Planeswalker
07-16-2006, 02:16 PM
Two years ago I began a book while I was on a school camp. A week after I got home I forgot about it. Now thanks to some help from a certain Junopie it has resurfaced.
Judging from the amount of replies in this section I dont expect anything but its something I posted on my other forum so why not here >.>
Cover (by Suien):
http://i67.photobucket.com/albums/h304/Suien_photos/01planeswalkersbookT.jpg
WARNING!!?!@?
I was at the very least 72.5% insane while writing this so I apologise if this is in any way Funny, not funny, serious, dramatic, a musical or good ol fasioned BS. Also keep in mind that this was written two years ago...and that my mind and sense of humour have grown far superior in that time.
I do plan to add to this book every now and then.
Introduction
WELCOMEto this weird, strange, bizarre, weird, chocolaty, 100% true, partially false, mind blowing collection of insanity from myself and those around me. Throughout the book there will be theories and interviews from myself and the freaks (no offence) I choose to surround myself with. And by the way if something is in bold then it is especially important. The bold writing usually sums everything up if you can’t be bothered to read.
CHAPTER 1
Weird Theory No 1
Internets = Satan!?!?!
Background:
Twas the day of the beast: 6/6/06 and talk of Omens and bad junk in general was spreading around school. Someone brought up 666 in Roman numerals and it took off from there.
Theory:
It is general knowledge that the number 666 is the number of the beast. Satan’s chosen number. Why he didn’t pick any from 1-665 is a mystery, as with why he didn’t pick any from 667 to infinity. Whatever the case may be he/she or it picked 666. However when Mr Satan picked 666 it would not have been written this way. When you think about it, it was probably written VI VI VI (Roman numeralz). So let’s summarise:
666 = VI VI VI
But this by itself isn’t enough to make a theory about. Oh no…it goes much further. Not that far actually…just a little bit further. For example, did you know that if you squint your eyes at VI VI VI it looks like something else? Perhaps VI VI VI looks a little like WWW? Farfetched? I think not >.> So let’s summarise:
666 = VI VI VI = WWW
WWW = Internet no? Therefore we can assume that the internet is Satan or at least the tool of Satan. With all the porn and gambling is it any surprise? This leads me to believe that the creators of the internets are Satan. Leonard Kleinrock, J.C.R. Licklider, Thomas Merrill and a whole bunch of other are just Satan in disguise. So let’s summarise:
666 = VI VI VI = WWW = Internets are Satan = porn and gamling
Surevy No 1
So how do you eat your Malteasers?
Alex: I KICK THEM!!!
Dyson: with…my…mouth…
Dukin: I cut them
Blockhead: N/A (couldn’t get an answer he was too busy eating malteasers)
Weird theory no2
Weird theory no2
The Tokyo Sex Bomb
Background:
[COLOR=white][FONT=Courier New]One day on camp someone started singing "Sex Bomb" by Tom Jones. A few hours later someone got into a dicussion about Tokyo and the Moon. I put these things together and here it is in all its sadness.
Theory:
To begin with this theory I shall explain what a ‘Sex Bomb’ is. A sex bomb is like any other bomb but instead of releasing life threatening things like radiation, poison or a good old explosion; it releases a powerful aphrodisiac and another equally powerful metabolism increasing substance (eye of newt). This substance increases metabolism by 400% per second. But where does fit in to all this You say?…I think…well…you should be…I think…actually maybe you don’t care…doesn’t matter I’m going to tell you anyway. At some random point in time (this may have already happened…you can’t prove it didn’t) Tokyo will be launched at the moon. Why? You may or may not be asking; well once Tokyo is on the moon a sex bomb will be launched at them. An orgy of sex and death (because of the lack of oxygen) will erupt and since metabolism is increased at such a powerful rate people will be born, grow up, have sex, give birth to the next generation and die in about 10 seconds. The end result of this will be that the equivalent of millions of years of evolution will be experienced in about half an hour when the effects of the sex bomb wear off. The point of this is to create a race of humans that are not like your average humans. These humans either don’t need oxygen to live or a race that can create oxygen from there surroundings on the moon. Once these humans exist we can place them on other planets and repeat this process.
Fact of Life No42
Fact of life no42
Cheese is often found where you least expect it
Weird theory no 3
Weird theory no 3
Global Warming = obesidy?
Background:
I was in Geography one day and my teacher was talking about global warming, mentioning how various things are being expanded ect...lets just say I was bored -_-
Theory:
To put it quite simply we are getting fat due to global warming. As all of you should know heat makes things expand. An example of this is on The Simpsons when Homer got a bucket stuck on his head. After driving blindly for a while he and his family ended up at a revival meeting. The precher screamed something about god and pulled off the bucket. This was not divine someting or other, it was infact the bright lights causing the metal to expand and therefore slipping off his head. Now heat makes everything expand, even human bodies so therefore the hotter it gets the more we expand. This is where the global warming thingy majigy comes in. Due to global warming the Earth is getting hotter and hotter. Obviously this is what is causing the rapid growing rate of obesity. The heat of the Earth is expanding our bodies, therefore creating the need for us to eat more in order to fill up the body. As the heat rises humans will eat more and become morbidly obese. America is out number one example of this, but countries such as England, Australia, Germany and Uruguay (pronounced "You are gay") arnt far behind. So I emplore all of you: Stop blaming McDonalds for your unatural fat asses.
Caption Contest no 1
Caption Contest no 1
http://img91.imageshack.us/img91/365/duk1cm.png (http://imageshack.us)
WINNER:
"That garbage donut is all mine." submitted by Sadated_Peon
CHAPTER 2
Canza's Fantasy No 1
Lalala.
Well, I kinda wanna be a hot asian girl with incredibly cute or beautiful face with big boobs. Then when I go to school, all the guys would be all over me and I would flirt with them. Then I turn them all down. But....then I would start being friends with some super hot and cute(not as hot as me) girls...and slowly...I become their really good friends...then at one point, I start doing stuff like touching them on purpose in many places and doing some kinky stuff. Then the girl/s would be like "What are you doing...." in a soft confused voice. Then they would start become attracted to me. Yeah. You know what comes next.
Fact of Life No 11
Fact of life no 11:
90% of women, when entering a clothing store, turn right o.o
Judging from the amount of replies in this section I dont expect anything but its something I posted on my other forum so why not here >.>
Cover (by Suien):
http://i67.photobucket.com/albums/h304/Suien_photos/01planeswalkersbookT.jpg
WARNING!!?!@?
I was at the very least 72.5% insane while writing this so I apologise if this is in any way Funny, not funny, serious, dramatic, a musical or good ol fasioned BS. Also keep in mind that this was written two years ago...and that my mind and sense of humour have grown far superior in that time.
I do plan to add to this book every now and then.
Introduction
WELCOMEto this weird, strange, bizarre, weird, chocolaty, 100% true, partially false, mind blowing collection of insanity from myself and those around me. Throughout the book there will be theories and interviews from myself and the freaks (no offence) I choose to surround myself with. And by the way if something is in bold then it is especially important. The bold writing usually sums everything up if you can’t be bothered to read.
CHAPTER 1
Weird Theory No 1
Internets = Satan!?!?!
Background:
Twas the day of the beast: 6/6/06 and talk of Omens and bad junk in general was spreading around school. Someone brought up 666 in Roman numerals and it took off from there.
Theory:
It is general knowledge that the number 666 is the number of the beast. Satan’s chosen number. Why he didn’t pick any from 1-665 is a mystery, as with why he didn’t pick any from 667 to infinity. Whatever the case may be he/she or it picked 666. However when Mr Satan picked 666 it would not have been written this way. When you think about it, it was probably written VI VI VI (Roman numeralz). So let’s summarise:
666 = VI VI VI
But this by itself isn’t enough to make a theory about. Oh no…it goes much further. Not that far actually…just a little bit further. For example, did you know that if you squint your eyes at VI VI VI it looks like something else? Perhaps VI VI VI looks a little like WWW? Farfetched? I think not >.> So let’s summarise:
666 = VI VI VI = WWW
WWW = Internet no? Therefore we can assume that the internet is Satan or at least the tool of Satan. With all the porn and gambling is it any surprise? This leads me to believe that the creators of the internets are Satan. Leonard Kleinrock, J.C.R. Licklider, Thomas Merrill and a whole bunch of other are just Satan in disguise. So let’s summarise:
666 = VI VI VI = WWW = Internets are Satan = porn and gamling
Surevy No 1
So how do you eat your Malteasers?
Alex: I KICK THEM!!!
Dyson: with…my…mouth…
Dukin: I cut them
Blockhead: N/A (couldn’t get an answer he was too busy eating malteasers)
Weird theory no2
Weird theory no2
The Tokyo Sex Bomb
Background:
[COLOR=white][FONT=Courier New]One day on camp someone started singing "Sex Bomb" by Tom Jones. A few hours later someone got into a dicussion about Tokyo and the Moon. I put these things together and here it is in all its sadness.
Theory:
To begin with this theory I shall explain what a ‘Sex Bomb’ is. A sex bomb is like any other bomb but instead of releasing life threatening things like radiation, poison or a good old explosion; it releases a powerful aphrodisiac and another equally powerful metabolism increasing substance (eye of newt). This substance increases metabolism by 400% per second. But where does fit in to all this You say?…I think…well…you should be…I think…actually maybe you don’t care…doesn’t matter I’m going to tell you anyway. At some random point in time (this may have already happened…you can’t prove it didn’t) Tokyo will be launched at the moon. Why? You may or may not be asking; well once Tokyo is on the moon a sex bomb will be launched at them. An orgy of sex and death (because of the lack of oxygen) will erupt and since metabolism is increased at such a powerful rate people will be born, grow up, have sex, give birth to the next generation and die in about 10 seconds. The end result of this will be that the equivalent of millions of years of evolution will be experienced in about half an hour when the effects of the sex bomb wear off. The point of this is to create a race of humans that are not like your average humans. These humans either don’t need oxygen to live or a race that can create oxygen from there surroundings on the moon. Once these humans exist we can place them on other planets and repeat this process.
Fact of Life No42
Fact of life no42
Cheese is often found where you least expect it
Weird theory no 3
Weird theory no 3
Global Warming = obesidy?
Background:
I was in Geography one day and my teacher was talking about global warming, mentioning how various things are being expanded ect...lets just say I was bored -_-
Theory:
To put it quite simply we are getting fat due to global warming. As all of you should know heat makes things expand. An example of this is on The Simpsons when Homer got a bucket stuck on his head. After driving blindly for a while he and his family ended up at a revival meeting. The precher screamed something about god and pulled off the bucket. This was not divine someting or other, it was infact the bright lights causing the metal to expand and therefore slipping off his head. Now heat makes everything expand, even human bodies so therefore the hotter it gets the more we expand. This is where the global warming thingy majigy comes in. Due to global warming the Earth is getting hotter and hotter. Obviously this is what is causing the rapid growing rate of obesity. The heat of the Earth is expanding our bodies, therefore creating the need for us to eat more in order to fill up the body. As the heat rises humans will eat more and become morbidly obese. America is out number one example of this, but countries such as England, Australia, Germany and Uruguay (pronounced "You are gay") arnt far behind. So I emplore all of you: Stop blaming McDonalds for your unatural fat asses.
Caption Contest no 1
Caption Contest no 1
http://img91.imageshack.us/img91/365/duk1cm.png (http://imageshack.us)
WINNER:
"That garbage donut is all mine." submitted by Sadated_Peon
CHAPTER 2
Canza's Fantasy No 1
Lalala.
Well, I kinda wanna be a hot asian girl with incredibly cute or beautiful face with big boobs. Then when I go to school, all the guys would be all over me and I would flirt with them. Then I turn them all down. But....then I would start being friends with some super hot and cute(not as hot as me) girls...and slowly...I become their really good friends...then at one point, I start doing stuff like touching them on purpose in many places and doing some kinky stuff. Then the girl/s would be like "What are you doing...." in a soft confused voice. Then they would start become attracted to me. Yeah. You know what comes next.
Fact of Life No 11
Fact of life no 11:
90% of women, when entering a clothing store, turn right o.o