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The'Galin
03-31-2007, 07:12 PM
He sat in a dimly lit room staring straght at the wall. Something had been bothering him for a long time now.

People were starting to wonder. Wonder where his loyalty was. He had avoided his fellow fighters for about a week now.

He sat for a few minutes just pondering on everything had had happened in the past year or so.

The love, the joy, the friends, but also the pain, weight, and obligation to protect the inocent.

It was alot of weight to carry. But he knew he had to. He was the only one who could, and he knew it.

There was a quiet, knock at the door. he paused, as if he was surprised, then said, "Come In."

In walked a man, with a long smirk on his face. SIlver white hair, and a long white coat representing the army of the great Aizen.

He walked forward silent as a mouse, eyes dead on him. " People are stating to talk you know." He said with a slight, if any bit of care in the tone of his voice.

"People are starting to wonder wether to trust you or not. And frankly, I think you won't last."

"You're one of the good guy's at heart and you know it too. There's no use hiding it. You WILL get found out. You'll get found out real soon. Its only a matter of time you kno."

He stayed silent. Letting ever word he had just said soak in as if he were a sponge in a tub of water.

There was an Akward pause. Then he got up from his seat, and stood straight in front of him, as if challenging him.

"Ichimaru Gin..I knew this time would come. Aizen knew it too. Everyone knew it. Today, right here and now, I will, prove that I am capible. Capible of defeating the evils that lurk in this place. That time, is now."

Rayster
04-01-2007, 04:24 AM
Not bad Galin.

some C&C for improvement

Your spelling needs work, so you should first type it up in Microsoft Word, or the like, to be able to check spelling.
Some words don't have capitol's that should, and others do that shouldn't.

also, with the general story, the atmosphere is good, however there doesn't seem to be a suitable conclusion, although I can see what you were aiming for.
It's not very clear to non-manga readers that this is Tousen either.

Otherwise i'd say your Itachi one was much better quality than this. keep writing heaps, and it'll only get better :)

The'Galin
04-01-2007, 08:05 PM
thanks for the feedback Decado, I also think that my previous one was way better than this, I litteraly just typed this out in one fowl swoop from the top of my head, I should've planned mine out more. Oh well, I was at a party from the time I thought. I came home at about 2:15ish and I just wrapped it up. If I feel up to it later I might post the battle between him and Gin. Hopefully that can make up for the so so quality of this one.