[Neve] Creation

[Neve]

Yay for 5,000 posts ^_^

Fear a poem I wrote because I was bored :P. I quite like it, although there are a few words and lines I'm unhappy with (I don't like the last two lines at all, and I'm not sure about the word 'love' on line 6). It's a petrarchan sonnet :).

Tell me if you realise what the poem is about - if nobody does, I may have to alter the title. It's difficult to tell if I was too vague. Any other advice is also much appreciated.

Creation


Your flowing form ablaze with golden light,
From violent flame to gentle wisp you creep,
Through movements that torment me in my sleep,
In subtle inspiration you take flight,
And bathe in searing radiance so bright,
That from my entranced eyes my love will seep,
A thousand white hot tears I shall weep,
For fire shan’t be calmed by me this night,
In your ‘friendship’, I shall be left to rust,
I watch him hold you, watch and mourn my fate,
His caring eyes turn all anger to dust,
He makes you happy, that I cannot hate,
But this can’t satisfy eternal lust,
Observing from afar, I am too late.

[A2k]

=/

I wish that just once; that something real, something truly worthwhile and good will happen to you Never.

Let a dove fly and it's freedom will be reward enough.

In truth, you know yourself I faced a some such similar kind of scenario of late, and if you can live with the sentance above, then you can push through anything, and you said it yourself: "He makes you happy, that I cannot hate," =)

Although I might add a very slight correction were I to use the line in referrence to myself. ^_~

I liked the peice; it had a collection of senses in it that really forced their way into mind with the gradually building momentum of the rhyme. A strong picture transformed with each line I read, almost like a picture flickbook. o_O

Sweet peice Neve...you don't post enough of what you create...you know that right? =)

[Neve]

Although I might add a very slight correction were I to use the line in referrence to myself. ^_~

XD

Thanks A2k :)

[Ai]

/me likes it..

you stuck to the form of the poetry style very well as well as keeping the flow that goes with that style. Your choice of theme however widely used was kept original by incoperating your own unique choices of words to place into the phrases and you were able to keep my attention on the poem for more then 5 seconds..In that you win.

altogether an extremely well created piece of poetry and a lovely 5000th post...Congrats..

[>BANKAI RIROU<]

hey there are so many poem here and all goood

[BeeCrest]

Well done Neve :) The rhyming was well done, and despite the end note of sadness the poem still holds up a fiery sense of happiness.