Dominion of the Twilight

[Silhouette]

This is my first fic...ever. Its loosely based on Kingdom Hearts. No Disney, no Sora/Roxas/Riku/Kairi. Hell, even the universe is different. Which is why I said "loosely based"

Special thx to Decado for giving me pointers.
Anywho. Crit and comments are welcomed. Don't hold back.. >.>


Dominion of the Twilight - Part I: Eternity in a Nutshell
Sometimes a break in the action can be worse than the action itself...



'All is lost', said the man as he dropped his weapon. He kneeled down to those who were before him. To the victor goes the spoils, and to the loser, well...let's not get into that. I slowly approached the surrendering officer, but when I got close enough to see his face, I realized that he was actually smiling. Why would such a disgraceful warrior be smiling?, I thought. I stopped moving forward, and looked back at our commanding general. 'Something's not right here', he said as he walked to my side.

I looked down, and saw that the pebbles on the ground were shaking violently...even the puddles, which were once calm and stable, were now rippled and wavery. Something is heading towards us. Something...big.., I muttered to the general, who nodded after my statement. The general then raised his sword above his head, preparing to execute the traitor on the spot. 'Any last requests?', he asked, before he dropped his blade. The defeated officer simply replied, 'My only request is that you all die...slow and painful deaths. And judging by the force of these vibrations, I take it that the cavalry has arrived. Better finish me off quickly.', said the officer in a menacing tone..

With that, the general fiercely slashed his sword diagonally downwards, with such force, that he sent the officer's head flying. Oddly enough, I kind of enjoyed seeing his head roll along the dirt and blood of the battlefield. Our victory would be short-lived, for as he had stated, his cavalry had arrived. There must've been dozens of them, all riding large horses. These horses were...odd in appearance. Their black skin and red eyes seemed to be other-worldly. Whenever the horses would exhale, a black mist would exit their nostrils. What the hell are these things?, I wondered. I once again unsheathed my blade, and prepared for the battle that lay ahead. The general rallied up the troops, who all ran to his side, their swords pointed at their new foes.

Alright, no big deal. All we have to do is slay these soldiers, and that's it...right?, I thought, attempting to calm myself down as I stood infront of the enemy forces. I took my time to count them, as they seemed to be standing still, waiting to pounce. 'Thirty soldiers on horseback? That's not...that bad.', I said to myself, as I glanced over the wounds covering my body from the last battle.

Not wanting us to be at a disadvantage, our general had us charge the enemy before they could charge us. Although that seemed to be a foolish plan, it made sense after some thought. We charge the enemy chavalry before they can charge us, and thus, keep their horses from reaching high enough speeds to run us through. Not bad, general., I thought as I joined my allies in the charge. However, something unnerving occured during this time. The enemy forces began their charge as well, and just before the two armies collided, everything just...stopped.

I saw a cloaked figure in the distance, walking from within the enemy ranks. He neared me, and simply passed every other warrior on the field. I stopped dead in my tracks, and prepared myself for what might be in store. In no time, the figure crossed the large battlefield. As it got closer, I realized that it was gliding in the air, and yet...it had no shadow. What could this thing be?, I asked myself as it stopped infront of me. The being raised its hands upward, and several unfamiliar voices ran through my mind.

'The hour of judgement is upon you...'

'The hour of...judgement?', I muttered.

Almost immediantly after I spoke, the voice continued to ravage my mind
'...are you...prepared..?'

Prepared..?, I thought.

The mysterious voice grew louder.
'If you are not...then know this...'

I couldn't believe what was happening. 'What the hell is going on?', I said aloud nevously.

After a short pause, the voice spoke to me once more.
'...those who stray from the path are destined to be devoured by darkness...'

'Darkness?', I said to the figure as I took a few steps back, nearly tripping on the head of the officer whom was just decapitated.

The being seemed to sense my fear, and glided a few inches closer to me.
'Those who stray from the path are doomed to be reaped of all that is dear to them...'

"All that is...dear?"

As if on an onslaught, the voice grew louder...more fierce.
"...what is it that you hold dear..?"

What I hold...dear? Pride? Love? Blood? Heart? My...life?

After what seemed like an eternal lapse in time, a bright light flashed--blinding me, and as I regained focus...I found that the battle was already over. Not only that, but the mysterious being was gone. I tooked a quick look over the battlegrounds, and saw that most of our forces were decimated. 'Oh no!', I said as I ran towards a group of figures in the distance. Before I could get there, several of the figures ran away, leaving one all alone. It was our general, and he was badly wounded. When I approached him, he fell to his knees, gasping for air while clutching a deep gash on his chest.

The general looked up at me and muttered, 'Where were you? We...needed...you..', and with that, he fell to the ground, the blood from his wound was soaked up by the dead soil of the field of conflict. All that I could manage to force out of my throat was, 'I...froze..'

No, it wasn't me that froze, it was all of you.. What was that I experienced? Was I imagining it? Was it all...an...illusion? Or did I simply pass out and...dream it?

I took another look around, and noticed that beside the puddles of blood, were patches of black liquid. Black liquid? I inspected it, and when I touched the pools of the dark substance, it was sucked up by the ground...as if it were retreating. What in the world just happened..? Am I...going insane..?

I sheathed my blade, and tossed a nearby cape over the body of the general. 'May his soul rest in peace', said a weary soldier as he forced himself off the ground. Several other soldiers rised as well, as if from the dead. So I'm not the only survivor after all? We burried the general where he had fallen, and with the remaining warriors, I left the battle-scarred field, and headed back for home.

Once I left the other soldiers, my mind began to wander. The hour of...judgement? Am I...prepared..? "...those who stray from the path are destined to be devoured by darkness..." Darkness? Reaped of all that is dear..?

Was this a hint as to what was to become of me? My family? My heart? My...life?

[Silhouette]

Part II: Defying All Within Reason
And just when I thought things couldn't get stranger...

After the battle we had fought so hard for...and lost so much for, I was exhausted. Not physically, but emotionally. I began to question why I was here, fighting in this pointless war. Why must we suffer so much for the sake of money? Sure, our kingdom was poverty stricken, but still.. My family led a peaceful life. We were...content. Me, my little sister, and my parents. This war has turned not only the kingdom, but my life, upside-down...

I lay there, battered and bruised. My body covered from head to toe with burns and gashes. The battle was won, but the war was lost, and I began to think about the past conflict. Was if really worth it? We managed to slay the enemy's leading officer, and even his entire brigade, and yet...our kingdom lay in ruin. Those who haven't been killed in battle have either betrayed us, or fled with their tails between their legs. And our own general was slain as well. Are we really the victors here?

I began wonder why I even became a soldier. I liked fighting, sure, but for such high costs? My father had already lost his life due to this war. He was a respected general...until his troops were bought off by the enemy. They were offered money, and being poor, accepted it without hesitation. They murdered my father...in his sleep. The cowards.. They were too afraid to face him, so they chose to kill him while he was defenseless. The very thought of it disgusts me.

My mother always told me that our hearts are often what leads us to do great and noble deeds. I told myself that they were also what lead people to do such cowardly and disgraceful acts, such as murder. All hearts can not be pure. It's simply...illogical. It just doesn't make sense. If all hearts were pure, we'd live in eternal peace. But this is not the case. I can't begin to recall the amount of lives I have taken today. The souls that I have returned to their maker.. My hands are stained with the blood of many, and yet.. I feel that it is not enough. I felt that I was destined to avenge my father, and restore honor to his name. But my anger overcame me, and led me to slay everyone who opposed me on the battlefield. What am I saying..? I even killed the retreating soldiers. My actions today have shown me that I am not such a pure soul after all. My mother would surely weep at the sight of her beloved son, slaughtering countless men, standing over the puddles of blood on the battlefield. It pains me to even think about it..

But, what got to me even more was the fact that, before the battle, those worthless soldiers had gotten away. Just as they were being pursued, an odd figure was said to have opened some sort of black portal. The figure was said to be tall, about 6'3", and was wearing a long, black cloak. At first, I thought it was just nonsense. Propaganda created by the law enforcers who were too weak to apprehend those bastards. But then, I began to have my doubts.

During our battle, a mysterious cloaked man, along with the soldiers whom betrayed us, assaulted our King. The guards were all outside the chamber, and yet the men still managed to elude them. How can that be? Was it the same being that had confronted me during the conflict? Impossible. How could he have been at two places at once..? Perhaps...there are more than one of these things out there. Maybe that portal story wasn't so far-fetched after all..

Our King was killed, and the throne was taken. My father had warned the King about their system of leadership. That giving the throne to the "strongest" would only ensure that the kingdom would be full of betrayal. He did not heed my father's warning, and now, ..they are both dead. And ironically enough, both of them were killed by betrayal. If only he had listened...

Naturally, with our King gone, the kingdom was launched into chaos. The soldiers, along with the cloaked figure, managed to lure several of our generals to their side. And before long, the kingdom was under their disgusting fingers.

I refused to accept the fact that the traitors now ruled over us. I had to take action. I thought only of vengeance, and once more, anger got the best of me. I stormed into the castle, not thinking of the consequences. I cut down every guard that came at me, and made my way to the throne room. I cared about nothing other than stealing the lives of those who stole my father's. Before me, I saw the cloaked figure, and those other bastards. To my surprise, the cloaked man seemed...different. He didn't appear to be of our world. His very appearance contrasted that which was around him. Everything about his very being was out of place, right down to the color of his cloak. Sure, it was black, but...it seemed to be...different.

I ran towards the villains, my sword unsheathed, but before I could even make it to the throne, I was knocked to the ground. By what, I could not see. It was like a harsh wind had blown me back, keeping me from advancing. The cloaked figure slowly walked towards me, and the force increased. I felt as though I couldn't breathe. What was this pain I felt?

My vision blurred, and I fell to the ground. My last sight was the cloaked figure looking down on me. Although his face was veiled by darkness, I could sense that he was smiling at me. Had I failed? Had I lost so easily? I was not even aware of what had happened. I began to feel cold and numb, and just when I thought things couldn't get worse, everything went black.

What is this..uneasiness?, I thought to myself. I came to, only to find that I was drowning. Not in water, but in darkness. There was nothing but black around me. Is this...death?, my mind began to wonder. I was unsuccessful, and with that, I had lost the last thing that I held dear to me. My life...

...Or so I thought..

[angelicdesire]

thats really good sean. good job :)

[Ren]

i know nothing bout KH, but that doesnt affect the story for me ^^ well, at least.... not yet? >.>'

'Dominion of the twilight'... i like the sound of the title =D

and i like how 'you' are the person in the story, and knowing how he thinks about and questions the things that happen around him.

[Dexter]

As i said, it is interesting, and this new starting, to me, seems more like a prologue

Anywho. Crit and comments are welcomed. Don't hold back.. >.>
hehe, k ^^;
couple of comments just on the actual writing.

Why would such a disgraceful warrior be smiling?, I thought
after every thought u have a comma, the one after the question mark. It shouldn't be there, since although the thought and the "I thought" are read as the same sentence they're two different sentences. You do this throughout, so just letting u know, no comma's should be at that point. :)
'The hour of...judgement?', I muttered.
This is similar but in speech, u have the comma after the sentence has finished.
We...needed...you..',
same deal here, comma is after the talking is finished, should be inside :)


Something is heading towards us. Something...big.., I muttered to the general
You italised that and omitted the ' ' ...but you said it was a statement. You made it look like your thought.

Chavalry
Cavalry


Otherwise it seems good. I liked the moment where the armies stopped as the cloaked figure slipped through. if u added something a bit more about the actual environment, just a line, it could maybe lift the scene more than it already is. just a suggestion, it may not work, or u may not even want to =/

I didn't really like the part where your character repeated everything the cloaked figure said, tho i know the first couple of times were essential in your character's state of shock.
"All that is...dear?"
At this point the person would prob start to think, recovering from the intial shock maybe? *shrug* just another suggestion =)

heh, and a bit of a pun with the title. I hear Tasogare means Twilight? correct me if i'm wrong... but that really adds that extra bit of meaning to the title xP

so far it's great, keep it up!

[Smirnoff]

Nice story i like it so far and i love the title. I could picture all of it in my mind and so far its familiar... reminds me of the secret video... keep upthe good work can't wait.

[Silhouette]

As i said, it is interesting, and this new starting, to me, seems more like a prologue


hehe, k ^^;
couple of comments just on the actual writing.


after every thought u have a comma, the one after the question mark. It shouldn't be there, since although the thought and the "I thought" are read as the same sentence they're two different sentences. You do this throughout, so just letting u know, no comma's should be at that point. :)

This is similar but in speech, u have the comma after the sentence has finished.

same deal here, comma is after the talking is finished, should be inside :)

Alright. I'll keep that in mind.

You italised that and omitted the ' ' ...but you said it was a statement. You made it look like your thought.

My bad? >.>

Cavalry

>.>

Otherwise it seems good. I liked the moment where the armies stopped as the cloaked figure slipped through. if u added something a bit more about the actual environment, just a line, it could maybe lift the scene more than it already is. just a suggestion, it may not work, or u may not even want to =/

I didn't really like the part where your character repeated everything the cloaked figure said, tho i know the first couple of times were essential in your character's state of shock.
"All that is...dear?"
At this point the person would prob start to think, recovering from the intial shock maybe? *shrug* just another suggestion =)

heh, and a bit of a pun with the title. I hear Tasogare means Twilight? correct me if i'm wrong... but that really adds that extra bit of meaning to the title xP

Indeed. Tasogare means twilight. Puns ftw?

so far it's great, keep it up!

@angelic: Thx. :redbiggri

@Her Royal Slyness: Thx. The KH stuff shows up in the next chap, but its not entirely necessary to have played the games to understand it.

@twilight livius: Thx, and will do.

The next few chapters should be up later today.

[Silhouette]

Sorry, can't help double posting.. >_>;

The latest chapter. When I copied it here, all of the italics went off, so I had to reset them.. Excuse me if I missed some, but you should still be able to tell thought from text.. >.>

This chapter is extremely long, but hey.......





Part III: Serenity or Damnation?



When you jump into the abyss, salvation doesn't jump with you...






I continued to sink and drown, until I hit the bottom--hard. I got up slowly, and realized that my previous wounds were healed. What in the... What just happened to me? Am I...dead?

The darkness around me had dissipated, and I found myself at a strange new location. The very ground I stood upon shimmered with a radiance that could only be seen from a bright rainbow under the shining sun. The new light, although beautiful, was a pain to look upon at first, since I had just regained focus from being within the darkness too long. But after spending some time there, my eyes began to widen in order to take in the majestic scenery. It was as if I were walking on stain-glass windows. The green, red, blue, and yellow designs on the floor were mesmerizing.

Focus now. I need to find a way out of this place. Wherever I am, there has to be a way out...

It wasn't long before I came to realize that I was stranded. I was all alone, standing on this radiant platform, no way out. I couldn't even see how I came in the first place. I looked up, only to find that there was no up to look at. Above the platform seemed to be nothing but darkness. Off the edges were nothing but darkness as well. Looks like I'm in deep.

I took a step forward, and with each step, I found that the ground beneath me would shine. Its light grew brighter and brighter as I reached the end of the platform. I thought about jumping down, but realized that that wasn't the best action. But how else would I escape this surreal location? I put my left foot off the platform, and to my surprise, found that my foot had made contact with something. Although I could not see it, there was a pathway before me. I took another step forward, and a spiral pathway manifested infront of me. How convenient..

I made my way up the spiral walkway, until I reached another platform. At the end of it, a large door floated above the sparkling ground. The door seemed odd to me. It was lavender in color, with two golden door-handles. This must be the way out.. I said to myself as I grabbed the handles. But, to my disbelief, I could not open the door. Was I too weak to advance further than this? My weakness.. That is why I'm here, right? Or was it because of my blinding hatred and stupidity?


I turned away from the door, and looked down the spiral pathway that I had just ascended from. I noticed another door on the platform I had just came from. 'This has to be some kind of sick joke!' I shouted aloud. I ran to the pathway, but before I could step upon it, it disappeared. I stepped back, and turned to the door behind me, which seemed to be fading away. 'Alright. This isn't funny!'

The door had completely vanished, and three pillars, all of which having their own color, dropped down before me. The pillar to my right, a radiant gold, shone magnificently. Light? I reached out to touch the pillar, but upon placing my hand within the light, I felt an explosion of pain throughout my body. Was the light...too warm and bright for me?

To my left, the second pillar beamed down. It was black in color, and didn't seem to be all that inviting. It appeared to be some sort of mist, yet it managed to maintain it's pillar-like shape. I reached out to it, and upon touching it, felt a deep chill down my spine. Darkness.. Was this not what I had just fled from? Was the darkness to harsh and cold for me?

There was only one option left. In the middle of the light and darkness, lay a dark-purple pillar. This substance was unlike anything that I've ever seen before. It had the appearance of mist, yet it had light within it. 'Purple light? What can this be?' I muttered to myself as I reluctantly moved my hand towards the aura. Third time's the charm..

When my hand entered the misted light, it felt warm--not cold, and yet...not hot. The purple light was appealing to my eyes, and soothing to my hand. Whereas the light was far too bright, and the darkness...far too dim.

What could this all mean? Why was I able to touch the third pillar, and not the first two?

The pathway that had vanished, had returned. The door also reappeared before me. But this was not all that touching that light would do.. I examined my wrist to find a weird chain around it. Dangling off the chain, was an odd pendant. The pendant was hard to make out, but it appeared to be a blue moon wrapped around a red sun. Upon further examination, I also realized that, when tilted a certain way, the pendant would reflect a purple light. The sun...and moon...together? Twilight?! But...why?


I approached the door, but before I could grab the handle, words began to invade my mind. It was as if someone was thinking for me, just like during that battle... It was a very weird experience. For some odd reason, the second thoughts were telling me to follow the pathway, and not advance beyond the door.

The mysterious thoughts continued to invade my mind.
'If you follow the way you came, you will return to that which you hold dear...'

"...return to that which I hold dear?" My life? So...I am dead? I thought. Once again, hesitation got the best of me. I knew that I couldn't be dead, and yet, I was more than tempted to go back down the pathway...

I began to walk to the pathway, but before I could reach it, it began to flicker, as if someone was playing with a light switch. I began to feel as though I was being watched. I quickly spun around to find several creatures standing infront of the door that I had just rejected. These creatures were white in appearance, and had odd symbols on their heads. I turned back to were the pathway once was, and began to run towards it, but was stopped by more of the same creatures who seemed to have manifested infront of me.

'My pathway is blocked! 'What now?!'

The mysterious, mind-intruding voice grew louder inside my mind.You would change your ways, just because of obstacles?

'Can you not see the creatures squirming infront of me?!' I shouted in anger.

It was now that I realized that the voice sounded familiar, but I couldn't place my finger on where I've heard it before. At first, I thought it was the voice of the being that I had encountered earlier, but it was surely not. This voice was much deeper, and so damn familiar. Who could this be?! I thought in confusion.

Although the being seemed to be capable of reading my thoughts, he did not answer my question, and continued his interrogation...So, you choose to turn your tail and run at the mere sight of hardship?

Fed up, I shouted in anger, 'I run from nothing!'

The voice, as if knowing everything about my very existence, did not let up.
You ran away from your own fate, do you deny this?

My...fate? Could he mean the door that I so easily turned my back on? But...I have to return home. If I still can that is...

Just then, I noticed something moving in the corner of my eye. 'The creatures!' I jumped back, and got into a defensive position; placing my right arm behind me, my left arm infront of me, and extending my left leg forward. 'That being must have gotten deeper into my skin than I have realized, to get me to forget about such monsters as those!'

The creatures began to squirm in a much more...inhuman way. Their eye-less heads seemed to wiggle back and forth in such an uncanny fashion. Their long tongues slithered from inside their mouths, licking their tiny...yet sharp teeth. Then, several of them lunged forward at me. I'm ashamed to say, but when I saw these creatures fly at me, my first thought was to run. I looked behind me, and saw several more of these creatures manifest.

The voice continued to scold me, as if trying to teach me some sort of lesson.
Running away is not always that easy..

'Who said anything about running away?! I will stand my ground!' I shouted as I braced myself for the onslaught.

The creatures all froze there, as if hesitation was their master as well as my own. 'They have...stopped. I've seen this before.'

I was shocked to find that the once flickering pathway before me was fully stable once more. Have I done something for it to show itself to me?

Your destiny awaits you.. Will you seize it? Or will it seize you..?
"Will my destiny seize me?" What does that mean? I thought as I glanced down at the chain around my right wrist.

Just then, several of those creatures began to move again. As the moments progressed, more and more of them would awaken from their gentle slumber, exploding with movement. Once again, they prepared themselves for the offensive.

The path before you is obvious. Will you take it? the voice had said to me.

'I see no obvious path. Either go down the spiral walkway, and regain my life...or go through the unknown door...? My life was worthless. I couldn't even save the general, or avenge my father. Well then, that only means one thing... Whether I return or not is irrelevant. Nothing left for me to do but to move on!

I stood there, defiant and ready for what was to come. I didn't care anymore. I just wanted to get through this ordeal, and become more powerful. Ironic thing is, I wanted to become stronger at the time, and I didn't even know what to become stronger for. I had given up on fighting the lost war...given up on avenging my father...given up on a lot of things actually.

As if unpleased, the voice shouted within my mind, as if trying to change my decision by force.
NO! You must not stray from the path! Follow it to you destiny! You must-

The voice was cut off by another one. This voice was that of a female's however. Her voice was soft, cheerful, sweet-sounding...a pleasant contrast from the deep-toned tyrant rampaging within the dark recesses of my mind. It was like feeling a light breeze after a hard day's work. The serenity of her voice would be short though.

For a brief point in time, it sounded as if my mind was full of static, as if there was a struggle over some sort of device. The noise was irritating to say the least. I slapped my hands on my ears, and held them there until the noise subsided. This didn't help of course, but...I couldn't think of anything better to do at the time.

She made a throat clearing sound, and began to speak once more.Don't let that meanie get ya down, just keep on movin'! Make your own choices! Be strong...be brave!

The awful static sound returned to plague my mind again, but this time it was even louder. I couldn't bear it, and fell to my knees. Thankfully, it only lasted for a few seconds. I heard a loud scream, and a man's laughter. Was it the girl? Is she in danger? Who is she, and why was she trying to help me?

The tyrannical voice returned once more, and this time, was deeper and more determined.Now that that...nuisance is over with. Shall we continue? Where were we..AH, yes. You were just about to do as I say!

I paid no mind to the creatures, who seemed to have given up on attacking me, as if awaiting orders. I stood up, and shouted in extreme rage, 'What did you do with the girl?!'

The being let out a malevolent laugh, and once again, ignored my question.

This man, he must be controlling these things! And those other two beings in the cloaks must be working for him! I bet this is all an illusion set up by these guys! But...why..? Why me..? Was it because I tried to stop them? Was it because of who my father was? None of this makes sense! And who was that girl?!

The creatures began to run around me, setting up some sort of attack. I looked around at the menacing, ghastly beings as they taunted me. They ran towards me, only to jump over and around me. They were just toying with me! It was beginning to drive me insane. I had to do something!


I touched the chain on my wrist, and the sun-moon pendant on it began to shine with a brilliant purple light. I had grew tired of this ordeal, and wanted to end it, once and for all! At the mere thought of fighting back, the pendant flew off the chain, and hovered in the sky before me. I reached out to it, and upon touching it, found that the small pendant was capable of transforming itself. Before I even realized what was happening, the pendant was engulfed in a purple aura. The aura spread out to my hand, and before long, had covered my entire body.

After a few moments, the aura subsided, and to my surprise, I found some sort of sword within my grasp. It was a...unique weapon, one of which I've never seen before. The hilt was long and black, with a dark-blue spiral upon it, which seemed to be embracing a dark-red spiral. Protruding from it, was a long, silver blade. Dangling off the bottom of the hilt was the pendant that I had around my wrist. 'So, that's where you went, huh?', I said as I lifted the sword into the air, examining it further.

I slashed at the air with my new blade, and noticed a glimmer of purple light shine in the path that I had created in the sky with my new sword. After I slashed the weapon, three spikes formed at the end of the blade. At the very end of the blade, was a red spike; it had the appearance of fire. The spike closest to the hilt was a dark-blue, and appeared to curve at the end, much like a crescent moon. The middle spike seemed to be a combination of the two. It had a fiery appearance, and yet it curved at the end. It was purple in color, and much shorter than the two other spikes.

The once menacing creatures before me, seemed to cower in fear of the weapon I had just obtained. However, I recalled hearing a statement once before.. "Creatures are most deadly when cornered.", or something to that extent.

The monsters spread out, making a circle around me, perhaps attempting to team up on me. I was the trapped one now. But I was not afraid...not anymore. I now had means to defend myself, and I was not going to end up dinner for these freakish beings. I stood there, waiting for them to make the first move. After waiting for awhile, I realized that I did not have all the time in the world, and charged at a few of the creatures. They jumped into the air, and as if bearing wings, inhumanly soared into the sky. 'Bring it on!' I roared as I prepared myself for the conflict that lied ahead. 'I'm ready for you!'

[Ren]

sorry i didnt get ur PM earlier ^^'

but i guess it's ok to double post if u want to put up ur update Sess. *coughDdoesitallthetime*cough* :p

i think u used the word 'manifest' a bit too often?

I couldn't bare it, and fell to my knees.
Bear?

[Silhouette]

lmao. Just realized I used it 5 times. rofl? I like the word? >.>;

[Evanesque]

Nice fic, Tas + awesome title, Dominion of the twilight, I like the sound of that. very mystical..

Yeah as Renren pointed out, it's supposed to be bear as in endure, the other word, bare, means exposed, naked, empty, etc

:redbiggri

*cookies*

[Silhouette]

Yeah, I edited that typo earlier. *coughs* Nudity ftw?

Thx for the cookies though. >.>

And everyone seems to like the title. It does have a nice ring to it, eh? O_o;

[Smirnoff]

So far its great that part really got in to KH and the "weapon" i couldn't picture it in my head but the way you see it it must be cool. So the "creatures" are new or am i familiar with them....

[Silhouette]

I'll try to draw the weapon, and the creatures are Dusks.

And for some reason, the title and subtitle are bugging out in that post. There's like a large gap between everything, even though it doesn't look like that when I click on edit. >: /

{edit}Hm. I just got an even better idea for the weapon design, but it's too late now. Unless no one cares if I change it? >.>

Anywho, the next chapter will take awhile, because I need to work on my description/vocab/dialogue first. There's going to be a lot of action in the next one, and by what I've got planned, it should be a great chapter. I just want to make sure I write everything right so it doesn't suck. >.>

[Undying]

Nice fic, but as I read it I get a strange feeling that your wording is a bit stiff at places.

And the overuse of "...", especially in the first chapter, really doesn't add to the reading experience.

[Silhouette]

The "..." thing is there for a reason. Its the "style" of the fic. KH style to be exact.

[Undying]

It makes reading difficult, though.

[Silhouette]

Does it really? Psh. I'll cut down on it then.. >.>;

[Smirnoff]

not to me but im no expert...cant wait for next chapter..

[Dexter]

ah, pretty good chapter.
i found some bits, like the first parts (of the latest update) seemed to drag a lot, with the whole doors things, etc.. but I know what kind of impression you were trying to get across of that place, and your character's thoughts and such.

only a few minor errors, one which i'll bother to point out ^^"

I roared as I prepared myself for the conflict that lied ahead. 'I'm ready for you!'

"I roared as I prepared myself for the conflict that lay ahead. 'I'm ready for you!"


as i said, it's good. keep it coming

[Roto]

Those are good stories man ur good

[Smirnoff]

So Taso been a while since your update...*sits down to wait*
so do you alraedy have the story planned out or are you making it up as ypu go....

[Silhouette]

Eh. Half and half? >.>;

And I've been busy with other stuff lately. School, RPs(click spoilers in sig) >.>, other stuff. -_-"

I'll probably have the next chapter out in a few days.

[Smirnoff]

yea school is a downer...
half and half huh...id like to make a fic but dont feel like it im to lazy...:lol

[Zaenos]

Very nice fic, very nice...and those creature things somehow make me think of the Heartless guys or whatever they're called from KH...but I never played KH, so i don't know anything about them.

[Silhouette]

Bleh, sorry to say this, but I've stopped this fic. I starting writing it while I was playing KHII. I was obsessed with the game, and just had to right a fic about it.

Now, I've moved on from KHII, and can't seem to find the Dominion of the Twilight mojo I had before. >: /

DofT was originally going to be a short, practice fic, but yeah... Things have a habit of not working the way you plan them, eh? =_="

I might try to come back to it in the future, but don't count on it. >.>

I am working on an original story though. I have the first chapter done, and I won't post it until I have more written. Its called, "Which Hunt?", though I might change the name.
(Get it? "Which Hunt?", as in a play on "witch hunt?" *cough*hint*cough*)

Its about a band of mercenaries called the "Storm Brigade", and their missions, all leading up to their final one. Can't say more than that, but believe me, there is more to the story than that. :whatevah:

[Ren]

Stopping it halfway eh, Sess? <.<'

[Silhouette]

*coughs* Half way? Psh. I was planning to end it in 2 chapters, but stuff kept getting added on...and whatnot. Erm. Then I didn't feel like making more...and...um... Yeah.

*coughs* I have 3 chapters done with the new one I'm working on. I'll start posting them once I know I'm far enough in it...so I don't have any urges to stop...

[Smirnoff]

O.o
And i was really starting to like it. But these thinks happen all the time like with Zombie Powder T.T