2nd

[Ai]

Eternally wandering soul of boundless sorrow
Walking a path which the ordinary fear to tread
Is it the sadness which makes the walker fearless
Or is it the knowledge that humanity in it's weakness is always vunerable

The path of which the walker wanders has no one name
It is merely known by the few names given to it by the intimidated
Purgatory, Hell, Evil, Pain
The wanderer blindly walks onwards ignoring these to seek his true goal

At times the path becomes difficult and treacherous to tred
Yet the wanderer merely bypasses these horrors
Bybassing these horrors the Wanderer is able to look ahead
Look ahead to the end of the path ahead

Although the wanderer is blind to naught but his goal
The path it'self seeks to distract and cause him to fail
Thus the wanderer stumbles across a pair of paths
One will lead to salvation, The other to eternal damnation

The wanderer is finally beat, Defeated he sits down and begins to weep
Light he feels a touch on his shoulder, Looking up he feels the warm rays of hope.
Hope which is the ultimate savior for the forgotten
Hope, The one true light of salvation

[SoundWave]

Haha.. it feels like this one could continue with another part.. :D It's very good... I like it a lot.. ^^

[yumisan]

wow... a great one...and a long one.:D
to me it ties together from one stanza to the other.
very nice one.

[SHiKaMaRi]

Wow.. very nice. Enjoyed it lots. You should write more ^-^

[Sanzora]

Really cool poem Ai! I love the feel of it! Very deep!

I have but one critcism:


The wanderer blindly walks onwards ignoring these to seek his true goal
At times the path becomes difficult and treacherous to tred
Yet the wanderer merely bypasses these horrors
Bybassing these horrors the Wanderer is able to look ahead

Look ahead to the end of the path ahead

Try to replace some words with synonyms rather than use them again. The repetetiveness in the poem is part of the effect, but here I would have used something like 'Overlooking' in place of the second 'bypassing', and 'before him' in place of the third 'ahead'. Just a personal opinion though.

[Isis]

Great poem Ai! Keep at it cause you shouldnt stop cause it'd be a shame :)

[Icestorm]

very nice, i liked the way you explored the philosophy of hope at the end, it tied up the poem very nicely

[Ai]

Thankz for the comments guys..hopefully each one i make is just a little bit better then the last if i continue like this...

[sto67]

i think you need to say more with less words. a lot of the words you use arent really needed, and just makes it overly wordy. description is good, but too much of it usually weighs down the poem and causes certain phrases to lose its meaning. ie your first line is clogged with so much description that it begins to lose effect, it just doesnt feel as strong as it could be.
poetry is the economy of words, the more efficiently you use those words the more powerful a poem becomes.
keep it up =]