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Rayster
01-04-2007, 10:05 AM
The rain lashed from the heavens…the night, seemingly an outward manifestation of the storm that was raging within the tall shinigami known as Izanagi Ryokai.

He stood a few strides from his enemy, his zanpakutou scabbarded by his side. The two men glanced up as lightning forked the sky in jagged streaks.

Ryokai cocked his head, watching his older brother, Kazuki. His enemy.

Where Kazuki’s tears mixed with the rain he couldn’t tell, his own eyes struggling to see through the same encumbrance. Kazuki’s eyes now closed, knowing what was to come.

Blood had to be shed - that was all that was left now.

‘Let’s do this…brother,’ hissed Ryokai, turning to face his enemy completely. His brother responded with a faint nod, still not face-to-face.

There was no panic, nor any fear within Ryokai’s mind …only the face of his love.

Suddenly Kazuki turned, his zanpakutou slipping from its scabbard, his eyes determined – disappearing from view.

Ryokai swayed to his side, his brother’s blade whistling by his ear, the flash-stepped footsteps clearly visible in the rain.

As he flashed past Ryokai turned, unsheathed his sword and sent a riposte, which Kazuki nimbly dodged.

The clangs of blade on blade resonated in the open atmosphere, the water slashing in every direction as they moved, hate and regret burning within them, yet their skills with the blade did not dissipate.

Blood was spilt repeatedly, neither knowing whose it was and they continued the inexorable clash.

Kazuki managed to push Ryokai away, the younger brother spinning away from a deadly thrust, then flash stepping to safety.

You coward! raged a voice deep within Ryokai. He was ready to commence another ruthless attack, when her face appeared in his mind once more. He saw her, reaching out. She was suddenly covered in blood, and yet still so beautiful, and he saw her lifeless body in his mind yet again…her long dark hair blowing in the wind around her…

***

Anushri Maya.

He had seen her on the first day of Shinigami Academy, and had never forgotten her since.

The first thing he remembered about that day was a faint jingle as he took his seat…possibly that of a bracelet. And when she had stepped into that room, he saw the silver bracelet with little bells around her left wrist. He didn’t know it then, but when he looked back on that day on the moment she had stepped in, he realised that she was the sunlight of his very being, after a lifetime of relentless grey…

She was attractive, though not outwardly striking. However to Ryokai she was more than beautiful, and unmatchable when she smiled.

He saw her everyday at the Academy and after excessive training during seven lengthy years, Ryokai was finally accepted into the 6th Division. The day of the announcements was one Ryokai would treasure. His hadn’t the nerve to approach and talk to Maya like so many others during his time at the Academy, yet on that day she had said her first words to him.

All the graduates were to be seated in the Great Hall and Ryokai had entered with his elder brother - his idol and inspiration, Kazuki. They had spotted their designated seats and walked towards it. As they approached, Ryokai heard the familiar jingle of a bracelet, and realised whom it was that would be sitting next to him. His heart caught in his throat as he thought of what he could possibly say to her, now that she was so close. However the moment he made to enter the row of seats his brother, joking with some others had pushed past him.

Turning, Kazuki had quickly apologised. ‘Forgive me brother,’ he smiled gracefully. ‘I hadn’t noticed you stopped.’

‘No problem,’ Ryokai had mumbled, his eyes fixed on Maya who was facing straight ahead. Now however, Kazuki stood between the two and without another thought, he seated himself between them. Ryokai had said nothing, grudgingly accepting his seat.

The main presentation began, but Ryokai’s mind was not on the announcer. He glanced to his right at the shinigami who were whispering. Kazuki as always, was easily making conversation with those around him, including Maya. Jealousy sparked in Ryokai at Kazuki’s gifts. Not only at his exquisite swordplay, nor his impressive reiatsu. No, that wasn’t enough… he also had to have the girls. And not just any girl…

Ryokai had tried to relax. He assured himself that his brother’s confidence was a trait common in first-borns, while cursing his own lack of composure. The breakdown of our family didn’t help much either…

His mind snapped back into focus, when he heard his name being announced as the shinigami that would enter 6th Division. Kazuki shone with pride at his younger brother, vigorously patting him on the back.

However, another name was declared.

‘Anushri Maya, for admission to the 6th Division,’ the presenter had called. Ryokai had sat shock still, and then turned his head to the right. Before he could speak Maya had turned towards him, a bright smile on her lovely face.

‘Congratulations,’ she had said, her face beaming from two seats over. ‘I hope we get to know each other.’

Ryokai had mumbled something incoherent between a “congratulations” and a “thankyou.”



His time in 6th Division was not as enjoyable as he had hoped. There was always some work to be done, if not physical then mental. The training was as strenuous as ever, but the missions’ child’s play compared to them. However as Ryokai’s strength grew ever higher, the level of the missions increased in proportion.

During these rough times, he found salvation from his efforts in the company of Maya. Her presence was like a cool summer breeze, and he would react with joy at the sound of her bracelet, knowing she was close by.

Any bit of spare time he could afford he spent in her company. At first he had been unsure how to converse with this maiden from heaven, but he noticed that her skills with the blade weren’t excellent. Her kidou, overall reiatsu and flash-steps were all top notch, but her handling of the zanpakutou required much practice. Knowing all he had learnt from years with his brother, who was now the 9th Division Vice-Captain, Ryokai took it upon himself and trained Maya in all of Kazuki’s teachings, thus spending more time with her. During this time, he was uncertain whether she suspected his feelings, so to counteract this awkwardness he took to teasing her humorously during their training sessions. She seemed more relaxed in his company after that, and their friendship blossomed.

One afternoon they postponed their training and took a rest, sitting side by side and relaxing in the afternoon shade.

‘Say, Maya…why is it that you wear only the silver?’ Ryokai had asked, eyeing the bracelet.

‘What do you mean?’

‘Wouldn’t you rather have gold?’

‘No,’ she had said, shaking her head with a smile. ‘I like the sound the bells make with the silver.’

‘What’s that?’

‘The seller told me that since everything in Soul Society is in essence, reiatsu - the reiatsu around a certain metal induces different sounds,’ she explained. ‘So a gold one sounds different to a silver.’

‘Really?’ Ryokai had asked, clearly astounded, ‘I never knew that. I learnt more from you right now more than I did in the entire day.’

Maya had tilted her head, smiling brightly.



A few months after, late at night, Ryokai waited at Division Headquarters summoned by a Hell Butterfly. There had been numerous hollows appearing around Rukongai over the past few months and even more hollows had been seen outside of Seireitei recently. They were issued orders to extinguish the threat in partners. Maya and Ryokai teamed up without hesitation and headed out.

‘Why so many hollows, you think?’ asked Ryokai as they flash stepped from roof to ground, in the shortest possible route, yet at a steady pace.

‘Who knows? Perhaps a Hollow bait was used,’ suggested Maya.

‘A what?’

‘I’ve heard of it’s use before. It’s a flat, circular object, which when broken and scattered attracts Hollows.’

‘That would require someone to intentionally use it?’

‘Yes…’

A glance was exchanged.

‘Do you really think someone is calling the hollows?’ asked Maya, wide-eyed.
Ryokai said nothing, his eyes focused straight ahead. Whatever the situation, it was out of their authority and thus, they would simply obey the orders handed down from the superiors, no matter how remedial it seemed to the overall outcome.



They immediately encountered hollows outside of Seireitei - they were everywhere.

Ryokai and Maya stepped into the fray, annihilating hollows left and right still without releasing their shikai’s. The moment Ryokai thought that the major threat was over a masked shinigami leapt out from behind the weaker hollows. All but his eyes were covered with a black veil and he moved at great speed. Seeing where the masked shinigami was headed he panicked.

‘Maya!’ he called. She was still cutting and slashing at the remaining hollows when she heard his call. He saw her turn, her hair flying in front of her face as the black-clad shinigami tried to plunge his zanpakutou into her. A clash of steel rang out, and the masked shinigami’s blade was redirected, slashing Maya’s shoulder instead.

‘Maya!’ Ryokai’s voice tore into the night… his fury pure and undiluted at the traitorous shinigami who had dared touch Maya. He vanished –

Ryokai’s blade slammed down on the renegade shinigami’s, the enemy blocking the attack at the last possible moment. A frenzied attack from Ryokai saw the assassin duck and weave elaborately, the blade missing him by inches. An elbow caught Ryokai in the chin, knocking him back.

The masked enemy flipped backwards and stood tall, the figure that of a young woman, her clothes close fitting. Burning hatred built rapidly within Ryokai as he looked into the violet eyes of the shinigami.

Ryokai turned his head back to Maya, who was trying to apply pressure to her bleeding shoulder wound.

‘I’ll be fine…’ she reassured him, her face starting to pale.

Ryokai nodded, turning to face his enemy. ‘I’ll need to take her back. Wait here… I’ll finish it when I return,’ he added coldly.

‘No,’ was the reply, in a feminine voice. ‘You will remain here or I will finish her.’
Ryokai’s rage erupted, his reiatsu flaring to new heights. ‘Then show me!’ he roared.

The female shinigami watched in shock as the warrior before her blazed with light, suddenly disappearing from view. She cursed - flash stepping away at phenomenal speed, her enemy appearing within inches of her. Ryokai’s blade came down with tremendous force, but she rolled her wrist, allowing the blade to revolve over it, delivering a deadly riposte, which he barely dodged.

Moving back she calmed herself. Complete your task, she reminded herself.

Ryokai’s eyes were focused on the ground, yet he was seething with fury inside. He held his zanpakutou loosely by his side. Suddenly he swung the sword around vertically once by his side, and the moment the blade passed his face it seemed to slow, and he whispered the words: ‘Scythe, Zensora…’

The blade blazed red, returning to its place by his side. His eyes slowly moved up, until he focused on the woman’s violet eyes.

‘Release,’ he commanded her. ‘Or I will cut you down now.’

Her eyes depicted scorn. ‘Just try it…’

Her lifeblood suddenly gushed into the air, Ryokai standing behind her - her right shoulder cleaved. She choked on the force of the slice, and was about to fall to her knees when Ryokai appeared in front of her, holding her chin with his free hand…staring intently into her eyes. Her body shook from the sudden loss of blood, the right side of her body all but torn open. Her startled eyes trailed down and she noticed his zanpakutou, which was held to his side. It was still the same length as before, but the hilt was elaborately flared like a dying fire…and the blade was elaborately designed in red streaks, carved into the blade. The engravings seemed to pulse with red light, as if a fire was captured within…

‘Who are you?’ asked Ryokai.

The female shinigami knew his attack had caused too much damage already. Her blood was pouring freely to the ground, and she had not enough reiatsu to attempt a release of her shikai. She couldn’t afford to ruin it all now…she couldn’t let him down…

Ryokai saw her blade rise and stepped back as she reversed the sword, and drove it into her own body. She choked, blood spewing forth from her lips, striking higher than first thought and piercing a lung.

Ryokai watched as she fell to her side, her mouth moving. He leaned closer…

‘I tried…Kazuki…’ she whispered, her mind clearly hindered by the pain. In her mind though, there was no dark road to descend, she saw only the promise of a better world ahead and she had done her part…

Ryokai’s face registered his surprise. Had he heard her correctly? Kazuki?

He had no time to think of that now though. He turned…returning the zanpakutou to it’s sealed form and sheathed it, swiftly checking on Maya. She was sitting on the ground, her head down. Lifting her, he realised returning to Seireitei would take some time, and he knew a settlement closer with healers. He vanished from the scene, the dust fluttering over the lifeless shinigami.



When Maya awoke from the healing, she had smiled at Ryokai, thanking him for saving her.

He insisted it was her own reaction that had saved her life, but she had kissed Ryokai on the cheek. He had flushed, and then they had started to kiss when the healers cleared their throats. ‘She needs her rest,’ one had said, his face contemptuous. Ryokai had sheepishly pulled away and he now waited outside Maya’s room as she slept peacefully. It was a respectable dwelling, in better conditions that some others, he had noticed.

However that masked shinigami’s words would not leave his mind.

Kazuki? No, he thought, my brother could have nothing to do with those hollows…or that traitorous shinigami.

Kazuki was his brother… his hero. They were one. Their brotherhood had been the iron truth in Ryokai’s life… the one thing that could last through anything…could break through and defend anything. It was the single relationship that had kept him going his entire life - since before he met Maya, during the awful years of his childhood. Those cold dark days when all hope seemed lost for a better future, there was always Kazuki.

Always smiling …always encouraging. He was always there.

And you forgot him the moment you saw her.

The thought sprung involuntarily and Ryokai pushed it away. What could he do anyway? Kazuki was a Vice-Captain. When could he spare time for his brother?

Although…Kazuki had always visited whenever he could, taking time off his Vice-Captain duties to see his little brother train. They had hardly spoken, but Ryokai noted seeing him outside the training grounds, watching…his face proud.

Her words drifted back to him.



Kazuki kneeled by the lifeless body of the veiled shinigami. She was dead…
Do they know…? He rose, his heart heavy as he realised he would have to explain it all to his brother if he did know. It was the only way he could ensure his brother’s survival. Noting the bloodstains he realised one other member of the three had been injured. The closest medical centre was not far off and Kazuki immediately flash stepped towards it.

It did not take him long, and he found Ryokai waiting outside a wooden dwelling marked with a red cross. Kazuki approached slowly, grateful to be able to speak with his brother after so long…yet dreading the words. He saw Ryokai’s head lift as he sensed the new reiatsu and turned. Their eyes met and Kazuki smiled.

Ryokai’s eyes were cold and Kazuki knew instantly he had found out.

Ascending the short steps, Kazuki walked towards his brother. Ryokai waited until he was close.

‘Hello brother,’ said Kazuki, an uneasy smile as the greeting.

‘Hello Kazuki,’ came the reply.

Kazuki turned to see Maya resting inside. She opened her eyes at the new reiatsu and sat up, seeing the 9th Division’s Vice-Captain. She smiled and bowed her head slightly, Kazuki smiling in return.

‘There is something I need you to know,’ said Kazuki, turning back to Ryokai.

Ryokai watched his brother’s eyes, trying to find innocence within. ‘Tell me.’

‘Let’s go inside.’ They entered the room and closed the door.

‘What’s wrong?’ asked Maya, noting the worried expressions on their faces.

‘Why did she say your name?’ asked Ryokai suddenly. ‘Why you brother?’

Kazuki sighed, closing his eyes. When he opened them his expression was fixed.
‘It had to be done brother,’ he said. ‘There is much vileness in this world. Some individuals need to be eliminated.’

‘What are you talking about…?’ asked Ryokai. Then realisation struck him. ‘Are you responsible for the constant hollow attacks? You killed innocents?’

‘It needed to be done,’ said Kazuki, his face suddenly desperate. ‘I needed most of the shinigami outside Seireitei. The weaker ones…like you. However my subordinate’s orders were to slay those who seemed like a threat. And apparently you two were stronger than we imagined, so she was forced make an attempt on your life. That was so when we started anew, we would have little competition, yet still talent to work off.’

‘For who?’ asked Maya, noting Kazuki’s distressed face, not knowing if it was an act. ‘And why did you need us out of there?’

Suddenly a noise much like an explosion rocked the ground. Their feet almost lost balance, the ground shaking with immense pressure.

‘What was that? An earthquake?’ yelled Ryokai, almost falling as the accessories on the wall came crashing to the ground.

Kazuki stayed silent for a moment, and then looked up at them. ‘It came from Seireitei.’

Ryokai’s eyes widened… running outside and staring at Seireitei in the distance. His panic increased as he saw countless cylindrical lights descending from the sky.

‘They are coming,’ said Kazuki, his voice monotone, staring at the floor.

Ryokai spun to face him. ‘What have you done?’

Kazuki looked up at his brother. ‘It needed to be done. Our reign is finished…a new world will begin now.’

Maya crawled out of her bed, grabbing her sheathed zanpakutou from the wall. ‘Whatever evil you have committed Kazuki, it does not matter. It’s still not too late. We can go back to Seireitei…’

Kazuki laughed. ‘You have no idea what’s occurring within those walls, do you?’ His mood became solemn. ‘Yes. We will return. Once the remaining Captains and Vice Captains have been taken care of.’

‘By who…?’ asked Maya softly.

‘That is beyond what you need to know,’ said Kazuki. ‘Just know that they have come.’

‘Who asked you to do all this?’ asked Ryokai fiercely. I’ll cut his throat.
‘It was my own free will,’ said Kazuki. ‘And I want you to be with us when we revive Soul Society…to be what it should be. All we needed is one more war…’

His eyes shone with malice, and Ryokai could no longer recognise his brother within them, still unaware of the atrocities being committed within Seireitei’s walls. ‘It’s always one more war, isn’t it brother?’

‘Believe me Ryokai,’ said Kazuki, his eyes almost pleading now. ‘This needs to happen. We can live how we always wanted. Without fear…without injustice!’
‘I’m sorry Ryokai,’ said Maya suddenly, ‘but I cannot allow your brother to do this.’
Kazuki spun to face her directly, anger apparent on his face at her interruption. ‘What are you going to do, girl?’

Maya realised she couldn’t release her shikai in such a small room and ran forward, attempting to slash Kazuki’s head clean off. The Vice-Captain leapt back against the wall, his blade suddenly in his hands and she stepped in for the kill, her zanpakutou thrust forward. Kazuki stepped into her attack instead, swaying as the blade nicked his ear. In that instance he was between her and her blade.

Ryokai watched in horror as his brother’s blade plunged up and into Maya’s chest, tearing itself all the way through and out her back. Kazuki suddenly realised what he had done and tried to pull his blade clear, but her body had naturally sucked in the zanpakutou. He had to twist it roughly, wrenching it clear. Blood spattered around the room as the blade came free.

Maya collapsed in a heap on the floor.

Despair struck Ryokai like a hammer, and he yelled in pure anguish…his knees threatening to give way. His shaking body moved towards Maya.

Kazuki stood shocked. ‘Brother…I…I didn’t…it was instinct…’

Ryokai said nothing as he kneeled beside Maya, cradling her in his arms. Maya was still alive, her breathing in ragged gasps as she involuntarily coughed blood. Crimson stained her lips and she looked up at Ryokai.

‘Ryo…kai…’ she gasped.

‘I…I-I need to get you…to healers…’ he stuttered, lifting her light body from the floor, blood pouring over his hands, his inner emotions threatening to break through as he came closer to the giant wound in her abdomen, extending to the lower chest. The bells on her silver bracelet clinked as her arm fell limp to the side. Kazuki stood still, his sword by his side as his brother walked out with her, calling for healers. He followed slowly after as a healer came rushing forward, directing Ryokai to a nearby room. He didn’t hear their conversation…only Ryokai’s heart-rending cries afterwards.

The skies darkened, and a light shower began as Ryokai exited the room that Maya was kept in some time later. His face was rigid, and he did not look at Kazuki…walking past him onto the street where people where still fleeing in terror at the bright lights from Seireitei. Ryokai stood on the street for a moment with his back turned to his brother. He then turned his head slightly towards Kazuki…and vanished. With a deep sadness Kazuki followed, knowing his brother would be waiting on a suitable battlefield.

***

The rain continued to pour down, the warriors drenched…their eyes focused on each other. Ryokai now saw those times differently, when Kazuki had come to see him train. He wasn’t there because he was proud…no…he was there to evaluate his strength for the coming war.

The loud explosions from Seireitei continued, but Ryokai no longer cared. The man in front of him had to die.

‘I didn’t mean to do it brother,’ called Kazuki over the deafening thunderstorm. ‘We can make sure this sort of thing doesn’t happen again. Come with me!’

Ryokai didn’t care. She was dead. He had killed her. ‘Scythe, Zensora…’ he said, the blade once more blazing red.

Kazuki cursed, about to release his own shikai when Ryokai appeared in front of him, his blade hacking down, barely missing Kazuki as he leapt back, the released zanpakutou smashing into the ground. Ryokai's blade suddenly slammed in Kazuki’s right shoulder – Kazuki doing enough to dodge the death thrust.

Ryokai wasn’t done. He wrenched the blade clear in a spray of blood and swung it around, aiming for his brother’s neck. Kazuki ducked, thrusting forward his own blade through the pain. Ryokai tried to swivel away but he was too close, the blade slashing across his chest, opening a wide wound.

Coughing, Ryokai took a few steps back.

Kazuki watched Ryokai’s pulsing zanpakutou, remembering the blades current ability to be frictionless through air…and far more. ‘I need to return to Seireitei,’ said Kazuki. ‘I know how you feel, but you cannot beat me. Come…do not be the evil that stands between us.’

‘I am not evil,’ cried Ryokai. ‘Look at yourself!’

‘The path of the greater good isn’t always achieved by those who are righteous,’ said Kazuki, his zanpakutou held by his side. ‘Just like the shinigami. We cleave and kill when necessary to maintain peace…is that not so?’

‘You killed her!’ screamed Ryokai charging forward, little else registering in his chaotic mind. Kazuki shook his head sadly and stepped forward to meet the charge.

Ryokai disappeared, the rain seeming to split both right and left as he did so.
Too predictable, thought Kazuki as his brother appeared to his right, the blade slashing transversely.

Kazuki stepped back slightly and allowed the blade to arc across, delicately helping it across with his own blade – then sending a vicious riposte, which tore through Ryokai’s chest. The blade was ripped clear and Ryokai staggered back coughing vast quantities of blood.

‘You may have the speed of blade brother,’ said Kazuki, ‘but I have the skill necessary to win this battle. I knew you would attack my weaker side. Although obvious, I guess I would know - since I did train you.’ he emphasised with contempt. ‘Oh and one other thing. I noticed you trained that girl with the blade. You didn’t do too good a job did you? She came at me with a horizontal slash. Even an amateur knows a straight line is the quickest way to cover any sort of distance…did you not teach her to thrust?’

Ryokai’s face twisted in anger and his reiatsu erupted, forcing Kazuki back through the colossal pressure.

A slash suddenly appeared across Kazuki’s stomach, and another at his leg, blood spurting clear. The other attacks were all dodged or parried by Kazuki after the initial surprise assault.

Ryokai was now on one knee, his breathing in ragged gasps. Kazuki’s face was now also twisted in fury. He had never been this badly injured, his right calf bleeding profusely, and he was hardly able to place any weight on it.

‘You…ungrateful…’ choked Kazuki, holding his stomach wound as blood seeped over his hands. ‘After everything I did for you…everything I tried to do for you…’

Ryokai’s vision blurred, knowing the wound in his chest was too great. He looked up at Kazuki. ‘At least…I can be with her now...’

Kazuki was confused for a second, and then he realised. ‘Are you insane? You’ll never see her again! There is no more afterlife. This is it fool... There are no rivers to cross, no gates to reach…no wise figures of the ages to greet you. This is it Ryokai!’

‘Y-you’re…wrong,’ stuttered Ryokai. ‘I’ll kill you. Then I’ll see her…’ Just one more attack…Suddenly the ground rushed up, striking him in the face.

Kazuki watched Ryokai collapse…his brother’s lifeblood pouring out.
‘Goodbye brother,’ said Kazuki, the rain masking any tears.

And his back turned.

The lights of Seireitei beckoned.

As Ryokai lay defeated, his injuries no longer painful, he raised his head to see his brother limp towards the light. Had his brother been right all along? Was I the darkness standing in the way?

And in the dark he lay, waiting to see Maya once more.

You’ll never see her again! Kazuki had scorned. Ryokai’s head finally dropped with comprehension. Kazuki had been right…he could never see her again and this alone tore through him, opening a wound in his heart larger than any sword ever could.

His eyes began to close and the wind passed over his body, the feeling of the grass against his face fading as darkness engulfed him.

And just for a moment, he thought he heard a woman's voice, the darkness split by light…and the faint jingle of a silver bracelet chiming gently from within…

Nightcrawler
01-04-2007, 10:55 AM
Fcken sweet!!
im assuming that this is it for this sotry??

loved every bit of it, at places it got too emotional for me (you know i love fights) but i loved it!!
nice work man!

Hattemaker
01-04-2007, 02:37 PM
Woow, Great FanFic De.
Very good work. :Domo

Silhouette
01-04-2007, 09:13 PM
Amazing, Decado. I have to read your other fics.

And you have to teach me how to write like that. *coughs*

10/10!

RenRen
01-04-2007, 10:04 PM
@Sess: lol... see that's y i said he'd do well in the fight thread :winking56

@D: very good description of the events and actions. That's the thing i like most about ur stories, D. Luv it ^^

Rayster
01-05-2007, 07:26 AM
Fcken sweet!!
im assuming that this is it for this sotry??
loved every bit of it, at places it got too emotional for me (you know i love fights) but i loved it!!
nice work man!
thanks but.. learn to feel =.=
& yep, this is the entire (short) story

Amazing, Decado. I have to read your other fics.

I'll look forward to your honest comments on my other fics then.

Particularly interested on your thoughts for Sheathed, since I recall you saying you could find hidden meanings where others could not. So far no one has, in terms of why it was called Sheathed (maybe since they've not been looking - only for those with the eyes to see and the ears to hear) so I've posted somewhere later in that thread explaining


And you have to teach me how to write like that. *coughs*
10/10!
anytime, and thanks. means heaps.


thanks hatte and ren, and to all for taking the time to read and comment. Simply just glad you all enjoyed it

Evanesque
01-05-2007, 08:49 AM
ZOMG...another awesome piece from De...*applauds* *cookies*

It's pretty good...thanks for letting me know about this.
*hugs8
Keep it up, looking forward to more..

Rayster
01-05-2007, 08:55 AM
as per ur request =]
hopefully ppl understand some other meanings that weren't exactly said in there

thanks for reading, hope u enjoyed it

Keep it up, looking forward to more

& yep, this is the entire (short) story

*Ririn*
01-05-2007, 09:00 AM
De...its so very touching...loved it...you can seriously write about anything and be good at it ehh?...just gets better and better lol... good job *hugs*

SHiKaMaRi
01-05-2007, 09:55 AM
I'm late again, aren't I? >.< Been out the whole day today XD

I second what all of them said ^

It's a one shot? o.O Anyways, great story~~

Silhouette
01-05-2007, 10:22 AM
thanks but.. learn to feel =.=
& yep, this is the entire (short) story


I'll look forward to your honest comments on my other fics then.

Particularly interested on your thoughts for Sheathed, since I recall you saying you could find hidden meanings where others could not. So far no one has, in terms of why it was called Sheathed (maybe since they've not been looking - only for those with the eyes to see and the ears to hear) so I've posted somewhere later in that thread explaining


anytime, and thanks. means heaps.


thanks hatte and ren, and to all for taking the time to read and comment. Simply just glad you all enjoyed it

Will do. Maybe you can delete where you explained it? So I won't be tempted to cheat. Not that I ever do anyway.. >.>;

Rayster
01-05-2007, 10:58 AM
Done - excuse the late reply, got busy u.u

Was quite a long post so i'll repost it after you read =]
I was afraid you may be tempted, but it would take some searching through the thread, so you wouldn't really come across it unless you really tried, which i assumed you wouldn't try to do =)

Silhouette
01-05-2007, 11:05 AM
Meh. I'm too lazy for that. -_-"

Anywho. I'll read it when I get home from school today. Or, in my Adv. Comp Apps. class, instead of doing work.. *coughs*

Nightcrawler
01-05-2007, 11:07 AM
man i was thinkin, you come up with madass names!!
wtf?? do you pull em out of thinair??

Rayster
01-05-2007, 11:24 AM
@Sess: ah the lazy factor, that too ^^"
k, np

@Rin: thankyou. wat u told me later...Your emotion at the story was wat I was aiming for. without eliciting any sort of emotion a story remains flawed, no matter how good the writing, grammar, or english (imo). glad u loved it

@Shika: thnx again Shika. i hope u enjoyed it

@KT: names for this fic?
i chose them for a reason

I researched the names, and used them, i feel, appropriately for this story. It adds a diff dimension to the story if you know their meaning.
First off, Anushri (for Anushri Maya) was just something i created by mixing names & Maya is my fav female name
*has lost the site with the meanings* >.>
But Kazuki generally refers to the "holy one" and Ryokai (Ryo can mean excellent, but also when viewed as Ryuu can mean dragon) generally means Unleashed Dragon. Izanagi was important, since it applied to both, b/c they are brothers.
It generally refers to the God who fathered the islands... the one who created a place for ppl to live.
I hope you understand y those names were chosen now

Evanesque
01-07-2007, 09:48 AM
@De: When I said 'looking forward to more', I meant more short stories :)

You really have a talent in writing almost about anything. That's amazing...*cookies*

Neve
01-08-2007, 07:55 AM
Hiya Decado - I got your PM - sorry I took so long to reply here =/. Anyways, awesome work :). Like I said in the 6th division thread, you write action really well, and this is no exception =D. The plot was really good - great creativity and structure - and the ending was awesome. And romance FTW ^^.

hmm...I guess I'll do an Undying-esque 'brutally honest c/c despite it being really good' XD. Don't take it personally - it's one of the best stories I've seen posted on CB - but it's easier for both of us if I just write down all the major criticisms I had.

The plot is a bit too long to be a ‘short story’ imo. I mean, it does work, but there’s a lot of story condensed in quite a short piece of writing. I may only be saying this because I tend to go too far the other way and write entire short stories focused on a few seconds, but I think if you include quite that much plot you tend to have to miss out quite a bit of characterisation etc. imo this story would work really well if it was a full book (300 pages or so?) – that would give loads of time for characterisation and description, and it would make the tragic parts really sad (everything seemed to happen a bit too quickly to be properly sad, and you only got a glimpse of Maya’s character, so I didn’t feel that sad when she died, wheras I did feel sad when Ryokai died because he was fully characterised (since the story was pretty much from his POV). Kazuki – I felt he wasn’t quite a believable character. Since he loved Ryokai so much, I would have thought that he would have forbidden his ‘assasin’ to make any attempts on the life of Ryokai, and possibly have had him crying throughout his battle with Ryokai rather than mocking him, but still determined to kill him because he felt that his own aims took precedence. Or possibly have Ryokai ‘mocking and evil’ as it were, then to suddenly come to his senses as his brother’s blood sprays across his face, and he kills himself in penitence? (sorry, now I’m just writing down random stuff as I think of it XD). Kazuki being jealous of Maya taking his place as the one whom Ryokai loved was hinted at, but possibly emphasize it more?

Rayster
01-08-2007, 08:23 AM
Anyways, awesome work :). Like I said in the 6th division thread, you write action really well, and this is no exception =D. The plot was really good - great creativity and structure - and the ending was awesome. And romance FTW ^^.


ah thanks Neve! Coming from you, it must mean a heck of a lot - after reading your work.

imo this story would work really well if it was a full book (300 pages or so?) – that would give loads of time for characterisation and description, and it would make the tragic parts really sad
exactly my thoughts. can't agree anymore than i already do (this was a fotm entry that's y i had to immensely condense it)

wheras I did feel sad when Ryokai died because he was fully characterised
yeah, i mainly focused on one character rather than an array as i usually do b/c of the shortness of the story (once more cos of the word limit)
so as long as i got that across with the main character, it's all good


and possibly have had him crying throughout his battle with Ryokai rather than mocking him, but still determined to kill him because he felt that his own aims took precedence.
he was crying. i said it at the start, and later that the rain is masking it.
Mocking?
Human nature has to be taken into account. Even tho he loves his brother, his brother has spat in his face. Repeatedly. And more. His momentary anger at a relative to him at that time, is just, isn't it?
And anger doesn't obey rules of logic, most of the time. Countless people are killed b/c of momentary insanity.
So i tried to include that concept of human nature. The way he instinctively responded to Maya's attack was controlled (in a way, his human nature) instinct, since that's wat he was trained to do.

sorry if i come across a bit defensive, I tend to work hard on my stories ^^;

it's one of the best stories I've seen posted on CB

Thanks Neve, that means a lot!! My writing is my child xP

Glad you like it... not sure if you would have come across it otherwise ^^

thanks again for your constructive comments! I really appreciate it :)

Neve
01-08-2007, 07:51 PM
I tend to think love is a more powerful emotion than anger, but I suppose everyone has different interpretations of human nature :).

hmm...we should do a collab one day ^^.

Rayster
01-08-2007, 11:34 PM
I never said one was greater than the other =P I just meant that at that point in time, no matter how much love one has, when the red mist descends....anger will cloud any judgement.

hmm...we should do a collab one day ^^.
sure, that would be great! whenever u feel like it :)

miss_noname
02-18-2007, 11:41 AM
YAY!! very good. write some more :-) Heehee
you might not believe it, but actually you are an amazingly good writer.

Kalashnikov
02-25-2007, 10:02 AM
well, i finally got around to reading this - you recommended i read it ages ago though =P -sorry for my lateness :)

Anyway - the fanfic is awesome! i loved every bit of it. I really liked the ending, also the way you started it off.

excellent job man - you are truely a great writer =)

i need to read your other ones now

Rayster
03-04-2007, 08:48 PM
@miss_noname: thanks. i appreciate the discussion we had on it as well :)

@Ali: thanks :) hope u enjoy the other ones.
I'm working on "MoonBlade" which i hope will become my first published novel..