Slow Bleed

[Damascus]

She pushed the knife in gently
And I hardly felt a thing
And I pulled back my bleeding heart
To put it carefully back in

I could tell she hated to do it
Kind of beautiful, how she felt
But my heart was already broken
The damage done, the wound dealt

I'm still crying
Though no tears have dared to fall
I'm still standing
But my wings are shredded, bone and all

[layla]

hmmm, good poem, the only thing that really bugged me was the use of the word 'thing', i think another more powerful word could of been used. otherwise, nicely done.

[iladys]

I agree with what Shizori said. The poem sounds a bit like fantasy but using the word 'thing' makes it sound too casual. Perhaps change it to a more powerful word like pain but it is fine the way it is even without changing the word. Well done.

[Sanzora]

O.o Damn, thats awesome. Sad in a way...

[yumisan]

yea...it is sad,painful and specific..and yea...i agree that the 'thing'should be replace with a better word.the word 'thing' is to general.i always used the word too but i learn from it.

[Damascus]

Thanks... I'd still like to use the word "in" at the end of 1st verse, if I can find a word that rhymes with it...

And yes... it's sad... I'm sad... depressed... I'm feeling emo right now...

[silverwolf801]

wow thatg was pretty good. I liked it alot thanks for the share