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Rayster
04-01-2007, 01:08 PM
Another Ulquiorra X Inoue Prose (not "X" in the sense most ppl make too much)
Basically another random chapter written as requested, in their saga, this being the end of their timeline.

I have wrote (in my view) their beginning: Reverential Desire [Welcome to My Adobe] (http://forums.bleachportal.net/showthread.php?t=32170)
Another random in between: Fall Of Perfection (http://forums.bleachportal.net/showthread.php?t=30588)

And now basically the end. Depending on where the manga takes us, there could be more, or I may just concuct some random event, such as these three fics.

Note to those confused: Nothing I have written has come to pass, or in any future event will come to pass (most probabaly). I'm merely using the characters.

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Flee From His Adobe

A shrill cry resounded in the eternal night of Hueco Mundo. Anger blazed and
hearts were torn, the masked warrior coming to his end from the one who had
begun for him the veneration that he appreciated as life. The irony was derisory.

As the orange haired shinigami escaped with her, he knew she would never know
of his sacrifice, the step he had taken to assure her safety. She would never know
the barriers he had broken within himself to face his master, to draw his blade
and selfishly take what he thought was just.

His sword had screamed clear of its scabbard, and it would die in the same
manner. For he had seen in her eyes understanding - the type he could only ever
recall in his master. From those early days of toil and dread, there was but one
purpose within him. To assert himself as the one who would best protect the
honour of his Lord, and he had done well.

When first he saw the girl he had seen it. The harsh determinedness he himself
had expressed, the same sad comprehension of what they were, and what they
could never become, for however long or however hard they worked. It was
there, or it wasn’t.

And for them it was not.

When his subordinate had asked for the kill, he had not shown his hesitation,
instead closing his eyes to the end of what needed to be. As fate would have it,
the orange haired shinigami had appeared, and set into motion the sequence of
events, which he looked back now not to regret.

Her time in Hueco Mundo was repugnant to all who occupied, and yet he could not
resist the notion of visiting her, of seeing those eyes. The reflection of emotion he
could no longer feel, no longer express.

The same sadness he knew he sensed, but could not feel.

And now she would be free, and he was glad.

His body now ripped, the pressure of returning from his released state dissipating
what remaining fighting reiatsu he would have left. His eyes lifted slowly, and he
saw the face he had sworn to serve. He was not angry. That was enough.

‘Find her, Gin,’ came his voice.

And that caused more terror than impending death, for he would not let them
reach her. Would not let them crush her soul, to bring her to the fate that he now
faced.

Within moments swords had clashed, Ulquiorra’s breaking upon impact, the hilt
snapping clear in his hands.

He heard the familiar cry of Gin’s shikai, and the blade punched through the
remaining fragments of his body, impaling him terribly on the wall, until the blade
was ripped away. He crashed to his knees, and felt the feel of her reiatsu in the
distance, growing further.

The marble of the floor rushed up to strike his face, his vision darkening, the pain
in his body flaring like intensified flames.

And yet his hand still pushed his body upward.

For he had promised her. You are under my guard human.

He suddenly saw his master kneel in front, a pleasant expression adopted for the
death of his Espada. ‘Rest, Ulquiorra.’

He had done enough. They would escape. They would be safe.

She would be safe. Her soul would be free, her life still young. He knew as
his existence fled from him, the darkness of the pit calling him once more, that she
would never know of his sacrifice.

There was no light for him to reach after death. No beacon of hope for his
endeavour.

He was a hollow. Just another hollow…

That gave his everything. That crushed his own desires and dreams… for her.

Yet she would never know... And it broke the heart he never had.

Undying
04-01-2007, 04:40 PM
He heard the familiar cry of Gin’s shikai,
Although I know what you intended to write here, in my opinion it would sound better if you wrote:

"He heard the familiar screech/scream of Gin's shikai", not in reference to the command, but rather to the extending blade itself; to the scream it emits as it rushes towards its enemies.

It would make the scene more dramatic, more "evil", in a sense.

Other than that, this is truly a masterful work.

Rayster
04-01-2007, 10:47 PM
Thanks Undying

with the shikai part, i meant 'cry' as in Gin was 'saying' it :)

glad you enoyed it !

Jeem
04-01-2007, 11:41 PM
This is probably the best "quicky" chapter I've ever seen (not to mention a tremendous work comapared to all categories). The thing that stood out most was the language you used; the way you described it. The words were almost poetic, and the story itself was deep and interesting.

Yet she would never know... And it broke the heart he never had
^^Great line

Silhouette
04-02-2007, 11:25 AM
ZOMG! Its liek...great! WRITE MORE!!!!111one!!1!!two!11!!

lmao. Seriously though, its very nice. Like jeem said, its poetic. The language and flow was perfect. Makes you almost feel sorry for Ulquiorra...almost...maybe...

Rayster
04-02-2007, 12:33 PM
ZOMG! Its liek...great! WRITE MORE!!!!111one!!1!!two!11!!
no patronising others enthusiasm thanks.

hehe, neway, thankyou both. glad u enjoyed it. now if all the readers posted here that would be good..


Makes you almost feel sorry for Ulquiorra...almost...maybe...
at least it got u thinkin on that sort of track..


@Jeem: thanks. I love that line too.

Undying
04-02-2007, 04:56 PM
I know what you meant in "cry", but I feel that Ulquiarra would ignore the voice and hear the blade. Besides, it would make it more dramatic.

Rayster
04-03-2007, 02:08 AM
Yep, i know wat u mean. Sounds like a good idea. Thanks =)

tho i'm goin to stick with 'cry' not cos of stubborness or nething, since it's less of a battle and more of an emo scene.. and screech would imply he saw it coming.
goin with the effect of:

Gin: 'Shinsou'
Ulquiorra already slammed/impaled. No time

but yeh, if it was a fight scene the screech would have been far more suitable


heh, and see.. i'm sure you're glad i'm not a moronic fanboy eh.. otherwise Ulquiorra could have defeated Gin. BUt that's kinda ridiculous..

AmnesiaI
04-03-2007, 03:21 AM
Damn that was some good writing.
Do you do anything outside of these short story like things?

P.S. ulq will never die! : )

Silhouette
04-03-2007, 03:25 AM
Yes, he does. Click the spoiler in his sig, he's written several other fics, and he's even working on a novel. *coughs*

Rayster
04-03-2007, 06:34 AM
Thanks Sess :)

@AmnesiaI: like he said, check my sig. where it says: "My Fics"
open the spoiler and u'll see the novel i'm workin on, plus my orig short stories, and also an Orig Fanfic (Bleach based, using orig characters and storyline created by me) called: Dark Light of Seiretei..
links are all there for lazy ppl :)

♥ Tess
04-03-2007, 06:01 PM
i kinda think this ended too quickly : (
(sorry if I sound selfish, but I would love to have read more about the interaction of these two ;x )

The way Ulquiorra described her existence in Hueco Mundo, it makes me feel like I missed a important chapter of this continuing fic.
Her time in Hueco Mundo was repugnant to all who occupied, and yet he could not
resist the notion of visiting her, of seeing those eyes. The reflection of emotion he
could no longer feel, no longer express.
~sigh~

It was a surprise to see Gin in this. (even more as the person who killed Ulquiorra). I always knew Ulquiorra would eventually face-off against his master &/or one of his fellow espada's, but I never guessed Gin ;3

... still, i wish he didn't have to die >.<
Like you commented, you didn't make the mistake of making Ulquiorra all god-like by defeating Gin, Aizen & everyone else. (...that would seem kinda fake)

but if he was simply defeated, he would be able to recover and one day have a chance to see her again. [thus, a happy ending. YAY! :p]

still, I guess rebelling and fighting to his death really showed how much of a impact Inoue made on him (that's why I feel like i missed a chapter)

thank you for these fic's D<3
i'm happy you made this much. [since it started as a impulse write]
really appreciate them.



+rep

The'Galin
04-04-2007, 12:27 AM
Wow, this was by far the best of the Ulquiorra and Inoue ones you have done. It actually did make me think more in depth about Ulquiorra, and I actually felt rather sorry for him.:o

You did a good job on keeping Ulquiorra defeatable and not making him all godly. (God, I hate it when people do that!)

I kinda of surprised me when he was that quicly killed by Gin, and I would have thought that he would've put up more of a good fight.

I was also surpised how Inoue felt no gratitude towards Ulquiorra, and just sort of brushed him off when Ichigo, once again came to save the day, that doesn't seem much like Inoue. But I guess thats what you were aiming for if you wanted it to be an Emo type Ulquiorra fan fic.



Anyways, good overall job, and please make more just as good as this in the near future.! :redbiggri

+rep

Rayster
04-04-2007, 01:07 AM
Thanks guyz. tho take into account these:

His body now ripped, the pressure of returning from his released state dissipating what remaining fighting reiatsu he would have left
^ before he fought Gin. Shows he would have killed at least one other higher ranking Espada

He heard the familiar cry of Gin’s shikai, and the blade punched through the remaining fragments of his body
shows he had been fighting long before Gin intervened.

That should settle some qualms about Ulquiorra's fighting skills :)

since it started as a impulse write
don't get me wrong... i still worked hard on them, and each word is my child :p
But I guess thats what you were aiming for if you wanted it to be an Emo type Ulquiorra fan fic.
also, the reason it was 'impulse' was b/c it was basically raw emotion.. thus the emo-ness..
stress and misery makes for good allies at times. need to grasp it while it's there.


I was also surpised how Inoue felt no gratitude towards Ulquiorra
Why would she: as quoted -
He was a hollow. Just another hollow…
for her :(
and indeed, that's how he begins to view himself. and he always knew anyway..


@The'Galin: you'll have to wait for your rep to increase (i get watever ur rep points are, so i got nothing) just for future ref. Cos there always seem to be questions regarding that :) but ty. it's the thought that counts

@Shin: thnx for the gift too :glomp
;P
oh and shin.. this may not be ending. Remember, the first one (Fall of Perfection) was occuring in b/w This one and Reverential Desire.
I'm issuing them in random order...if u get the effect i'm giving ^^'
as in, now that u know he dies for her.. w/o her knowledge.. any more i produce will only be before this .. and thus anything he does will only work towards his End.

BabyLoving
04-06-2007, 02:07 AM
It's so sad to see Ulquiorra this way. So sad. It's like those sad scenes you see on TV on in comic book, and the guy just makes the great great sacrifice, but the person he loves just doesn't know it. SO SAD! ): It really touched me to tears! Serious. THere are tears in my eyes now. ):

♥ Tess
04-07-2007, 05:19 AM
oh and shin.. this may not be ending. Remember, the first one (Fall of Perfection) was occuring in b/w This one and Reverential Desire.
I'm issuing them in random order...if u get the effect i'm giving ^^'
as in, now that u know he dies for her.. w/o her knowledge.. any more i produce will only be before this .. and thus anything he does will only work towards his End.


yea, i recently caught on you were doing that. :3
though it's still sad to already know how it ends =(

*Ririn*
04-08-2007, 02:50 PM
omg...*wipes tears* so sad...so touching...so sweet...and heartbreaking...i love it De...if only she knew...:)..GJ again..

Rayster
04-20-2007, 07:08 AM
Thanks ^_^

I'm glad i got those emotions across:
sad...so touching...so sweet...and heartbreaking
as i may have said, i actually stole future events from my novel for this small fic... juz cos it seemed to fit for these characters :)

sweeter
04-23-2007, 07:06 PM
Wow, I never knew Ulquiorra could be so interesting.
You even made him seem... sexy.

(:


He was a hollow. Just another hollow…

That gave his everything. That crushed his own desires and dreams… for her.

Yet she would never know... And it broke the heart he never had.

This kills me!

Miyagi Rikku
04-23-2007, 07:09 PM
Omg. This is like 10millionx better than mine. *so afraid of posting mine now*. Good job. It touched me so much. Made me teary. :3

Rayster
04-25-2007, 03:59 AM
Thanks guyz. I'm glad you got the emotion i was aiming for.. those last few lines you quoted sweeterthanchocolate, i spent a lot of time on..

I used a bit of the notion from future event from my novel that i'm writing..

tho especially that last line.. can be used for no other than an Arrancar, to create that tragic pun.

7th captin
04-26-2007, 08:13 AM
nooooooooo ulquiorra is dead? how could you *release his bankai*

back to the topic:

never though that ichimaru has the power to kill ulquiorra..maybe he became stronger in hueco mundo like tousen.
i hate stories where loyal servents are killed by their masters *feels angry*

the chapter wasn't that long but i like it because it describes a lot of thing even if it's short.

Within moments swords had clashed, Ulquiorra’s breaking upon impact, the hilt snapping clear in his hands.

i like the way of how you described things here. well, i think if you keep up with the good work you will be an excellent writer in the future. lol don't forget when you become a famous writer give me a copy ok :p?

Rayster
04-26-2007, 09:00 AM
His body now ripped, the pressure of returning from his released state dissipating what remaining fighting reiatsu he would have left
^ before he fought Gin. Shows he would have killed at least one other higher ranking Espada
That means it wasn't just Gin who defeated him, so it was more a case of Gin applying the finish.

glad u enjoyed it Captin

rukia's_twin
06-16-2007, 12:06 PM
ooooooooooooooh i love it. I thinks it's romantic in a strange sort of way