Official Family Guy Quote Thread

[dick_007]

You Guys Wanted it so here it is!!!

Quote Location - Vacuum Repairs Centre

Vacume Guy - It appears that there was a meatball clogging up the intake.
**Pause**
Peter - Did you keep it?
Vacume Guy - Nope
Peter - You B@stard!

[Porkchop Express]

Diane Simmons}: And now, Part 3 of Asian correspond: Tricia Takanawa's special report on sex.
Tricia Takanawa}: Thank you, Diane. Sex... some people have it anonymously. "What kind of person might do that?" You might ask. Well, I'm about to find out. I just picked a complete stranger in a hotel bar, and he's in the bathroom, possibly doing drugs. Watch as I have sex with this potentiality dangerous man, as we take you in depth and undercover.
Glen Quagmire}: I never had a Spanish chick before. Ole!

[Ren Höek]

Stewie: good luck out there old chap
Brain: you seem so excited
Stewie: At first I wanted you to fail but then I realized that you be out of the house 5 days a week so I'd be free to throw some of my sexy parties

[Porkchop Express]

Wow this tread really never took off

Peter - holy crap! optimus primes a jew!?!

[gamma]

Stewie: But, you said the fat one would perish!

[Darren337]

Peter: "wow, my lois had sex with KISS! that means now its like i've had sex with KISS."

[Porkchop Express]

Peter Griffin: Lois you know my rule, You are only allowed to sleep with three people besides me, Gene Simmons, John Schneider or Boba Fett.
Boba Fett: All right! Goodbye virginity!

Peter Griffin: Wow, I'm even better than that dad from Lost In Space.
[flashback]
Dad: We need to chart this planet. Greg, you take my 16 year old blonde daughter out in the chariot for the rest of the day. Penny, you stay with me. And Will, you and the robot go out into the uncharted wilderness and take this mincing, boy-hungry peadophile with you.

[dick_007]

Lois: Peter Stop acting like a Child.
Peter: Well if i am a child you know what that makes you?.... A peadophile, and i'll be damnded if i am going to stay here and be lectured by a peadophile!

[ZeroWind]

Brand New Episode

Chris Tucker: Jesus u Crazy!!! Crazyyyy!!!

[asian]

stewie-hey, how ya doin big guy? huh? you want a soda? hmm? ..........screw it i tried

[Ren Höek]

finally some response, off the new episode
Brian: your son brought alcohol to the school dance and chris was caught with it I guess this whole thing turned upside down face
Stewie: *head turns real slow toward Brian*

[greenrider85]

please no one hurt me felt like ressurecting it.
chris: meg, what do you get a girl for her birthday?
meg: my boyfriend got me some flowers. runs out.
stewie:she needs to get laid, bad.
not sure if any of this is right. i knew one i wanted to put down, but then i forgot.

[bakalon]

Stewie - my penis seems to have a strange case of rigamortis. (while looking at cheerleaders change their clothes)

[barbarebar]

oh no, oh no
Kool aid guy: oh yeah~~~

[greenrider85]

okay.. this is from one of the newest episodes which had to do with mel gibson making a sequel to passion of the christ.
(lois and peter in car being chased by catholic priests)
lois: are you sure this will work?
peter: sure course it will
( they crash into a mall, drive through it..if you ever seen the blues brothers the original movie, you will know what i am talking about)

[ZeroWind]

(Announcer in the Passion of the Christ 2 Episode)
He who is without sin will kick the most a ss!!!!

[greenrider85]

that episode was hilarious.. then the ending was great.
lois and peter doing it on top of mount rushmore. i remember that one of the pres dudes said something don't remember what.

[Ren Höek]

that episode was hilarious.. then the ending was great.
lois and peter doing it on top of mount rushmore. i remember that one of the pres dudes said something don't remember what.
that episode was great it, the one with the pres goes like this--
Washington-Hey, check it out Jackson there's a girl getting nailed
Jackson-Sweet, why don't stove top Lincoln over there
Lincoln-ha ha funny

[greenrider85]

that episode was great it, the one with the pres goes like this--
Washington-Hey, check it out Jackson there's a girl getting nailed
Jackson-Sweet, why don't stove top Lincoln over there
Lincoln-ha ha funny
yeah, that was great.. can't remember anything from the newest one.

[sinkinswimmer]

*big fat paulie is mooning the sky, bonnie walks outside*
Peter: Oh, uh... hi bonnie. This is my friend, Big Fat Paulie... and this is his big fat a ss.

[dick_007]

Peter - So what you are saying Cleaveland is that i need a Jewish guy to help with my money.
Cleaveland - Peter not all Jewish people are good with money!
Peter - Well of course not the retarded one's. But why would you even say that? There edgey and then there's offensive

*excuse spelling of cleaveland i have no idea if this is correct

[greenrider85]

stewie: victory is mine!

[Death God /Link]

Quote

Peter-Never eat more then you can lift.

lol

[greenrider85]

lol, that is funny.. did you watch the newest one?

[dick_007]

Hey for those playing at home the new season of Family Guy can be downloaded here:
www.dailygames.net

Note: they are shit quality (wmv's) but they do the job

[MaskedDrifter]

Peter: Aww man! I hate Trivial Pursuit, it always makes me feel so stupid.
Brian: More stupid then that time you locked your keys out of the car?
(Cut to Peter inside the car with his keys lying outside his car door.)
Peter: Damn it! Hey! Hey! Somebody! Hey! Sir! Sir! Sir! You see those keys there? Sir! Si-! (man walks away) Screw you! (Sticks a bent straight hanger out of his window and trys to catch the keys on the hanger. The keys fall.) Oh waahhaahaaa!

[Shinji]

Peter: Yeah, him and what army?
Chris: The US Army.
Peter: Oh, that's a good army.

Thanks to this thread I'm going to watch some Family Guy.

[Future]

Peter: "Bible fight"
*Knocks over guy i front of him with a bible*

[xyouxarexuglyx2]

Stewie: Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but you're a total *****!
_____________________________________________________
Peter: Lois, are you pregnant?
Lois: No. Wh-
Peter: *pushes Lois down staircase*
_____________________________________________________
Peter: We don't have trouble communicating!
*flashback*
Lois: Oh Peter, I love you.
Peter: Eh.. about a quarter past 6... _____________________________________________________
Stewie: *spanking Chris* What do you say when people ask about your bruises?
Chris: *crying* I... got hit by a baseball!!
_____________________________________________________
Peter: I was never good at catcalls...
*flashback*
*Peter is working at a construction site with other people*
Girl:*walks by*
Worker:*whistles at girl*
Worker: You go girl!
Peter: You suck!!

[Luso Clemens]

Peter Griffin: Lois you know my rule, You are only allowed to sleep with three people besides me, Gene Simmons, John Schneider or Boba Fett.
Boba Fett: All right! Goodbye virginity!


LOL!! that's FUNNY! XD

[MaskedDrifter]

Peter: (Grabs the microphone at a fast food restaurant) Attention restaurant customers: Testicles. That is all.

[Planeswalker]

An old one but a good one XD

Peter: Hey is your fridge running? because if it is it probably runs like you...very homosexually

[MaskedDrifter]

Peter: You may have killed her when you shoved all those dollar bills down her throat, you may have killed her when you hit her with the stool ... I don't know, I'm not a doctor. But I'll tell you what didn't kill her ... smoking

[Planeswalker]

Chris: Hey dad I just realized something, your names' Pee-ter
Peter: hahaha Pee-ter

[MaskedDrifter]

Lois: Peter,why are we stopped?
Peter: Yeah, I'll have three cheeseburgers...
Lois: Peter for God's sakes she's havin' a baby!
Peter: Oh that's right...and a kid's meal... and uh,I, I guess I'll have fries...if I have fries is anyone else gonna have any? Cuz,uh I don't wanna be the only one eatin' them... I'll feel like a fatty.

[Planeswalker]

Peter: Canada sucks

[Shinomori]

Hello, mother. I come bearing a gift. I'll give you a hint. It's in my diaper and it's not a toaster.

[Planeswalker]

Singers: ANNA RULES!!!
Peter: Cause I kicked all the bad guys in their jewels
Singers: ANNA WON!!!
Peter: Thanks to my gamma ray atomic gun
Singers: Dance and shout he's the worlds greatest nija theres no doubt
Peter: Though they tried to defeat me they can all just friken eat me
Brian: Cause he blew all of us AAAWWWAAAYYY!!!
Peter: In the planet of Siam theres no one as tough as I am, just as surely as Paul Lynde was GAY!!!!!!!!!!!
*applause*

[Spike427]

-Peter falls off roof-
Peter: Thanks Spider-man.
Spider-man: Everybody gets one.

[Planeswalker]

Peter: You gonna eat that stapler?
President of Quohog TV station: You cant eat a stapler...
Peter: Wanna split it?

[ashuran]

stewie:i thought she loved me but all she wanted was my damn cookie!

[Planeswalker]

Chicken guy: Y2K!!!
Peter: wha-what are you sellin chicken or sex jelly?

[unwaken]

For some weird reason or other Peter was feeling sad and suddenly Brian appeared in a banana suit and started singing...

It's peanut butter jelly time! It's peanut butter jelly time!

haha first family guy episode I ever watched. After that I got hooked :D

[SmallKid57]

Peter: i win!
Helper: Nice job! High Five! Alright!
Peter: Heh heh this is fun!
Helper: Good! High Five! Alright!
Peter: Lois, im smart!
Helper: Nice! High Five! Alright!