Friendship and Honesty

[diamondedge]

I hope this is the right place to post this.

Anyway, yesterday I've had a really unpleasant experience. I was on a football match with my former club mates, and we were talking about something, and then she asked about my opinion bout her game. I gave a critique, which was negative, as I've seen her play a lot better, then she insulted me, calling me a heartless bit*h. Needless to say, I was shocked. Since she asked me about opinion and I gave her one without wanting to be offensive or having any grunge against her despite negative critique, she took it personal.

Thinking back, honesty has no place at all. I've been in countless situations it makes me feel like a fool because I actually still give a damn about being honest with those who I call friends, no matter how cruel reality can be. What I think, friends or not, we all need reality check sometimes. If friends don't know if they do something wrong, how can they unless we tell and not pretend we're secretly fine with it? People are lying to each other faces while smiling, then when this person isn't around, the thoughts are all different.

Now, I just want to hear what you think about this. Do you lie that you don't feel the way you do about something just so you wouldn't offend the person close to you? No matter how you decide, are there situations that you would have acted differently? Are you REALLY honest with your friends? :) Do you prefer honesty over being told you're perfect all the time?

Post your thoughts! :)

[yushin]

i never had real friends in my whole life.

[Donut]

For myself, I prefer hearing honesty.

And I'm usually honest to most people... Brutally honest.

There are exceptions though, as always.

[yushin]

im afraid to make friends bcause i dont want to get influenced with their impure hearts.

[Velham]

I prefer to hear honesty over being told that i'm always great, because there is always room for improvement at anything we do, even if i get criticized by my friends badly, i'm gratefull for their honesty.

[yushin]

i cant stand friends. especially when the times that your expecting for them but most of the time they'll just abandon you.

i have plain friends but i never considered as my nakama.

[Velham]

i cant stand friends. especially when the times that your expecting for them but most of the time they'll just abandon you.
i have plain friends but i never considered as my nakama.
Yes, it does suck when that happens, but that just tells you that they are not real friends, i used to have "friends", like that, and it turns out that when i wasn't around they will take badly behind my back, i even had to fight them, 3 v 1 not good odds eh? Well a few weeks later i met friends that turned into my real, honest friends that i can trust.

[yushin]

friendship out of charity is'nt what i want.

i tend to be picky with people who i'll call friends.

but im plastic most of the time.

bcause most people that i see are plastic too.

some people cant handle my pure and honest behavior.

[shaberry]

Honestly is my policy. I figure if your friends are real friends, they'd take a negative comment as constructive criticism. For me, I hate beating around the bush, and sugar coating things when they don't need to be.

[Rayster]

I was on a football match with my former club mates, and we were talking about something, and then she asked about my opinion bout her game. I gave a critique, which was negative, as I've seen her play a lot better, then she insulted me, calling me a heartless bit*h. Needless to say, I was shocked. Since she asked me about opinion and I gave her one without wanting to be offensive or having any grunge against her despite negative critique, she took it personal.
It's not called sugar-coating if you tell them why you believe the things you do.

For example, if a friend was to ask me the same thing for soccer/football, i could very well say:

'Allright. The way you recieve the ball is pitiful. Your first touch knocks the ball too far out. When you do eventually get it under control, stop spinning around and looking stupid, cos they just get the ball off you half the time when everyone else is open for a pass.'

Or -

'Allright. I've seen you receive the ball better. You need to work on your first touch, because once you get it under control, you're good at shooting (<--focus on the following good) and that's why you should practice that.
And also, it's good how you spin to put yourself between the body and the ball, but if you do it too much its predictable to the opposition, and sometimes it wastes time for an open pass.'


^ It's worth the effort if you have a good friend. You never want to believe your friends think bad of you.

Nobody wants to be patronised with lies either, otherwise that's not a friendship

[Elocin]

Friendship is built on trust and honesty. I would love to have honest friends who tell me how it is, but in a way that's not so harsh.

I'm usually honest. I may tell white lies, but if a friend wants an opinion on something, especially if they mention honest opinion, I will be pretty straightforward and honest about it.

[Miyagi Rikku]

I try to be honest as much as possible as I can while trying not to hurt my friends
feelings. White lies just makes it worse in my opinion but sometimes it could not
be avoided right but really sometimes I do not see the point in that.

Its so hard to be honest without being mean/harsh because like the say "truth
hurts". I wouldnt want any of my friends lying to me infront of me or especially
behind my back. =\

[Guy]

Diamond, I feel for you. I used to have friends that tell me to "never tattle on friends", and that friends would go through all kinds of suffering for each other.

At the beginning of high school, my friends conspired together and started to take random stuff out of my backpack and hide them. One day, they took my history book, but they never returned it(even tho they do stuff like this, they always give it back in the end). My first period happened to be history, and if I don't have my book, I lose points. I had no choice but to turn my friends in. My former friends then persecuted me by saying that if I were a true friend, I would have suffered for them.

From that point on, I realized honesty, or just doing anything right, is far more important than friendship.

[lorraineChan]

I prefer to be honest..but...If I'm goin to tell something negative about them..hm..I would tell it in a different way..I mean I will tell it in a way that he/she won't be hurt...

[Kamy]

it might just be ur tone. i mean she might interpret it as u being a complete jerk and attempted to insult her. but i guess if she was reallly ur friend, she would understand if not she should have already forgotten about it. i mean i call my chinese friends "communists" everyday and they don't care. but they do keep calling me a "terorist" but yeah i don't care also. so friendship also need tolerence i think that's the word. sry i'm asian (stereotype).

[GoldenFire]

It depends how you present it, you can say it in a harsh way and they can interpret it as a sort of attack. When they ask for your opinion, you can give it to them. I'm very honest, if they don't like the truth then they can go get stuffed because I really couldn't careless about those type of people.

You cannot build a friendship on lies, therefore the truth is always the answer. However sometimes the truth can be brutal. You must however, not increase the damage you give someone when you tell them the truth.

However a simple question like this can turn rather complex by further looking at the word truth, as truth usually arises as a conclusion from a personal opinion or thought.

[Envy]

I don't lie about my opinions, ever.

If I find it totally completely necessary, I just keep quiet. That doesn't happen to often, though. I'm very out about my opinions.

I totally prefer honesty. I hate it when people suck up to me and say I'm better then I really am. I know that I am farther from perfect then most people, so I see right through them.

Honesty is a must, and since most people aren't honest, I've learned not to trust.

[Christian Lub]

Honesty yea u have to be honest and loyal to a person to get respected abck

[iladys]

Friendship is built on trust and honesty. I would love to have honest friends who tell me how it is, but in a way that's not so harsh.
I'm usually honest. I may tell white lies, but if a friend wants an opinion on something, especially if they mention honest opinion, I will be pretty straightforward and honest about it.
I'm pretty much the same. I used to be quite temperemental around people because they would be utterly cold towards me but I've grown from it. I say things the way I see them and if they don't like it, I'll explain the reasons why I think so. No point telling them the truth and them thinking the whole world is out to get them.

A true friend would be able to withstand your honesty, no matter how negative or positive it is.

[Shazu_Misao~]

Well i believe you should be honest to your friends. because if you are then they should take it and live with the truth, and if they cant handle it then why ask for the truth. This one time my friend started to spread one of her best friends secrets around to ppl that weren't even her friends. Word got around and she found out and wanted an answer from her, but what she actually did was rather tell them the truth that she did actually spread it around (she believed by telling these ppl, it wldnt get around but it did), she told her friend a complete lie, saying she doesnt know how this spread around. This resulted in her crying about it and her friend was really angry at her for doing that. When she was crying she said stuff like that she wouldnt be told her secrets again and stuff like that. (if she never wanted that to happen then why tell ppl her personal information.)

Anyways. i believe you should be compeltly honest with someone, because it helps avoid really awkward situations, and not create bigger problems.

[boredomlover93]

you know the saying. if you dont have anything nice to say then dont say anything at all? i stick with that.

[BeMused]

This is when word game comes into play. Honest; but not to the point of hurting.

At least I can say that it's not your fault. A friend asks of your opinion and you give the answer. It is up to him / her whether to accept or not. Perhaps at that time what she needs is comfort or acknowledgment but not brutal honesty... again, I am not there to witness the real situation.

Friendship is built on trust. One should know the other enough to ask for opinion or help, thrusting that the feedbacks are meant for their own good but not to hurt.

[kenicchi]

If asked for my opinion, im honest, and my tone or pleasantness depends on how close i am with the person. The closer i am, the more honest i am, and less sweet about it. The way i see, if they are close to you and are true friends or close friends or whatever, then when they ask for your opinion, they expect your honest opinion. If they aren't close to you, then maybe, when asking for you opinion, they are looking for encouragement, or just starting a convo with you. In this case, tell the truth, but as sweet as possible, so that they won't think your just being a jerk.

[Hinagiku]

I think that honesty is better than lying through your whole friendship. Of course, sometimes, you need to sugar-coat the honesty.
And sometimes, being honest about something is just hurtful or rude, and those are the times that lying is actually the better thing to do.

[Twinky]

if you can lie through your whole friendship then your a genius at lying or your friend just too stupid to realize that your lying even if they do sometime they forgive you and take it as a joke but in the end it goes too far then you lose every one of your friend. i dont see how i can lie about anything in front of my close friends theres no point their not gonna make fun of you or do anything about the truth even if they do laugh about it their not saying that your wrong or your a loser just laughing at it not at you

[Yuffie]

I don't really lie about my opinions.

And I don't have true friends until now - -;

[Nowitzki]

In my experience, people who don't value honesty in a friendship/relationship with you don't really care too much. If you are truly someones friend, you will be willing to tell them the truth no matter what the circumstances are. The truth is what builds character, and it defines a reality from which we can use as a foundation to grow from. If two people are truly friends, they can be honest with each other. Otherwise, they won't learn or grow from their friendship. Anybody who you can't be honest with, or can't be honest with you, is probably someone who doesn't truly value the friendship.