A part

[emmasu]

My heart is beating so fast
I can not stop it, it feels like it wants to part
It wants to part from my chest
Being in your hands is where it wants to fit

Eyes, have no control over
Every time they remember, tears are falling all over
You say do not cry, but they do not want to
Only you who can control them and make them glow

My hands are shaking every time I remember
They do not want to write “goodbye” and “see you later”
I wish that I can control the time
So I can make it move very fast and be at our time

My soul is attached to you
No matter where you go, it will be with you
I do not know if I can survive
I do not know if I can be in this life

I will hold on just for you
I will miss you, am already missing you
Come back to me very fast
Because I do not know if I can be a part

[summer_faerie]

I like the main idea of your Poem very much Emmasu! But try not to ryme words with themselves so much.

[Sanzora]

I like the way you've wirtten it in so far as it has a lot of suppressed emotion to it, but I'm not so sure on the repetition of the words... It just feels odd to me.

[MasterWordSmith]

Above comments are true, watch your repitition. It makes people bored of your piece. By using a variety of words it displays what would be a mundane piece with a vibrant array of emotion, as opposed to just one emotion. Plus, you look like you know what you're doing! :P

I'm not too much for poems openly about love. Finding subtle ways of descibing love. For example, I used to have a girlfriend and she would always burn me her anime DVD's. It may not have been love, but she didn't do that for anyone else. Just me. Write poems about the things they do for you that they do for nowon else, or the feeling you get that are different from "I feel like" or "She makes me feel like" because that will get people's attention.

You did a pretty good job of the above things, however the repititious words blew it a bit for me. Theasaurus' are great ways of finding multiple words for the same word, should the need arise. By being repititious you become a more mundane writer, more stuck in your ways. You must branch out to grow as a writer.

Also, words like "Soul" can be replaced with more clever words. Try to not say what you are thinking for feeling but show it!

[emmasu]

thanx for your comments, i was abit shocked when i saw you were posting about my poem

[evil-overlord]

nice work but i think it need a larger variety of words