View Full Version : The Night the Sakura Petals Bloom...
This is guyklc writing his first Byakuya fanfic. If you are in the Byakuya fc, you better read this and comment! lmao. OK, this will be a ByakuyaxHisana fanfic.
Chapter 1: The Stoic Nobleman
Kuchiki Byakuya belonged to the Kuchiki clan, one of SS's most well-known and richest family. His scarf that he always wear is worth the price of ten houses. He puts the scarf on and shows it off to the peasants of the Kusajishi district. To Byakuya, this scarf is an heirloom, but not the most precious. Therefore, he takes it wherever he goes. He had far more valuables back at the Kuchiki manor. One might imagine Byakuya as a loquacious and boastful young man filled with optimism. Ironically, he is not, although he is a bit boastful.
Kuchiki Byakuya was tall, slim, handsome, with skin as pale as the moonlight, and eyes colder than the wind in a dark dungeon. His face showed no optimism whatsoever.
Byakuya left the manor for an evening walk. As he walked down the streets, the peasants of Rukongai begged him for donations. Byakuya scoffed, their misfortunes meant nothing to him. They thought that money can buy happiness, but if that were the case, then why was Byakuya not happy? Byakuya had already mastered his zanpakutou and kidou skills, and is one of the richest beings alive. However... none of that could bring happiness.
Byakuya walked calmly to the gardens. Winter has left, and spring is coming. The sakura petals will bloom soon...
Anarchy
02-19-2007, 03:57 AM
*claps and an uproar of guyklc fans cheer for more* Bravo bravo bravo
Lol, thanks. You know what? I think I'll post the second chappy right now. I already know how it will end, but I've not yet decide how to make it flow... hm, a thorny problem.
Chapter 2: The Commoner Who Had Nothing
Hisana was a woman without a surname. She was born as a poor kid out on the streets. Her father abandoned her when she was a child, and her mother was someone she was not close with. She had lost contact with her mother for quite awhile. She regretted life. She thought everything was miserable.
Hisana was tired and fatigue from begging for food all day. She had survived winter with frugal clothing. She walked like a sick elderly to the nearby park. The sakuras would blossom soon. It was the only time of the year that she actually looks forward to. She walked gently to the park and sat underneath a sakura tree. The first bud has blossomed.
That was when he came...
Anarchy
02-19-2007, 04:09 AM
*sister punches me out* MUUUUUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OHHH Guyklc that was beautiful I feel so sorry for Hisana :( *I throw my sister out of the com chair* pretty damn good (you where right MINE ARE TOO LONG)
The man was a handsome nobleman with the face as pale as the moonlight. He stood there, staring at her.
Man: So even a commoner like you has come to appreciate the aesthetic beauty of the sakuras?
Hisana: (rather shocked and embarrassed) Yes, I've come to enjoy the sakura petals. They are so lovely. It is the only thing I look forward to all year. Only some of them are starting to blossom.
Man: I get to see them at any time of the year. *draws Zanpakutou* Chire, Senbonzakura *the blade disappears and splits into a thousand little blades, each reflected by the moonlight*
Hisana: *amazed* That's so... beautiful. It's a wonderful technique. Is that the most beautiful zanpakutou in Seireitei?
Man: I do not know. I will apply to become a captain of the Gotei 13 soon. I shall head back.
Hisana: Sir, what is your name?
Man: Kuchiki Byakuya.
Hisana: *shocked* The Kuchiki clan?! (bows down) The most famous noble clan in all of SS! It is an honor to meet you!
Byakuya: Not at all.
Hisana: It must be a luxurious life you have. I'm sorry, but my complaints about life must have sounded childish.
Byakuya: Nobility has its price to pay. There is nothing beautiful about it. I must keep my head up high to avoid ridicule from commoners. To me, there is no such thing as luxury.
Hisana: *tries to speak, but cannot think of anything*
Another man came up to the scene. This man had the same stoic expression as Byakuya's.
Man: Byakuya, what are doing, talking to a commoner?
Byakuya: Father...
Dexter
02-19-2007, 09:53 PM
I was thinking of writing of their meeting too..I might just do my version some day..
nice stuff guy. The only thing that i would comment on would be it's desriptiveness, b/c at times it sounds more of a 'telling' than a story.
Neverthelss it is good and I'll look forward to the next chapters.
Anarchy
02-19-2007, 10:13 PM
I like it I really do. I would post chapter 2 of mine but I am goin to be gone but I will post the next chapter right when I get back
It's a good plot and you have some good ideas. Two things though: the sentences seem kind of repetative; instead of starting several sentences with "Byakuya....", try using "he" instead, or using differen sentence lengths for effect.
Also, I really don't like the scripted format for dialogue. It might just be my opinion, but it doesn't seem to fit. I look forward to reading more :)
Dexter
02-19-2007, 11:22 PM
^ that's wat i meant too. Also yes, the scripting for dialogue is unorthodox.
but the story is good, and intriguing so far
Hmm... thanks for all the comments and constructive criticisms! I'll do my best. I realized I forgot to give Chapter 3 a title... meh, I'll do that later.
Chapter 4: Mr. Kuchiki's (Byakuya's fater) Philosophy
Byakuya's father stood there, staring icily at the two of them.
"Byakuya," he said. "Do not disgrace the family name by talking to a lowly peasant." Hisana seemed rather hurt by this comment.
"I'm sorry sir," she replied. "I will leave your presence. Please excuse me."
"I was not talking to you!" snapped Mr. Kuchiki. "Byakuya, I hope you're done with your little evening walk, because the dinner guests are dying to meet you. How rude of you to have just walked out!"
Byakuya sighed. "Father, forgive me. This commoner happened to share the same interest. I was merely showing her the power of my zanpakutou for its aesthetics quality."
Mr. Kuchiki was infuriated at this. "You showed her your zanpakutou's power?!" he yelled. "You let a commoner see the power of the Kuchiki clan? It seems like your emotions have clouded your better judgment."
Mr. Kuchiki's face was plump and sour; his graying swayed by the wind. Hisana tried to walk off with her head down. Byakuya turned to face her, walking off into the distance. His father came by him and rested his arms on Byakuya's shoulders.
"Listen to me, I am old and wise. You are young and impulsive. Sentimentality leads to temerity. Ultimately, if we do not control our emotions, then this sentimentality will lead us only to self-destruction. Emotion is a dangerous thing."
Byakuya looked back at his father. He wanted to say, "You're wrong", but he thought it best to listen to his father for now.
Best chapter so far, IMO. The conventional dialogue and varied sentence patterns made this chapter flow much better than the previous three. Nice work!
Woot! Thanks! I'll write the next chapter in a short while.
Dexter
02-19-2007, 11:40 PM
Your chapters are short but great.
Lookin forward to the next one
and yes, this is the best so far.
Chapter 5: Seireitei and Ukitake Senpai
Byakuya arrived at the dinner party. Nobleman from all over SS gathered there to experience the grand banquet. Mr. Kuchiki led Byakuya to the tables, where everyone was waiting.
"Sorry to keep you all waiting," he said. "My son is here. Kuchiki Byakuya, introduce yourself!" Byakuya stood forward and bowed to the crowd.
"Nice to know you all, I am Kuchiki Byakuya."
A white haired but young looking man stood out from the crowd. He had a cheery and friendly face.
"Oy, Kuchiki Byakuya! Remember me?" he asked. "We studied in school together. I'm Ukitake Juushirou!"
Byakuya gasped in bewilderment. "Captain Ukitake of Division 13?" He immediately bowed on his hands and knees before Ukitake.
"No need for the formalities, now," he said. "We're here for dinner. I am not with my squad."
"Yes, sir," said Byakuya, getting up. "Who is in charge of your squad right now, senpai?"
"My fukutaichou, Shiba Kaien. He is a very good lad, albeit a bit rowdy at times."
"The Shiba clan?" Byakuya seemed to rather abhor the name. "The Shibas are nothing more than commoners. Why, Kaien's sister, Kuukaku, is some psycho who handles fireworks. Kaien's brother, Ganjuu, is nothing more than a delinquent!"
"I can assure you, Kaien is a good man," replied Ukitake.
"Byakuya, do not insult Captain Ukitake," warned Mr. Kuchiki sharply.
"My deepest apologies, senpai. I wish to become a captain of the gotei 13 to glorify my family's name. Will you introduce me to the captain commander?"
Ukitake beamed. "Of course! I'll even ask if I could give you a tour of Seireitei. We'll go tomorrow. I don't have duty tomorrow."
Elsewhere, Hisana walked down the dark alleys. Hisana saw another woman coming down, clutching a baby in her arms.
"Hisana," she called out.
She looked right back in bewilderment. "Who are you, do I know you?"
"I am your mother, and I have a very important task to ask for you."
Dexter
02-22-2007, 01:36 AM
well there seems to be new rules about how we can respond to stories in this section. apparently we can't just comment on how good/bad it is.
anyway, some comments to accomodate that:
immediately bowed on his hands and knees before Ukitake.
i doubt Byakuya would ever do that =/
Kuukaku, is some psycho who handles fireworks.
doesn't quite sound like him either.
tho maybe he was more attune to his emotions before Hisana's death.
Blah, it's a fanfic. OK, calling Kuukaku a psycho is probably out of character, but Byakuya bowing down to Ukitake might not be. Byakuya still respects Ukitake, and at the time of this event, he was not a captain of yet. I would expect him to respect a captain from the gotei 13, especially if he is his senpai.
Zack_jenkins
02-23-2007, 12:19 AM
i agree.... a fanfic is a fanfic... it is meant to be fictional at times writing some characters doing things they usually wouldnt... like all these fanfics that are written about renji and byakuyas love affairs... that is definatly out of character... and yes this is supposed to be pretty much real life but we also have no clues about byakuya life before he was a captain... but now that i think about it byakuya could have started out in the gotei and not have even had to go through the academy... but ohh well... i agree that it doesnt sound like him but i dont agree witht hat being a criticism... not trying to offend anyone BTW
Lol, thanks Zack. I'm busy with schoolwork, so I'll update the next chapter over the weekend.
finnish reading the all the chapter phew....look like byakuya is young and ignorant during this time;)
hahah yea i did enjoy it;)
Que Sera Sera
02-23-2007, 05:45 AM
This is Great! Nice Fan-Fic!
Chapter 6: Hisana's Shattered Life
Hisana did not know how to face her mother. Her mother had a baby in her arms! How could that have happened? Then, realization dawned upon her.
"Mother, were you a prostitute?" she demanded. (I don't think Rukia's father has ever been specified, so I'm just making this up)
Her mother looked back with eyes of sorrow. "I'm sorry, but that was the only thing that I could support myself with. I did not meant for any of this to happen. I am now with a daughter. I am ill. I do not think I can live on long... Hisana, please take care of your sister."
Hisana did not know whether to feel angry, empathetic, or sorrowful. Her mother, reduced to nothing more than a prostitute. Her mother, gave birth to a baby. Her mother, dying of an illness because the money made from prostitution could not afford her a good doctor.
"Mother, I know this man that might help us," she said. "If I take you to him, he might loan us some money to see a doctor."
Her mother shook her head. "No, Hisana, take this girl with you. Live as long as you can, take care of your sister, and be as happy as you can."
Hisana was flummoxed; she truly did not know what to do. A moment later, anger and indignation sparked in her emotions. "Stupid mother! Why did you do such a thing?! How could you be so irresponsible!"
Her mother did not know how to respond. Hisana was right; she had not been a good mother. At the thought of this, she fell to the ground. Hisana caught her mother and the baby before they hit the ground.
Her mother had passed away, just like that. Hisana realized that the real reason why her mother resorted to prostitution was because she was not at her side for all those years. She thought leaving her mother would be one less burden for her mother to bear, but she was wrong. Her mother died because of HER.
Hisana took the baby girl, carressing her. She took her mother's body and buried it under the blooming sakura tree. She recollected her broken, shattered life. Her life was shattered, like a crystal fallen to the ground. As she mourned over her mother's death, the first petal fell. It was the night that the sakura blossoms started to fade.
ahah no wonder hisana left rukia alone later because they are NOT the same bloodline lol
Dexter
02-24-2007, 05:07 AM
that's a really good chapter man.
I also was going to use the sakura petals falling as symbolism as to their demise.
descritpive work, and emotions came across much better in this one
GJ
Chapter 7: Rukia
Hisana took the baby to Inuzuri district. Inuzuri district is the most dangerous area near Seireitei. Bandits and outlaws roam freely around there, and no shinigami holds true power there. Hisana thought that someone in the Inuzuri district might be cruel enough to buy her sister. What would they do to her? Would they force her into slavery? Hisana knew that this was about the most immoral thing she would do in her whole life, but she had no choice; she had to break away from her old life. If she stays chained to the grounds of the life of a street begger, she will forever remain a street begger. Hisana had to change. She will erase her life of past and move onto a new, glamorous life.
Hisana went to the Inuzuri district. When she did so, a brigade held a sword to her throat.
"Lady, give me your valuables or you and the baby both die," threatened the brigade. Hisana was appalled by such action. She had anticipate this to happen.
"Sir, I have no money. I came here to sell my sister for money," Hisana answered. She clutched the baby girl closely to her chest.
"*****! If you don't have any money, then I have no use for you! Die!" The brigade raised the sword and prepared to strike. As he was about to do this, a red-haired boy kicked the brigade hard in the heels. The brigade yelled in pain.
"How dare you attack an unarm girl with a baby?" said the boy. "I, Abarai Renji, will be your opponent!"
The brigade scoffed. "Why, I thought someone powerful tried to challenge, but it's just a little boy! If you wish to die as well, I am fine with that!" The brigade raised his sword and swung. Renji ducked out of the way and tried to get Hisana to a safe place.
"C'mon, lady, move it!" ordered Renji. "We can't let him catch us!"
Hisana was tired, but she knew she couldn't die at the hands of a brigade, so she ran as well. The brigade was fast, and soon caught up. It seemed like as if everything was over, until Renji got in the way and stopped the sword. Renji was a strong individual for his age, and both Hisana and the brigade was surprised. Renji punched the brigade's face, and in that sense of chaos, he took Hisana and hid in an alley.
"I think we lost him," said Renji, after awhile. "By the way, lady, what are you doing here? Are you really selling your sister?"
Hisana was embarrassed to admit it, but it was so.
"Look, I don't have any money," said the boy. "But I'll adopt her, if that's what you want. I'll make sure she doesn't fall into the hands of brigades."
Hisana thought Renji was more admirable than the brigade, so she agreed. Before they part, however, Hisana bit her index finger and wrote in blood on the blanket: Rukia.
I agree, that was a good chapter. I like the symbolism of the falling sakura petals as well, and your chapters continue to flow well. It just gets better; Can't wait to read more!
*edit*
this refers to the last chapter; chapter 7 was posted the same time i was writing this :p
/me reads the next chapter.
hmmm not bad....it is interesting:musak:
Evanesque
02-25-2007, 06:32 AM
Aww...nice fic guy...Hisana's life is so sad :( got me depressed >_>
I like your style, short but at the same time, it actually has some details. I guess you leave it up to the readers to create their own picture of the situation instead of creating a fixed one yourself.
Keep it up!
Looking forward to more :)
Chapter 8: Proposal
At the Kuchiki mansion, the dinner party continued. The rich noblemen there were completely oblivious to the horrors happening out on the streets of Inuzuri. The noblemen drank and were merry, oblivious of all the chaos outside.
As the party came to an end, Mr. Kuchiki cleared his throat and announced the "grand finale".
"Now, my fellow guests," said Mr. Kuchiki. "This is the reason why I've invited all of you here tonight! Now that we are all fed and merry and drunk, here the real reason to celebrate!"
The crowd smiled and talked with excitement. Mr. Kuchiki waited until they were all quiet. Byakuya sat at the corner, stoic and emotionless as usual.
"My son, Byakuya," he said. "He will be getting married!" The whole crowd gasped in awe, in which immediately they all laughed and smiled.
"Congratulations, Byakuya!" some of them would say. Byakuya, on the other hand, was horrified that such an agreement was made without even informing him.
"My son, Byakuya, will marry the Fujimoto (made up name) clan's daughter, Kumiko!" Mr. Kuchiki declared. "The best part about this proposal is that my son does not even know about this! How about it, son? I think you are ready, and your age is ripe for marriage!"
"Oy, lucky guy, Byakuya!" beamed Ukitake. "The Fujimoto clan is another wealthy family here. The marriage will have splendid ties and this family's reputation will be greater than ever!"
"I decline," said Byakuya in a voice barely louder than a whisper.
"What's that you say?" said Mr. Kuchiki, unsured of what he had just heard.
"I said I decline. I will not marry anyone as of yet. The Fujimoto clan members are a bunch of ruthless arrogant hotheads. They boast around while they clearly have nothing to be proud of. We, the Kuchiki's, are on a totally different level when compared to them."
This comment clearly insulted Mr. Kuchiki. "What? You refuse this proposal? You dare attempt to tarnish this family's name?"
The whole room was silent. No one was laughing or having fun anymore. All eyes were on the father and the son.
"Forgive me for saying this, Father, but marrying someone of the Fujimoto clan is the biggest insult a Kuchiki can commit upon his family."
Mr. Kuchiki stared furiously at him. "Byakuya, leave this house. I have no need to listen to your tedious opinions. You are letting your emotions getting the better half of you! I am protecting you! I was once young, too! Sentimentality will do you no good, do you understand?"
Byakuya stood up and left the house, leaving everyone there flabbergasted and disappointed.
Hmm...this is quite the interesting twist on the life of Byakuya; it's very unique and I think it's a good idea.
Only thing I would have done differently is perhaps build up to the "announcement" more; perhaps adding more details to make the moment more dramatic (or building up more to Byakuya declining). But, other than that, this was a good chapter.
cool epi!!! it sound like him to say like that :winking56
Evanesque
02-27-2007, 07:56 AM
Nice update, guy...
I noticed some grammatical errors and thought I'd help out. The corrected words are in bold red and the lines in stars (*) is my explaination of why I think the word/line is wrong.
Chapter 8: Proposal
At the Kuchiki mansion, the dinner party continued. The rich noblemen there were completely oblivious to the horrors happening out on the streets of Inuzuri. The noblemen drank and were merry, oblivious of all the chaos outside.
As the party came to an end, Mr. Kuchiki cleared his throat and announced the "grand finale".
"Now, my fellow guests," said Mr. Kuchiki. "This is the reason why I've invited all of you here tonight! Now that we are all fed and merry and drunk, here's the real reason to celebrate!"
The crowd smiled and spoke with excitement. Mr. Kuchiki waited until they were all quiet. Byakuya sat at the corner, stoic and emotionless as usual.
"My son, Byakuya," he said. *leave out the 'He' since byakuya has already been noted* "will be getting married!" The whole crowd gasped in awe, in which immediately they all laughed and smiled.
"Congratulations, Byakuya!" some of them said *past tense*. Byakuya, on the other hand, was horrified that such an agreement was made without *omit the 'even' since it's only uber-exaggerating the situation* informing him.
"My son, Byakuya, will marry the Fujimoto (made up name) clan's daughter, Kumiko!" Mr. Kuchiki declared. "The best part about this proposal is that my son does not even know about this! How about it, son? I think you are ready, and your age is ripe for marriage!"
"Oy, lucky guy, Byakuya!" beamed Ukitake. "The Fujimoto clan is another wealthy family here. The marriage will have splendid ties and this family's reputation will be greater than ever!"
"I decline," said Byakuya in a voice barely louder than a whisper.
"What's that you say?" said Mr. Kuchiki, unsured of what he had just heard.
"I said I decline. I will not marry anyone as of yet. The Fujimoto clan members are a bunch of ruthless arrogant hotheads. They boast around while they clearly have nothing to be proud of. We, the Kuchiki's, are on a totally different level when compared to them."
This comment clearly insulted Mr. Kuchiki. "What? You refuse this proposal? You dare attempt to tarnish this family's name?"
The whole room was silent. No one was laughing or having fun anymore. All eyes were on the father and the son.
"Forgive me for saying this, Father, but marrying someone of the Fujimoto clan is the biggest insult a Kuchiki can commit upon his family."
Mr. Kuchiki stared furiously at him. "Byakuya, leave this house. I have no need to listen to your tedious opinions. You are letting your emotions getting the better *There is no need to add the word 'half'. When you use this line, it usually means that the person has been entirely engulfed by the other side. In this case, its usage is in the wrong context* of you! I am protecting you! I was once young, too! Sentimentality will do you no good, do you understand?"
Byakuya stood up and left the house, leaving everyone there flabbergasted and disappointed.
Gee... well, thanks for helping me with grammar. Appreciate the help. It might take a long time before I update again. I will be busy in the upcoming weeks.
Soka...then we will wait for your fanfic:)
~gasp
i love this fanfic, short and sweet
guy: i think brigade is not the word ur looking for in chapter 7. if i may suggest thief or bandit.
yea i agree with rei,it should be brigand:)
Que Sera Sera
03-04-2007, 12:37 AM
Again, it's a awesome Fan-fic. Keep up the good work!
Thanks for all the encouragement!
Chapter 9: Family Matters
"Oy, Byakuya!" called Ukitake, chasing after him. "Byakuya, that was no way to talk to your father!"
Byakuya stopped walking and turned around slowly. "My family business does not lie within your area of concern, senpai."
"Yes, I know that, but still, your father knows best. Your father is not bringing this marriage up to ruin your life; he cares about you and your future. Besides, this marriage could be a milestone for your family's reputation. The Fujimoto clan is a rising star in politics. It is said that they will be enrolling for a job in Seireitei soon."
Silence between the two. A cold wind was present. Byakuya stared sternly back at Ukitake. Byakuya sighed.
"I will go talk to the members of the Fujimoto clan myself." Byakuya shunpo off into the distance.
Byakuya arrived at the Fujimoto mansion. He knocked on the door and waited for it to be answered. A butler answered it. Byakuya asked for the owner.
Fujimoto Sentarou (my made-up character) came to the doorway.
"Good evening, Kuchiki-san," he said. "What is your purpose here?"
"Do not play games with me," scoffed Byakuya. "What is your purpose in forcing me to marry your daughter?"
Sentarou seemed rather stunned. "What do you mean? Has your father told you about the proposal?"
"Of course. Why are you not at the dinner party?"
"I was about to go. Why don't you tell your father that I am on my way?"
Byakuya had a lot to think about as he headed back to the Kuchiki mansion. Earlier, his attitude was rash and impulsive. Marriage is not about finding love and happiness; it was a consolidation of families and the chance to further expand financial interest. How could he have forgotten? His father told him that ever since he was little. Family comes before the welfare of an individual. Byakuya realized his mistakes and decided to apologize to his father.
it is rather sad byakuya had to live with strict rules but it is a great fic btw:winking56
edit: opps sorry lol
Evanesque
03-05-2007, 05:26 AM
Um, double post ^
Nice chappie guy...didn't find any errors this time XD
Aw, Byakuya seems like this idiot who is torn between reality and rules. He's trying to break free of the stereotypical life he lives but at the same time, he is unconfident and wants to remain protected under it...
we are watiitng for the update guy:)
Sorry, you're gonna have to wait until the weekend. I've got a lot of good stuff coming though, I promise you.
One question though: If I add a fight scene, would it be cool? So far, it's drama, but I was wondering if I should add fight scenes to make it more dramatic.
hmm well i like to try new stuff but its your choice thou and dont worry,we can wait:)
The chapters continue to be interesting and insightful into the life of Byakuya; I like where you're beginning to take it. I also think you are staying within the peoples' character well, especially Byakuya and Ukitake.
As for a fight, I don't think it would be a very good time at the moment; you haven't really built up to it so far; right now it'd just kinda be like "fight....where did THAT come from?" But, with a little more dramatic build up, I think a fight later on would be quite exciting.
Lol, don't worry, the fight won't be anytime soon. I INTEND on putting a fight somewhere in the story. That would be ok, right?
I think so; in my opinion, fights are always good:D They can add to the tension, and they're just plain fun to read. (I know how ya feel about waitin to put one in; it's gonna be ages in my fic before the real fights start.) But used at the right moment, a fight could add alot to the fic (though I am interested to see who's going to fight and why :p)
Well, since you guys are so eager, I'll write it right now. Forgive me if it's rush; I have a time limit before going back to work.
Chapter 10: Applying to be a Student
Mr. Kuchiki forgave Byakuya for the temerity at the dinner party after Byakuya apologized to everyone. After a compromise, the Kuchiki's promised to postpone the wedding until after Byakuya graduated from the School of Shinigami, since Byakuya didn't seem all ready for a marriage.
That evening went on rather well, as some interesting conversations developed.
"I'm glad you want to join the gotei 13," smiled Ukitake. "You'll do great in that school, I just know it."
"Thank you," replied Byakuya. "I'll do my best not to disappoint anyone."
"You know, Fujimoto Masakazu is the captain of the sixth division (AN: I made this up). It would be quite interesting if you end up in his squad!"
"I hope not," said Byakuya coldly. "I still distrust that man, Fujimoto. There are rumors from him that he steals from the poor and brags to the unworthy riches."
"Oh come on! Those are just rumors! You'll be marrying his daughter, and the Kuchiki clan will be even more glorifying! By the way, do you know how the marriage ceremony goes?"
Byakuya was suddenly curious. He had never thought about this. "No, how does it go?"
"Well, the ceremony goes that the groom meets the bride--"
"Don't bore me with such nonsense; just get to the point."
"OK, at the very end of the ceremony, the Kuchiki clan and the Fujimoto clan will both release their zanpakutou."
Byakuya was utterly flummoxed. "Release the zanpakutou?"
"Yes," replied Ukitake. "It is a sign of unity and trust. Normally, one would never reveal his zanpakutou. It is too dangerous, and one's enemies will know the secrets of his zanpakutou. However, in marriage, it is ok to expose the weak side. It is the ultimate test of trust."
"I don't care how great the Fujimoto clan's zanpakutou is; I'll never show them the power of Senbonzakura."
An awkward silence followed.
"Well, that's not going to be for awhile," said Ukitake. "Let's just worry about school, first."
"Yes, please apply and recommend me."
*******(AN: This means a change of scenes)
Hisana walked down the streets by herself. She was a selfish and an unscrupulous woman to dump her own sister. She promised herself that she will one day be useful and bring her sister back.
Up ahead, a lot of people were lining up for something.
"Hurry up and sign up!" said a man. "This is the last chance to become a student of the School of Shinigami! If you become a shinigami, you'll never live out in the streets again! You'll be honored as a nobleman!"
Hisana knew what she had to do.
hmm quite good but i see some mistake(or is it me?) because you rush..
Lol, yeah, I know. Mind pointing the mistakes out?
Mr. Kuchiki forgave Byakuya
i think is forgives
Don't bore me with such nonsense; just get to the point
You'll be honored as a nobleman!"
misstype?
Evanesque
03-14-2007, 08:10 AM
Um, Kay there's nothing wrong. He used it in the correct tense and context.
Nice chappie Guy, getting more interesting!
*cookie*
:redbiggri
is it me or my english getting more worst and worst than usual..?
*munches on cookie* thanks ev.
Please keep reading and waiting! I'll do my best to make things better.
P.S. The marriage ceremony wasn't some random crap I decided to put in there. It will play a big part later on. ^^
ok so the next epi gonna be involve fighting?
Nope, you're gonna have to be a bit more patient.
It's late here, so I'll update tomorrow on this fanfic.
ok,i can wait for another day
Baby-Pie
03-18-2007, 07:42 PM
lol just saw this one...really nice...has a soft touch to me :)...good work
Chapter 11: Hisana's Plan
"Execuse me, sir," said Hisana, to the man that was passing out flyers. "Can I have one?" The man gave her a flyer.
To her dismay, the flyer was mostly written in kanji. Hisana could barely read hiragana or katakana. Learning kanji is on a totally different level. Fortunately, she could read the date. She knew how much time she had to prepare.
******************
Over the next few days, Hisana secretly lurked around the streets, listening to other applicants talking. Many of them were excited, some were scared. Many people were busy filling out the flyers that were to be turned in on the first day. Other kids worked part-time job to earn money for tuition.
Hisana can be labled as an illiterate. She did not know how to read most kanji. Hisana had no money either. She had no idea where she could find a part time job.
One day, while strolling the streets, she found two people practicing down the alley.
"Listen here, kid," said a girl. "This is the bakudo move. It binds people. "Bakdo no ichi: sai!" The boy was suddenly rendered paralyzed. "That's how you do it! Concentration!" She released the boy and told the boy to do the same thing. The boy did a failed attempt.
Hisana observed a rat that crawled back. She turned to the rat and concentrated. "Bakudo no ichi: sai!" The rat was binded, but broke free soon. She kept observing how they did it, and she practiced on other organisms.
As she left the alley, she found a man with a pocketfull of gold passing by. "Bakudo no ichi: sai!" The man was paralyzed, and Hisana swiped his pockets.
"That ought to be enough," she said, as she finished picking every cent. "Sorry, but I need money for tuition." Hisana turned and left. As she did, the binding spell wore off. The man angrily chased after her, in which Hisana ran in terror.
**********
For the next few days, Hisana practiced her bakudo spell. It proved to be very effective, and she used it on many people to steal off of them. Finally, the day came.
A crowd of students wanted outside of the school. All the students turned in their applications along with their money. Hisana waited until everyone entered.
"Excuse me," she said to the entry. "I'm here for--"
"Application and money?" asked the entry.
"Here's the money," said Hisana, giving it to the entry.
"And your application? Name? Background?"
Hisana couldn't let him know who she was. She would be too embarrassed, and she knew Seireitei would never accept someone of such a low status.
"Why don't you have some more money and forget the application?" Hisana gave the money to the guard. The guard allowed her in.
**********************
Inside, she followed the girls to the locker room. When everyone was dressed, there was just this one girl left who was putting make up on.
"Excuse me, but where did you get the uniform?" asked Hisana.
"They gave it to us. You know, after we turned in our applications. You didn't get one?"
"No."
"Oh, well, I don't know where the guy who was distributing these went."
"That's fine. I'm Hisana, who are you?"
"I'm Kanagawa Megumi. Nice to meet you. Btw, what's your surname?"
"I don't have a surname."
Megumi looked surprised. "They won't let you in if your status is so low that you don't even have a surname!"
"Oh well, that may be true... but I'm running late. Oh, and I'll need your uniform. Bakudo no ichi: sai!"
*************
Hisana stole Kanagawa's uniform and head off to where the crowd was heading to: the auditorium.
Hisana knew that she was not a good girl for her recent actions, but she had no choice. This was the only way she could get Rukia back.
Evanesque
03-19-2007, 05:50 AM
Lol, Hisana stealing everything in her path X3
It's kinda cute in a way. I can see how determined she is to get her sister back..
Anyway, here's some teeny editing I did...:redbiggri
Let me know when to shut up, k?
"Excuse me, sir," said Hisana, to the man that was passing out flyers. "Can I have one?" The man gave her a flyer.
To her dismay, the flyer was mostly written in Kanji (*If it's the name of a language then the first letter should be capitalised*). Hisana could barely read Hiragana or Katakana. Learning Kanji is on a totally different level. Fortunately, she could read the date. She knew how much time she had to prepare.
******************
Over the next few days, Hisana secretly lurked around the streets, listening to other applicants talking. Many of them were excited, some were scared. Many people were busy filling out the flyers that were to be turned in on the first day. Other kids worked part-time job to earn money for tuition.
Hisana can be labelled as an illiterate. She did not know how to read most Kanji. Hisana had no money either. She had no idea where she could find a part time job.
One day, while strolling the streets, she found two people practising down the alley.
"Listen here, kid," said a girl. "This is the bakudo move. It binds people. "Bakdo no ichi: sai!" The boy was suddenly rendered paralyzed. "That's how you do it! Concentration!" She released the boy and told the boy to do the same thing. The boy did a failed attempt.
Hisana observed a rat that crawled back. She turned to the rat and concentrated. "Bakudo no ichi: sai!" The rat was binded, but broke free soon. She kept observing how they did it, and she practiced on other organisms.
As she left the alley, she found a man with a pocketfull of gold passing by. "Bakudo no ichi: sai!" The man was paralyzed, and Hisana swiped his pockets.
"That ought to be enough," she said, as she finished picking every cent. "Sorry, but I need money for tuition." Hisana turned and left. As she did, the binding spell wore off. The man angrily chased after her, causing Hisana to run in terror.
**********
For the next few days, Hisana practiced her bakudo spell. It proved to be very effective, and she used it on many people to steal off of them. Finally, the day came.
A crowd of students wanted outside of the school. All the students turned in their applications along with their money. Hisana waited until everyone entered.
"Excuse me," she said to the entry. "I'm here for--"
"Application and money?" asked the entry.
"Here's the money," said Hisana, giving it to the entry.
"And your application? Name? Background?"
Hisana couldn't let him know who she was. She would be too embarrassed, and she knew Seireitei would never accept someone of such a low status.
"Why don't you have some more money and forget the application?" Hisana gave the money to the guard. The guard allowed her in.
**********************
Inside, she followed the girls to the locker room. When everyone was dressed, there was just this one girl left who was putting make up on.
"Excuse me, but where did you get the uniform?" asked Hisana.
"They gave it to us. You know, after we turned in our applications. You didn't get one?"
"No."
"Oh, well, I don't know where the guy who was distributing these went."
"That's fine. I'm Hisana, who are you?"
"I'm Kanagawa Megumi. Nice to meet you. Btw, what's your surname?"
"I don't have a surname."
Megumi looked surprised. "They won't let you in if your status is so low that you don't even have a surname!"
"Oh well, that may be true... but I'm running late. Oh, and I'll need your uniform. Bakudo no ichi: sai!"
*************
Hisana stole Kanagawa's uniform and head off to where the crowd was heading to: the auditorium.
Hisana knew that she was not a good girl for her recent actions, but she had no choice. This was the only way she could get Rukia back.
Baby-Pie
03-19-2007, 01:20 PM
wow this isnt what i imagined would happen...i guess that makes it better..:) good job
Chapter 12: The Pardon
Hisana pushed her way through the crowd to where everyone was. At the end was a stage, and on the stage, a bald old man stood atop with a very long beard. Hisana was surprised at the old man, but the old man's trenchant reiatsu seemed to stun her. She had a feeling that this man is as powerful as god can be. Or maybe he is god. This is Soul Society, after all.
"Welcome, new students," said the old man in a harsh, rough voice. "I am Yamamoto Genryuusai, the Captain Commander of Seireitei and the Gotei 13. Some of you will pass this school and become great shinigami's. Perhaps you might even be in my division, the first division."
The crowd looked anticipated. They were waiting for Yamamoto's next sentence with anxiety.
"This man here, standing by my side, is the captain of the 13th division, Ukitake Juushirou," Yamamoto continued, pointing to a long, white haired man with an optimistic face. He beamed and waved to everyone.
"This is boring!" cried a boy in the crowd. "This is stupid, you mean to say that the gotei 13 is lead by some old geezer? And the captain, he looks rather fatigue!"
"My, my," said Ukitake, still smiling. "You seem to underestimate both of us by quite a bit. Captain Commander is the strongest being here in Soul Society, and I am one of his most astute student!"
"Uh-huh, sure... I like to see you actually try to do something. I doubt you're stronger than me!" The boy was seriously disrespecting the two superiors.
"If you continue, we will have to--" said Ukitake, who was cutted of sharply by Yamamoto. Yamamoto just released a tiny fraction of his reiatsu. The boy was completely paralyzed with fear.
"Foolish boy," roared Yamamoto. "You doubt my skills? Guards! Lock this boy away! I'll spank him later myself."
Hisana was utterly crushed by Yamamoto's sheer reiatsu. She wanted to move, but she couldn't. That old man's spiritual powers were too strong.
Two guards came to grab the boy, but Hisana was in their way. She tried to move out of the way, but she couldn't.
"Girl, move!" cried the guard. Hisana couldn't even whisper, "I can't!"
The guards grabbed her and tried to shove her out of the way. That was when one of the guards noticed something.
"The nametag on your uniform says 'Kanagawa Megumi'!" he exclaimed. "But you're not her! I know her father! What have you done to her?"
Hisana was utterly choking. Sweat poured down her entire body, but she was not hot; in contrast, she was freezing like an ice cube.
"What a nuisance. I'll just spank these two," said another voice. However, Hisana actually recognize this voice.
Kuchiki Byakuya appeared out of the crowd. Byakuya apparently recognized her. Byakuya's face turned stone hard when he saw her.
"You! You're that girl!" exclaimed Byakuya. Then, he realized the problem. "Captain Commander, I beg of you to turn off your reiatsu release. I believe your reiatsu is too much for this girl to handle."
Yamamoto did so, and Hisana relaxed a bit.
"So you know this wench?" asked a guard.
"She is nothing more than a mere street beggar."
Hisana was grievous to hear how Byakuya described her.
"However, let her go. She cannot do you any harm."
The guard seemed hesitant in doing so.
"Do as he says," ordered Yamamoto. The guard released Hisana.
"What are you doing here?" asked Byakuya. "How did you come here when clearly you have no money?"
Hisana bowed on her hands and knees. "I'm so sorry; I snuck in here. I was not supposed to do so. However, I really wanted to change! I don't want to be a street beggar anymore!"
"Judging from that," said Yamamoto. "I have no choice but to throw you out. There are no free lunches; you will have to pay just like every other student."
Hisana started crying. "Please, sir! I want to learn! I want to be educated! I'm not proud of my life! I want to be able to do something..."
All eyes were on Hisana and Yamamoto now. Yamamoto apparently was thinking, or maybe not. Who knows? He hardly opens his eyes anyways, and his beard covers most of his face. One cannot truly read his facial expressions.
"Captain Commander," said Byakuya. "I will pay for her tuitions. Let her stay."
"You will pay for her tuitions?" repeated Yamamoto. "Are you a member of the Kuchiki family?"
"Byakuya!" exclaimed Ukitake in surprised. "What will your father say if he finds out?"
"The Kuchiki clan has dignity," replied Byakuya. "I will not allow her to rot away in the streets if she desires to change. This is the difference between the Kuchiki and Fujimoto clan."
Ukitake wanted to say something, but words couldn't come out.
"Where is Kanagawa Megumi?" asked the guard.
"I..." Hisana was afraid to talk. She slowly told them everything about her life, except for the part about Rukia.
"Very well, then," said Yamamoto. "Guards, go to the girl's dressing room and find Megumi. As for you, you will be sent to the Fourth Division. That will be your punishment. You will do janitorial work while attending school. That is all I have to say."
**********************
In the evening, Hisana went to Byakuya's room. Normally, students live in dorms, but just because of Byakuya's noble status, he gets to live in a room all by himself.
"Come in," he said when he heard a knock.
"Kuchiki-san," said Hisana. "Thank you for protecting me and giving me a second chance."
"Not at all. Anything else?"
Hisana noticed that Byakuya's desk was piled with books.
"Kuchiki-san, will you teach me how to read and write?"
Byakuya was rather stunned by this. In his pampered life, he had never talked with a person who wasn't literate.
"I wish... to read, so that I can learn more about this world. I wish to write, so that one day, I can record all this down," said Hisana.
Byakuya closed his eyes and nodded gently. "Very well. I will teach you starting tomorrow."
^Panther^
03-25-2007, 03:53 AM
Yay!!! i can't wait till next chapter. this is a great fanfic guy. keep it up. WOO!!!
Evanesque
03-25-2007, 08:54 AM
Awww, Byakuya to the rescue! XD
The fic's going pretty good so far. Keep it up and coming.
It's sad on Hisana's part where she is desperate to get rid of her 'beggar' status and do something worth.
<3 her dedication...
^Panther^
03-25-2007, 12:10 PM
Yes, your character ouputs are coming out great. keep up the great work.
Baby-Pie
03-25-2007, 01:32 PM
wow the chappies keep getting bigger and bigger..kool keep up the good work..Byakuya is the love in this fanfic..hes so sweet :p
i love hisana's char here she's streetsmart and spunky just curious.....
where is rukia?
i love hisana's char here she's streetsmart and spunky just curious.....
where is rukia?
In an earlier chapter, Hisana gave Rukia to Renji in the Inuzuri district.
Thanks for all the support, guys! I truly appreciate it.
^Panther^
03-25-2007, 11:24 PM
Can't wait till the next chapter. again, gj on the fanfic. I really wish i could rep you for it, but i'm not allowed to right now.
Chapter 13: School of the Shinigami!
Hisana woke up in her dorm. Her memory was a bit fuzzy about what had happened last night. Did she really beg Kuchiki-san to teach her how to read and write? Maybe it was all a passing dream...
She quietly got up from the tatami mats. One good thing about them is that unlock hardwood floors, the mats don't squeak when you walk on them. She quietly tiptoed across the dorm, meticulous in preventing to wake up her roommates. Her roommates were still as rocks, still off in slumberland, just like the sun. It was still dark out, although the sky had turned a faint purple.
She quietly walked across the empty courtyard to where Byakuya's room was. She gently knocked on the door. "Kuchiki-san?" she asked.
"Come in," said the voice. Hisana entered the room and found Byakuya having his morning tea and reading a difficult book.
"I thought I was disrupting your sleep for being so early, but it seems like I've disrupted your studies instead," said Hisana humbly.
"Not at all. I've been awake for awhile now. School hasn't started, so I'm not studying. I'm just reading an old philosophy book to pass the time."
"Well, then, shall we get started?"
"Yes," he said, taking out a paper and a brush. He went over first on how to properly hold the brush and write with style (AN: Sorry, this is rushed, I'm not an expert on calligraphy writing and writing with a brush). Once they got passed that point, Byakuya thought Hisana was ready to write.
"Can you recite your hiragana and katakana?" he asked.
"Um... let me think..." said Hisana. "Aiueo, kakikukeko, sashisuseso... (so on and so forth, I'm not gonna bother typing out the entire Japanese alphabet)"
"It seems like you know your alphabets and kana's, now, just how many of them can you write?"
"Erm..." Hisana was a bit embarrassed. "I know how to write "hi", "sa" and "na". Well, that's my name. And the only other words I can write are 'ru', 'ki' and 'a'."
Byakuya stopped for a moment and think. "'Ru', 'ki' and 'a', eh? If you put that together, you get 'Rukia', a feminine name."
Hisana suddenly grew very pale and sorrowful, as though Byakuya had just exposed her most sensitive side. "Yes, it does, doesn't it?"
"It looks like the sun is out. Class will start soon." Byakuya wrote on the paper the entire Japanese alphabet. "I've written them all out. They are in order, and since you know the order of the kana's, you should be able to memorize them easily."
"Thank you, Kuchiki-dono," bowed Hisana.
*****************
Hisana had a rough time on her first day because she was not good with reading. After a long day, she had to report to the 4th division for community service. Her captain, Unohana, seemed to be a friendly person.
Hisana cleaned the pavement and ensure that Seireitei was beautiful. Almost everyone in the fourth division came from low class families. As she worked, her overseer was known as Iemura, a blonde man with sunglasses. He would write in his journal as he watches over them.
"It looks like this year's newbs are not big of losers as last year's!" he proclaimed while writing in his journal. "I thought everything was screwed by last year's new students!"
Hisana at first thought that Iemura intentionally read out loud his diary to put down her senpai's and to encourage her peers, but her senpai's later told her that Iemura had this habit of reading out his journal entries, therefore, everyoen seems to know about his opinions on every subject.
At the dorm, Hisana would read her kana's and try to write them. She still took lessons from Kuchiki Byakuya. Soon, Byakuya taught her basic Kanji. It was really difficult at first, but she was getting the hang of it.
One day, after a long hard day at school, Byakuya returned to his room. In front of his door had a sticky note attached to it. Byakuya immediately recognized Hisana's writings: "Thanks, now I can write basic letters"
Byakuya smiled and hid the sticky note somewhere deep down in his heart.
Que Sera Sera
03-31-2007, 09:32 PM
That was awesome!
Keep up the good work!
Lol, thanks! Any comments and encouragements really help! Thank you to all who have supported me so far!
^Panther^
04-01-2007, 03:29 AM
Interesting chapter, though i'm confused. if she just started in the academy, why is she in the 4th division already? otherwise, it's not bad.
Yamamoto put her in the 4th division to work as a form of punishment, as I explained it in the previous chapter. She stole Kanangawa's uniform, and this was her punishment.
^Panther^
04-01-2007, 04:16 AM
Yeah, i thought you meant when whe was done with the academy. that is not really much of a punishment to be sent straight to a division without going to the academy, but i think i should shutup now. sorry.
Really? Hmm... then that means I should make Hisana's life in the 4th division extra hard... aren't criminals sentenced to community service?
^Panther^
04-01-2007, 04:23 AM
Yup. oh, i forgot she has to do community service. nm then. pretend i said nothing.
Baby-Pie
04-04-2007, 02:39 PM
Nyaa i just read the latest one...GJ...love the bit where Byakuya keeps the paper deep down in his heart...so sweet...
yahhzoo
04-06-2007, 03:30 AM
Awesome keep up the good work!
^Panther^
04-06-2007, 04:52 PM
Can't wait for next chapter. keep it up guy!
Lol, yay, some more people reading it. I thought everyone forgot about my fanfic. >.<
^Panther^
04-07-2007, 01:53 AM
Nope, nvr
nya~~~
very nice chapter...
i wish you wouldn't have to put in a lot of AN's (it ruins the moment for me as a reader) or maybe put it at the end of ur chap just mark it by a *
off topic guy i pmd u
^Panther^
04-07-2007, 07:58 AM
Tick Tock Tick Tock huh? what am i doing? oh nothing, just waiting 4 next chapter. (i sound pretty retarted)
be patient,not everyone is free all the time and nice epi,guy
^Panther^
04-07-2007, 05:23 PM
Yeah, i know, just putting pressure on guy to see his reaction.
OK guys! Thanks for all your support!
Chapter 14: The Prodigy Student
It has been a few years since Byakuya and Hisana had entered the academy together. By now, Hisana had no problem reading basic books and writing essays. Byakuya, on the other hand, is the valedictorian of the whole school. Everyone either admired or hated him. Nonetheless, it was undeniable that Byakuya is the most prestigeous student during the years that he was in the School of Shinigami.
But even so, Byakuya was discontent. As his senior year came to an end, his marriage with the Fujimoto clan drew ever closer. Byakuya resented the idea that the Kuchiki clan had to merge with some clan so undignified as the Fujimoto clan.
One day, while teaching Hisana how to read advance literature, an unexpected visitor came; it was Fujimoto Masakazu, the captain of the sixth division.
"Good day, Kuchiki Byakuya," said Fujimoto carelessly as he wondered into Byakuya's room. His eyes rested on Hisana. "What's this? A peasant? What are you doing in Kuchiki-dono's private room?"
Hisana tried to say something, but Byakuya cut her off. "That is not your concern," said Byakuya in a very rude fashion. "And I do believe I never invited you into my private room. What business do you have?"
"My, my, Kuchiki-san, there's no need for hostility. I am merely here to rejoice with my future son-in-law. Think about the future. The Kuchiki and Fujimoto will be 'one' clan. Only the Ukitake and the royal family will be greater than us."
"Correction, the Kuchiki clan is already one of the most well-known noble family. It is your lowly Fujimoto clan that will rise to our status after the marriage."
"Byakuya-kun," said Hisana. "This seems like private business. Should I leave?"
"No," said Byakuya. "Stay, for I am about to kick out this invader."
"If I'm not welcomed here," said Fujimoto. "Then so be it. However, with your skills, I am persuading the Captain Commander to make you a vice captain of my squad."
Both Hisana and Byakuya were utterly shocked by this. Byakuya will become a vice captain immediately after graduation? This is too absurd. Byakuya would have to be a super prodigy to do that.
"But what about your current vice captain?" asked Byakuya.
"He has retired, and I'm searching for a better one. Trust me, Kuchiki-san, you are perfect for the job. Think about it; you will lead all the sixth squad, and the only ones who have authority over you are the Captain Commander and me."
"I will think about this," said Byakuya calmly. "Now, leave my room."
Fujimoto left.
For a moment, there was an awkward silence between Byakuya and Hisana.
"Congratulations, Bya-kun," said Hisana. Byakuya flinched at the sound of hearing such an intimate nickname. "You'll become a vice captain. What a great honor!" Hisana tried to sound happy, but she couldn't mask her jealousy and sorrow.
"No, there is nothing to be proud of," said Byakuya. "I will have to become a vice captain under HIS command. Ever since the Fujimoto family established ties with my clan, I had suspected that this was all a machination so that the Fujimoto clan can take over my family's roles. I do not believe his words. There must be some other meaning beside it."
Hisana nodded absent-mindedly in agreement. After another moment of awkward silence, she asked,"He called you future son-in-law; does that mean you're getting married?"
Byakuya was shocked by this, but he nodded.
Everything was falling apart.
byakuya look really anti-fujimoto clan :eek13:
but sound much like him thou,not bad guy
^Panther^
04-08-2007, 01:22 AM
Great chapter guy. you really put a lot of work into this chapter.
yahhzoo
04-08-2007, 02:23 AM
Great job man. I really liked that one!
Baby-Pie
04-13-2007, 01:56 PM
sorry late again..but better than never...GJ...like where this is going..Byakuya is thinking right for once..
Haha, no problem; as long as I know there are actually people reading it, then I have the desire to continue.
^Panther^
04-13-2007, 09:07 PM
it's really good. my futile atemt to create a story is horrible, but you's is good. keep it up :)
Dark Zero
04-13-2007, 10:23 PM
WOW!!!!. this is a great fanfic:headbang :headbang :biggthump . i am quite amazed at the quality of this work, guyklc, you should become a writer. :D Just a suggestion.
^Panther^
04-14-2007, 01:57 AM
I'm suprised he isn't right now. right a book and send it to a publisher... ^_^
Lol, a writer? I guess that's one possible career choice for me. OK, I'll write the next chapter.
Chapter 15: Hisana's Realization
Later that night, Hisana went to work for the Fourth Division. She was working as a waitress in a restaurant. As the night thickened, rain started to pour.
Something Byakun had said started to bother and vex her. Byakun kept saying no to the Fujimoto clan because the Kuchiki clan was of a higher status. However, that would mean for Byakuya to even associate himself with a nameless street girl such as her is a great insult to the Kuchiki clan.
It was getting hot in the kitchen, and there were no more customers, so Hisana decided to go out for a breather. She watched idly at the night sky as rain poured down.
'Byakuya is getting married,' she thought. 'All these years that I had known him, and just like that, he will walk out of my life forever after graduation.' Once the marriage was held, the gates of the Kuchiki clan will close forever to an outsider like her. She will never see Byakuya again. And to top it all off, Byakuya will have a wife.
Hisana suddenly shook her head violently as though she just had a nightmare or spazzed out. 'What am I thinking? Why should I care if Byakuya will have a wife? It's not like I--' Hisana suddenly blushed in the rain. She felt as though she was going to have a fever.
All these years spent with Byakuya was like a drifting dream. Byakuya was only her teacher when it comes to reading and writing. That's it. Nothing more. It would be an insult to Byakuya otherwise. Hisana wondered if Byakuya would at least invite her to his wedding.
'No, he would not,' thought Hisana. 'He wouldn't want a peasant like me to be there.' Perhaps it would be better that way; she wouldn't want Byakuya to look back. It seems like everything was the way it was before; Byakuya is leaving her behind, and she was going to be all alone again.
'It's going to be really lonely at first, but once I get use to it, everything will be fine,' she reminded herself. 'Everything is going to be fine...' At last, her body felt heavy as she collapsed onto the ground. 'Everything is falling apart.'
Then, a familiar hand carried her. She felt the raindrops no more, but she could still hear the rain. She opened her eyes to see Byakuya carrying her with arm while holding an umbrella with another.
"Byakuya-sama!" she gasped.
"Hisana, don't worry; I'll get you back to Seireitei. Just go back to sleep."
Hisana smiled as she closes her eyes once more.
'Yes, all these years were like a passing dream; a dream in which I hope to never wake up from.'
TO BE CONTINUED (I'll add these at the end of every chapter now, and for the final chapter, I'll just put END.)
Ok people! Please rate/comment!
yahhzoo
04-14-2007, 02:34 AM
Awesome chapter guyklc. Its really impressive. Keep up the good work!
^Panther^
04-14-2007, 03:09 AM
i've got to hand it to you, this was the best chapter yet!!! :D
i say,its really touching during the part hisana thinking back byakuya during the rain...if the make a manga or better anime out of it,...i think it would be nice but for now i just use my imagination to visualize how it look:musak:
^Panther^
04-14-2007, 04:05 PM
that's so great the way you did it. if only kubo tite could use this as the official reason and it would end up i the manga and anime. :D
yahhzoo
04-18-2007, 04:32 PM
Yeah I need more :)
^Panther^
04-18-2007, 08:20 PM
well, he'll have them up eventually ^_^
Wait until the weekends guys! I have homework to do (junior year), and besides, I'm starting to run out of ideas! Please forgive me.
^Panther^
04-19-2007, 01:10 AM
'tis okay guy. u r doing well for now ^^
hmm ok then we shall wait for the next update
zomg! zomg!
i lerve the latest chapter gj guy!
off topic: why does yazooo and guy have the same avvy? are u two married?
^Panther^
04-20-2007, 11:37 AM
they are just really good friends and raelly love byakuya :D
ROFL @ rei's comment. No, it's just that yahhzoo and I both really like that avatar. It's all thanks to Mitsukiske that we have that avatar!
yahhzoo
04-21-2007, 05:31 AM
Its True! Continue writing guyklc im starting to memorize old chapters lol
Wow, yahzoo, I think you're obssesed. ^^
OK, I'll have it up by tomorrow; I promise.
boo! lolz another off topic statement. guy i'm on the msn come find me :P
i be gladly to see the next update guy,be sure you put it up;P
emoloz
04-21-2007, 12:55 PM
Great story.
As I promised! Here's the next chapter.
Chapter 16: A Night in the Hospital Wing
Unohana heard a knock on her door.
"Come in," she said. Byakuya opened the door and carried a tired Hisana in. Unohana looked really surprised at this. "Hisana! What happened to you?"
"She's passed out," said Byakuya. "I would like it that you take care of her. She is in your division, right?"
"Not officially; she's only in my division to do community service for a crime she committed. Nonetheless, I can't stand anyone being sick and not attended to. I'll take care of her."
Unohana took Hisana into a quiet room and laid her down to rest. She took her temperature and started to give her medicine.
"I think she'll be ok," said Unohana. "Thank you, mister, for bringing her back. She must have worked overtime again. I promised that if she works overtime, I'll pay her some money. Poor lass, she came from the streets with no money."
"Yes, she came from the streets..." said Byakuya uneasily. Unohana suddenly realized something.
"You! You're... a member of nobility, right?" she asked. "No, wait... you're a Kuchiki!"
Byakuya closed his eyes gently. "Yes, I am."
"Why would a Kuchiki care for a life of a common being?"
"I wish to prove that my clan is better than the Fujimoto clan."
"Better than us? But you are better," said another voice. Fujimoto came in to the room.
"Taichou!" exclaimed Unohana.
"What do you want? Are you ill?" asked Byakuya in a very unfriendly tone.
"Tsk! There's no need for you to talk like that to a taichou! Especially if you're the soon-to-be vice captain of my squad!" Fujimoto's eyes laid on Hisana. "Oh my! What a dirty little peasant! The sight of such a low-born mongrel makes me wretch."
"Control your tongue!" snapped Unohana. "You have no right to talk like that to my patients. Please leave."
"As you wish; but I want Byakuya to come with me."
******************
"What is it?" asked Byakuya, after leaving the hospital wing.
"You're a member of the Kuchiki clan. If you know any better, you would not even associate yourself with someone of that... girl's status." Fujimoto emphasized the word, "girl" with much malice and disgust.
"I have no interest in what you think. Hisana is my friend. I will not listen to a man who has no dignity, even if he is of a noble family."
"Suit yourself, but graduation is only 3 days from now. After graduation, it'll be time for you to marry my daughter. After marriage, you'll have the honor of being my vice captain."
"Until that time comes..." said Byakuya. "I have to head back to my studies. I've wasted too much time with you." Byakuya shunpo'd away. Fujimoto smiled devilishly.
'Very soon,' he thought. 'The Kuchiki clan will bow to me.'
TO BE CONTINUED
^Panther^
04-21-2007, 10:32 PM
short but nice chapter ^_^ i think the plot is really starting to unravel a bit. bravo!!! and who made your banner, yahzoo?
wow wicked,fujimoto is plotting something evil~
That's right! *drum rolls* The antagonist in this story is... none other than Fujimoto! Think about it: he's a filler character, meaning he has to die; and he's the captain of sixth division. He will have to go if Byakuya will become the next captain.
^Panther^
04-22-2007, 01:16 AM
wow, you're great at planning stories.
yahhzoo
04-22-2007, 03:37 AM
@viera One of my real life buddies made it for me ^.^
@guyklc Short but nonetheless awesome chapter keep it up man.
^Panther^
04-22-2007, 04:00 AM
man, i wish i was good at banner making...
Wow, my chapter was too short. Please forgive me; I'll try to type longer next time.
its ok if it is short as long it is nice,guy;)
^Panther^
04-22-2007, 12:27 PM
nice name change, guy :)
is waiting for your next chapter,its been a while thou..
^Panther^
04-26-2007, 05:29 PM
i have a feeling that the next couple of chapters will be really dramatic and a really good climax.
TuRm0iL
04-26-2007, 11:23 PM
Sweet! This story has been going awesome so far. Can't wait to see whats next.
I'll have the next chapter up by... hopefully tomorrow.
hmmm yes,its tommorow already and i am dying to read your story
^Panther^
04-28-2007, 01:08 AM
yay, he'll have it up today!!!
Ack! Sorry guys! It has been a tough week, so I thought I'd chill first and then I forgot about this.
Chapter 17: Graduation
The day has finally come; graduation. From here on, they were qualified shinigami's. These students would no longer have to live in hunger and fear for the rest of their lives; they would live in Seireitei and have food every night.
For Byakuya, though, it is not what he was anticipating. After graduation, he will marry a member of the Fujimoto clan. He would be a subordinate of the scum, Fujimoto Masakazu... and last but not least, he may never be with Hisana again.
On graduation day, Byakuya went to Hisana's dorm. Nobody was there except for Hisana. Hisana said they all went shopping for clothes to wear, but since she doesn't have money, she is staying at the dorm.
"I guess today is the day, eh?" said Hisana awkwardly. Byakuya nodded.
"Hisana... I wish to ask you something."
"Eh?" Hisana blushed at this.
"Hisana... please come to my wedding."
Hisana was utterly shocked by this; how could she go? She's just a street peasant, she will never get past the security. Even if she could, without the proper clothing, she would give herself away. "Byakun... that's not possible."
"Yes it is. I'll send a servant to go shopping with you. How much do you want for your shopping spree? I'll pay you any amount."
"Byakun, I--" Hisana didn't know what to say. She had never gone shopping before; she also could nto possibly take Byakuya's money. "I can't do that. I don't know what clothes to wear, and I don't know how a lady acts. I'll give myself away."
"No, you will not. I'll lie to my parents saying you're a wealthy student I met at school. They'll never know."
"Byakun, I cannot stoop so low to do something--"
"Hisana, the wedding will be our last meeting. From then on... you never have to see me again."
Hisana then realized how powerful her words and emotions were; over the past few years, she had always acted reserved around him. Byakuya must have thought she did not want anything else to do with Byakuya except a tutor-student relationship. "Byakuya, it's not that I don't want to go..."
A silence. "I'll go," she replied.
On the hour of the celebration, Hisana found Byakuya in the courtyard talking to Ukitake-senpai.
"Ah, hello there, Hisana-san!" beamed Ukitake. "Are you enjoying your graduation?"
"Yes, I just talked to Unohana taichou. She said since I'm so talented, she is going to ask other captains to accept me into their divisions!" replied Hisana happily.
"That's great!" exclaimed Byakuya. "What division do you want to be in?"
"Actually, I kind of want to be in division 13."
"What?" asked Ukitake. "But that's my squad! Are you saying you wish to serve under me?"
"Yes. Ukitake-sama, out of all the captains I have observed during my service in the 4th division, I must say, you're the kindest and most opened captain. I look forward to serving you," said Hisana. She gave a graceful bow.
"Hisana-san, truly you are something," smiled Ukitake, patting her head.
Out from the distance, Fujimoto-taichou looked at them in malice. "Look at them! A Kuchiki and an Ukitake both talking to a lowly street girl! Those two clans apparently are shameless fools."
"Father," said a nearby girl. "I won't have to put up that Byakuya man for long, right?"
"Of course not," said Masakazu. "My little Mayumi. We just have to see his zanpakutou's true power. Then, with the power of your zanpakutou, we'll wipe the whole Kuchiki clan out. Then, everyone will marvel at the power of the Fujimoto clan."
TO BE CONTINUED
lol i think there goin to be a battle soon...
btw
also could nto possibly take Byakuya's money.
misspell....
you never have to see me again.
quite harsh it like byaku hste hisana or stuff like that... how bout "you never will see me again"
Lol, thanks for the spelling error correction.
@second reply: No, read Hisana's thought after that. Byakuya thought he was a burden to Hisana, and therefore said that. He wanted to see Hisana once more, because if she doesn't come to the wedding, he may never see her again.
Overall, was it good??
ahha pretty good and i think the next epi,there must be some fighting from what mr.fujimoto say
Um... actually, no, the fighting is not in the next chapter. Hehe, my fanfic is far from over!
^Panther^
04-28-2007, 03:51 AM
drama!!! wow, this was also a very good chapter!!! ^_^ :D
yahhzoo
04-29-2007, 05:04 AM
Great Chapter guy. You will never have to see me again damn that was harsh.
^Panther^
04-29-2007, 07:11 PM
what's wrong yahzoo? who was harsh?
yahhzoo
04-29-2007, 08:06 PM
hisana's line was harsh but i liked it
^Panther^
04-29-2007, 09:14 PM
oh, yeah, pretty harsh. poor byakuya for having to feel that way >.<
Just so you know guys: AP testing is coming up. I might not have time to come here as much. There's no guarantee when I'll post the next chapter. Sorry.
^Panther^
04-29-2007, 10:03 PM
that's okay guy. i can wait ^^
anonomus
05-01-2007, 01:14 PM
wow guy that is really good one chapter is beter than most books i read
TuRm0iL
05-02-2007, 01:09 AM
good stuff, keep it up
hope you update it sooner or later,guy
I hope I will be able to by tomorrow... but no guarantees. On a side note, tomorrow, the 4th of May, is my b-day!
TuRm0iL
05-04-2007, 02:38 AM
HAPPY BDAY!!!
mines on the fourteenth
anonomus
05-04-2007, 10:25 PM
i have to wait till july
It's my birthday. I deserve a day off. Yet, why am I writing another chapter? Wait, because I love you guys? Psh, get real!
Chapter 18: The Wedding
Three days before Byakuya's marriage to Mayumi: Byakuya secretely hired a maid to help Hisana shop. Byakuya was determined to get Hisana into the wedding.
On the day of the wedding: The wedding ceremony was held in the palor of the Kuchiki mansion. Ukitake, Mr. Kuchiki, and Fujimoto Masakazu were all there. There was great anticipation in the atmosphere.
"Kuchiki-dono," said Masakazu. "What a glorious day!"
"Fujimoto-sama," replied Mr. Kuchiki. "A glorious day indeed! Our families will soon be united after we show each other's zanpakutou."
"Yes, indeed. We shall be united, and our clan will be stronger than ever." The two man had a little toast when a stranger walked in. Neither Masakazu nor Mr. Kuchiki knew who it was.
"Excuse me, but who are you?" asked Mr. Kuchiki.
"My name is Morikawa Midoriko," the girl replied. "I'm a friend of Kuchiki Byakuya-sama at the academy. Please to meet you." She bowed to the two men. Masakazu was suspicious.
"Hey, you," said Masakazu. "Do I know you from somewhere?"
Hisana's heart sank; Masakazu recognized her... or does he?
"I'm sorry? You must be Fujimoto Masakazu," replied Hisana. "I've heard about you. I came from a noble family as well. It's just that we just rose to fame recently."
"Recently?" eyed Masakazu skeptically. "Why... care to tell us how?"
"Kuchiki Byakuya-sama bought land from me. He said he wanted it as a vacation house for him and his future wife. That's how we met. But don't tell his wife that; he said it's a surprise."
"Ah, really?"
"Masakazu-san," said Mr. Kuchiki. "This is a glorious day. Please do not ruin it. Question about my son's and this lady's motives later. For now, enjoy the party."
************************
For the grand finale, Kuchiki Byakuya, in his groom suit, walked up the dias. From the other corner, Fujimoto Mayumi walked up the dias. Between them, a priest stood. Throughout the whole lecture, Byakuya eyed Mayumi carefully. He was very suspicious of the Fujimoto clan.
"Do you, Fujimoto Mayumi, take Kuchiki Byakuya, as your legitimate husband?" asked the priest.
"I do," Mayumi said.
"Do you, Kuchiki Byakuya, take Fujimoto Mayumi as your legitimate wife?"
Down in the audience, Hisana watched with tension. She was shaking rather violently; thankfully, nobody noticed. 'Byakun will now say "yes", and he'll leave me behind,' she thought. 'I can't help but feel a little sad. Byakuya and I have been through so much together.'
Cough, cough. Mr. Kuchiki suddenly had a cough fever.
"Never mind me," said Mr. Kuchiki. "I've been a little ill recently. Please, Byakuya, go on."
Hisana did not notice this. 'Why am I so worried and sad? It's not like I love him...' suddenly, Hisana's face blushed scarlet. 'Oh no, it can't be?'
"Forgive me," said Byakuya. "But before I say 'I do', I must asked one question."
"What is it?" asked the priest.
"Who will show his zanpakutou first? Me, or her?"
"Traditionally, you, the groom does."
"Mayumi-san, what is the power of your zanpakutou?" asked Byakuya.
"Byakuya-sama!" replied Mayumi. "Show me yours first, and I'll show you mine's."
"Mayumi-san, just how did the Fujimoto clan rose to power?"
"I beg your pardon?" Mayumi was completely taken back by this.
"We, the Kuchiki's, rose to power through noble connections and decades of hard work. We established companies throughout Soul Society. Everyone knows this. Yet, no one knows how the Fujimoto clan rose to status. Don't you find this odd?"
"Byakuya-sama, are you doubting us?"
"Mayumi-san, I cannot marry you."
The whole crowd was appalled.
"Byakuya, what are you saying?" asked Mr. Kuchiki.
"There is no trust between us. I don't trust your family's motive, and apparently, you don't trust me in giving me a straight out answer. There is no relationship between us. It's over."
Mr. Kuchiki's face turned pale. "Byakuya! You ungrateful brat! How dare you tarnish our name?!"
"Byakuya-san!" spat Masakazu. "This is too much! I let you take my daughter's hand in marriage, AND I reserved the vice captain spot for you! This is how you repay me?"
"I'm sorry, everyone." Byakuya closed his eyes slowly. "There is nothing else for me to say."
Byakuya shunpo'd to the other side of the parlor. He turned to Midoriko, or rather, Hisana. "Morikawa-san, let's go."
Hisana's face was shocked, but she nodded and followed him.
TO BE CONTINUED
lol you love us? XD
nice chapter guy and the climax is goin to come sooner or later!!
What? Am I suppose to say I hate you guys? J/k.
Hmm... yup the climax is coming real soon.
yahhzoo
05-05-2007, 05:11 AM
Great Chapter its starting to heat up! By the way happy birthday! Enjoy it they start to get meaningless soon. lol
ROFL, thanks yahzoo. I hope you will enjoy the climax as well... which will be in a few chapters, but since I'm so busy for the next few weeks... you guys might have to wait a bit longer.
The good news is, once summer vacation is here, I'll update pretty much every day.
lol well see ya till then guy;)
Hehe, I will try my best to update as often as possible.
well hope you do,even it will end the story faster:(
^Panther^
05-07-2007, 02:01 AM
pwnage chapter guy!!!
anonomus
05-07-2007, 11:51 PM
as i said before one chapter is better than most whole books ive read so keep making them 25out of 10
^Panther^
05-08-2007, 01:23 AM
30 out of 10!!!! ^^
err when the next one will come?
By today... after I come back from Taekwondo.
err okie but....you mean tommorow?
Sorry! I caught influenza yesterday, somehow... therefore, I had to take medicines and go to bed early.
Chapter 19: A Torn Apart Byakuya
"Byakuya! Stop!" roared Mr. Kuchiki. But it was too late. Byakuya had taken the girl out of the manor. Mr. Kuchiki tried to go after him, but he didn't travel very far before his strength failed him and started to cough madly.
"Mr. Kuchiki!" said Fujimoto. Mr. Kuchiki's eyes turned red and his lungs felt weak.
"Byakuya... why...?" he asked with very little strength.
Byakuya took Hisana to a quiet, middle-class neighborhodd. With the money he had, he could easily buy any house. Byakuya bought a nice house in the corner of a street.
"Hisana," he said. "I'm not sure what I'll do right now."
Hisan realized Byakuya was right. Byakuya could not go back to the family now, nor could he return to Seireitei. Byakuya supposed with his scarf, he can provide for themselves for quite a while.
A few days later, while walking down in the streets, Byakuya passed by a few people gathering outside the Kuchiki mansion. Ukitake was there.
"Senpai!" said Byakuya, calling out to him. "Senpai, how's my father? I've come to apologize and explain the real deal."
Ukitake turned around and saw Byakuya. "What the--? Byakuya? Why did you leave?"
"I'm sorry, but I cannot trust the Fujimoto clan. I need to see my father."
"Byakuya..." Ukitake's face turned depressed. "I don't know what to say, but ever since you left, Mr. Kuchiki's health was in dire situation. He passed away..."
Byakuya's eyes widen in shock and horror. It was all over... he was the only member of the Kuchiki clan left, and he had forsaken it.
"No!" exclaimed Byakuya. "That would mean... the Fujimoto clan will now take our place!"
"Byakuya..."
"My father... my clan..." Byakuya drooped his head. "They were both taken away by the Fujimoto clan. I must live up to the Kuchiki clan's reputation."
"Well, how are you going to do that?" asked Ukitake.
"I will live my life as Fujimoto Masakazu's vice captain."
"What?"
"If I run away right now, then the Kuchiki clan would be lost forever. If I serve as a subordinate, at least I will still be able to carry on my family legacy."
Ukitake could do nothing; Byakuya was determined. Ukitake beamed at Byakuya. "Good boy, don't let your parents down!"
Byakuya walked to the mansion. 'I swear my life,' he thought, 'that I will never run away from my duties again. Father, I will do whatever it takes to make it up to you.'
Byakuya walked back towards his home. 'After all, the closer I get to Fujimoto, the easier it is for me to kill him.'
TO BE CONTINUED
bleach_fan
05-12-2007, 11:58 PM
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO why did it had to stop!!!! please continue, i love your story plz continue, heck its even beter than mine. mine is nithing compared to yours... -sigh- i guess i'll give you a link. but dont i have a friend working with me fixing, so someday mine will be as good as your, joke... that will never happen.
http://forums.bleachportal.net/showthread.php?t=18904&page=299
all the way at the bottom... -sigh- my story will never be good as yours... -goes back to another forums-
Hisan realized Byakuya was right
mistypo and its nice,so that how his father pass away XD
bleach_fan
05-13-2007, 01:04 AM
poor byakuya, he gets all the bad luck every single time, but i really wonder how did his parents died.... or even how they look like.
yahhzoo
05-13-2007, 08:49 PM
Great Chapter guy! Last line was awesome :)
Lol, yeah. I actually got that from a video game call Fire Emblem. There was this one guy that said, "After all, the closer you are to your enemy, the easier it is to strike." Awesome quote, so I thought I use it here.
bleach_fan
05-17-2007, 02:00 AM
yo guy when are gonna update, cuz im cutting my veins here just now wht happens next. need to read story need to read story need to read story wht am i gonna do!!!!!!!!
Lol, take a deep breath man. I'll update by the day after tomorrow (friday). I always update around the weekend. Sorry, school is killing my creativity. Make it stop!
Oh well, once summer vacation starts, I might update daily, so until then, you'll just have to settle for one chapter a week. Sorry.
Dark Zero
05-18-2007, 12:33 AM
.... o well i'll just think that the update is that much closer then
bleach_fan
05-18-2007, 12:44 AM
:(:(:( if you say so, then i'll just have to wait then.. i hate waiting.. but at least its worth it, so when are your summmer vacation coming. closer huh? cant wait!!! but i still got 2 weeks left and finals :(:(:(:( noooooooooo i hate finals.....
Dark Zero
05-18-2007, 12:48 AM
finals do indeed suck and ... damn 2 weeks until finals for me as well. *awaits update and upcoming finals*
Lol, that does suck people. I've still got three weeks left. Sorry guys.
EDIT: Sorry for the two week break!
Chapter 20: Return to Seireitei
Byakuya and Hisana ultimately returned to seireitei. At first, Masakazu did not give Byakuya a warm welcoming, but he accepted him anyways.
"A man like you will have to live in shame for the rest of your life for what you did," he said. Byakuya didn't mind, so he listened without hesitation.
Hisana, on the other hand, was taken under Ukitake of the Thirteenth Division. All was well, except for some distance between Fujimoto and Kuchiki.
On one particular day, a hell butterfly gave the squad 13 a peculiar mission: a menos grande was let loose into Soul Society! Hisana and several other girls went straight out to find the menos grande. It was out in the far edge of SS, where there was no one around.
"The Menos is here, but even though there's no one here, we must stop it before it attacks some innocents," said Megumi, the third seat.
"I understand," said Hisana. All of the shinigami took out their zanpakutou. Hisana was a bit nervous because she didn't know the name of her zanpakutou. She only had some kidou spells.
The menos was huge, with a big, clowny face. Its roar was hideous, and its claws were sharp.
"Hadou no sanjuuichi, shakkahou!" screamed Hisana. The fireball did little damage. The menos screamed and started to swing its claws around like a madman.
"Megumi-san," said Hisana, "What if we can't hold out on our own?"
"Don't worry, the hell butterfly should've contact other squads. They'll know we're in trouble and save us. For now, do what you can."
"Megumi-san, help me!" screamed a man named Nishizawa. The menos had grabbed him and was shaking him like a toy.
"Oh my god! Nishizawa-san!" screamed Megumi. The menos then shredded the man to pieces.
"Nishizawa-san!" screamed Hisana in terror.
"Hadou no yon, byakurai!" yelled a man named Nakamura. Unfortunately, the kidou barely scratched the menos. The menos roared with rage and started to stomp the ground.
"Fry, Akahime," said a shinigami named Uemiya. His zanpakutou turned into a flaming sword. Uemiya swung his zanpakutou at the menos, but the menos was not frightened in the least.
"Slice, Kuroi Katana!" commanded Megumi. Her sword turned sharper and longer.
"Hadou no sanjuuichi, shakkahou!" screamed Hisana, frying every bit of the menos as she could. The menos carelessly swept Hisana off the ground.
"Hisana!" exclaimed Megumi. "Slice, Kuroi Katana!" Her sword flashed across the menos, effectively giving it a very small cut. "Damn it! My zanpakutou is not doing anything... at this rate, we'll all die!"
Her fears were about to be confirmed. The menos started to charge a red thing in its mouth.
"Oh my god!" screamed Nakamura. "That's a cero attack! If it hits us, we're all screwed!"
"What?" Hisana had never heard of this 'cero' thing before. The menos fired its cero, instantly killing Nakamura and Uemiya, and narrowly killed Megumi.
"Megumi-san!" screamed Hisana. "Are you alright?"
"Hisana, don't worry about me!" she said. "Just run! You can't take on a menos all by yourself! We, as a team, could barely scratch it! Save yourself!"
"Megumi-san!" Hisana tried to do something else, but the menos swiped her corpse away. Hisana looked terrified at the monster before her. "Ha-ha-hadou no-no sanjuuichi, shakkahou!" The fireball she had in her palm disappeared before even firing. The menos started to charge up another cero. Hisana knew this was the end...
Suddenly, someone came in with a shunpo and saved her from the cero. Hisana realized it was Byakuya.
"Byakuya!" she exclaimed in confusion. Byakuya set her down.
"Hisana, get back," he ordered. Then, he turned to the menos. "Hadou no yon, byakurai!" From his finger, a pure white lightening struck the menos. The menos became shocked and paralyzed for a moment.
Byakuya pulled out his zanpakutou. "Chire, Senbonzakura." One thousand tiny blades vanished into the air. The menos tried to attack with its right hand, but senbonzakura tore some of the muscles there. The menos screamed in pain.
"Hadou no sanjuuichi, shakkahou!" A large fireball fired from Byakuya's hand, but unlike everyone else's futile attempts, this fireball actually incinerated the menos' right hand.
"Byakuya-sama..." said Hisana in utter amazement. How could Byakuya take this battle more lightly than a group of people and still be triumphing? "Who else is here?"
"Fujimoto-taichou will be here shortly. He sensed this menos' reiatsu. He sended me here first," said Byakuya. "I was too late to save your nakama, so I can only ensure your safety."
"Thank you... Byakuya-sama," replied Hisana with a tear in her eye. However, the sentimental moment didn't last long; the menos started to charge up another cero.
TO BE CONTINUED
yahhzoo
05-26-2007, 04:14 AM
Woohoo Byakuya to the rescue. Great work!
GoldenFire
05-26-2007, 09:39 AM
Very good story, I read it all at once since you mentioned it somewhere else and I'm new.
Just a mistake I noticed quite clearly
He sended me here first
That should be a sent, otherwise great job and definitely look forward to reading more!
magnifico!
awesome chapters guy i kinda let it pile up so i can read it one after the other.
is this a suicide mission for byakuya??? *dun dun dunnnn
Lol, hi rei! It's been awhile.
Yes, it is a suicide mission in a way... I mean, even a menos grande is too much for Byakuya back in those days...
TuRm0iL
05-27-2007, 10:44 PM
suicide mission!? Byakuya is pwning that menos! He destroyed its arm, demolished its hand, and can use his shuunpo to escape its slow attacks. The menos doesn't have a chance.
By the way, great chapter Guy!
bleach_fan
05-28-2007, 07:06 PM
WWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! another sweet chapter! way to go guy!!!!keep writing we love your story.. the wait was worth it :D keep writing please,dont stop ok? :D:D:D:D:D:D
diamondedge
05-28-2007, 08:53 PM
Okay, I've read the story till now!
I really like the plot, but i have few complaints.
You may be progressing a little too fast, and i often feel there isn't enough detail in the actions you're describing. Try to work with characters feeling a bit more, rather than just telling what they do.
Also, dialogues need to be more live. There's soo many times when you just say "OMG!" he/she exclaimed with no additional stuff to go along with it whatsoever.
But I gotta give you the props for the structure, because this fic is really easy to read.
Keep it up, you're on the right track! :)
wow byakuya come in action XD cant wait for the next episode
SunnyPie♥
05-29-2007, 02:01 AM
Continue! >.<
I really like the plot, but i have few complaints.
you might wanna use comments or critiques
Lolz, I'm back with the new chapter!
Chapter 21: Byakuya and Hisana versus the Menos Grande
Byakuya realized that the menos was charging up another cero attack. He quickly grabbed Hisana and tried to shunpo away. The cero barely missed, but the fire sent debris flying everywhere, some scratching Byakuya's skin.
"Byakuya-sama," said Hisana. "We must not go to town! If we do, we'd be endangering all the lives of innocent people here. We must stay here and fight it!"
Another cero blast.
"Hisana, I cannot do that!" declared Byakuya, continuing to shunpo away from cero fires. "The rest of the gotei 13 are on their way here. I'm sure the captains told the civilians to hide. If we stay here, neither one of us will survive! Right before I rescued you, I saw his cero destroyed all your nakama. If your nakama all got wiped out by his cero, we would be too."
Byakuya put Hisana down after putting up a good distance between them and the menos.
"Hadou no yon, byakurai!" he cried. A white lightening