What Isn't There (Short Story)

[BeeCrest]

I can't stop writing today....
I guess this was inspired by itsovernow's story. I've never been
great with short stories, so C & C is most welcomed.

What Isn't There

Every morning I wake up to my obsession. It doesn't matter if I see
her or not. As long as I can feel her my sanity won't dissipate from
the room. But she left this house a long time ago. Days became
months, months turned to years, until finally time itself stopped. Just
for her.

How can you feel what isn't there? She taught me how to live in the
moment. I learned to keep memories alive, and still let the day pass
by. I understood how to let a wound heal, but still feel the fresh pain
without remorse. Most of all, I proved to myself I could let go.

I could've forced her to stay with me, but I hate being selfish. We
both knew what was really going on. Love begins to take over two
bodies until freedom is snapped in half. That's what love really is.
What she saw in my eyes is her secret alone. She didn't want to
hold me down in my prime, and she was afraid.

I love it. I'll never understand who she is deep down which is why I
want her. Love does make you selfish. But I won't drown in my
own desires. If I can keep alive our life three years ago, I can hold
close what isn't there.

[Neve]

Wow - very nice =D. I like it a lot. If it was inspired by mine, it's a lot better than mine. Good use of imagery, varied sentence lengths to alter the tension, nice short paragraphs. It's almost like a poem in the form of prose =D.

My only criticisms would be firstly that this sentence feels a little awkward: "...sanity won't dissipate from the room" - you might want to alter that a little, and secondly that "I love it" might do better as the last sentence in the paragraph rather than the first, to make a nice sudden and effective ending, especially after the long sentences that run throughout the rest of the paragraph (and possibly change to "I love her"?).

Great work, anyway =D.

[an_eggroll]

Boy, you guys sure know how to write love stories. Anyways, I like the composition and flow. The grammer was excellent and kept me in a vivid trance.