Parents pushing their children to do things, should they?

[Angel_shikigami]

As in "To do things" I mean like joining clubs and stuff (Baseball, football, danceing, chearleeding, etc.). Not anything nasty you perverts >.>
I sortof stole this from the Dr. Phil show.
I think that getting kids to join clubs and stuff is okay as long as the kid wants to do it and there not in EVERYTHING. Sometimes I think that parents try to live though their children when they get their kid in EVERYTHING, go to every game, and end up yelling at them because the kids don't like it because they don't work and have no life (basicly soccer moms/dads. As I said before, like that Dr. Phil show where the kids had to try to be famous). I truly hate parents like that. I'm SOOOOOOO happy mine aren't like that.
/end of my *****ing

[nx6]

Some "pushing" is for positive reasons. Colleges look at extra-cirrciular activities when deciding admissions, so volunteer work or being involved in school athletics or band/orchestra can help when trying to get into your favorite school. Also, obviously going out for one activity or another helps children be more social and make new friends, and can help build confidence.

But I only think these work if you're doing something you WANT to do. Being forced to take piano or join the debate club isn't going to make you feel better about yourself and will hamper a child's ability to learn what they ARE interested in. I also think this reinforces the mentality of not thinking for yourself and trying to please other people at the expense of your own happiness some PHB's like.

[Kray]

:lol

All this is from my days in Middle School, and earlier.

Well I've lived this one out before, as I'm sure many others have. I was forced to take martial arts for 7 years. Did I enjoy it? No. I hated every second of it. I hated sparring. I didn't want anything to do with it! Regardless, I reached my black belt with a second degree, and stopped going. It hasn't come in handy yet, and I don't think I'd remember anything now - it's been so long. Any time I verbally say I wouldn't wanna go, my father would scream at me. As if I had said "f**k you" to his face. That's just one thing that I was forced to do. Never came in handy, and it still hasn't. Don't have any positive memories from it, nor any thing out of it. I can only still counter a wrist grab, and kick in the nads. That's about it.

Also, I was forced to take piano lessons. My dad would lock me in the "music room" where the piano was (family of musicians, many instruments in there), and make me stay there for at least an hour and a half a day. I hated it, so much. I never wanted to play, and got so frustrated. I think back on this these days, and wish that I was never forced to play piano. I am a musician, and am going to school for Music Education, but I could be proficient at piano - as well as my main instrument. Now I kinda kick myself in the ass for it, but it's not entirely my fault. Or so I feel.

Anyway *pants*, should anyone be forced to do anything? No. I feel it should only be encouraged until the kid shows lack of interest.

[Alerane]

I was forced to do piano lessons too, it lasted for 4 years, and only got to quit when it was in the way of volunteering I was doing. I was so thankful for the time conflict ^^;

Therefore, I think that the parents should n't push a kid to do activities unless the kid likes it, and if they don't at least let them quit if they truly hate it

[Miyagi Rikku]

Hmm. I for one is still being forced by my parents to go back to school and I hate
my schools here they stink. Aside from that back then, they forced me to do ballet
classes, Girl Scouts, Piano/Organ lessons.

I just tend to ignore what they tell me now but I think they should not force their
children what they do not like but of course theyre only doing it for their own
good the children that is but this leaves like a mark that the child can never make
his/her own decisions.

[Guy]

Some "pushing" is for positive reasons. Colleges look at extra-cirrciular activities when deciding admissions, so volunteer work or being involved in school athletics or band/orchestra can help when trying to get into your favorite school. Also, obviously going out for one activity or another helps children be more social and make new friends, and can help build confidence.

But I only think these work if you're doing something you WANT to do. Being forced to take piano or join the debate club isn't going to make you feel better about yourself and will hamper a child's ability to learn what they ARE interested in. I also think this reinforces the mentality of not thinking for yourself and trying to please other people at the expense of your own happiness some PHB's like.

I completely agree. Great post. There are many talented children in this world that just don't know it themselves. Sometimes, pushing someone is really the only way to become great at something. And like you said, colleges look at extra-curricular activities. It would really suck to try and catch up at the very end. For me, I hardly have any extracurricular activities. I suck at the violin, suck at martial arts, suck at just about every extracurricular activities. Why? Because I refused to take them when I was younger, and being the spoiled brat that I was, my parents let it go. Now I have a really sh***y time trying to catch up to my peers, and I know I'll never become a martial arts master or a first violin in my school orchestra. I may sound like I'm blaming my parents, but I kind of wish they were harder on me when I was younger. Now, I suck at extracurricular activities, I'm not even good at my hobbies!

Children always complain about doing extracurricular stuff. Sure, some of the stuff you'll hate for life, but others, it may proof very useful or interesting for you later in life; you just don't know it at the time. I certainly know I wish I wasn't spoiled...

[sweeter]

Parents encouraging their children to develop their talents in certain fields is quite alright, but pressuring them is a different story. The line should be drawn when the child herself/himself has firmly stated that he/she does not enjoy that particular activity and/or has shown little enthusiasm in it after some sessions.

(:

[koreasamurai]

parents whould push their children BUT there is a limit. i think before parents push their child, they should know how far they can push them without them rebelling, or reacting in a disapproving manner. One of my friends parents (azn lol but thats digressing) has his mom who pushed him insanely to get a perfect score since she saw him do so well on the psat. He got ticked off from his mom, started yelling at her, and now he's doing drugs. Joy... a little bits good, but if parents keep doing it, it turns to nagging which everyone hates

[Hannah]

actually its not bad as long as its in balance. but before when my parents were doing that to me i hated it but now i regret it coz i know those activities were for me that will make me be more a good person in the future. i mean i know i have talents like drawing etc but i didn't polished them coz of my stubborness. and know i'm not doing anything more.

so i think while in early stage, kids should be open to lots of activities and yes the most important is that the kids should be enjoying it if not then find another good activities that will fit his/her interest.

-edit-
btw dont like be forcing the kids, try to be nice and ask if they want to do this or not so that they will participate in the activity well. if the kids love it, it will reflect back to them by seing them happy.

[peppertrapped]

The key term I guess is "forcing". Parents should be encouraging their kids when it comes to their interests. They should see that kids, although they may be inexperienced compared to them may have an idea as to what may or may not make them happy... Parents' intervention is an imperative though in instances which involve children's health or safety... but with regard to interests, I say... give them the free hand.

[analog]

Well truthfully I am kind of disappointed my parents didn't push and force me to do more, they basically let me choose what I wanted to do, all I did was sports, which I love and would never have wanted to not do any of the sports I did, but I also wished my parents made me do something like a musical instrument, but it wasn't really something I wanted to do then, or even learn a second language(I took a class 4 years in HS but I don't know one word lol). Looking back I just feel I could have done more, not jsut what a mentioned but other things to, but my parents were just like "do whatever you want" so I did.

[peppertrapped]

well, you can still learn a language, at whatever age you find yourself... or learn an instrument... if you want to do something, it's not too late as long as you have the passion to do it...

[Hannah]

well, you can still learn a language, at whatever age you find yourself... or learn an instrument... if you want to do something, it's not too late as long as you have the passion to do it...
well his kinda "lazy" kid right now so he probably wont do such thing and just party party party and get wasted
:Domo

[Artemis]

A common thing among parents especially those with 'gifted' children is to send them to tuition, language schools and musical instruments.

This gifted kids are usually in the Advance Learning Classes of schools. And somehow I winded up in that class.

I know a friend of mine who does:
Saturday: Tuition, 3 hours
Sunday: Language School
Monday: Tuition
Tuesday: Clarinet
Wednesday: Swimming
Friday: Air Force Cadets (kinda like scouts, except for high schoolers)

A bit overdone if you ask me.

[ZER(o)]

This doesn't begin and end with school. My parents never made me do anything around the house. Sure, it was fun for the first 10 years or so, but by the time I realized that I was a teenager who couldn't wash or fold laundry, drive, do anything DIY related, or know how to go about even getting into college/finding a proper job, I was pretty well screwed. If you teach your kids good work ethics and habits at a younger age, they won't complain about it nearly so much later on. All of this made it a lot harder for me when I moved out on my own, because I had to learn the things that most kids' brains suck in at a young age.
And as far as academics go, once again, pushing kids into something at a younger age will make them less likely to complain about it, but sooner or later they'll develop a capacity for independent thought and decide whether or not they want to continue doing whatever it is they have been doing. At this point, the parents should ease off a bit.

[peppertrapped]

This doesn't begin and end with school. My parents never made me do anything around the house. Sure, it was fun for the first 10 years or so, but by the time I realized that I was a teenager who couldn't wash or fold laundry, drive, do anything DIY related, or know how to go about even getting into college/finding a proper job, I was pretty well screwed. If you teach your kids good work ethics and habits at a younger age, they won't complain about it nearly so much later on. All of this made it a lot harder for me when I moved out on my own, because I had to learn the things that most kids' brains suck in at a young age.
And as far as academics go, once again, pushing kids into something at a younger age will make them less likely to complain about it, but sooner or later they'll develop a capacity for independent thought and decide whether or not they want to continue doing whatever it is they have been doing. At this point, the parents should ease off a bit.

I agree with you. There are reasons why parents are the ones raising the kids, not the other way around. If it's regarding their manners, and their values as a person, then yes, parents are required to do what is necessary to shape them into capable human beings. If it is regarding their health, like insisting on them to brush their teeth, well, yeah, it is the parents rights to impose such things on them.

But regarding sports, or interests, I still think parents should give a free hand to their kids...

[ZER(o)]

I've never liked sports, but it's a very healthy passtime and in rare ocassions can make a very successful future. But it's not for everyone, so yeah, they should only push until their kid decides it's just not for them. It irritates me to no end to see those former high school jocks pushing their kids because they could never make it big, and they want another shot as a major player's "coach."

[eventine]

Well, I think if the kid's the really unmotivated sort then the parents might need to do some pushing. He/she, after all, might end up liking whatever he got forced into doing just because he never bothered about trying it beforehand. Sometimes, it's good for the child because the parent, uh, 'motivate' them to try something new. However, once it's obvious that the child's hating it, I think the parent should probably stop forcing the kid. It's not wise to put your child on the roster of every single team and club out there, anyways.

[II Xion II]

Well let me put it this way. I have known kids whose parents have wanted them to go to Harvard or to be a doctor and all that bullshit and I know that they HATE it.

My parents were never like that, so I don't have first hand experience with it, but people like that are foolish. People are entitled to make their own decisions in life, and although a parent's friendly advice can be good, pushing people (or even demanding them too) is absolutely ridiculous behavior for an adult.

I hate it when parents live through there children and demand stuff of their children.

It is no better than the parents that turn a blind eye to their children's drug habits or to their choice of "friends."

[Bamboobie]

I don't think parents should push their children to do things. Parents that force their kids to take music lessons/sports are trying to raise the child to be perfect in their eyes. To get in to a good colledge, to get good jobs, sure those are good reasons but what are you doing to your children in the process?
They are creating the children how they want them to be, not how the children want to be. With parents like that, children aren't who they really are. They are who their parents want them to be.
While being forced to take music lesson, they could've been finding out who they are on the inside, rather than their parents deciding who they are.

So what I'm trying to say is children that are "controlled" by their parents don't figure out who they really are until it's too late. They could be in colledge to become a lawyer then find out they actually want to be an artist.

[Reco]

I think that parents should not pressure children into activitys that the child dislikes. The parent should backoff and let the child decide what activty they want to participat in. I remember that my parents were pressuring me into basketball and swimming while I wanted to get into ice hockey. Now Im far too old to get into ice hockey and that really irritates me because I know alot about ice hockey but I can't actually play it. Then I focused onto art and dressage (yea, along way from ice hockey) and I think im good at those activitys, so only if I had focused on ice hockey I could also be good at that as well. Children have potental to excel at what they desire, and that should be focused at what they deem is worth while, not what the parent thinks is worth while.

I think that parents pressure children into what the parent wants because they have a image of who the child is and want that dream to come true. They should wake up and realize they have a child that is already good enough and not try to smash that persona. Because when they smash that, they are killing that person and trying to create the "perfect" being.

[Jasper]

I don't think that children should be forced to do anything either, at the same time though, that same act should not be eliminated from their lives.

Parents in general (with a few exceptions every now and so often) would like to see their children as successfuly individuals in their society. This would often force parents to put their right foot down on a few things that might otherwise not be within the child's interests circle. I for instance, never liked going for dancing lessons when I was 8. Yet, even as a child I understood my mom's point of view. She just wanted to see me as a well-rounded man. Capable of participating in social events like balls should it be necessary.

Some parents take it over the top though. I mean, after reading a few of your personal experiences above, I think that yes, you have every right to think that way. A child's psychology does in fact affect his learning capabilities.

Aside from chores, I think that parents need to lie down a few options for their child and help him/her figure out what they want for themselves.

[hamano_amon]

don't think that's necessary.
and it's useless,
u never think of being good at everything,
and the point is u'd feel happy and confidencial enough had u done well in thoes u like,meanwhile u never get tired but keep on pep.

[Bladecatcher]

as for things that are mandatory in life, i think it is the only right thing to do to push your kids. as in this, i mean like doing laundry, dishes, cleaning house, doing a bit of manual labor here and there. i have learned well from my parents.
but as in sports and extracurriculars: if a kid doesnt want to do what they don't want to do in that area, i think it is just wrong.

here is an example [AND THIS IS ALL COMPLETELY TRUE]:
there is a kid in my grade that had a brother. his brother was a great baseball player, and he loved it. but to an extent. his father pushed and pushed and it was pretty much unbearable to him. his dad got so into it, that it drove the kid just mad. he finally couldnt take it anymore, and one day, he just decided that it wasnt worth it anymore, and he killed himself. shot himself in the head with a shotgun.
and after that, his dad felt like the sorriest dad ever, and decided not to do the same thing to his other son [the one in my grade]. and he and his wife eventually divorced because of it...

a kid should be able to decide what they wanna participate in. i have had the opportunity to choose what i wanted...which was...art. hahah

[dawin45]

they did that to me, and they managed to create=nothing, cas everything that I was in I was in without my own will,so I quit all of them(it was swimming,karate,kendo)...I don't really know,but now after being a bleachtard I kind of like kendo,and music(after listening to some cool music)...in my free will I would like to go to those clubs...and curriculum activities...

[Vladimir]

No they shouldn't. this is your life. i mean you do things you want your way. parents must have their limits in asking the kids to do things. i mean they can to help raise up their children but what the hell. by the time you are seventeen, you have our own life. your own work and your own friends. parents sometimes push too much to get what they expected from their child that they drive them crazy. that's bad. respect. one simple thing is to respect. doesn't matter if you are a kid or a parent. parent should have the respect for their kid's life.

[KT Samurai]

No they shouldn't. this is your life. i mean you do things you want your way. parents must have their limits in asking the kids to do things. i mean they can to help raise up their children but what the hell. by the time you are seventeen, you have our own life. your own work and your own friends. parents sometimes push too much to get what they expected from their child that they drive them crazy. that's bad. respect. one simple thing is to respect. doesn't matter if you are a kid or a parent. parent should have the respect for their kid's life.

You must be a teenager.

There is indeed a line that should not be crossed, but honestly, until you move out of their house (it ain't yours) you gotta do as your told. Believe it or not, you know next to nothing about the world at 17 years old. Respect? You probably haven't even earned that yet.

[Vladimir]

excuse me.. we are human. and probably humans have their own life. before you get respect, you have to respect them. so what if you live in their house but you have your own life too. asking is acceptable but pushing? i don't think so. you push too hard, regret it. since KIDS are young they probably don't have a right mind. so if parent push too hard, they will commit suicide. i'm not saying all but to a certain extent, yea. now is the 21st century. so what it ain't mine but i do my part in the house, so why shouldn't I? yea i'm 17 so.. it's a give and take.. kids respect parents. parents respect kids..

[Lex]

I got pushed into swimmin gsince I was about 8 years old, I quit in primary school but was forced to pick it up again in High school. But then I got into Athletics, Javelin and other field events, which I was really good at, top in my school for 3 years and my dad freaked out! He thought doing athletics would ruin my chance at swimming for my south african colours! So needless to say I quit swimming perminantly after that, haven't done it since!

[cyberfields]

i think it is terrible... i play on the golf team with this guy and his parents always follow him on the course... im usually pair with him... they are extremely distracting and are always... breathing down his neck... it makes me a lil unnerved....

[raimanu]

well the main reason parents push their kids is because they don't want their child to commit the same mistakes as they did, or to give the child more opportunities then they had.
anyway, most parents do it for their child's own good.

but of course, they'll shouldn't go beyond a certain limit. and take into account the child's interests and real needs

[Daft Punk]

Parents should make their chillunz strive to do their best, but shouldn't push them into doing things they don't want to do. IE Just because you wanted to be a pro basket ball player when you were 10 doesn't mean your son wants to. Academically of course you should push them to ensure a safe and healthy future.

[OrangeHair]

According to some psychology reviews, parents push their children to succeed in the interest of their egos or simply to realize their childhood dreams through their own child !
This is sick !
Parents shouldn't push their kids to excel, in sports especially.
By doing this, they put unnecessary pressure on their children which will inevitably affect their well being emotionally and physically, if put through intensive training.
If the child is passionate enough about what he does, parents don't need to put undesirable pressure on him.

[VampyreLord]

In my view, pushing kids academically is okay, as long as you don't overdo it, because kids aren't always well motivated enough to work as hard as they could reasonably be expected to.

Pushing kids to do sport is understandable, and kids should be encouraged to do some sort of exercise, but foricng a kid to do a particular sport (my parents made me do judo) rarely achieves anything and often makes them hate that sport (it's what happened with me).

Pushing kids socially is totally unacceptable. My ignorant (but well meaning) mother tried to make me new friends when I moved to a new school by looking up kids my age who lived nearby in the school phone directory and inviting them over, without asking me first. All these kids thought I was really wierd, which didn't help at my new school at all. Another time, when I was 13 she asked some girls at a restaurant if they minded if I sat with them (not only did I not ask her to, I specifically told her NOT TO when I suggested it), and finally she kept trying to stop me seeing one of my friends because she didn't like him, even going so far as to call my other friends' parents and tell them not to invite him over when I was there...

But yeah, rant over, in my experience academic pushing works (whether it's in a kid's best interests if you go too far is entirely another matter), pushing kids to do sport is sometimes necessary but not effective, and pusing kids socially is always a serious hindrance rather than a help, and often a cause of great embarressment.

[Dope Hat]

Well - parents shouldn't do that....but it doesn't stop them from doing it.
But most of them don't even have a chance.
Nowadays it's so hard to get a job, only the best of the best get a well-paid one.
And parents know that, that's why are they pushing their children.
In the end they simply want the best for them....even if they can't see that they are harming their children with the pressure.

[SaberBlade]

I think it's a bad thing and always have.

No matter how hard you push a kid, the moment they fail at any age, bad things will happen. Just think of how many teenagers or college students have killed themselves because they failed exams or killed themselves because they were afraid to take the tests in case they failed.

It's the same with any subject. While pushing your kid towards studies can be a good thing, moderation is required. It's the same with sports, who knows how a kid or their family would react if Billy Jones, star quarterback failed to get a scholarship after years of neglecting studies in hopes of getting a big sports contract in the future.

Parents need to realise what is important, and pushing their kids into doing stuff they wanted to do themselves as a kid, or hoping that it's a quick way to make money rather than getting a good education is bad parenting.

Even adult minds can crack due and do stupid things, which is why we have the phrase "going postal"

[Sushi]

My parent's pushed me into dance, and I loved it. But they also pushed me into basketball, and I hated it.

If parent's know their kids well enough to know which activities they would like (and this is a slim amount) an dpush them into them, that is not a bad thing. But if parents blindly push their kids into doing activities that the kid hates, that is a bad thing.

If parents want their kids to do an activity, they should let the kid choose the activity, not push them into something that will "look good" or something that they can brag about to their buddies at work. Wanting to say "Hey, look at my daughter the soccer star" is not a good enough reason to force the kid into participating into an activity.