And another...

[Kazmiz]

...crappy poem, but this is even more emo. Bah.



Held my breath for far too long
Could have spoken, I chose not to
Don’t know why, there’s something broken
Can’t fix it, don’t know how
Can you tell me, please oblige
Too much screeching in my head
Too much emptiness outside
Just wanna take off and fly
Fly off into the sky, side by side with the eagles
Soaring into blissful times, unaware of painful comings
When I drop down painfully, it will be too hard to see
Too much screeching in my head, too much emptiness outside
Love the darkness deep inside; don’t know why I wanna hide
Love the way I feel so sad, hate it too, it’s really bad
But I’m human, what’s to do? Yeah, that’s right, I pity you

[Rihaku]

The criticism I had for your last poem still applies here.

I did like the last two lines, though.

[Ai]

Right from the start you don't have a nice flow going.

You've basically got alot of one or two liners concerning love and "emo" affairs...The overall idea of the poem is nice but the flow is way too interupted to really enjoy it.

Fix the flow then post it again and i'll look forward to reading the edited version.