The Joke Thread :>

[Samanosuke]

I'm bored out of my fuckin' mind, so I thought getting a good laugh or 2 wouldn't hurt too much :)

So if ya like, post your best jokes in here, i'll make the start with a shitty one, I'll have to translate it from German to English, hope it's still funny when translated :P


A caries, an earwax and a vaginal fungus talk with each other.

Caries:"Geezus fuckin' christ, I'm one unlucky guy :< Twice a day, that motherfuckin' toothbrush comes, and tries to brush me out. He knows I like it in here, what an asshole. But because I'm smart, I hide between the teeth so the brush can't reach me, it's really uncomfortable though, what a shitload of ****!"

Earwax:"Geez, you think your unlucky? I'm daily attacked by an earbud who tries to pull me out. It's so comfortable in here, why would he do that. But because I'm so clammy, he always has a hard time catching me. What a fuckload of shit!"

Vaginal Fungus:"**** man, you should really be grateful to god for your situation. I really want to have your problems cause I'm the unluckiest from all of us! Everyday, a guy comes, who's really really annoying. He doesn't know whether to enter, or to leave, and to really piss me off, it pukes my whole hangout full. What an asshole!"

Caries:"Are you serious? I know that asshole too!!!!"

[Twinky]

heres a good one

http://funnyjunk.com/funny_pictures/705/Santa+Sucks/

read it its hularious

[Samanosuke]

LMAO now that's a classic :>

[Donut]

Why shouldn't you you let a Pokemon in your bathroom?

Because he might Pikachu!

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

[Twinky]

LMAO now that's a classic :>

lol told you so. heres a better one read it

Electric Train
A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."

The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the ***** in the kitchen."

[Samanosuke]

Why shouldn't you you let a Pokemon in your bathroom?

Because he might Pikachu!

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

LMAO!!


lol told you so. heres a better one read it

Electric Train
A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."

The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the ***** in the kitchen."

yeahhhh :> i knew that one but it never gets old :>

[sweeter]

A bit dirty.

"How much further till we reach the egg cell?" a bored sperm cell asked.
"Bro, we're a long way to go. We're in what you call 'the esophagus'," was the reply.

(:

[Twinky]

A Really Bad Day
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

[Samanosuke]

Got another one, I need to translate again -.- only know them in german :D

A hippie is sitting in a bar which is on the 5th floor, and is drinking a HUGE glass of beer(we have a special term for those but i'll just call'em huge glasses of beer). He has long hair and a huge beard. Suddenly he jumps out of the window (remember 5th floor).

A man from the bar: Hey barkeeper, look at that shit, that hippie jumped right outta the window, call the ambulance you fucknut!

Barkeeper: No biggie, just wait a second...


Suddenly the Hippie comes in again, drings another one of those huge beer glasses and jumps out of the window again, and returns unharmed.


Man: What the hell is going on here, I'm gonna ask this fukker. Hey Hippie! How do you survive that jump?

Hippie: You drink one of those huge beer glasses here, and you're immortal my friend!

Man: Rly? Wow I'm gonna try it with you


Both drink out a huge glass, and both jump out of the window at the same time. One minute later only the Hippie returns.

Barkeeper: Man, Jesus, you're such an asshole when you're drunk....