24 ways to impress a girl

[Fragz]

Found this

1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say "could be better" this will keep her on her toes, and girls love that.

2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness (or if she grabs your hand squeeze hers really, really hard until she cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.)

3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs. They love to be roughed up.

4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she is say "you better be" , repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.

5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and every girl needs some improvement.

6. Recognize the small things, they usually mean the most. Then when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them. Because jewellery is for pussy's and Asian ladies.

7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure she's looking. When she is, stare into her eyes mouth the words fcuk you and grab the other girls arse. Girls love competition.

8. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she thinks it's going to be really special. Then take her to a burning tire yard. When she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her home. When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear "...because I can."

9. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick". Women love those special nicknames.

10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.

11. Warm her up when she's cold...and not by giving her your jacket... then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say "if you don't stop b*tching about the cold right now you're going to be b*tching about a black eye." The best way to get warm is with fear.

12. Take her to a party. When you get there she'll have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the party's dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.

13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn't girls

14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she's fast asleep, wait 10 minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR Repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things. Like basketball.

15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.

16. If you care about her never ever tell her. This will only give her self confidence. Then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.

17. Every time you're in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way she'll go crazy.

18. Take her out to dinner. Right when she's about to order interrupt and say NO" she's not hungry". Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.

19. Look her in the eyes and smile . Then clock her one. Girls love a spontaneous guy.

20. Give her one of your t-shirts... and make sure it has your smell on it. But not a sexy cologne smell. A bad smell. You know what I'm talking about.

21. If you're listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. This way she'll think you're mysterious.

22. Remember her birthday but don't get her something. Teach her rial objects aren't important. The only thing that's important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.

23. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas, or just whenever, take it and tell her you love it. Then next time you know she's coming over on a trash day leave the trash can open and have the present visibly sticking out of the can. Girls actually don't like this one that much but I think it's funny.

24. If she's mad at you for not calling her when you say you will, promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This will make sure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call you're going to tell her a special surprise. now she'll be really excited. now don't call. That's also quite funny.

[Cheryl]

Lmao, this should be renamed '24 ways to lose a girl in one second'. :whatevah:

[DireCry]

i'loled.

[Neko Rae]

If someone did this to me I'd probably have to go to jail for murder.

[DireCry]

*hides from hira*

:p

[Rorschach]

*takes copious notes*
http://i98.photobucket.com/albums/l270/karenrofl/lolowl.jpg

[Undying]

*Laughs*

Ahhh, the great 24 ways to lose a girl within one hour since hearing her say she's your forever.

[Askand]

I think this is 24 ways on how I as a girl can Bankai you to hell. LOL I only read the first 3 ones and I really got annoyed if a Guy do that to me I dont think he would have a future let alone the jewels of the family to leave his mark on earth. That was fun, keep them coming *begins to sharpen her knives and swords* LOL *evil grin*

[Kalashnikov]

lol that is one of the funniest things ever!!!!!


EVER!!

[Z_Blitz]

Lmao, this should be renamed '24 ways to lose a girl in one second'. :whatevah:

QFT!!!

Seriously man, if I did this to my girlfriend she'd bite my head off in a flash =/.

[BabyLoving]

... This is lame. Any guy who dared to do that to me, will be dumped by me pronto. Then, I will spread rumors about why we broke up. In short, I would make him back. How can a boyfriend treat his girlfriend this way? Retard. (:

[silverwolf801]

yo this is mad official I have to use these man thanks your the best. O yea ladies here I come.

[maximoose666]

rofl that's so funny

i laughed so hard

the best way to get warm is with fear... wtf xD

[silverwolf801]

I love 7 and 8

[IntoTheHollow]

lol theyre all funny but is this real i mean itll piss the girls off

look ill try to make 5 :

1.never do what fragz said!

2.if shes looking at your stuff, lock the doors and exits out of your room(note: do this only late in relationship)this will get the romance going

3.make sure your family doesnt meet her until you do this one:

get one of youre friends that can kinda do a voice like youre dad(if you dont have any dont try) and make it seem like youre family doesnt like her(with friend) this always gets a girl in the mood(most do what theyre not allowed) then say yor family wont reveal it in public so she understands why theyre nice most of the time

4.when she gives you a present say you love it and then when she calls say youre using it(if it can be used): example:
that new video game you got me is exciting!

5.if she says shes a fan of something say you are to and hope that she doesnt talk about it off the bat then learn about it ex:
one piece fan=watch one piece

[Ashley]

More like 24 ways to get a broken jaw with my high-heels! He'll be sure to get one of these
http://img83.imageshack.us/img83/3742/cap2701ui5.jpg

But yeah, some of those things are just plain mean.

[Donut]

That's some pretty messed up stuff...

Nevertheless, I LOL'D XD

[Hunni3]

LOL THATS FREKIN HILARIOUS. i dare anyone to do that to me.... they'll find out what happens >=)

[Icestorm]

I got one..

1. Show that you care about her more than anything in the world..


oh wait.. damn.. that will work!

:)

that is pretty funny but I would stab someone who could be that cruel.

[ちい~ちゃん]

O_O what the hell lol
funny but not true at all

[Tanya]

/me lawls.
6, 7, 16, and 22 ahah.

[Evanesque]

Are you sure this is to impress? I think it's more like how to drive a girl insane and dump you in less than a minute!

Wtf is this crap?
X3

[Momo]

rofl... hilarious xD
I mean.. I would get mad if that ever happens but just... can't stop laughing rofl.

[Evanesque]

Naw it's just plain mean as Ash said...>_>

You know, there's this guy I know who's my friend's friend and he's just like that to his gf...I don't know why..he's so weird but his gf's another pathetic woman..because after all the shit he does to her, she still won't dump him. Instead she talks about how hard it was to make him fall in love with her etc etc and she won't give up..

I think it's plain stupidity ~sigh~

[.System]

LOL

I like stuff like this, usually makes my day, its meant a joke BTW to all people who took it seriously!!

[♥ Tess]

22. Remember her birthday but don't get her something. Teach her rial objects aren't important. The only thing that's important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.

*chuckles*

funny list, reminds me of this Man Law's thing I read

[darkthief]

~ROFLMAOCOPTER~

[hollow kitty]

LOL yeah you practice those and lemme know how it works out for you ;)

[Lust]

i gurantee whoever try this will lost a girl at once;)

[Strawberry63]

That was hilarious!

[Dounick]

-__-;
no comment

[Lady Ushio]

I don't agree with some of this...tsk...

[Chrome]

wow

im a girl...and wouldnt wouldnt want any of that stuff

>_<

[Silhouette]

ROTFLMSAOLOLAWLOMFGWTFBBQPANCAKES!

That's hilarious. Especially the last ones. LMAO!

I got a few:

1. If your girlfriend ever asks you if the dress she's wearing makes her butt look big, reply, "No, you just have a really huge ass." I hear that most girls would take that as a compliment.

2. If she cons you into watching a chick flick, don't pretend to cry. Girls hate pansies. Instead, laugh your ass off whenever someone dies in the movie. Girls love a guy who laughs at the face of death.

3. When your girlfriend asks you to go shopping with her, decline her offer. Later, when she brings up how much fun she had shopping with her friends, tell her you didn't go with her because you knew she'd have a better time with them than she would with you. She will think you actually care about her feelings, instead of you not going because you didn't want to spend a lot of money on her.

4. When you come to a corner on the street with a puddle under it. Don't take off your jacket for her to step on. She will think that you are fast to throw away your belongings. Instead, find the nearest hobo, and throw them infront of her to step on. This way, she'll see that you not only care about her, but that you're willing to give filthy hobos free baths.

>.>
<.<

*runs*

[silverwolf801]

Man these are ok and I didn't rofl. Sorry man try again. Tasogare.

[HGFoMT]

I lol'd. But if someone did this to me, I would definately kill them.

[Aristocrat]

@Fragz: erm...yeah thats really funny but if any one tryed to do any one of them I WILL MURDER HIM ALIVE

[Cloud]

I would literally do number 9. It's freaking hilarious. Only if she knew I was kidding of course...

[Ericd014]

8. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she thinks it's going to be really special. Then take her to a burning tire yard. When she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her home. When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear "...because I can."

This would be a one way ticket to death for me....all the girls I know, and the one I like, would kill me and anyone else who came within 50 feet of them if this happened. Sadly, most of the girls at my school are state weightlifting champions....so yea.....they would team up........and kill us.......

[Epyon94]

This is great, by far one of the best things I've read in a long time.
lol

[supratt232]

i lol'd...definitely need to try a few of these out.

[Toutaku Chuuei]

some funny stuff there

[Hugoinaboxlives]

Bwahahahaha.

But I really don't think you should make her go crazy.
She might shoot you. In the head.
Crazy people tend to do that :(

[Miss M]

*Miyu rofl'ed*

a way to get back at the guy....
burn his hair.... :)
steal his cookies...
and his Playboy collection hidden underneath his bed... :)

[SakuraNeko]

@Fragz: Man I'd so kill my Boyfriend if he ever tried any of those on me.... he'd be sorry he ever met me thats for sure.

heres my list of what would like my boyfriend to do....

• give her one of your t-shirts/sweatshirts to sleep in.
• leave her cute text notes.
• kiss her in front of your friends.
• tell her she looks beautiful.
• tell her she smells good.
• if you think your in love, kiss her.
• look into her eyes when you talk to her.
• let her mess with your hair.
• just walk around with her.
• FORGIVE her for her MISTAKES.
• look at her like she's the only girl you see.
• tickle her even when she says stop.
• hold her hand when you're around your friends.
• when she starts swearing at you, tell her you love her.
• let her fall asleep in your arms.
• get her mad, then kiss her.
• stay on the phone with her even if shes not saying anything
• tease her and let her tease you back.
• stay up all night with her when she's sick.
• watch her favorite movie with her.
• kiss her forehead.
• give her the world.
• when she's sad, hang out with her.
• let her know she's important.
• kiss her in the pouring rain.
• don't check out other girls around her.
• when you fall in love with her, tell her.
• and when you tell her, love her like you've never loved someone before.

[Fearful Shino]

Australia says NO to violence against Women... :( Taro, you are MEAN.

[sander]

this might just be the best topic ever ^^

[Yamamoto]

gosh... I go Lol'd at the guy who is actually stupid and daring enough going to do all those things and get murdered...

@SakuraNeko: now if only i could find a girl who would do that and not be with those rgangster homeboys all the time :p

@Kia: Australia says NO to violence against women but with this, they will say YES to any man who dares to do any of this :)

[.Rik-uh-shey]

this deserves to be recognized globally. men everywhere need this for guidance.

[.Rik-uh-shey]

you know you like to get put in your place.
jk *avoids oncoming slap*

[Christian Lub]

uhhhh.....no
thats mean
id never treat a guy like that
id treat them with love

[.Rik-uh-shey]

this thread deserves to get destroyed!!! its advice is misleading.

[Christian Lub]

yea true
die thread die

[Malice]

If I met a guy who was like that (refers to 1st post) to a woman. I wouldn't hesitate in killing him. That's how a stupid idiotic dickhead would act and that's a surefire way of breaking the woman's heart and ruining a relationship.

I'm gonna get burned by someone now but it's worth it. Proves that the truth hurts.

[Christian Lub]

yea ur true
its a stupid post thinging
they are gay

[Sunshine]

If someone did this to me, I think I too would get in jail for murder (if I couldn't get away from it somehow :P )
No but seriously....
guys do not do this to a girl.... *does like Askand and sharpens the kitchen knives*

[Christian Lub]

its just completely ****ing mean

[Sunshine]

yepp.
I agree totally with Rayven

[Lust]

no.3 is inhuman,how can someone do such thing?

[Sunshine]

someone not mentally stable?

[Malice]

no.3 is inhuman,how can someone do such thing?
Someone whom obviously has a death wish.

[Christian Lub]

but its a ll mean no one should do those things unless they want to lose a gf

[Sunshine]

I don't even think that guy'll get a girlfriend...

[Malice]

(agrees with Sunshine.)

[Christian Lub]

yea me either

[Kuroi Getsuga Tenshou]

Very Very Verryyyy Etertaining Lol!

[Christian Lub]

they all are so rong

[Toasty]

OMG! This is so great!

It made me laugh so hard... and I'm a girl, so I can.

But guys, if you try these, prepare for pain!!!!!!!!!!

[Christian Lub]

yesh im a girl too and i laughed my ass off too

[Mikado]

Great stuff! *goes try it out*
*get's smacked* =3

[Artemis]

Is it just me, or is the writer just trying to say:

"I'm a sadist that just wants to ruin your love-life and even perhaps wishes to give you a hospital bill?"

[shaberry]

Lol...stupidest.stuff.ever

[Kenta]

well, i guess these are made for people with nothing to lose. who knows, one of the girls might have a peculiar taste in men.

[_Ink]

Here is my best:

Whenever she welcomes you home in a "Honey welcome back" tone.
scream this:
"Shut up *****, make me some pie."

or

"Go back to the kitchen woman, and make me a sandwich"

women love to be in kitchen related activities, encourage them.

[DatLatina!]

OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that was funy and im a girl man is that funny as hell that is the complete oppisite of what guys do 2 try 2 impress us

[Kuro-Chan]

that's more like chasing a girl away rather than impressing one. xd

[Anubisrage]

LOL nice...
Ill go try it now!!!!!!

[Evanesque]

Wow, you guys are awesome at impressing women, I'm sure they fall head over heels for you and can't figure how to get back on their feet
X3


LOL nice...
Ill go try it now!!!!!!

Errr...if you mean try it on me then that ain't gonna work. I can't cook shit X3
YOU, on the other hand, can...and did :redbiggri

Go make me dinner boi and make it quick! <3
*whips*

[woody0]

LMAO!!!! I love this! Especially no. 9 *tries on girlfriend and films* this is going on youtube!

[woody0]

Lmao, what do you expect? Men are men, we like to play pranks on our partners, its our way of showing how much we love them... But in our own special way :P

So leave us be if you don't understand our sense of humour :)

[BeeCrest]

Here is my best:

Whenever she welcomes you home in a "Honey welcome back" tone.
scream this:
"Shut up *****, make me some pie."

or

"Go back to the kitchen woman, and make me a sandwich"

women love to be in kitchen related activities, encourage them.

Wouldn't it be easier for you to chain her to the stove, forcing her to yell "Honey welcome back" while she's baking the pie. Personally installing the chain would impress her with your wonderful skills in using power tools.



And yes I'm female and I think it's pretty funny.

[Neko Hime]

wow. ummm...seriously how many times did this guy get dumpt!? 50...5000? lol I'm a girl and if a guy treated me like that yeah I wouldn't be with him for long....

[woody0]

Aaaaaan whos problem is that? Not yours, only the people who have it done to them :P so dont complain XD

[_Ink]

taking a joke and putting seriousness in it...
fail.

so it is true, women belong in the kitchen (no offense... was adding spice to flame bait)

http://img177.imageshack.us/img177/1153/1182614561099zo2.jpg (http://youfail.org)

[punzada]

17. Every time you're in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way she'll go crazy.


god as my witness I'm going to do this to my girlfriend :D

[Reefern86]

ive followed those steps before and u'll be amazed at how well they work but i have to add a few.

25. If u actually get her to sleep with you, throw he out the second you're finished, and while she is gathering her things to leave call an old GF. That way she'll know ur a busy man with a lot of things to do.

26. If she ever invites you to see her parents, act like a totaly different person. So the next time you beat her...you got allies!

[Twinky]

rofl total BS that was funny wold be funnier if some one actually followed it

[Donut]

Hilarious.

Seriously though, jeez, it's all in good irony.

[Kuroi Getsuga Tenshou]

13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn't girls
I can relate to this one right here

[_Ink]

I think you just killed a few care-bears.

ignore the gaiafag for greater justice.

28: Remember, women are emphatic creatures, make yourself the same and you will understand how they feel, put on your lion suit and make her hunt for the food, shopping for grocery, clean the house, when done, never appreciate and eat first, always do your thing to show who is the man of the house.

[.Rik-uh-shey]

ive followed those steps before and u'll be amazed at how well they work but i have to add a few.
25. If u actually get her to sleep with you, throw he out the second you're finished, and while she is gathering her things to leave call an old GF. That way she'll know ur a busy man with a lot of things to do.
26. If she ever invites you to see her parents, act like a totaly different person. So the next time you beat her...you got allies!


rofl, nice adds Reefer XD. and G.O.T.U. calm the hell down, its just a joke =/

[Donut]

ignore the gaiafag for greater justice.

28: Remember, women are emphatic creatures, make yourself the same and you will understand how they feel, put on your lion suit and make her hunt for the food, shopping for grocery, clean the house, when done, never appreciate and eat first, always do your thing to show who is the man of the house.

Yeah, should have done that a while ago...

And, I lol'd.

[BeeCrest]

Goddess I understand you don't find this funny, not everyone is entitled to find it humorous, but if you don't like it please refrain from continuously posting in here that you think it's horrible. Enough is enough guys, let the people who think it's funny joke about it and if you want argue with them do through PMs. Kthnx.

[Pipp-ORK]

I have to agree. The spamming in here is getting pretty bad.

lmfao

does NOT constitute a proper post.

[Christian Lub]

im sorry but its not right these things are all wrong

[BeeCrest]

Yes you've said that over and over again. There's no need to say the same thing in more than one post. It's merely a joke that people find funny. Not every joke is centered around a harmless/non-cruel act. I'm asking that you just let it go.

[zen]

This is so funny and cruel, I can't do this stuff it's to mean.

[Christian Lub]

well im sorry i didnt mean too its jus that
explain it to my bf well my "break"
and see hat he says ??
hes a lil mean to me sumtimes

[aloy]

...huh..no 8 sure's funny n do girls really like guys that spit a lot...how about giving it a try!

[Mercurius]

this is a really funny thread :p

Well, anyway to all the guys out there...dun follow this list :lol

[mangaman16]

pulling the girls's hair from behind but not hard might work depending on the girl,just to surprise her but those 23 other ways may get you in alot of trouble and give you a bad reputation lol.

[hunter101]

24 ways to impress, yes, there are more.

[Neko Kyo]

pulling a girls hair is a good way to get slapped. girls are only happy if you buy them stuff

[hunter101]

Girls are not happy if you buy them stuff. They will be like.. WTF. Instead buy them things on occasion. and in spontanious.

Also, pulling the hair is golden! YOu only do it when you are buying tempo, i.e. building attraction, intercourse, ect. its a primal way of doing it. You only do it once, and have no regrets. What you do is pull her hair from the back of her head, run your hands on the back of her skull, up the roots and pull. Dont yank or jerk, its a pleasing feeling, i love it. Once you pull, look her in the eyes and say 'i want to kiss you so bad, but you been a bad girl.' pull away and act as if it never happened.

[Neko Kyo]

And who made you the expert buddy? unless you're hot, girls don't like it when you pull thier hair.

[hunter101]

No, they dont like it if they dont know you or have built a connection to you. There are two types of men in every womens lives. the 1st group would be those who are 'just friends' and nothing more. Then there are those who built an emotional connection to her. Those men who built a connection can do this.

Pulling the hair releases feelings in her, primal feelings. you only do it once, not like 565406540 times. I done it before and it works like a charm. But you cant just come from a goffy mind set, you do it from a mindset of a charmer, someoen who is different from most men in her life. Simple no?

[Greyhok]

haha.
These are funny.

No doubt the creator is crazy? lol. J/k... or am I?

My personal fave is:

8. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she thinks it's going to be really special. Then take her to a burning tire yard. When she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her home. When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear "...because I can."

[Axdsilva]

I dun have a girl & if I try that, I never will, but man that's funny. ^^