Title to be.

[Devmastuh]

Sorry I been gone so long peeps, work is consuming. Anyways, I've got the prolugue to my next story, a little long because I'm thinknig of publishing this story...I dunno, see how you like it.

The sound of waves crashing about him, voices screaming and shouting, then a deep darkness. The detached sense of time passing. Waking moments finding himself in different places, water, shore, and finally a small house. He awoke occasionally, but only to fall back to sleep or to be put back to sleep. When he finally came to for more than fleeting moments, he opened his eyes. The buildup in his eyes made it almost impossible to see anything more than a foot away, and made it tricky to even open his eyes. He tried opening his eyes normally, but couldn’t, so he opened them with his hands. This was effective, for a while, until he put his hands to the side. He tried to sit up, and, finding he lacked the strength to do so, he fell promptly back down, pain searing all over his body, even his toes hurt. He finally just tried to call out to somebody that he was awake, only to find that all he could blurt out was nonsensical mumbo-jumbo.

A woman’s voice interrupted his testing. “Hey...Hey Red He’s awake Red ” The pit-patter of shoeless feet quickly ensued.

“Is he breathing? Have you asked him to see if he can understand you? Check him ” said another voice coming from a different room, just this voice being a much prettier voice.

“Oh...I forgot...Hey, can you hear me?” A nod ‘yes’ answered. “I guess that means you understand me...Um, can you see me?” He tilted his hand right and left, meaning ‘somewhat’. “Oh dear. Can you talk?” He tried to talk again.

“Hyeeeeaaahhh. Hyeeaaaahhhh. Hyeaah. Hyeah. Yyeah. Yeah...I...C-...Can...” He replied, with much difficulty.

“Head trauma. Do you remember anything?” Another shake of the head ‘no’. “I knew it, head trauma. Red, this is your department.”

'Head trauma,' the man thought. 'What else did I forget? Numbers...1...2...Oh never mind. Letters...A, B, C, D, E...F...F...Dang it. My name...My name My name I’ve forgotten letters, numbers, and my name...Wait...Where am I? What even happened? I-'

“I didn’t know we had departments...” sarcasm was thick in her pretty voice as she entered the room, interrupting the man’s thoughts. “Fine, fine, fine. I’ll take care of this one...Not often we get many men around here...” A routine inspection of eyes, mouth, and ears was made, and then she put him back to sleep. After he woke up again, he realized that he probably hadn’t eaten in quite some time and that maybe he should eat now. Right on cue, his stomach chirped in it’s agreement.

After a while of mental preparation, he called to Red, finally able to use his normal volume. The voice he now knew as Red’s chuckled “Hungry huh? Well, I’ll fix that.” A little while later food was brought in on a tray, but it was to no avail. He was out cold once more.

[SHiKaMaRi]

The story is interesting ^-^. Though, it's rushed... Like how he had just gone to sleep, and woke up in an instant. Well, not really, but that was how it was registered to me. And the last bit.. I don't know, add something like: After he walked around the house' or something, as it seems like he woke up, his stomach growled, and Red just popped up there.

Well, if it doesn't make sense to you, forgive me. I'm not good at explaining things. Overall, the story is good. Hope you continue it and stuff.

[Devmastuh]

Ah it does and thank you very much, I'm open to any suggestions because I am a...Eh...Novice writer. I've only been writing for about a year or two now, so I still need experience. I put it on here for ideas but I forgot to say so...So if anybody else has any ideas on how to make this better, just tell me, I'd be more than happy to make adjustments if they fit the storyline...

[Devmastuh]

A little long, and time's been the same. I think I've got everything up snuff, *Grammar, spelling etc...* and if anyone every replies to this then don't be afraid to give ideas...As I've said before, as long as they fit into the storyline they deserve proper consideration...Soz I db posted but nobody's commenting...
Chapter One
Voices were floating around in his head.
“...needs to prove something...”

“...no ambitions but his...”

“...care if he lives or not...”

“Fool You can’t just go and...”

Faces flashed in his mind.

An old man, white hair messy, turned around pouting.

A young woman with a strikingly odd eye color, somewhere in-between yellow and red, was laughing.

A scrawny little guy, not even of the human species, with almost jet black skin and eyes, prancing around in glee.

A scruffy man in tattered robes, looking up into the sky, as if searching for answers, tears filling his eyes. All these faces and more flew across his mind, and then, a memory.

The night sky was filled with stars, and a large moon greeted him. He felt the giddy excitement that keeps you on edge in a chase, and his heart was thumping. He was on the run, whoever was chasing him was right behind him. He didn’t know why he was being chased, but he ran on anyways. The town loomed ominous in the moonlight. He passed a narrow street so that he could, with a bit of luck, dodge his pursuer and get to where he was headed. He ran harder, since he was almost there. He turned a corner, and looked back to see the dark outline of his opponent. He dashed around another corner, took another turn, and another, in the hope of losing the person chasing him. On and on he ran, adrenaline pumping, and he never seemed to be tired. One more turn before he reached his destination. Suddenly, his opponent came from behind a corner, right in his path. The man pulled out a silver object, and a loud BANG!! He suddenly awoke, screaming and in a cold sweat.

“Whoa!” A loud thump emitted from the other room. Those were the noises coming from a room over. “Don’t go scaring me like that darn it ” said a disgruntled Red.

“Ugh...” said the man, putting his hand to his head. “What....What happened to... Me...Where am I?”

He heard a sigh. “We found you on the beach, with vultures circling and crows coming in. You...Were quite beat up. We didn’t think you were even alive. But...With a couple of herbs and about eight days of sleep-“

”Eight days ?” the man said, almost at normal voice level. “Eight days....Of sleep...H-....How?”

“Like I said, herbs. Anyways, you had broken nearly all the bones in your left arm and leg, as if something had clamped down there. And you must of hit your head because you have amnesia. Get some more rest, you need it.”

And he did. So he went back to sleep, but this time he slept and had no memories, and had no dreams, just a relaxing darkness. When he awoke, he was ravenously hungry. He called to Red, who promptly brought in food, coming in saying that he’d better not be asleep this time and had better eat it all. There was no problem with either of her demands, even though the meal was large, consisting of pancakes, bacon, toast, sausage, and eggs.(All cooked strangely, probably because they had some medicinal herbs in them)

“Okay, now that your awake, do you remember your name, or where your from, or really anything at all?” Red pried.

“I....Don’t remember....Anything....At all...Was hoping...You knew...” The man trailed off.

“Hmm...Well, sorry but I don’t.” Then she remembered he has lost his sight. “Can you see again?”

“No...My vision...Is too...Too....Blurry to see....Anything.” The man still struggled with speaking.

Red sighed. “Well, that means you need more medications, then more rest. After that you’ll need...” She stopped talking because he had already fallen once more into a deep slumber. Red gave a frustrated sigh and went back into another part of the house.

BANG!! The silver weapon concealed in the other man’s cloak went off, and Tres (I remember...Tres is my name ) was thrown to the ground. He was a little shaken, but the “bullet proof vest” given to him by the old man inventor Vaughn did the trick. Emil pulled out his gun and fired at the assailant, who promptly fell rag-doll on to the ground. Tres finally got out of the now dust filled alley-way and went into one of the tan houses. A picturesque moment greeted him. The house was two rooms, one large room and a bedroom. Everyone was piled into the large room, which had a huge dining table smack dab in the middle of it, and were all grinning, laughing, and singing. Beer bottles swinging and some even breaking in the merriment of the moment, all were having fun. Tres felt so out of place, he had just killed another man and was never happy any more. He felt...A gap in his life. As if something were missing.

A gruff voice interrupted his thinking. “Hey it’s Tres everybody ” A roar shook the room. The man put a chubby arm on his shoulder, pulling him into the bedroom. “Boy, you look like you just seen a ghost and killed it. What’s the matter?”

“A..A man died on my way here. I killed him. I can’t go on doing this, I need out. I have nothing other than this, I know, but...This just isn’t right. I’m getting out while I still can, Vaughn.” Tres mustered the courage to say.

Vaughn gave a dissapointed look. “Boy...I know that this isn’t right, but who do you think is gonna do this? Huh? If ye really need out...One last task is all I ask, then you may leave. But this will be nothing compared to the other journeys, so you shouldn’t worry yourself. The task will be in your next briefing down by...” His voice was getting softer and harder to hear. “Docks...Left...Be sure...Never...Luck.”

That was all of the flashback before he awoke. The wrenching desire to know more of his story almost overtook him, until there was the sound of another thud.

“Cruddy...Night gown...” Tres heard Red mutter as she went to another part of the small hospital.

'Must happen to her often' Tres thought, stifling laughter, but that cost him, a sharp pain shot up his left side and brought tears to his eyes. He groaned, loudly.

“Mmm? What’s the matter?”

Tres shook his head ‘nothing’.

“Well, while your awake, did anything happen? Are you feeling any better, worse, or did you remember anything?” A concerned Red asked.

“Yeah...” Tres, with much difficulty, repeated his flashback, detail by detail.

“How mysterious...Lets get back to resting and see how you do next awakening, Tres.” she was almost out the door when, yet again, the sound of a hungry stomach reached her ears. Red sighed. “Fine, I’ll get you something to eat, then you can go back to sleep.” The sound of her footsteps died away and he was left alone to contemplate his flashback.

'What was I...?' a confused Tres asked internally. 'I guess I’ll remember next time...Because, for now, all I can do is wait for my food and sleep.' A couple minutes later his food was brought in by Red, and was taken away after he was through, but by that time he had already been put back to sleep.

[Micker]

i see u took some of my suggestions my friend. so far i've really not been pulled into this story. u need some kind of hook to interest people.

[Devmastuh]

Eh, here's the thing Micker. I can't stand it whenever things just happen, and you don't know what's going on. My belief that it's better to have one long "boring" up on the roller coaster, than have many separate smaller ones. Why do you think that in school it starts with exposition, then goes on to rising action, climax, falling action, and whatever the word was for ending...

[Micker]

i don't mean it has to be like loads of action, but it can be him remembering and incident that could cause people to relate and maybe get attached and drawn into the story

[Devmastuh]

Yeah, that's what I was gonna do. Or else why bring in Red? Anyways, I'll add in some action in the next chapter...I guess...And thanks for the advice.