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Ryoji
07-13-2005, 12:34 AM
Yep, here it is...please give me some feedback -- this is the first and only fanfic I've written, and apparently it gave me a GM spot in the upcoming Bleach Forum RPG...but I still have a long way to go! :headbang:

Note: Characters are made-up.

The sound of running feet echoes throughout the white marble hallways of the Seireitei, suddenly interrupted by a titanic burst of air and rocks, the explosion rocking the immediate vicinity around the epicenter. If one may look very hard within that cloud of dust that had just been abruptly kicked up, one may see a man flying through it, thrown around like paper in the wind. He gracefully lands, rolling and finally, using his face as brakes, coming to a very elegant stop!

"TIME OUT!" The piece of paper yells out, who turns out to be a shinigami, his hands trying, in futility, to emphasize his dire request with the "T" shape, his eyes wide with paranoia from that last blast.

A laughter roars out from within the cloud, opposite of the shinigami, and a figure can be seen projecting the laughter. "That's quite the landing, Ryo-chan!" The figure yells from a distance, still chuckling about. The smoke clears, revealing a shinigami with a white robe, most likely that of a captain, with the 7th squad insignia in the back.

"Had enough now, Ryo-chan?" the captain says with a smirk.

"STOP CALLING ME RYO-CHAN, DAMNIT!"

"Fine, fine, Ryoji-kun...you have no sense of fun," the 7th squad captain replies.

"Ganryu-taicho, with all due respect, how the heck are you supposed to have a sense of fun in a battle?!"

"You're the one trying to call a time out! For your information, there are none!" Ganryu-taicho replies, his right eyebrow raised.

"Keh."

Ryoji's grip on his zanpaku-to tightens, and right at that moment, he yells out, launching towards Ganryu-taicho in a desperate burst of speed, hoping this next attack will at least touch his captain's garment. Ganryu-taicho, in response, stands there, still playfully pouting, then closes his eyes, a calm expression still on his face. At the last second before Ryoji's blade reaches him, Ganryu-taicho opens his eyes...

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"Ryo! Wait up, damnit! Not everyone's as energetic in the morning, ya know!"

"You're just friggin lazy, Jarell! This is nothing!"

The forest silence is broken by the pair'd strides from branch to branch, the morning sunlight trying to fight its way through the forest canopy onto the ground. The thin rays of light reveal Ryoji, still young, speeding through the forest understory, and a dark-skinned man with jet-black hair, trailing behind him, cavorting towards the forest clearing, the sunlight becoming more and more abundant...

The wind blows through the grass field, the endless sea of grass interrupted by a giant lone tree. Ryoji and Jarell are under the great tree , lying down upon the ground.

"I never would have been able to lie down in a field like this, Ryo...not in my past life," Jarell says with a sigh, playing with a leaf of grass between his lips.

"Hm? You never told me about your past life. Where were you from anyways?" Ryoji replies.

"Oh? I never thought you of one to dwell in such thoughts."

"Not many people do," Ryoji says, his eyes wandering off towards a few leaves snapping off the great branches, blowing off into the distance. "They start over in Soul Society. They can't find their families, and eventually give up, enter their own makeshift familes, and it's life as if nothing happened...sorta. Sorry, I'm rambling on again..."

"You always do, but I'm used to you explaining yourself all the friggin time!" Jarell says, chuckling.

"Shaddup!"

"Sheesh, fine." Jarell closes his eyes, his hands moving behind his head. "Well...I'm from the Philippines. Slums of Manila. Me and my mother made a living selling cigarretes by the local cemetary. My dad was killed by the Japanese during World War II, right in front of me. That was my last actual living memory."

Ryoji felt his heart sink into his stomach. "I'm sorry...I shouldn't have asked."

"No, no!" Jarell replied, looking at his companion with a warm smile. "Don't worry about it; you didn't know."

Jarell then stood up, picking up his sheathed zanpaku-to, faced the forest, and took a deep breath. At that moment, the wind changed direction and picked up a little.

"I want to become a shinigami, so maybe I'll have an easier time finding my parents. I want to make them proud of who I am, and what I've become, something that I could never have done in my old life..."

Back to reality.

"Why did you become a shinigami, Ryoji?" Ganryu-taicho asks, his zanpaku-to pointed down at Ryoji, who's pinned against the ground, unable to get up. "What's your resolve?"

A pause, awaiting an answer.

"I--"

Ganryu-taicho cut him off: "That's it. You'll never get anywhere like that."

The captain pulls his weapon away from his opponent and sheathes it. With a sigh, Ganryu-taicho turns around and starts walking away.

"If you ever want a chance of even getting close to my level, find your resolve!" Ganryu-taicho demands at Ryoji disappearing into the mist. "Until then, have fun rambling on."

All alone.

Ryoji looks to his zanpaku-to, which lay to his right -- His hand is still gripping it.

Wish you were here....Jarell.
:headbang:

Uzichida Cantameru
07-13-2005, 04:24 AM
he he that was pretty good the only thing i didnt see was how jarrel got there, if you did mention it srry ^_^;.

It was pretty good but could have used more glamarous words in my opinion but all in all 8.75/10(its a 9)

Ryoji
07-13-2005, 04:33 AM
Sorry...I wrote it in about 5 hours, so I didn't have time to edit and make a better draft. What do you mean by you didn't how Jarrel got in there?

Uzichida Cantameru
07-13-2005, 04:50 AM
how he got to soul society, i skip lines when i rd so i mightve skipped it(no offence im a speed rder)
but i like this part, its funny "You're just friggin lazy"

Ryoji
07-15-2005, 04:02 AM
lol thx...anyone else?? I'm totally open to comments.

Ballistics
07-17-2005, 06:19 AM
hmm its a good piece...can't really give a lotta advice on how to improve other then keep at it...everyone makes there own style with fanfics...

*sighs and looks at his keybored* I guess I better dust off the old imaginasion and spell check~! lol

Well there you have it amigos, Ballistics' Hammer will swing once more~! Ballistics out...[B]

Ichigona
07-22-2005, 12:50 PM
I really like it!! Didn't really know what it was about (only seen up to epis 10! Argh!!) but i still liked it!

I've been writting for years, that's some good stuff!! ME WANT MORE!!! ahem ^^

I've posted a bleach fanfic, but it's sorta boring ^-^''

Great work....MORE!!!

Undying
07-03-2006, 09:44 PM
Hmmm... well, if you can go on a bit, maybe another chapter, then I could truly critisize. However, gicing critique based on a single chapter isn't my style, so I'll wait for at least one more.

It look good, however. I think it has potential, especially if you develop the story right. :) Go on...

Lolable
07-05-2006, 11:30 PM
its fun and good but plz post more cuz i enjoyed it :)

hellrockz
07-23-2006, 10:22 AM
haha nice story...or a novel lol