Is Instant Messaging (msn, aim etc.) Killing off relationships?

[Muzikman]

I started this thread because my parents and my friends' parents say that we spend too much time SMSing, MSNing etc. they say we should meet up face to face to have real conversation.
I personally believe that messaging with technology is the way forwards. in the 22nd century, with vid-links and mobiles, almost no-one is going to meet up personally just for the sake of conversation. for weddings, vacations and other such occasions i can understand this.
Then i hear that if we don't have conversation face to face, we will never develop meaningful realationships. However with the development of videolinks this quickly becomes obsolete.
What do y'all think?

[sky_kraft]

Well i'd agree with u muzikman we are in the 22nd century and we have all this technology, why not use it. But the issue still stands abt developing meaningful relationships, which in my opinion cannot be developed through videolinks etc.n So the question "Is Instant Messaging Killing off relationships" true? i'd disagree.

[nikuwadoko]

I think relations are closer now. Like me, I live overseas from my family and phones and messengers are really helpful. It really depends on the relationship itself. If there's poor affection, then it will die out. Don't blame the messenger.

[Muzikman]

I think one of them is the poll all of you could you check it out please? thx lol

Sky: Then i'll rephrase the question: do you think instant messaging is hampering the chance of developing meaningful realationships?

[sky_kraft]

Sky: Then i'll rephrase the question: do you think instant messaging is hampering the chance of developing meaningful realationships?

Nah i don't think so, im pretty sure there are many meaningful relationships as a result of instant messaging

[Muzikman]

then how about intimate relationships? i mean they can be close but what about long-term? marraige etc.
as in, if you found a friend in a chat room and u guys vidlinked and talked a lot and you liked each other would that be a good enough base to justify marrige?

[sky_kraft]

then how about intimate relationships? i mean they can be close but what about long-term? marraige etc.
as in, if you found a friend in a chat room and u guys vidlinked and talked a lot and you liked each other would that be a good enough base to justify marrige?

hrmmm good question i donno, the question could go either way, it really depends. Marrige is a Huge commitment so at the end of the day it comes down to trust.

[Muzikman]

do you think trust can be built across the internet? i mean it is a fragile thing, so do you think it can bridge the internet?

[emmasu]

well, some how they do, i mean using msn alot will ruind your relationship, because you are not there next to the person and feel what that person feels, for example if that person is mad at you or something, you can not figure it out from what they write, but if you were next to that person or at least hear their voices will be better because you can tell if the person is mad or not from the voice
sometimes, you misundersatnd others on MSN, it happenes alot

[SHiKaMaRi]

I disagree. Instant Messaging doesn't kill any relationships. In fact, it gets me closer. Since i'm all the way in Australia, and the rest of my relatives are in Malaysia, we use Msn, etc. to communicate. We keep in touch, know what's going on, and others.

[emmasu]

I disagree. Instant Messaging doesn't kill any relationships. In fact, it gets me closer. Since i'm all the way in Australia, and the rest of my relatives are in Malaysia, we use Msn, etc. to communicate. We keep in touch, know what's going on, and others.
yah, that way can updates you with whats going on with your family, but it can not make you feel what they feel? can not they?
real relationships are based on feelings and emtions, if you can not feel what others feel, then whats the point of the relationship?

[Chrono Detector]

I voted yes. A real relationship should be based meeting each other personally, therefore you will experience the real thing.

[Muzikman]

But these real meetings could be simulated by the voice and video capabilities of msn right? and in the future its only going to get more and more real.

[Toasty]

I don't think the internet is killing off relationships. Honestly, it's a good way to meet a lot of people and discuss things. Often times, people are shy in person, but they talk to everyone online. Did the internet kill relationships for this person? I don't think so. I think it helped them open up more and learn about people. Eventually, that person will find friendships outside of the internet.

Most people have to have a job/school/church/etc. The internet isn't killing off the friendships that are developed in these places. People still interact, it's just not always over tea or coffee or lunch.

Listening to my parents talk, they had probably 3 or 4 close friends most of their lives; however, I have at least 20 close friends, a good number of which are online friends who I have kept in contact with over the past 8 years. Some of these friends I have even written leters to back and forth, sending gifts and pictures.

[Muzikman]

So you feel that even though you don't meet face to face or speak mouth to ear, you can still develop quite a close relationship? And also if you and your online friend met do you think his/her appearence would affect the relationship?

[Toasty]

So you feel that even though you don't meet face to face or speak mouth to ear, you can still develop quite a close relationship? And also if you and your online friend met do you think his/her appearence would affect the relationship?

I don't think appearences have that much of an effect. True, I have met a couple of close online friends (that happened to go to the same college I do...) and even though I'd seen a few pictures, their appearance caught me off guard, but nothing we couldn't get past.

I always believed it is the person that mattered. I've even dated a few online friends that I had met in person. We were good friends, enjoyed each other's company, and still spend time talking.

The internet is also a good way to "break the ice" and get to know details about each other it's hard to disclose face-to-face to someone you've only known for a few days.

I am not saying that talking online is better than talking face-to-face. By all means, if you get the chance to start a meaningfuly friendship with someone that sits next to you in class, go ahead! Physical attractions are much more difficult online, not to mention, there is always a chance that someone is lying about who they are.

I think that's the biggest flaw in online relations. It is easier to lie and be fake online. How many times do you hear of 67 year old men pretending to be 15 year old girls online? Too many *shudder*... I think online communication invites more deception in friendships. It's a dangerous place. It just requires a bit more caution and common sense to have a friendship online. Most of mine developed over years. I mean, you don't doubt that the boy that sits behind you in math class is really a 17 year old, teenage male... ...but there is a little doubt when you meet someone online. And meeting them in person can be dangerous.

So I think they both have their ups and downs. I happen to be pretty lucky to have my friendships. I can trust those people. Many of them I have met face-to-face, talked to on the phone, etc... and I do prefer talking to them like that. It seems more personal, but there will always be the internet, which brought us together.

[Cursive]

No, not really. I msn with people I don't know in person, and not often, but sometimes, with like one person I know, I still have personal relationships out the butt... yeah, butt, niggah.

[Muzikman]

So you guys feel that no matter how much technology is developed for IMing, it still cannot beat face-to-face meetings?
Also you say that it can "break the ice" so would you use IM to get to know someone, and then you would start to meet if you liked the sound of their personality?

[someGOD]

Hmm, truth be told, my relationship right now is held together by the internet. Without MSN, I cant get anything out to my cell phoneless girl friend (vacations your not on suck...)

Hotmail and AIM save my life on days that I cant get around to anything else. Its easily more help then hurt on my part. I cant say the same for all relationships though.

[Muzikman]

well i had this experience a few hours ago. My friend, she a twin, she daughter of a friend of my parents. i was at their house a few months ago and they went on msn. they introduced me to their friend and so we smsed and msned alot. well then she introduced me to her friend and then today we met up at this club. and they were really nice 09 but meeting was disorienting. do you think this is normal or just cuz we havent known each other that long? (my friend-of-friend met for like half a year, her friend for one week)

[Yuki]

As far as I know, instant messaging is not killing off relationships... I think this new way to communicate between us is making easier to meet other people. Some time ago, was quite difficult to know someone who you don't know but it was a friend of a friend, a classmate, workmate... Now, using msn or also chat rooms, you're able to meet a lot of people all over... This forum is a great example of it. Here, there's a marriage thread, isn't it?? That means we could get on well with other people without talkin' to 'em face to face.
People who say that msn, aim... are killing relationships, should think a little whether they would be able to meet such a quantity of people without it. They must face the reality and accept the world is changin' and get used to the new rules, or at least, don't say that's bad... Coz that's not true...

[Lien]

Well, I have to agree that I don't talk to my parents a lot when I'm on MSN or, just the internet, however when we do talk, it's mostly shouting and arguing.

So, I guess it's alright when it comes to them, it's like a guranteed peacekeeping.

However with my real life friends, I would choose my internet friends over them, simply because they are quite boring compared to the people I talk to, but I do still have plenty of time left for them. So hmmmm.

[Mugen]

I choose my internet friends over my real life friends as well well at least some of them some are my best friends and Naw I don`t think MSN is killing off relationships

[Dounick]

i would have to say internet relationships kills of the reality of ones world and sets their mind in a virtual world, and the person doesnt really ever leave that world.
But if this is how people like to live their life, i dont mnd ^.^

[ashiin]

i think of instant messaging as just another way to communicate with someone when it's not possible to meet up, it makes you free to talk to that person 24/7 and it makes the friendship/relationship even better.

I myself prefer meeting face to face in everything though, so i go out with my friends as much as i can because i feel it's much better to be talking to them in real life. But for real serious relationships, well i myself am trying something new (internet relationship. jenjen<3) and although lacking the realness, i still hvae the feel when i'm talking to her and such.

oh and muzikman, 12 and going to a club? are you talking about like a clubhouse club or a dance drink club?

[Z_Blitz]

I wouldn't call it killing off relationships, but it certainly does take away some of the time you could be spending knowing people in real life who may or may not be your companions in life (This applies to friendship, intimate relationships, etc). Though think of it this way... Some people are really hard to talk to in real-life because of different circumstances or personality issues, the internet *could* help break the ice and perhaps make them more socially acceptable.

[emmasu]

the thing is here that if the person has problems in commuincation with real people, he would not solve that problem, actually he would make it worse, becasue when that person starts to work and deal with real people, he would have problems communicating with those people,
i think the thread title should be more specific, if it means freindships, love relationships, family relationships,
i think it has to be more specific because each one of us talks about different situation

[Rising Phoenix]

I agree with Leixela on this one.

Though if you want to have a love afair I think it's better to know the person outside the PC screen as (at least for me) you can never really know someone unless you look him directly in the eyes and talk to him. I like doing the same with my friends as well. It can be a whole world of diference when you meet someone in person IMO.

Cheers,

R.P.

[_strangechild_]

Well, with a lot of people (who I already knew in person or had never met in person), I became CLOSER to them through using an Instant Messenger Service. If I didn't, I wouldn't know them as well as I do now and with some people.. I wouldn't even know them!

I think if you're gonna go into a proper relationship with someone, you should definately meet them in person and get to know them that way first. 'Cause I believe it's true that you cannot know a person very well from just speaking to them over the Net.
You don't want to be a partner to someone then find out that you actually think they're a weirdo in person. =)

I also find it harder to speak to people in person about certain things as I hate displaying emotions, so I can talk more freely to my friends on the Net. =)

[Ichigo-Kurosaki]

I have a mobile and computer and internet but i dont use them much. Face to face is alot more fun. This is my advice i dont know about you guys. Try to meet face to face more often.

[chiking1]

i think that MSNing and SMSing is actually helping the relationships. For example, if you don't have time to meet with your friends/girlfriend, you could just message them or call them...
but face to face is still better...

[재]

well I must say that when we chat in MSN, we should really only chat with the people we know.. I think it's not good having too much time going to MSN, because really there is no actual point of doing so I guess...

[Azalea]

Nah, it doesnt really kill anything except time. I only use IM's to chat with some friends who are really far away... or if my cellphone runs out of balance :D

[KiraIzuru]

MSN can actually do both, in some cases people will use MSN to communicate to their gf or bf instead of going to chat to them irl, if this is done too much, the relationship will end. On the other hand, if you only do it sometimes, nothing bad should happen.

[hasuke]

Hahahahaha, wow, if you people prefer to take over MSN than in person, you need to get help. Really. It's not the messengers ruining the relationships, it's the person too lazy to TALK TO A PERSON THEY SUPPOSEDLY LOVE.

[Muzikman]

what do you think, should relationships be started face to face and continued via internet/messaging; or the other way around? or maybe face to face and continue that way or vice versa?
and another comment about messaging. i have heard a few arguements about this, and the arguers say that messaging destroys honesty. why? because online we have infinite time to rethink our answers over and over again. what we say may not be what we thought of in the first place. it may be what we think is the right thing to say in that situation.

[_strangechild_]

Umm, I'm not sure about that one. I mean.. I've spoken to people (briefly) in person, but got to know them much better through the Net and so it was practically like starting from speaking to them on the Net to speaking to them face-to-face, rather than the other way round (if that makes sense). I find that I've had that a lot with people and it's easier to keep in contact with old school friends by.

I do prefer face-to-face sometimes, but I'm not much of a good speaker and things, so I find it easier to express myself here (also, I'm quite shy.. so a few things I wouldn't say in person I can speak about here, it's like.. I can actually be 'myself' fully. May sound sad, but OK).
People, even some of my mates do, LIE about WHO they are and WHERE they live and what age they are.. you can't truly trust a person on the Net, unless you DO know them in person (or at least have met them), it's hard to judge a person on here too. You don't really know what they're like, even if you think you have an idea. I think that is probably something that'd fit with the dishonesty thing.

[Muzikman]

ive tried it and itz actually easy to manipulate what ppls think about u. i mean ive made ppls think i was a slutty 21 year old, an innocent 7 year old and all kinds of other things. I feel you should meet the person, mb tlk for an hour or so and then keep in touch with IM so you no what they're like in person. but this can get awkward, no?

[Seto]

No, relationships are as close as ever.

Why?
Simpel, because I think that in every relationship there must be contact.
Of course, you could see that person... But what if that person is on vacation or something like that? With msn, you don't kill your relationship, you're showing that you love that person etc.

[Muzikman]

but that doesnt answer my previous point. should relationships be started face to face and continued via internet/messaging; or the other way around? or maybe face to face and continue that way or vice versa?

[Kibe]

mmm... it really depends if the person actually comes out and meets other people and tell them to go on to MSN etc but some people dont' have it

*hint hint me hint hint*

so it causes problems...

[Muzikman]

well itz not exactly a hard thing to get right? *hint hint rukia-chan hint hint* jsut download the thing and sign up and boom you got it no?

[Kibe]

*hint hint parents hint hint*

:redbiggri

[Muzikman]

*hint hint i think we should stop hinting hint hint*

[Kibe]

totally.. :redbiggri

[~*StÓÑy RèL0ÂÐeD™]

well in my opinion i think it should be okay, after all u will stil meet up in the end... bbut there maybe exceptions... but if u never meet teh person in da 1st place, chatting on msn has no difference..

mmm... it really depends if the person actually comes out and meets other people and tell them to go on to MSN etc but some people dont' have it
*hint hint me hint hint*
so it causes problems...


@ruki sis: so u are refering bout yurself?? i know this is random, so excuse me...

[Muzikman]

noo she meant she doesnt haf msn. and btw how the heck do you get married to your youngest sis??

[Kibe]

oh he asked me after we got adopted by daddy... *hugs stone*

@stone: when daddy and petals go quiet and they're stil on... i know they're chatting on MSN.. and leave me alone... *whimper*

[Muzikman]

there there..

[Kibe]

i wonder why my parents are so strict...?:sad:

[Z_Blitz]

*Hint hint*

Rukiachan0793and Muzikman:

BOTH OF YOU ARE WARNED. A second occurance like what you have presented here in this thread and I will personally work on your ban.

This a debate thread, and its meant to be serious. Chat spam is prohibited!

[Hansy]

Well it depends, I don't think actual realationships with people you meet online. Or date through aim or whatever are meaningful, but just going on them doesn't hurt other relationships at all. I don't feel any less connected to the people I know going on AIM, and there are some people on the internet I value as much as the friends near me. The only thing i'm against is actually dating something, since that just wont work out. But whatever people wanna do is there thing.

[Muzikman]

Alright Blitz sorry.

So wt you think that to an extent online IMing can build to relationships but when it comes to dating/marrige it falls short?

[Angel_shikigami]

No it's makeing them stronger. Like when people move away, you keep in contact with them better.

[Muzikman]

i know but in terms of starting relationships?

[~*StÓÑy RèL0ÂÐeD™]

well... it might be okay...if they still meet up n go out together...etc. so i guess it should be okay...lol

[Muzikman]

well... it might be okay...if they still meet up n go out together...etc. so i guess it should be okay...lol
wouldnt it be awfully awkward? like you've formed a picture of them in your mind but they turn out to be way different?

[grieversangel]

I think that if you don't know someone that well online you can't call them your "girlfriend" or "boyfriend" you have to meet the person.At least that's what I think.

[candyb3ar]

heck YES...i miss the days of when the phone would even just ring but now i gotta listen to that annoying sound of msn..*beep*...oh wait i got a msg...nvm apparently now i cannot reply cause the so and so went "offline" really how much simpler is this...i say not at all..in most cases the phone is 3 ft from the computer anyways, plus i am sure by this day and age we all own a cordless so it not liek you gotta go sit in an akward place to talk...lol dun even get me started on the people whom have a text msg conversation constantly back and forth of 10 mins its like your on the phone already for heavens sake just CALL THEM...lol this is why i refuse to own a cellie...*scoffs*