Heroes

[BeeCrest]

Can't arse myself to make it any longer, I just wanna post it. It's kind of FMA-themed and inspired by the song Tobira no Mukou e. I also tried out a new structure. Whether these are more like lyrics or a poem, I have no idea even though I wrote. Okay, you can read it now xD

Heroes
It hurts to breathe when the sorrow arises,
you want to become stronger so no one has to suffer,
but inerasable mistakes bring it all back.

Desperate but patient for redemption,
the battle has become yours alone to bear,
no one else has to choose to carry up your sin.

We scream because we are always lost,
it's too hard to find faith when eyes are open to pain,
so you fight because there's nothing to go back to,
find your place when heroes no longer shine.

Whether we feel the same or not,
you show no fear for those you love,
despite the breaking point of sanity is so close.

Desperate yet impatient for redemption,
I face the cold path with undying stubborness,
my shame will no longer get in the way.

We scream because we are always lost,
it's too hard to find faith when eyes are open to pain,
so fight when there's nothing to go back to,
find your place when heroes no longer shine.

[Rabid_Wolverine]

W00t. P0n0s. I mean poem. Anyway very well written Rhodri my man.

[yumisan]

very well nice written..Heroes..we should dedicate it to them.

[Icestorm]

very nice bee it captured the theme so well.. and has good imagery.. keep at it!

[BeeCrest]

Thanks. When I meant by cna't arsing myself to make it longer, i wanted to add another part but was too lazy, and wanted to post it to show you guys.

More comments pwease :3

[Lolable]

We scream because we are always lost,
it's too hard to find faith when eyes are open to pain,
so fight when there's nothing to go back to,
find your place when heroes no longer shine.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
fav part ;)
very lovely BC<333
and so expressive :p
i wish u added more though i just love ur poems.

[Isis]

If she added more dear neesan, then the point might have been lost. Well done Bee,I absolutely loved this poem. The imagery is powerful and I liked the contradictory sides to it. Works well for a song as well as a poem. Great job!

[Lenne]

lovely use of words. i actually know the song and heard it so many times i finally grew tired of itXD so i can really hear the tone in this piece, well done!

keep writing

[BeeCrest]

I'm glad you were able to hear the tone in it, even more of an accomplishment. I think I'm most proud of this poem too :3

More comments please, I know there are FMA fans out there XD

[maximoose666]

Hmm, I like the epic feel. Repetition of so fight when there's nothing to go back to,
find your place when heroes no longer shine. works really well in this case :) "Inerasable" is from "Kesenai Tsmi", of course, but I guess you already knew that :P A clever poem, with a nice concentrated feel to it all the way through. I'm wondering about your fluctuation between first person and second person, deliberate? And if so, why?
Good poem :)

[BeeCrest]

Yep, it's from Kesenai Tsumi. I like that song too <3

Er, it was deliberate.

It hurts to breathe when the sorrow arises,
you want to become stronger so no one has to suffer,
but inerasable mistakes bring it all back.
Desperate but patient for redemption,
the battle has become yours alone to bear,
no one else has to choose to carry up your sin.
We scream because we are always lost,
it's too hard to find faith when eyes are open to pain,
so you fight because there's nothing to go back to,
find your place when heroes no longer shine.
Whether we feel the same or not,
you show no fear for those you love,
despite the breaking point of sanity is so close.

That part is about Ed


Desperate yet impatient for redemption,
I face the cold path with undying stubborness,
my shame will no longer get in the way.
We scream because we are always lost,
it's too hard to find faith when eyes are open to pain,
so fight when there's nothing to go back to,
find your place when heroes no longer shine.

^ This part is about someone else made up who is goes through suffering and struggle similar to that of Ed's. Someone made up.