Jokes!!

[Malicious insomniac]

ok, ok

a man walked into a bar....











.....ouch!

[Ballistics]

Theres these two muffens in a oven, right?
and one says to the other "is it me or is it hot in here?"
the other says, "AHHHH A TALKING MUFFEN!"

Well there you have it amigos, talking muffens...Ballistics out...[B]

[d3k0y]

okay here is one of the best jokes
so these 3 penguins are going down a snow slide, the first goes down and yells "weeeeeeeee' the second goes down and yells "weeeeeeeeeeeee" finally the third goes down and yells "radioooooooo"
lol.

[Akira]

okay here is one of the best jokes
so these 3 penguins are going down a snow slide, the first goes down and yells "weeeeeeeee' the second goes down and yells "weeeeeeeeeeeee" finally the third goes down and yells "radioooooooo"
lol.

I don't get it.. :eek13:

[Malicious insomniac]

okay here is one of the best jokes
so these 3 penguins are going down a snow slide, the first goes down and yells "weeeeeeeee' the second goes down and yells "weeeeeeeeeeeee" finally the third goes down and yells "radioooooooo"
lol.

ummm, huh? i don't get it either... :eek13:

[Mashed Potato]

okay here is one of the best jokes
so these 3 penguins are going down a snow slide, the first goes down and yells "weeeeeeeee' the second goes down and yells "weeeeeeeeeeeee" finally the third goes down and yells "radioooooooo"
lol.

LMAO, i dont get it.

[Ninja48]

I didnt get it either.

[Mashed Potato]

I thought this was funny >_>



These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Tourism Website - a Melbourne University Tourism Studies Major working in the summer holidays answered....

1. Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

2. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

3. Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water...

4. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So its true what they say about Swedes.

5. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.

6. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What, did your last slave die off?

7. Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

8. Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

9. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

10.Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man- y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

11. Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.

12. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

13. Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?

14. Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

15. Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Yes, but only at Christmas.

16. Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.

17. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

18. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

19. Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

20. Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

[d3k0y]

haha guys if you didnt get my joke its cause there isnt a point to it lol
you just say it and start laughing and ppl have no idea whats going on. lol.

i have another really good one but itll take me too long to type...maybe ill post it later cause i gtg haha :D

[mgviperman]

A guy calls home from work. A strange woman answers.

The guy says, "Who is this?"

"This is the maid," answered the woman.

"We don't have a maid!"

"I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house."

"Well, this is her husband. Is she there?"

"Ummm... she's upstairs in the bedroom with someone
whom I just figured was her husband."

Now he guy is angry. He says to the maid, "Listen, would
you like to make $50,000?"

"What do I have to do?"

"I want you to get my gun from the desk in the den and
shoot that witch and the jerk she's with."

The maid puts down the phone. The guy hears footsteps,
followed by a couple of gunshots.

The maid comes back to the phone. "What should I do
with the bodies?"

"Throw them in the swimming pool!"

"What pool?"

"Uh... is this 832-4821?"

[Malicious insomniac]

where did the one armed man go?
to the second-hand shop.

[Destiny]

the were these two friends a boy and a girl. they ALWAYS go to the fair, and every year the bo comes to a helecopter ride and asks his friend mary "i want to ride the helecopter ride!" and mary always replied "no jimmy that ride costs 5 dollars and five dollars is five dollars". so years later they are now older and jimmy always asks the same thing and mary always replies the same. then finnally one day jimmy says "mary iv been asking you every year to ride this ride, and you always reply the same. IM RIDING THIS RIDE". so the the helecopter driver guy comes up and tells them "alright every year i hear you guys argue the same thing, ill let you ride and if you dont say one word at all ill let you ride for free". so the helecopter driver guy does all the flips and turns and tricks to try to get them to say something, and they never did. so the guy says "ok you guys you gety it for free you didnt say a thing". and jimmy says "well i would've said something when mary fell out but five dollars is five dolars".


im bad at telling jokes :/

[Malicious insomniac]

o....k lol

want a bear to drink?




nah, i'm not into endangered species...