fighting. today, 11 years later, he's perfectly fine (if a little on the short side). I guess you may not have seen my point in this so i'll just tell ya. dont lose hope. it may take years to find balance. it may take your entire life. but never give up hope. just remember how she never did, even when you insulted her, and acted in ways that most people would hate you for.

[asian]

crim, sorry i'll converse more about your post.
food, good make sure its like th ebest food in the world, like pocky or something
water, drink a carbonated beverage like ramane
eat/drink the first two then top it off with sex! repeat.

[Uzichida Cantameru]

^ dont do what she says skip straight to the "sexxings" <-rab

[Tsinsanato]

^ dont do what she says skip straight to the "sexxings" <-rabTHATS RIGHT!!!!, u know u need the exercize, and you should never put off a great workout...

[asian]

lol, guys...*kicks uzi in the face and walks away*

[Uzichida Cantameru]

ah... why do you have to be so mean?! "no sexings for u this time!"<--rab lol

[Darren337]

... no sexings for you, oooooook.



meanwhile, back in soul society...

[Tsinsanato]

ah... why do you have to be so mean?! "no sexings for u this time!"<--rab lol

hmmm... well, ummm, hmmm...

[Uzichida Cantameru]

u nvr saw retarded animal babies? man you have been deprived of stupid and idiotic humor!

[Darren337]

u nvr saw retarded animal babies? man you have been deprived of stupid and idiotic humor!


im usually deprived becuz ive never heard of it before.

[Uzichida Cantameru]

lol its for slightly mature people.
Go to newgrounds.com(since thats the only place they have it) and use the search and type in retarded animal babies.
choose one, to see the others, in the middle is what other shows the author made and click on the one you want.
I would post the direct link put to many people are to young for it.

[Darren337]

heh, i'll look at it later, im having fun here.

[Tsinsanato]

u nvr saw retarded animal babies? man you have been deprived of stupid and idiotic humor!
yes, i am very much deprived from stupid and idiotic humor, i usually pay attention to stupid, yet intelligent humor, suc has FOAMY!!!!!!!!
(yes!)

[asian]

FOAMY! I LOVE FOAMY! all hail your master!

[Darren337]

FOAMY! I LOVE FOAMY! all hail your master!

once again, sooooo far out of the loop

[asian]

lol go to illwillpress.com and go to toons and watch an episode of foamy, then you will understand..

[Darren337]

oh holy crap i know FOAMY!!! why the hell couldnt i remember that....

[Tsinsanato]

FOAMY!!!!!! foamyfoamy..!!!

[asian]

foamy is THE one!

[ZeroWind]

Foamy......u R The One

[Tsinsanato]

Can't hag with foamy, i'd love to see you try tho...

[asian]

AHHH! MY NOSE HURTS LIKE A MOTHER ****ER!!!!! grr....i need to punch someone in the face....

[Tsinsanato]

mmmm....
since your nose hurts, u wanna punch some1 in the face...

can i be last??

[asian]

i have a good reason for wanting to punch his one guy in the face cause he threw a dodgeball at me in gym and it hit me in the face, cut my nose and messed up my glasses which just got back from lens crafters yesterday -_-+

[Uzichida Cantameru]

my sister goes to lens crafters, there evil, i had to wait 5 hrs to pick up the glasses -_-;

[Tsinsanato]

5 hr's just for some circular glass?
thats a-MA-ising (what a load of stuff)

[asian]

that's not cool, but since lens crafters is in the mall here i just go buy anime while i'm waiting ^_^!

[Tsinsanato]

anime is a good thing... very good...

[Darren337]

hey if you wanna hit someone, hit me.

"i want you to hit me as hard as you can." --Tyler Durden, Fight Club.

[asian]

sweet, sorry if i take out a tooth or two.

[Darren337]

hey its not like i need them anyways, rice is so soft...

[asian]

lol, or you can make a smoothie out of evrythingl like in the simpsons XD

[ZeroWind]

I give u the chugar u give me the money.

[Darren337]

my unclea had to have things smoothied for him when he broke his jaw... ouch.

[asian]

man, that would suckkkkkkkk....

[Crimson_Stigmata]

Sama-chan >_>" Sorry about earlier, the power to my house went out...anyways about contacts you really should try to get your mom to reconsider. Playing sports with glasses is not the way to go. For one thing the glassess totally get in the way. THey can break..and can cause injury, which you have experience first hand from a ball being throw at your face.

Well I would really consider contacts, disposable contacts. Not the hard contacts, those are like so out of date. >_>"

[Tsinsanato]

...smoothies....

[Darren337]

sama chan, thats kinda funny to me *shakes head* anyway, anyone else have a story of crushed pride or of humiliation?

[asian]

well...it wasn't humiliating...just funny...but whatever. ok! so my friends sam and steph and i were waiting for the guys to finish outting away the volleyball things since they just finished their game. when stpeh wants to know if she can fit in ther locker. then she gets out and i jump in and steph is like, "haha we should have sam be the damsel in distress! (me sam not the ohter one) and pottsy (the guy i like) can save her! then she's like hey pottsy!" and of course he walks out with some of his teammates so they see me and one of them takes a picture of me and i try kicking him in the famce, after a while i got out but i scratched my side when i fell out then everyone laughed. the end.

[Darren337]

so what does that tell you about pottsy?

[Porkchop Express]

This children’s news show called Newsround came to our school to do a exposé on child obesity. I was a quite overweight in school, well for British kids anyway. Unfortunately they were filming in my basketball PE lesson and my team was forced to play topless, when I watched the show they'd used footage of my fat belly jiggling up and down... on a loop… in slow motion… Most of the school watched that, and the ones that didn’t borrowed a tape of it off this ***** in my form... I hate that girl... It was pretty funny tho.

[asian]

lol well, i donno hwat it tell sme about pottsy...

pork, that sucks but 'ey at least you can laugh at it ^_^. it takes a lot to make me embarresed.

[Crimson_Stigmata]

This children’s news show called Newsround came to our school to do a exposé on child obesity. I was a quite overweight in school, well for British kids anyway. Unfortunately they were filming in my basketball PE lesson and my team was forced to play topless, when I watched the show they'd used footage of my fat belly jiggling up and down... on a loop… in slow motion… Most of the school watched that, and the ones that didn’t borrowed a tape of it off this ***** in my form... I hate that girl... It was pretty funny tho.

Umm don't they have to ask your permisson before they go around taping people?

>_>" I think that was terrible. >_<"

[Porkchop Express]

Umm don't they have to ask your permisson before they go around taping people?

>_>" I think that was terrible. >_<"

They just got the permission off the school. I did complain but my head of year wouldn’t take it seriously. I could have kicked up a fuss about it but I didn’t really want to draw more attention to it. It was pretty embarrassing....

[Darren337]

damn school, its purpose is to try and humiliate us.

[asian]

lol, yeah it does that a lot. but hey what are ya gonna do about it? well actually you can burn it...and such ^_^

[kinonai]

The guy who runs our school is crazy. He treats us all like delinquents (even though we aren't), and if we question him at all, he says something like, "Oh! Oh! Calm down! You don't want to hurt yourself! Take a deep breath! Calm down!!". Then he'll grab your arm and you say, "Please don't touch me," and he responds, "I will touch you if I think it will keep you from hurting me or yourself." Ehh...just thought I'd share that...

[asian]

eh, i hate people like that. it reminds me of my old dean in middle school, he would ignore some poeple and chase after others even if they weren't doing anything.

[Darren337]

ive been getting out of my classes early today, and the lab isnt open, so i have the day to just chill. might go see hitchhiker's if i have time.

[kinonai]

I wanted to see that, but my mom says that she's not letting me see any until around July (and it will probably be off by then).

[asian]

why would she make you wait until juliy????

[kinonai]

She wants me to work on math (and only math) until I am crazy and kill myself. That's why.

[asian]

that sucks! shes taking away everything you ever loved! (not really i'm bored and felt like being dramatic)

[kinonai]

Yes! It's child abuse!

(No, it's not. I also felt like being dramatic.)

[asian]

we must go to the athorities and right this wrong!
(not really felt like being dramatic even more)

[Compulsive72]

Woah...hold on a second.. whats going on? i thought this was about my lack of honor?

[asian]

er...right...hehe well tell us a story about your lack of honor and we'll end up back on topic ^_^

[Darren337]

we're all gonna form a vigilante mob and bumrush your house kinonai, then you WILL see hitchiker's

[kinonai]

That sounds like a great plan, and I'm all for it. So when are we doing this?

[asian]

right now! *CRASH!*

[Darren337]

RED TEAM GO!! RED TEAM GO!!!!


fan out, room by room, just like we planned...

[asian]

BLUE TEAM! BLUE TEAM DESEND THOUGH THE ROOF! GO GO GO!

*grabs bungee cord and dives head first into roof making giant hole*

[Kiechi]

today i was home and my lao friend came over, being lao myself my mother could speak to her. my mother began talking to her in lao and she would answer back. my mom decided to comment on this and say i could never speak lao, when my mom never tried to teach me. this went on for several minutes. afterwards her dad came to pick her up and my mom decided to tell my friends dad that i couldn't speak lao and my mom had a big laugh about it afterwards. i felt humilitated and my pride as totally crushed.

has anything ever happened to you that made you feel humiliated or stripped of your pride/honor?

I get alot of stick from people that I can't speak my mother language. Being mixed asian (Flip) and cacausian (Eurasian and damn proud!), I was never taught language from my asian side. Thinking about it, I wasn't really exposed to any form of asian culture as I was growing up... I'm pretty much english, or "white washed" as many people would put it.

[Porkchop Express]

I get alot of stick from people that I can't speak my mother language. Being mixed asian (Flip) and cacausian (Eurasian and damn proud!), I was never taught language from my asian side. Thinking about it, I wasn't really exposed to any form of asian culture as I was growing up... I'm pretty much english, or "white washed" as many people would put it.

HAHA.. I know a lot of mixed race ethnicities in this county but I’ve never heard any of those guys say "EUROASIAN! and DAMN PROUD!" before... that’s an interesting slogan you've invented there! Its usually EUROASIAN! I hate myself... Or did you get it from somewhere else?

Yeah I ignore my partial French routes, mainly out of shame, It’s a natural reaction I expect. Tho I can feel the evil French inside of me, I keep him locked away.

[Kiechi]

HAHA.. I know a lot of mixed race ethnicities in this county but I’ve never heard any of those guys say "EUROASIAN! and DAMN PROUD!" before... that’s an interesting slogan you've invented there! Its usually EUROASIAN! I hate myself... Or did you get it from somewhere else?

Yeah I ignore my partial French routes, mainly out of shame, It’s a natural reaction I expect. Tho I can feel the evil French inside of me, I keep him locked away.

Oh self hating EA's how sad. Why hate something you had no control whatsoever over? Slogan? Doubt it. I thought I would state that I'm happy with what I am and consider it to be better than one ethcinity.

[aya724]

I get alot of stick from people that I can't speak my mother language. Being mixed asian (Flip) and cacausian (Eurasian and damn proud!), I was never taught language from my asian side. Thinking about it, I wasn't really exposed to any form of asian culture as I was growing up... I'm pretty much english, or "white washed" as many people would put it.


Hey im sure alot of ppl are on the same boat, even if it doesn't concern ethnicity ^_^

For me i'm from Japan 100% but i lived overseas most of my life so my "mother tongue" isn't perfect... and from my relative's point of view im prolly very un-Japanese, but since i didn't live in the U.S. or anything but went to american/intl schools in Asia, i'm not exactly *whitewashed* either~

[Kiechi]

Hey im sure alot of ppl are on the same boat, even if it doesn't concern ethnicity ^_^

For me i'm from Japan 100% but i lived overseas most of my life so my "mother tongue" isn't perfect... and from my relative's point of view im prolly very un-Japanese, but since i didn't live in the U.S. or anything but went to american/intl schools in Asia, i'm not exactly *whitewashed* either~

Yeah, thats pretty intresting... where in Asia did you go to school to?

[asian]

*sigh* what has come to the asians these days?? haha, i'm not really white washed, i'm like...japanese washed >_>

[aya724]

Yeah, thats pretty intresting... where in Asia did you go to school to?

Int'l school~
Beijing: 1 yr
Japan: one semester
Taiwan: 5 yrs

b4 that... aussie :)

[Kiechi]

Int'l school~
Beijing: 1 yr
Japan: one semester
Taiwan: 5 yrs

b4 that... aussie :)

Wow, thats amazing. I bet your really smart! What was it like in Aussie?

[aya724]

Wow, thats amazing. I bet your really smart! What was it like in Aussie?

hehe i wouldn't know about being smart or anything, our family just had to move alot coz of my dad's job that's all~

Aussie is a great place... i loved it to pieces, friendly happy ppl, so pretty, kinda laid-back, great environment if u like sports (i USED to be athletic! hehe), that's what i remember it to be. but then, it's been a while since i used to live there, and it was in suburban sydney so my opinion of Aussie may be a little off since i was still in elementary school back then.

Why not ask unholy? he's from there~ his account would prolly be more accurate ^_^ I dunno if he comes to forums tho.

[asian]

i've seen him here once or twice, he comes here once in a blue moon >_>

[Kiechi]

hehe i wouldn't know about being smart or anything, our family just had to move alot coz of my dad's job that's all~

Aussie is a great place... i loved it to pieces, friendly happy ppl, so pretty, kinda laid-back, great environment if u like sports (i USED to be athletic! hehe), that's what i remember it to be. but then, it's been a while since i used to live there, and it was in suburban sydney so my opinion of Aussie may be a little off since i was still in elementary school back then.

Why not ask unholy? he's from there~ his account would prolly be more accurate ^_^ I dunno if he comes to forums tho.

Ah.... sorry for asking but I'm kinda contemplating at the moment whether to go to Aussie for Uni or here in England.

[Crimson_Stigmata]

Ah.... sorry for asking but I'm kinda contemplating at the moment whether to go to Aussie for Uni or here in England.

I would go to Aussie for University only because the constant rain in England makes me sad. >_>"

[Porkchop Express]

I would go to Aussie for University only because the constant rain in England makes me sad. >_>"

I agree with crimson! Get yourself off to Aussie dude! I’d love to move there…I'm out of here as soon as I can find work... Looking like I’ll be moving off to the US in a couple of years and never coming back! I hate this place.

So yeah head off to Aussie where the people are friendly and pie an peas is oat cuisine... is that true? I was talking to a guy today who said that Australian culture was far more working class orientated... This is politics and not meant to be taken as offensive...

[aya724]

I agree, go to Aussie~ granted i've only been to London (and as a tourist, visiting a friend who goes to Kings College) so i wouldn't know what uni in England is like... but Aussie's a great place for college, or so i hear. I have friends who go to Uni there (U Queensland and Melbourne U and Sydney Conservartory of Music~) and and they're enjoying it!! I hope u like the Down Under if you decide to go there :)

[asian]

i would stay in england for the rain cause i love rain
but aussie is a whole new world that you have to explore!

[Kiechi]

Rain isn't that bad.

[Darren337]

rain is wonderful. i like driving in the rain because its just serene.

[Crimson_Stigmata]

rain is wonderful. i like driving in the rain because its just serene.

:: Watches James Hydro plane and smashes into a tree ::

Still like the rain now?

[aya724]

rain is depressing... I have a friend who hates rainy weather but lives in Seattle~~ when she comes home for summer she can't get enuff of the sun ^_^

Rainy season in Japan really REALLY sucks. I mean.... it's nice and *serene* for a while and then you start wondering if ur breathing water because of the humidity and wetness... and then u wonder when you'll see the sun again... Don't go there mid-June~mid-July if u enjoy sunny weather!

[Darren337]

ah crim you fail to understand my love of rain.

meanwhile... aya: EVERYONE FROM SEATTLE HATES RAIN, they only have 60 days of sun on average *hehehe*

im pressed to say the rain is depressing tho, since i enjoy driving, and driving in the rain is enjoyable since no one is on the roads if they can avoid it.

[asian]

i like rain, but not all the time, after a while it gets all gloomy and full of tension cause everyone wants nice weather...but still i lurve rain ^_^