sacred divinity

[deto]

my tears feel like an icy shower
drops drip from my chin to the floors
on my cheeks deep they ream
longing for your sanctity

my arms protecting you like a tower
for you i opened all my doors
floating in this undescribable stream
on the edge of sanity

> even tho we're so far apart
> i can feel you're close at heart
> want to spend my days by your side
> may us nothing ever again divide

it was like this for many an hour
within me a painful storm uproars
embraced you tight in my dream
while i pledge loyalty

on the road to hell you were a flower
that brought me back to the shores
away from you hurts i want to scream
crave your divinity

> even tho we're so far apart
> i can feel you're close at heart
> want to spend my days by your side
> may us nothing ever again divide

:Domo

[Decado]

lol @ Domo..

I liked it, especially your descriptive style. Seem to have chorus in there -
my days on your side
If it was me, I wouldn't use "on." Prob something like "by" - even tho it may sound slightly cliche

may us nothing ever again divide
I like the end of this line, but there's something about "may us nothing" that seems odd/not natural as a normal sentence, i.e. gramatically


But hey, if that's your style then stick with it.

[deto]

meh yeh i was thinking about changing that last part there but somehow it seemed wrong that way.

the by might actually be the better choice than "on" guess i should update that :)

thanx 4 thy input!

[Isis]

Wicked imagery ^^ Yosha, what Dec said, your 'may us nothing ever again divide' is actually gramatically incorrect although I know what you're getting at. Perhaps using the word never may help. As for the word 'tho', perhaps you might have wanted to shorten it but spell it as 'though' :P

[Baby-Pie]

zomg.......i love it...its the sweetest...like its got innocence, virtue, purity whatever it is written all over it...its beautiful

[Evanesque]

Yet another cheesy poem from di! X3

I like this one better than the last one...and I can't recall what the last one was called =S

This one's very descriptive though!
<3