I Hate.

[sherenetms]

Please be well informed that i am not a gifted poet, and therefore my poems may suck alot. I am deeply aware of my standard but would just like to post this piece of work that i did some time ago when i was really bored and didnt know what to do in school. I welcome any sort of comments and criticisms to help me improve in my writing. Thanks for even reading, btw.

I hate it when there are no clouds,
I hate it when hot air is about,
I hate it when it's not drizzling,
I hate it when the birds are chirping.

I hate it when the sky is bright,
And that is when i have a blur sight,
I hate it when the sun is too high,
Cause that is when i start to sigh.

Criticizing nature is not a mere thing,
Cause it's Mother Nature you're fighting,
But i shall not care anything about it,
Cause no one did, so why should I?

p.s. It's simple English anyway. I dont even know what i'm crapping about. :eek13: But feel free to leave a comment or two. :winking56

[Isis]

I like the idea of your poem as it is easy to visualise however there is a bit of disrupted flow in the 3rd stanza. There is too much syllables in the 2nd line. Try to make it so it has just the right number then the poem will flow well. Or play around with the words to make it sound right. Other than that, great job for a first?

[yumisan]

eh...what sherentems-san writes is always nice.^^
simple english is always the best.i can't really understand deep english.:D

[sherenetms]

Yup, Iladys, this is my first. I always have problems with words. been trying to get it right but somehow couldnt find any other words. Anyway, thanks for the good advice. =)

And thanks, Yumisan, for the comment. I'll try my very best to improve.