Obsession

[layla]

Obsession

Touch, how tenderly the image is gazing
Upon the limned surface so clear,
Kiss, the brilliance of a reflection fading
Crying out to a love that won’t disappear.

A small smile mirrored with content
As the ripples vanish, no longer seen,
Dwelling into each lascivious moment
Lost to drunken tranquility and dream.

Hush, how gently the tears of joy fall
Upon the face stained with satisfaction,
Linger, sweetest serenity now enthralled
Caressing that image of fake perfection.

Incandescent, those eyes burn with desire
Realization dawns and leaves the heart aching,
Twisting within the calm waters, an ignited fire
The vivid image of a sudden awakening.

“My dearest love, eternally true,
This reflection I can now see,
My dearest love, please, don’t leave,
For I am you
and. you. are. me.”

~

mmm, an older piece, anyone know what the topic of this poem is? if u can get it, i'll give you a cookie:winking56

[Lolable]

haha ill never get it but it is soooooooo lovely i<3 this kind
I DEMAND MORE

[BeeCrest]

It's really "deep" so to speak, which is why I love it. You did I really good job here Shizori :)

[iladys]

Shiz, this was a lovely poem. I really liked how deep it was. It only makes me wonder what the meaning behind it all is.. :winking56

[odanion]

I like, please give us more

[layla]

lol, no ones' gonna give the topic/theme a shot? ;-; thanx for all the comments everyone^^

hahaha it was a request by a fellow writer of mine on this writing site.

[jacin]

hmm, well i thought about obsession with ones self beyond the point of vanity and manifesting itself in a sort of separate personality. the image of oneself, the projection of what they show to the world manipulated to the extent that the projection becomes what the real wants and needs to be so much that the projection surpases the real in dominance. as if the real is being supressed and does not want to let go and feels the need to abandon or seperate from the projection but cannot since they are mired in the ideal of themself in the projection.

really i was just blabbing on...but that is what i got from it.

[sto67]

rhyme usually goes with rhythm, but this piece lacks rhythm since you have focused too strongly on the rhyme. try writing freeverse instead, rhyme does not make a poem, there are other factors which does.

your vanity rivals mine if what the poem says is true :P

[Shinigami_Josh]

nice is it to do with looking in a mirror??

[odanion]

lol, no ones' gonna give the topic/theme a shot? ;-; thanx for all the comments everyone^^

hahaha it was a request by a fellow writer of mine on this writing site.

the theme...hmm...nope sorry I am bad when it comes to that...but the poem was nice *pouts cause get's no cookie*

[maximoose666]

man.. that's amazing.

That's a really good poem you have written there, the stanzas are very tight and well-constructed, and the rhyming is well done enough not to detract from the meaning :) Great imagery too.

EDIT: and is the topic Narcissus?

[Rising Phoenix]

A very nice,deep and emotional poem! Well done! I'd like to read more of your writting.

And as for the topic of this poem. I believe it has to do with someone gazing into the photo of a loved one (probably the 'one and only one' thing) perhaps this is all taking place in a dream??

Thanks for sharing!

R.P.

[emmasu]

hmm, well i thought about obsession with ones self beyond the point of vanity and manifesting itself in a sort of separate personality. the image of oneself, the projection of what they show to the world manipulated to the extent that the projection becomes what the real wants and needs to be so much that the projection surpases the real in dominance. as if the real is being supressed and does not want to let go and feels the need to abandon or seperate from the projection but cannot since they are mired in the ideal of themself in the projection.
really i was just blabbing on...but that is what i got from it.
i totally understand what you are saying, and i agree with you, also i think i do that,

@shizori: for your peom its hard to understand, cuz its seems that you manuiplated with the words but the explaination is based on the person who read it, cuz someone said that in the peom it seemed that you were looking at apicture and that could be true, and someone said that you were looking at amirror and that also could be true,
but for me i would say that you were saying goodbye to someone, thats actually what i felt,
tell me if am right or worng and the i can explain to you how is that

[layla]

man.. that's amazing.

That's a really good poem you have written there, the stanzas are very tight and well-constructed, and the rhyming is well done enough not to detract from the meaning :) Great imagery too.

EDIT: and is the topic Narcissus?

:doindadom :doindadom

maxi got it right on!

everyone else's interpretation as great too^^ this was a request poem by a friend, she wanted a poem with topic: water reflection/distortion/narcisstic.

lol, and if most ppl didnt get it, i need to touch up on my poetry skillsXD

Cookies for everyone who commented though *offers plate of cookies*

[emmasu]

:doindadom :doindadom
maxi got it right on!
everyone else's interpretation as great too^^ this was a request poem by a friend, she wanted a poem with topic: water reflection/distortion/narcisstic.
lol, and if most ppl didnt get it, i need to touch up on my poetry skillsXD
Cookies for everyone who commented though *offers plate of cookies*
OMG, i have never thought that it would be that way,
its great that you could represent the topic like that, the point is that it was not clear,
but did you start from zero to write it or did you get any help?
cuz i think its hard to write about a spcefic topic like that and tough one too

[layla]

OMG, i have never thought that it would be that way,
its great that you could represent the topic like that, the point is that it was not clear,
but did you start from zero to write it or did you get any help?
cuz i think its hard to write about a spcefic topic like that and tough one too

lol, mmm, not sure wat u meant by zero to nothingXD but i didnt get any help, it all came from this head of mine. lol, she gave me all 3 at once and it took me a while to get inspiredXD i might have to clean it up, do some editting, my poems are usually all first draftXD

[emmasu]

lol, mmm, not sure wat u meant by zero to nothingXD but i didnt get any help, it all came from this head of mine. lol, she gave me all 3 at once and it took me a while to get inspiredXD i might have to clean it up, do some editting, my poems are usually all first draftXD
i mean from zero is that you were given only the topic and then you start writing. Its good and i do not think it needs change

but i don't know why this topic and i believe even if you tell people about the topic, they would not know it, right??

[layla]

lolXD yea, i was just given it and started writing. lol, its a pretty odd combination of topics so to speak, i agree, but the whole concept of self absorption is what i was trying to get across. lol, yea, not many ppl know narcassism (english freaks)

[Dounick]

haha ill never get it but it is soooooooo lovely i<3 this kind
I DEMAND MORE
exactly
i have never gotten poetry in any part of my life...... but its good
GIVE US MORE!

[maximoose666]

lol, yea, not many ppl know narcassism (english freaks)

and is the topic Narcissus?

roar. /me wants a cookie :P

[layla]

roar. /me wants a cookie :P

ROFL! *gives maxi a plate of cookies* all flavours too^^