How do online relationships compare to Traditional relationships

[Nightmare060]

Internet dating. Some people think it's stupid, others think it's okay. Here's my opinion on internet dating.

Internet dating is for ugly people.
I would like to know where you got this from? And believe me, I've heard this before. I just think this comment is dumb, and has practically nothing to do with dating online. Sure, some people might be ugly and some people might not be. People who date offline can be ugly/pretty too.

It's for people who can't "get any" in real life.
Just because you have a boyfriend/girlfriend online doesn't mean that you can't get any in real life. I don't think most people who date online cyber. They might, and there's nothing wrong with cybering. It's none of your business if they do it anyway. A loving relationship wouldn't be based off of sex anyway. (Not saying that sex is bad or anything.)

You need a REAL boyfriend!
Are you saying that people online aren't "real"? That's... pathetic. Online or offline, we're still people and we have feelings.

What if they're a 40 year old perv?!
And that is where the webcam comes in. There's also something called "trust". Some people might not have webcams, but that's their choice to take a chance or not.

It's just dumb!
How is it dumb? What if the couple is really serious about it? And they plan on seeing eachother as soon as they can? If they see eachother offline, then it turns into a long distance relationship. Even if they see eachother once a year, it'll still be long distance.

All you have to be is pacient, trusting, and communication is the key to every relationship.

Give me good reasons why internet dating is wrong or something. Nothing like "for the love of god! itz ONLINE11!" I'll ignore comments like those.

And another thing, internet dating is not for everyone. Some people like to cuddle, and you just can't do that online. I understand that it didn't work out for you, but just because it didn't work for you, doesn't mean that it won't work out for others.

Discuss.

NOTE: I am NOT the origional author of this thread. Any and all credit for this threads creation goes to CAPTAIN Plixy[Stix] of Gaia Online. I agree and understand everything in this post, she just put it in better words than I could.

[Neko Bam]

1) Agree, dating on the internet doesn't make you ugly/pretty per se.
2) Agree, dating on the internet isn't just for horny people who want to get it on (but you could debate that it is for people who can't get a date IRL though).
3) Disagree, even though the people are real, alot of people (on purpose or accidentily) act differently on the internet then in real life (for example: I tend to make alot of perverted joke on the internet (BEWBIEZ LAWL!) while I'm kinda prudish IRL).
4) Disagree: Webcam and trust eh? Ever heard of Libby Hooler?
In case you didn't know: it was a girl who had a real life boyfriend, and they used to cyber alot. One day Libby broke up with her boyfriend and he posted all her naughty vids online. If a real life boyfriend can do something like that, what could a complete stranger do then?
5) Agree, it's actually the same as writing love-letters or calling your significant other on the phone (if you know the one you're chatting with IRL at least)

Thats my two cents :)

[Killa Cam]

I'm not knocking on you but I'm just gonna point out how I see a few things here...Internet dating is for ugly people.
I would like to know where you got this from? And believe me, I've heard this before. I just think this comment is dumb, and has practically nothing to do with dating online. Sure, some people might be ugly and some people might not be. People who date offline can be ugly/pretty too.lol if u (not directed at anyone) have the time to hook up with someone through a keyboard that means u fail at doing it face to face aka "the real way".It's for people who can't "get any" in real life.
Just because you have a boyfriend/girlfriend online doesn't mean that you can't get any in real life. I don't think most people who date online cyber. They might, and there's nothing wrong with cybering. It's none of your business if they do it anyway. A loving relationship wouldn't be based off of sex anyway. (Not saying that sex is bad or anything.)Seriously..this is where the line is drawn for me. Cool with someone online? Maybe? But cybering is ******* pathetic man..its glorifying masterbation through a cable modem.You need a REAL boyfriend!
Are you saying that people online aren't "real"? That's... pathetic. Online or offline, we're still people and we have feelings.I only style on people who are assholes online...I don't go looking out to mess with people..screen or not thats kind of lame I think.What if they're a 40 year old perv?!
And that is where the webcam comes in. There's also something called "trust". Some people might not have webcams, but that's their choice to take a chance or not.ugh@webcams..that and trust goes so far...friends ("IRL") are usually the people that stab you in the back the worst lolIt's just dumb!
How is it dumb? What if the couple is really serious about it? And they plan on seeing eachother as soon as they can? If they see eachother offline, then it turns into a long distance relationship. Even if they see eachother once a year, it'll still be long distance.
All you have to be is pacient, trusting, and communication is the key to every relationship.I think its weird..call me "old fashioned" but I'm more familiar with people I meet in person not through a thread talking about how lame so and so manga is.Give me good reasons why internet dating is wrong or something. Nothing like "for the love of god! itz ONLINE11!" I'll ignore comments like those.
And another thing, internet dating is not for everyone. Some people like to cuddle, and you just can't do that online. I understand that it didn't work out for you, but just because it didn't work for you, doesn't mean that it won't work out for others.I'm not saying its wrong, I just say its weird to me. Like gay people. I don't hate anyone thats gay but its very strange to me. I reserve the right to my own opinion and in turn, respect the opinions of others. :winking56

[-=Yanayo=-]

okay internet relationships, so much to say so lazy.

In this case i believe if your comfortable with the relationship and actually plan to meet the person they why on earth not? Webcams of course can prove a person real and after time online couples swap numbers spend hours texting and on the phone.

I believe you can never love a person only love the idea of the person until meeting face to face, as many times, with friends of friends etc, you get on great online but face to face you really don't know what to say.


There are of course good and bad outcomes to online relationships and eventually meeting them in person such as, with online relationships there seems to normally be a fair bit of distance in where the couple live, but of course if you love the person you don't care how far you have to travel. Two of my very best friends met their current boyfriends/girlfriends through the internet one has to travel for nearly six hours and the other a mere 1. But with such distance a yearning to hold someone can come in and in alot of relationships like these the couple both have trust issues.

Personally i'd prefer to be in a r/l relationship having someone to hold and someone to go to when your down rather than a computer screen.

[Setsuna Ai]

I'm not knocking on you but I'm just gonna point out how I see a few things here...lol if u (not directed at anyone) have the time to hook up with someone through a keyboard that means u fail at doing it face to face aka "the real way".
That may be the case for some but the thing is, you never really know. What if the person is actually competent in the love department for both online and offline? For that case can you still bring them down? And let's say your statement was indeed true for all online daters and they fail miserably in socializing, so what if that was their method to approach someone? That doesn't make them any less real than any of us neither are the relationships (friendships, or even platonic ones).


Seriously..this is where the line is drawn for me. Cool with someone online? Maybe? But cybering is ******* pathetic man..its glorifying masterbation through a cable modem.
Masturbation is masturbation no matter how it's performed. You can't denounce or say someone is wrong for cybering (which is technically a form of masturbation) when you yourself don't find masturbation to be immoral (I'm assuming). It's almost like hypocrisy. But if you are actually against it then discuss the immorality of masturbation somewhere else. As long as it's behind closed doors why should it matter?


I only style on people who are assholes online...I don't go looking out to mess with people..screen or not thats kind of lame I think.
You can't really justify something based on how lame or not lame it is.


ugh@webcams..that and trust goes so far...friends ("IRL") are usually the people that stab you in the back the worst lol
Trust can go far sir. I don't know if it's because you just had a bad experience with friends or whatever but it can go far. That's why some marriages indeed last :D.


I'm not saying its wrong, I just say its weird to me. Like gay people. I don't hate anyone thats gay but its very strange to me. I reserve the right to my own opinion and in turn, respect the opinions of others. :winking56
The reason why it's weird to you because it's a new social movement in culture and of course not all of us has adapted. Remember when the feminism first began to rise in masses? Well obviously men were a bit "weirded" out by such cultural change but we'll all get used to it.


I'd also like to establish the fact that when someone in an online relationship is using a different persona or basically being a fake, then you cannot call that a real relationship, online or offline. The other person just has to figure it out somehow.

[RICKisBOSS]

I wouldn't really compare it to feminist movements but that's just me..Anyway, online relationships are off for me..that's just my opinion. Its hard enough knowing people in person, online just adds a lot more variables.

Did I mention that I watch "Dateline: How to Catch a Predator" specials often?

[Nightmare060]

1) Agree, dating on the internet doesn't make you ugly/pretty per se.

Anyone can fall in love online. You can learn from experiences and know a person as well as fall in love with them.

2) Agree, dating on the internet isn't just for horny people who want to get it on (but you could debate that it is for people who can't get a date IRL though).

Got any statistics to prove that argument against though? Some people can't get a date IRL because the people round their area aren't their type! They aren't the sort of people they would prefer to socialize with.

3) Disagree, even though the people are real, alot of people (on purpose or accidentily) act differently on the internet then in real life (for example: I tend to make alot of perverted joke on the internet (BEWBIEZ LAWL!) while I'm kinda prudish IRL).

This can happen IRL as well. You can behave differently, or make yourself appear differently to who you really are. Plus in most cases, both parties at 100% legit. And that comes from personal experience, talking to many people who date online.

4) Disagree: Webcam and trust eh? Ever heard of Libby Hooler?
In case you didn't know: it was a girl who had a real life boyfriend, and they used to cyber alot. One day Libby broke up with her boyfriend and he posted all her naughty vids online. If a real life boyfriend can do something like that, what could a complete stranger do then?

That was situational. In which case, don't do anything like that over web-cam. Especially if it's possible to record. Plus the webcam reveals the persons true age, gender etc... which isn't something you can hide easily.

5) Agree, it's actually the same as writing love-letters or calling your significant other on the phone (if you know the one you're chatting with IRL at least)

Thats my two cents :)


Yup. It's love, just over a medium. And if you do things right, you can detect lairs.

[KT Samurai]

I think the only capacity to which online relationships can't work is the distance involved in most of them. The feelings are genuine, even if they are misplaced or hastily reached, but the distance is usually what kills it.

[Kefka]

Online relationships are real and are not stupid or whatever else the opposition uses. Just to back up my opinion, I will use myself.

I met my current girlfriend online, on this very site actually. ( :biggrinlo ) We started to talk and were just friends at the beginning, but things grew closer and we eventually hooked up online. Now, lucky for us..we both live in the same state, although its still 6 hrs away. So, we see each other a number of times.

Now, the reason why I think it works? I think it's because some people are more comfortable doing it like this. You feel more free behind the keyboard then trying to walk up to someone in rl and try to introduce yourselves, etc. There are no judgements, no first impressions but what you tell them online. It won't work if you lie to them about you, cause that would be a bad mistake. But if both parties online are honest and talk a lot, I definitly believe that it is real and see no problem/difference between that or real dating.

[DarkSlayer]

Online relationships are a funny thing. For some, it works out nicely. There might not be anyone you're interested in around your local area, but you might meet someone online that simply takes your breath away.

Sometimes it's serious, and sometimes it's just for fun. "E-dating" for some is just having someone that they're really close to that happens to be the opposite sex (Or same sex, depending on your sexual preference).

Whether or not they decide to take it to the next level is up to them. Besides, not all of us have the finances to travel around the world and meet the amazing people that are out there. That's what we have the internet for. I wouldn't have met all you crazy people if I hadn't joined this website, and I'm glad I did!

I've tried to do the online relationship thing, and it worked nicely, until she started feeling needy and tried to manipulate me into moving in with her a few states away. Plus the immaturity came out - and yeah, that was the end of that.

Bottom line is, "enter at your own risk" so to speak. If you wanna give it a shot, go for it. If not, that's cool too.

And as far as the whole masturbation thing goes - half the people here (if not more) watch porn, which is on a screen, which helps you masturbate. The only difference between porn and cybering is that one is recorded, on is live. Either way you're getting help from something/someone.
:cm:

[Milan]

About those naughty vids. Why should we have like msn/webcam-sex?
Wasn't the cam just to show who you are talking to? To show it's actually a girl and not a 50 year old perv?
Or do you confirm that by showing off your penis or vagina?

[-Renae-]

They aren't real until you meet in real life and see if the chemistry is there. Until then you build a fantasy of what you want this person to be based off their words and actions. I don't view them as stupid or anything in that nature.

I agree with KT Samurai that distance tends to be what kills it. That and people who are like 15/16 think they found the love of their life half way across the world or whatever yet they can't meet because mummy and daddy would never agree. It's hard try to do an "online relationship" as an adult, let alone a "child".

Now when it comes to phone calls and web cam. Most people are truthful about it when it comes to seeing them on cam but there is the rare chance you'll get someone who looks nothing like that in real life because I have known someone to pay a girl to sit on her cam for her then boyfriend.

My bottom line is that online relationships aren't real until you meet. From there it becomes a proper long distance relationship if the chemistry is there and both parties are willing deal with the distance and in the end, hopefully, over come it.

[Artemis]

I'm not giving an opinion, mainly because I lack one of the subject.
I will, however, answer the reasons why some people think internet dating is dumb or is for ugly people and so forth.

Therefore, making sure a balance in the discussion.

1. The reason is based on the fact that internet dating came BEFORE webcams and modern technology could play a part in showing physical selves online. Which was the reason that it was known that 'ugly' people could date online without having the fear of being turned down or being concerned about how they looked.

2. This common argument against online-dating bases the fact that there is no real physical contact between dating individuals unless they decide to meet. It also bases on the fact of the number one, 'that all people who date online are ugly'.

3. By using the term 'real', people are referring to relationships where the individuals can meet face-to-face, hence making the relationship more of a traditional type along with having more contact opposed to a 'traditional' online dating couple.

4. The reason people call it 'dumb' is due to the other arguments you've listed before.

Try to remember, having an opinion is wrong.
Having an opinion based on the fact that you only understand one side of an argument is downright foolish.

And don't get skitzy on me saying that I'm saying you don't understand the arguments and whatnot. It's just general advice.

Take care. :D

[Graffik]

It's incomprehensible to put online dating as 'legit' as the more traditional dating type. Afterall online everything is just words, and words alone cannot speak for personality and nature of people. You see right now, I could be saying all kinds of crap that is clearly not me in 'real-time' but for anybody reading my comments, it'd be impossible to tell, unless they knew me in the 'real world'. Simply, I can say anything, and make a prefferable to meet personality on the web, and not be afraid of any challenges to deem that my 'real' self. Anybody can talk, but can they walk the walk? As in, online actions are impossible to manifest, choices are limited and restraints are regulated furiously, so the 'real-self' can never surface in some cases. How do you know you're not talking to a half-baked jerk, who happens to know how to choose their words? you can't, unless you've seen them real-time and spent considerable enough time to see them slip up. Afterall everyones human and we slip up, our character is based on how we deal with these 'slip-ups'. After getting angry and dissing someone, I will apologize and show my sincerity, and that shows I'm a nice but HUMAN guy. Online, You have every ticking second of every word typed to choose what you're going to say. {am I making any sense??}

In the end, a relationship isn't based on physical (camera and/or 'said' words, afterall these things on the web tend to be inconsistently 'perfect' as compared to human nature) and 'personality' alone, it comes down to emotional bonding that manifests itself through hardships, as well as favorable situations. You'll never know who Mr./Ms. Right is if you don't know for sure how they'll react to mistakes you make, or hardships you might endure.

Unlike 'real-life' relationships, online relationships just can't and never will be able to implement these fundamental componenets, afterall why do you think love advice/ horoscopes/ compatibility tests never work? there's more to relationships, and that's what makes it 'real' or 'fake'.

Edit:

Don't get me wrong, it's not that you might not meet the 'one' so to speak online, or that online relationships can't have these elements. It's just that sadly, those are fewer cases then the usual, success in finding suitable bf's/gf's are high, it's just the vast online community means these online pairs will never get to truly connect.

[iladys]

In this case i believe if your comfortable with the relationship and actually plan to meet the person they why on earth not? Webcams of course can prove a person real and after time online couples swap numbers spend hours texting and on the phone.

I believe you can never love a person only love the idea of the person until meeting face to face, as many times, with friends of friends etc, you get on great online but face to face you really don't know what to say.

There are of course good and bad outcomes to online relationships and eventually meeting them in person such as, with online relationships there seems to normally be a fair bit of distance in where the couple live, but of course if you love the person you don't care how far you have to travel. Two of my very best friends met their current boyfriends/girlfriends through the internet one has to travel for nearly six hours and the other a mere 1. But with such distance a yearning to hold someone can come in and in alot of relationships like these the couple both have trust issues.

Personally i'd prefer to be in a r/l relationship having someone to hold and someone to go to when your down rather than a computer screen.
What you said above is quite true. You will not know if you have chemistry until you actually meet the person face to face and spend a bit of time with them to know if it will work into a long distance relationship or not. Preferring a real life relationship is quite normal, after all online relationships might not get you into the eventual marriage, that is depending on if you have met the person before.

I think the only capacity to which online relationships can't work is the distance involved in most of them. The feelings are genuine, even if they are misplaced or hastily reached, but the distance is usually what kills it.
Agreed. Sometimes you're lucky enough to be in the same city, same state, or same country, but when two people have an online relationship who like each other but are like halfway around the world from each other, and they don't have the finances to get there, the distance is the one that puts a big gap between the relationship, and it cannot progress from its current position.

Online relationships are real and are not stupid or whatever else the opposition uses. Just to back up my opinion, I will use myself.

I met my current girlfriend online, on this very site actually. ( :biggrinlo ) We started to talk and were just friends at the beginning, but things grew closer and we eventually hooked up online. Now, lucky for us..we both live in the same state, although its still 6 hrs away. So, we see each other a number of times.

Now, the reason why I think it works? I think it's because some people are more comfortable doing it like this. You feel more free behind the keyboard then trying to walk up to someone in rl and try to introduce yourselves, etc. There are no judgements, no first impressions but what you tell them online. It won't work if you lie to them about you, cause that would be a bad mistake. But if both parties online are honest and talk a lot, I definitly believe that it is real and see no problem/difference between that or real dating.
One of the greatest online couples I've seen is what you have, Ara :) Because you're both great people and you've gone through many things to get to where you are now. Sometimes when you don't have that communication skill, or you're just shy in nature, being online allows you to express yourself and be more you, although understandably there are people online who pretend to be someone they're not. There are no judgements and if you're both honest in what you feel and say, there's no reason to move on to real dating, unless of course you have the distance.

Afterall online everything is just words, and words alone cannot speak for personality and nature of people.
I'll disagree with you there. With what you're saying, you are implying that everyone who speaks online and have online relationships, or even friendships are saying things which deduce their 'real' personality to having an 'ideal' personality. There are various people with different natures, so there will be the untruthful, and the honest. There are people who cannot make something out of what they're not because that's just how some of these natures work. It depends on how you are raised, truth be told, and how you choose to or not to be someone else online.

How do you know you're not talking to a half-baked jerk, who happens to know how to choose their words? you can't, unless you've seen them real-time and spent considerable enough time to see them slip up.
That is true, you need to spend enough time with them irl to understand how they really are. You may be honest in your online relationship, and someone might be toying you around. The one thing about online relationships is that you still have to have a firm grip on reality and that not all online relationships work out with that special ending. There are predators online yes, so usually the first time you meet someone, you bring a friend or a few, and you meet in public places. No matter how much you trust this person, they could always turn out to be someone else. Always have common sense.

In the end, a relationship isn't based on physical (camera and/or 'said' words, afterall these things on the web tend to be inconsistently 'perfect' as compared to human nature) and 'personality' alone, it comes down to emotional bonding that manifests itself through hardships, as well as favorable situations.
Not unless you have met them before, or give a little trust in the people you meet. True, you might feel an emotional bond that's fake as you share favourable situations and hardships with someone online but there are still genuine people out there. These people might not have an online relationship, but friendships can also be forged online.

online relationships just can't and never will be able to implement these fundamental componenets
They may not, but it is foolish to say that it never will. There may be a small percentage of successful online to real dating, but I see these couples and they're going as strong as ever. They've moved on from online and have the potential to have the fundamental components of a real relationship.

Don't get me wrong, it's not that you might not meet the 'one' so to speak online, or that online relationships can't have these elements. It's just that sadly, those are fewer cases then the usual, success in finding suitable bf's/gf's are high, it's just the vast online community means these online pairs will never get to truly connect.
At least you edited that in, so I know you're not skeptical about the idea. The online community is big, but you never know what will happen with someone. There are heaps of people here on CB, and being here for more than two years, I've met some of the most incredible people. I've met some of them irl and they're awesome, and we still maintain friendship. I've been through an online relationship where it didn't work out and we broke it off. I met him a year later and he was still the same guy. He found someone he connected with online, and they look great for one another, and now have been going strong for a year. As the saying goes, never say never, because you can still find someone, you may or may not be as lucky as some people but you still get to meet some incredible people around the world.

[Shinomori]

Well, it's 3:30 AM.

I'm going to make this short.

Listen to the song "Date Rape" by Sublime.

What you all are talking about regarding internet-dating is essentially saying "everyone's a date rapist".

"Oh, you can't tell if someone's lying online."

You can.

I can.

For me, it is just as easy/hard to tell how truthful someone is being online as it is in person.

You can get lied to anywhere, it doesn't take anonymity to make people suddenly do it.

Yes, people may act differently online AT FIRST. But, over time, those people will generally reveal sides of themselves that you never even knew existed, and you'll get to meet the "real" them.

I'm pretty well experienced on this matter.

(girls find my emo hair sexy.)

A lot of people don't like me at first because I come off as intelligent in a "don't be stupid" sort of way. I like intelligent conversations, and I don't care if your opinion differs so long as you can back it up and make me think about mine. Sometimes I look like an ass, but I know what I like and I know what I don't like.

But, for the few people that have actually peeled away the skin of the onion, they've found out that I'm really quite a nice kid. I'm not trying to inflate myself here. I hold doors for people, help kids pick up their spilled books, give money to charity. I'm still sarcastic, but I'm not a jerk.

Now, what's the point of me saying that?

You wouldn't know ME just by talking once or twice.

Talking to me once or twice online and then saying "let's go out together IRL sometime" is like saying "I've only had 10 drinks, let's go back to your house".

You haven't DATED the person.

If you take the time, and show the commitment, it can be just as fulfilling (or more so).

ADDENDUM:

It's actually MORE likely you'll meet "the one" online.

Look at CB.

What do you know about EVERYONE ON CB?

They have watched, in their life, at least one anime.

You have found a common thread.

If you join a site you like, there's a distinctly higher chance that someone there is going to be compatible with you.

Which is why everyone seems to be involved in an e-relationship on this damn forum, I swear.

[Rabid_Wolverine]

Well I'm all up for the online relationship thing although I honestly don't think it's my own bag. I think I'll officially confirm myself and the person I love as a couple when we meet in real life.

There is a risky side to online dating, maybe a but more so than in real life but you get that in any type of relationship though to be honest. I think the most important part of a relationship is trust. If you can somehow show that you're going to be committed without looking like an ass or doing anything extreme then it will work out fine if you're both serious about it enough.

Then there's the most fundamental part of dating. You'll actually have to go out on a date and you will inevitably have to see each other. So until then you technically aren't a couple. Who knows? You might be pleasantly surprised IRL or you might see a different side to that person altogether. It's all up to you in the end but you just have to make your own decisions based off what you know about the person you want to date.

[KholdStare]

Listen to the song "Date Rape" by Sublime.

What you all are talking about regarding internet-dating is essentially saying "everyone's a date rapist".

"Oh, you can't tell if someone's lying online."

You can.

I can.

For me, it is just as easy/hard to tell how truthful someone is being online as it is in person.

You can get lied to anywhere, it doesn't take anonymity to make people suddenly do it.



How can you tell if somebody is or is not lying online? Yes, you may be intelligent but the person who is lying may be just as capable. What if somebody online told you they attended some prestigious university? How can you, in any way, tell if that person is lying or not? It is like speaking to a robotic voice. The robot has no emotions so therefore you CANNOT tell if it is lying or telling the truth. The only time you can tell that somebody is lying is when they extremely exaggerate... for example somebody tells you that their IQ is 180 yet they don't form coherent sentences. These people make it obvious that they are lying and therefore are not the "intelligent" type.

If their motive is to do something wrong to you, and they are bent upon it, they will never let you see the true side of them. It is much easier to lie online.. why? Simply because you have a chance to type out what you want to say and insert/remove the proper diction. In real life a Freudian slip would blow your cover in an instant but online you have the powerful backspace button. You have a chance to read and think over what you send before you actually send it.


The only thing I have against online dating is that it leads to a decline in social skills. Typing away is not the same thing as actually talking to somebody face to face. There are probably a lot of people on this forum who can communicate very well when they type things but cannot do the same when they actually meet a person. The reason I believe social skills are very important is that they are very necessary to succeed in the world. If we were to move this same logic to friends, then we would be left with nothing but e-friends, e-families, and e-boyfriends/girlfriends.

[Shinomori]

How can you tell if somebody is or is not lying online? Yes, you may be intelligent but the person who is lying may be just as capable. What if somebody online told you they attended some prestigious university? How can you, in any way, tell if that person is lying or not? It is like speaking to a robotic voice. The robot has no emotions so therefore you CANNOT tell if it is lying or telling the truth. The only time you can tell that somebody is lying is when they extremely exaggerate... for example somebody tells you that their IQ is 180 yet they don't form coherent sentences. These people make it obvious that they are lying and therefore are not the "intelligent" type.

If their motive is to do something wrong to you, and they are bent upon it, they will never let you see the true side of them. It is much easier to lie online.. why? Simply because you have a chance to type out what you want to say and insert/remove the proper diction. In real life a Freudian slip would blow your cover in an instant but online you have the powerful backspace button. You have a chance to read and think over what you send before you actually send it.


The only thing I have against online dating is that it leads to a decline in social skills. Typing away is not the same thing as actually talking to somebody face to face. There are probably a lot of people on this forum who can communicate very well when they type things but cannot do the same when they actually meet a person. The reason I believe social skills are very important is that they are very necessary to succeed in the world. If we were to move this same logic to friends, then we would be left with nothing but e-friends, e-families, and e-boyfriends/girlfriends.

If I meet you in real life and tell you I work as a lumberjack, how will you know I'm lying?

My own ability to figure out if someone is lying or not isn't based on emotion, it's based on cognitive reasoning.

If a person's motive is to do wrong to someone, they will do it regardless of the medium. A rapist is a rapist, internet or not.

And I don't know about everyone else, but I certainly think over what I'm going to say before I say it even in person. Unless I'm TRYING to make a joke by saying something awkward, I usually know how it will sound.

You have the tone in this argument of someone who's never really given this whole thing a shot - or had someone else give it a shot with you.

Try it out sometime. Learn by experiencing, by doing.

You will find out very quickly that not all things have to be centered on physicality to be very real.

[Joan]

I know a few people who dates online. And for those it have worked out very well! A friend of mine has had a long distance relationship what a gut she met online, and when they see eachother I can tell that they are so happy with eachother.
That makes me think that online dating is a thing that works. At least for someone.

And an important thing to remember on this subject is that everybody doesn't have the same skills when it comes to social life. Belive me, I live on the country in Norway, and all of the guys from my homeplace is total douchbags! I mean they are really really bad. I had to change schools before i could find someone who didn't bully me and what not. If you really can't fin anyone where you live i totally understand why they use the internet.

It works out, iv'e seen it. Of corse there are risk, but thats how it is in real life dating as well. And so many other things in life.

So online dating fits for some, and for some it doesn't. Anyway it's ok :)

[KholdStare]

If I meet you in real life and tell you I work as a lumberjack, how will you know I'm lying?
My own ability to figure out if someone is lying or not isn't based on emotion, it's based on cognitive reasoning.
If a person's motive is to do wrong to someone, they will do it regardless of the medium. A rapist is a rapist, internet or not.
And I don't know about everyone else, but I certainly think over what I'm going to say before I say it even in person. Unless I'm TRYING to make a joke by saying something awkward, I usually know how it will sound.
You have the tone in this argument of someone who's never really given this whole thing a shot - or had someone else give it a shot with you.
Try it out sometime. Learn by experiencing, by doing.
You will find out very quickly that not all things have to be centered on physicality to be very real.

I never said that I would be able to tell right away if somebody is lying IRL but I do believe it's EASIER to tell. Facial expressions are a huge giveaway in whether somebody is lying or not. You keep saying that you use logic to determine whether somebody is lying or not but how can you apply logic when you have absolutely no idea where that person is living, what he/she is doing, or any of their past experiences? What kind of logic is this? It seems much more of assumption than actually reasoning.

A person could say to you "I'm a lumberjack" online and you have no way of knowing whether that is true or not. In real life, (if it really mattered), you could figure such things out very easily. Obviously, I just used this example because that's the example you used.

Here is an example as to why I think you cannot judge a person based on "cognitive reasoning" from an online chat. You have made the assumption that I have never tried anything like this. How do you know that I actually tried it, had a bad experience and simply am discouraging others from trying it? Such things would be pretty obvious if I were to actually talk to you in real life because of my tone, intonation, and facial expressions. Just like you misjudged me right now, I think it would be fairly easy to misjudge others online.

And yes, a rapist is a rapist and they will *try* to achieve their goal. Online you have one thing to prove to you that the person is NOT a rapist: what they type to you. When you meet somebody, you can see the way they look, the way they talk, and their overall demeanor. Obviously ALL of these things can deceive you but in the end you have MORE things to judge a person by when you meet them in real life. It's basically judging a person by several different things as opposed to judging them by only 1 thing.
And just so we make this clear, I never said the relationships aren't real.

[Vladimir]

That's not a reason. That's an opinion. Ugly or not, people still go on internet dating. I know some people who really look gorgeous but still go on internet dating. Sometimes people are just tired of having real dating.

Nah.. It's not true. My friend have tons on dates in real life, but still goes on internet dating. It's different from real dating. People put in more of their personality in it rather than looks.


Online people are humans, which means they are real people. Have real feelings.
Even though we know them as online people but they still have feeling like we do.
REAL boyfriend are not so real as they seem to be.


"Trust"... even webcams lie. They can just put their son on pretending to be them. Not saying they are all like that but you cannot trust them too much. They lie and you will never know it. But if you are on a online relationship, that's the risk you have to take.


Once you get into the relationship, it's called long distant relationship. You just have to have patience for you two to meet up one day. You will always have a bad feeling, but it's a risk you have to take since it's online. Be ready to be cheated by him/her or to be happy with him/her.

[Pierrot]

Well I'm all up for the online relationship thing although I honestly don't think it's my own bag. I think I'll officially confirm myself and the person I love as a couple when we meet in real life.

There is a risky side to online dating, maybe a but more so than in real life but you get that in any type of relationship though to be honest. I think the most important part of a relationship is trust. If you can somehow show that you're going to be committed without looking like an ass or doing anything extreme then it will work out fine if you're both serious about it enough.

Then there's the most fundamental part of dating. You'll actually have to go out on a date and you will inevitably have to see each other. So until then you technically aren't a couple. Who knows? You might be pleasantly surprised IRL or you might see a different side to that person altogether. It's all up to you in the end but you just have to make your own decisions based off what you know about the person you want to date.

This, This and This. Oh and This some more.

It's personally not the way I would go about it really, it all seems a little too fake. But I'm definately not against it by any stretch of the imagination.

"I think I'll officially confirm myself and the person I love as a couple when we meet in real life." Well said, Sir.

I also agree with both NyBalla and Mirage's arguments to an extent.

Shinomori - I'm sorry but I don't see how you can always tell if someone is telling you the truth or not online, it's just text. In person body language and reactions can help determine whether or not someone is telling the truth.
Also barely any time elapses between a question being asked and an answer being given in person so there is no room for error, where as on the net, time isn't a concern, you have the time to think of a response that suits you.

Maybe I'm seeing it wrong though mate, I think you're right to an extent, sometimes it's very clear when someone is lying even online, but not always.

[DarkSlayer]

Shinomori - I'm sorry but I don't see how you can always tell if someone is telling you the truth or not online, it's just text. In person body language and reactions can help determine whether or not someone is telling the truth.
Also barely any time elapses between a question being asked and an answer being given in person so there is no room for error, where as on the net, time isn't a concern, you have the time to think of a response that suits you.
Maybe I'm seeing it wrong though mate, I think you're right to an extent, sometimes it's very clear when someone is lying even online, but not always.
I believe what Shinomori is getting at is the fact that as humans, we lie.

All of us.

Not one of us can say that he or she has never lied in their life.

So it's safe to assume that what someone says about himself/herself could easily be false/a lie.

Think about it.

What kind of people are out there?

Rapists, murderers, pedophiles, theives, etc.

For them the internet is an easy way to do what they do best - starting with lulling those of us online who are kind hearted and tend to give those the benefit of the doubt into a false sense of security so they can get/do what it is they really want.

Chew on that! :D

[KholdStare]

I believe what Shinomori is getting at is the fact that as humans, we lie.
All of us.
Not one of us can say that he or she has never lied in their life.
So it's safe to assume that what someone says about himself/herself could easily be false/a lie.
Think about it.
What kind of people are out there?
Rapists, murderers, pedophiles, theives, etc.
For them the internet is an easy way to do what they do best - starting with lulling those of us online who are kind hearted and tend to give those the benefit of the doubt into a false sense of security so they can get/do what it is they really want.
Chew on that! :D

No, I think Shinomori made it pretty clear that he could easily discern when somebody is lying online. Both the person above you and I have said that that is nearly impossible because online you can answer according to what best suits your interest without time constraints whereas in real life you must answer instantly and a lie would be easier to pick up. It sometimes may be easy, but I don't think it can ever be just as easy.

[DarkSlayer]

No, I think Shinomori made it pretty clear that he could easily discern when somebody is lying online. Both the person above you and I have said that that is nearly impossible because online you can answer according to what best suits your interest without time constraints whereas in real life you must answer instantly and a lie would be easier to pick up. It sometimes may be easy, but I don't think it can ever be just as easy.
Hence the reason why I said "It's safe to assume" Key word being Assume.

[KholdStare]

Hence the reason why I said "It's safe to assume" Key word being Assume.

I'm not disagreeing with what you're saying. I'm saying your misinterpreting what Shinomori said. He said it's just as easy to pick up whether somebody is lying on the internet as it is in real life.

[Graffik]

Shinomori - I'm sorry but I don't see how you can always tell if someone is telling you the truth or not online, it's just text. In person body language and reactions can help determine whether or not someone is telling the truth.
Also barely any time elapses between a question being asked and an answer being given in person so there is no room for error, where as on the net, time isn't a concern, you have the time to think of a response that suits you.
Maybe I'm seeing it wrong though mate, I think you're right to an extent, sometimes it's very clear when someone is lying even online, but not always.

I'm pretty skeptical about that claim as well, I personally can't believe how you can determine somebody is lying unless it is obvious


My own ability to figure out if someone is lying or not isn't based on emotion, it's based on cognitive reasoning.

You can never beat reasoning, just one thought though, It doesn't apply indefinately, and pathological liars and psychologists know that.

If a person's motive is to do wrong to someone, they will do it regardless of the medium. A rapist is a rapist, internet or not.

This is true, be it online or face to face, if a one nighter was the intention, then a one nighter is the intention, and in this case onlines safer... unless you're an idiot and agree to meet before [I have no experience in this so please excuse me] you 'know' them..

You will find out very quickly that not all things have to be centered on physicality to be very real.

I'll agree here, however, I believe that it'll be more 'difficult' to really have a 'real' relationship online, however I'm still 'naive' when it comes to relationships, so I'll side with someone with actual examples, i.e. Mirage [ 2nd pg comment]

[Nightmare060]

They aren't real until you meet in real life and see if the chemistry is there. Until then you build a fantasy of what you want this person to be based off their words and actions.

I'm sorry, but when did you have power to dictate peoples feelings for other people? And who are you to say the person on the other isn't actualy being honest about themselves and conveying their thaughts and feelings via words? I'm not denying the possibility of masking yourself is there, but as time goes on it becomes very hard to do so. Especialy with webcams and mics.

As a matter of fact, most of the things fakeable online are fakeable in "real life".

I don't view them as stupid or anything in that nature.

It seems what you previously said would indicate otherwise. As you claimed until it moves offline it's purley a "fantasy".

I agree with KT Samurai that distance tends to be what kills it.

KT, correct me if I'm wrong, but wouldn't you also agree that it varies from person person?

That and people who are like 15/16 think they found the love of their life half way across the world or whatever yet they can't meet because mummy and daddy would never agree. It's hard try to do an "online relationship" as an adult, let alone a "child".

My "Mummy and Daddy" have never disagreed with my online relationships and freinds. Plus with actual education of the risks and how to minimize them, parents can be supportive. It may be "hard" but it's most certainly not impossible.

Now when it comes to phone calls and web cam. Most people are truthful about it when it comes to seeing them on cam but there is the rare chance you'll get someone who looks nothing like that in real life because I have known someone to pay a girl to sit on her cam for her then boyfriend.

Yes, RARE events. Very rare in fact. And when relationships have been going for months or even years, how often do you think they'll be able to do this? It's very unlikley a Pedophaill would do that. They aren't that bright or patiant.

My bottom line is that online relationships aren't real until you meet.

Define "real".

From there it becomes a proper long distance relationship if the chemistry is there and both parties are willing deal with the distance and in the end, hopefully, over come it.

And why not before? You can't say that online relationships are not real because of small possibilties there will be hidden elements. Offline relationships can have hidden things in to.

[KholdStare]

I'm sorry, but when did you have power to dictate peoples feelings for other people? And who are you to say the person on the other isn't actualy being honest about themselves and conveying their thaughts and feelings via words? I'm not denying the possibility of masking yourself is there, but as time goes on it becomes very hard to do so. Especialy with webcams and mics.
In the light you put it in, I could ask you the same question. When did you have the power to dicate feelings for other people? Who are you to say that the other person actually IS being honest?
Webcams are something to be very wary of. Anything you do can be recorded and released to the internet. Even if it may seem harmless at the time, it may not be so later on.
As a matter of fact, most of the things fakeable online are fakeable in "real life".
You can't hide what you look like in real life. If there are no webcams invovled (for the reason I listed above), you could send a picture of a random person and you would have no reason to be suspicious.
Also, it's a lot easier to catch these "fakeable" things IRL simply because you could go check it out. If a girl were to say to me that she has a job at some very large company, I could simply ask to visit her at work some day. So it's not as easy to fake in real life.
KT, correct me if I'm wrong, but wouldn't you also agree that it varies from person person?
There will always be an exception. Outliers should almost never be used to prove a point.
My "Mummy and Daddy" have never disagreed with my online relationships and freinds. Plus with actual education of the risks and how to minimize them, parents can be supportive. It may be "hard" but it's most certainly not impossible.
Yes, RARE events. Very rare in fact. And when relationships have been going for months or even years, how often do you think they'll be able to do this? It's very unlikley a Pedophaill would do that. They aren't that bright or patiant.
I recall you asking others for some statistics a page ago. Do you have any to support your claim that they are not patient? I think you're very wrong in the assumption that they are not bright or patient. They are very manipulative and if they are not bright, it does not require a load of intelligence to manipulate a child. And your assertion about them not waiting a while before meeting is also invalid. I tried to look up a couple of internet date rape cases online and here are a few of them:
http://blogs.thenewstribune.com/crime/2007/01/22/internet_relationship_turns_deadly_for_o
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/manchester/3078210.stm
In both these cases (it is very hard to find cases where they actually state how long they chatted before) the users chatted for a time frame from several weeks to a YEAR. So yes, they ARE patient.
Who says that
In fact, here is a quote

Sexual predators frequent various chatrooms looking for children. These predators target likely victims, make contact, and work to develop friendship, emotional reliance, and interest in sexual topics. He or she may initiate offline sexual relations quickly or spend months "grooming" the child towards a sexual relationship. Sexual predators may use material goods, such as compact discs and games, to attract children offline. There have been cases in which predators have sent children bus tickets or money to cover the cost of travel or traveled to meet children.
^Internet Safety. Atlanta, Georgia: Boys & Girls Clubs of America, 2001, page 21.
They spend months trying to seek the trust of their target.
Yes, your parents let you have your e-friends but I would like you to tell me 1 parent who would actually allow their child to go meet somebody they met online alone. This "education" that you speak of will never happen because the police after EVERY case has always said "Please, do NOT go meet somebody you meet online." Every police officer will say it, every government site will say it, and any well established foundation will say it. Even if we WERE to start any education program, how effective do you really think it would be? We have started sex education but has that, in any way, decline teen pregnancy? Kids are having sex at younger and younger ages. What makes you think this will be any different?

[Nightmare060]

In the light you put it in, I could ask you the same question. When did you have the power to dicate feelings for other people? Who are you to say that the other person actually IS being honest?

When in love with somone, there has to be some level of trust between the two people for it to work out at all. Just like in "real life", you have to trust them to some extent and hope they are honest.

Webcams are something to be very wary of. Anything you do can be recorded and released to the internet. Even if it may seem harmless at the time, it may not be so later on.

The way to test if that is the case is to ask them a question that they couldn't have planned for. E.G "Hey, can you hold up todays news paper please? You said you read the news every morning" or "Hey, you said you had a BIG collection of manga! Mind if I see them?". That can help you tell if it's pre-recorded or not.

You can't hide what you look like in real life. If there are no webcams invovled (for the reason I listed above), you could send a picture of a random person and you would have no reason to be suspicious.

Well you could ask them to get a webcam, test the credability as proposed above, or ask to find multiple pictures of this same person, if it is them.

Also, it's a lot easier to catch these "fakeable" things IRL simply because you could go check it out. If a girl were to say to me that she has a job at some very large company, I could simply ask to visit her at work some day. So it's not as easy to fake in real life.

It doesn't sound like the most plausable of stories in general anyway. Perhaps you could try and give a more belivable example to go with your point? Something that would realy matter?

There will always be an exception. Outliers should almost never be used to prove a point.

That point was on how distance kills the relationship.

I recall you asking others for some statistics a page ago. Do you have any to support your claim that they are not patient? I think you're very wrong in the assumption that they are not bright or patient. They are very manipulative and if they are not bright, it does not require a load of intelligence to manipulate a child. And your assertion about them not waiting a while before meeting is also invalid. I tried to look up a couple of internet date rape cases online and here are a few of them:
http://blogs.thenewstribune.com/crime/2007/01/22/internet_relationship_turns_deadly_for_o
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/manchester/3078210.stm
In both these cases (it is very hard to find cases where they actually state how long they chatted before) the users chatted for a time frame from several weeks to a YEAR. So yes, they ARE patient.

The media can often be bias. Plus there will always be some exceptions to the majoraty. The majoraty of pedophialls that I have read about and actualy TALKED TO (it was so damn obviouse it wasn't funny...). Plus in case they do wait that long, then when meeting people from the interent in real life, go to a public area, braud daylight with a fraind or family member. There are so many precautions to catch out a predetor which are cheap and easy you wonder why no one tries to point these things out.

Who says that
In fact, here is a quote

Upon reading that quote, one thing is quite predomanent. SEXUAL RELATIONS and developing SEXUAL interests. Pedophialls, as claimed by this artical, are quick to talk dirty. This should be an obviouse warning sign. If somone is THAT horny from the word go, BLOCK THEM. I've met nearly 100 people more who I met online first. None of which fallow this pattern. I've met people online who fallowed this trend, but they were way to obviouse.

So with a bit of common sense, it should be obviouse who is realy who they say they are (when it comes to either teen or pervy old man). Every single person I know who dates online has not been a victem of pedophilla. They were all genuin people, who were who they said they were.

^Internet Safety. Atlanta, Georgia: Boys & Girls Clubs of America, 2001, page 21.
They spend months trying to seek the trust of their target.
Yes, your parents let you have your e-friends but I would like you to tell me 1 parent who would actually allow their child to go meet somebody they met online alone.

You shouldn't meet them alone, period. Always take a freind or family member with you.

This "education" that you speak of will never happen because the police after EVERY case has always said "Please, do NOT go meet somebody you meet online."

I agree on that. They are so paranoid about this happening again they will not teach people how to moderate the risks and not miss the obviouse.

Every police officer will say it, every government site will say it, and any well established foundation will say it.

Any media source will say it because they are not going to report on the hundreds of sucsessfull relationships or freindship meet ups that happen each year. Only ever focus on the few cases that go wrong and try and base everyones opinions on just that.

Even if we WERE to start any education program, how effective do you really think it would be?

Very. Because webcams and mics are very cheap, and the signs are quite obviouse. It's like crossing the street. When people run out into the road without looking, don't ban crossing the street! Teach them how to look left and right. This isn't going to stop people getting hit by cars, but it will decrease the numbers rapidly!

We have started sex education but has that, in any way, decline teen pregnancy?

Yes. If you look in places like Sweden, they start sex education at age 5. And they have the lowest teen pregency rate in the world. The problem is that our sex education isn't very good. And it happens quite late as well. We teach kids the bare facts, and don't realy go into detail about the morals, emotions, feelings and consiquences that go with it.

Kids are having sex at younger and younger ages.

If that is true, it's evident of a bad sex education system. It's not educating them properly.

What makes you think this will be any different?

Because the ways to be safe take very little effort. Yet we don't realy bother to teach kids this. If theres one thing I have learend in the 18 years that I have lived, is that sheltering kids and blocking things from them will cause far more harm than good.

[KholdStare]

When in love with somone, there has to be some level of trust between the two people for it to work out at all. Just like in "real life", you have to trust them to some extent and hope they are honest.

Trust? How can you trust the person when the only thing that is proof that they even exist are the words they type to you?


The way to test if that is the case is to ask them a question that they couldn't have planned for. E.G "Hey, can you hold up todays news paper please? You said you read the news every morning" or "Hey, you said you had a BIG collection of manga! Mind if I see them?". That can help you tell if it's pre-recorded or not.
Well you could ask them to get a webcam, test the credability as proposed above, or ask to find multiple pictures of this same person, if it is them.

Ok, my point wasn't that it was PRE-recorded. It was that it would be recorded as you talk to them. Before they were talking about cybering in this thread. What if somebody were to record you on webcam and publish it on a website? And you think finding multiple pictures of the same person is difficult? Have you heard of myspace or facebook? I could easily just post pictures of the same person.


It doesn't sound like the most plausable of stories in general anyway. Perhaps you could try and give a more belivable example to go with your point? Something that would realy matter?

How does the job your boyfriend or girlfriend not "really matter"? Everybody wants to live a secure lifestyle and wants to be with a person who would be able to provide. Love doesn't feed stomaches you know. If you think it really doesn't matter what the other person does for a living, I think you are too idealistic.


That point was on how distance kills the relationship.


Yes, I know what the point was. My point was that the MAJORITY of long distance relationships don't last and those few that do last (which you said were the distinctive qualities from person to person) are the outliers. Outliers don't prove a point; they just prove that exceptions exist.


The media can often be bias. Plus there will always be some exceptions to the majoraty. The majoraty of pedophialls that I have read about and actualy TALKED TO (it was so damn obviouse it wasn't funny...). Plus in case they do wait that long, then when meeting people from the interent in real life, go to a public area, braud daylight with a fraind or family member. There are so many precautions to catch out a predetor which are cheap and easy you wonder why no one tries to point these things out.


Obviously the media is biased. Tell me one thing in the world which isn't. They are biased for a good reason, for the deaths and rapes that do occur. Once again, we have to go by what the majority does. Your solution is to trust somebody who actually is willing to stay committed for a long time, yet the media says that the majority of them DO stay committed for a long time. Your solution only tackles the minority of them, not the majority.

Yes, there are precautions to stop them but even you agreed with me that the education of these subjects would just fail. So who would be there to teach young kids of these precautions?

Upon reading that quote, one thing is quite predomanent. SEXUAL RELATIONS and developing SEXUAL interests. Pedophialls, as claimed by this artical, are quick to talk dirty. This should be an obviouse warning sign. If somone is THAT horny from the word go, BLOCK THEM. I've met nearly 100 people more who I met online first. None of which fallow this pattern. I've met people online who fallowed this trend, but they were way to obviouse.
So with a bit of common sense, it should be obviouse who is realy who they say they are (when it comes to either teen or pervy old man). Every single person I know who dates online has not been a victem of pedophilla. They were all genuin people, who were who they said they were.

If you read the quote properly, it says that they have the motive to develop sexual relations. That does not mean that they hint at any sex during the chatroom sessions. They could act very nice and share all your interests but still have the motive to have sexual relations. Only an idiot would be that obvious about being "horny". Pedophiles don't say "come have sex with me". They say things like "Let's go out and do something fun, meet me at ______".

So out of 100 people who you met online and actually met (which I'm sorry, I really doubt) none of them lied? It would only take ONE person out of those 100 to ruin it all.

You shouldn't meet them alone, period. Always take a freind or family member with you.

Most kids keep their online relationships a secret from their parents, who usually disapprove of them. Once again, if we cannot educate kids (which you agreed, we cannot) how can they take ANY of these precautions?


Any media source will say it because they are not going to report on the hundreds of sucsessfull relationships or freindship meet ups that happen each year. Only ever focus on the few cases that go wrong and try and base everyones opinions on just that.


So the media shouldn't raise awareness? Cybercrime is on the rise and the media is doing it's job, raising public awareness.

Very. Because webcams and mics are very cheap, and the signs are quite obviouse. It's like crossing the street. When people run out into the road without looking, don't ban crossing the street! Teach them how to look left and right. This isn't going to stop people getting hit by cars, but it will decrease the numbers rapidly!

Oh yea, pinpointing a pedophile or a stalker is just as easy as looking left and right. Kids already know that there are dangers on the internet, the only problem is that they all think that it can't happen to them. This leads back to the manipulation techniques.


Yes. If you look in places like Sweden, they start sex education at age 5. And they have the lowest teen pregency rate in the world.

http://www.unicef.org/pon96/inbirth.htm

Actually, Japan does. Their sex-ed program is ridiculed around the world. So you can't simply say that the Sweden has a low teen pregnancy rate simply because they start early.


The problem is that our sex education isn't very good. And it happens quite late as well. We teach kids the bare facts, and don't realy go into detail about the morals, emotions, feelings and consiquences that go with it.


I don't know about your sex-ed class but I was told much more than the bare facts. We discussed pre-marital sex, post-marital sex, abstinence, and several other topics. What more do you expect them to teach? You have to be more specific than the "emotions"... And yes, they DO teach the consequences of sex.

If that is true, it's evident of a bad sex education system. It's not educating them properly.

Or.. the kids just don't want to listen. Everybody listens in class about all these horrid STDs but every kid thinks the same thing when it's actually time to have sex: "That could never happen to me".

[/QUOTE]

[Nightmare060]

Trust? How can you trust the person when the only thing that is proof that they even exist are the words they type to you?

And webcam images. And voices over microphones and phone. Plus how can they "Not exist"? Are they some kind of spiritual manafestations posessing a keyboard to type out replies to you?

Ok, my point wasn't that it was PRE-recorded. It was that it would be recorded as you talk to them. Before they were talking about cybering in this thread. What if somebody were to record you on webcam and publish it on a website?

With that kind of paranoia, you might as say that in real life when you have sex with you lover, they could be secretly recording it and selling it to other people. Plus not every couple cybers.

And you think finding multiple pictures of the same person is difficult? Have you heard of myspace or facebook? I could easily just post pictures of the same person.

In which case a webcam would be more effective.

How does the job your boyfriend or girlfriend not "really matter"? Everybody wants to live a secure lifestyle and wants to be with a person who would be able to provide. Love doesn't feed stomaches you know. If you think it really doesn't matter what the other person does for a living, I think you are too idealistic.

It doesn't matter in the scence that people have their own choices in life. But anyway, sticking to the point, just how many people in relationships DO ask to visit their partners where they work in "real life"? They could say they're working in McDonalds but realy be cheating on you (cheating is another thing that frequently pops up in debates concerning online relationships). Just because you meet someone offline doesn't mean the risk of them lieing about their lifestyle isn't there.

Yes, I know what the point was. My point was that the MAJORITY of long distance relationships don't last and those few that do last (which you said were the distinctive qualities from person to person) are the outliers. Outliers don't prove a point; they just prove that exceptions exist.

The majoraty of relationships IN GENERAL don't work out. Why don't we just call relationships in general bad while we're at it eh?

Obviously the media is biased. Tell me one thing in the world which isn't. They are biased for a good reason, for the deaths and rapes that do occur.

In comparison to the many sucsessfull transitions from online to offline which they don't tell you about.

Once again, we have to go by what the majority does. Your solution is to trust somebody who actually is willing to stay committed for a long time, yet the media says that the majority of them DO stay committed for a long time. Your solution only tackles the minority of them, not the majority.

The media spreads fear and paranoia. Of course they are going to outline, bold, italic AND increase the font size on the pedophialls that do wait a long time. But is that to say every person on the internet is a Pedophiall?

Yes, there are precautions to stop them but even you agreed with me that the education of these subjects would just fail. So who would be there to teach young kids of these precautions?

With your logic, if kids were taught not to stick their hands in the fire, they would do it anyway and KEEP doing it until their hands are compleatly burnt off!

If you read the quote properly, it says that they have the motive to develop sexual relations. That does not mean that they hint at any sex during the chatroom sessions. They could act very nice and share all your interests but still have the motive to have sexual relations. Only an idiot would be that obvious about being "horny". Pedophiles don't say "come have sex with me". They say things like "Let's go out and do something fun, meet me at ______".

I haven't seen a single Pedophiall who does that. Plus from what I have seen and heared, Pedophialls tend to get quite horny quite quickly. This is talking from experiance. Plus, when meeting people who you met online, you should always bring along freinds of family members as I have said so many times before. But will the media tell you this? No! Plus taking precautions long before meeting up with them is so easy. Common sense should rule the day, not that the media wants you to know that.

So out of 100 people who you met online and actually met (which I'm sorry, I really doubt) none of them lied? It would only take ONE person out of those 100 to ruin it all.

In the eyes of the media. It could be 1 case in a billion, and the media would probobly go "OMG ITZ NOT SAFE BAN KIDS FROM THE NET NOW!". And I have met about 100 people online first then offline. Ever heard of mass meet ups? I attend conventions which another forum I go to organises. Public place, braud daylight. Not a single person has ever lied about who they were.

Most kids keep their online relationships a secret from their parents, who usually disapprove of them. Once again, if we cannot educate kids (which you agreed, we cannot) how can they take ANY of these precautions?

We should educate the parents so that kids don't have to resort to this. Parents are being over-protective of their kids these days. If they learn the risks, make sure their kids know, and when going to meet their boy or girlfreind in "real life" for the first time their parents should go with them. If kids don't feel the need to hide something, they probobly won't.


So the media shouldn't raise awareness? Cybercrime is on the rise and the media is doing it's job, raising public awareness.

Not in the right way though. It's making people paranoid and giving very little facts about how to protect yourself while still enjoying it.

Oh yea, pinpointing a pedophile or a stalker is just as easy as looking left and right.

That isn't my point. My point is if kids are aware of the risks and know to MINIMIZE the risks then they are in far less danger than if they were ignorant.

Kids already know that there are dangers on the internet, the only problem is that they all think that it can't happen to them. This leads back to the manipulation techniques.

And they don't know how deal with the risks. Rather than plugging your ears and thinking it won't happen, learn how to possibly avoid it happening.

http://www.unicef.org/pon96/inbirth.htm

Actually, Japan does. Their sex-ed program is ridiculed around the world. So you can't simply say that the Sweden has a low teen pregnancy rate simply because they start early.

Different country, different system, different results. Plus it's not so much teaching early, it's helping to understand more things that are involved in sex.

I don't know about your sex-ed class but I was told much more than the bare facts.

I learnt about sex in year 7 sciance. It was only in a year 10 RE session that it was descussed in more detail, and so it seems that more education is on the rise. But even so, please note the 3 year gap. Learn how first, learn why later.

We discussed pre-marital sex, post-marital sex, abstinence, and several other topics. What more do you expect them to teach? You have to be more specific than the "emotions"... And yes, they DO teach the consequences of sex.

Seems somewhere they've got it right.

Or.. the kids just don't want to listen. Everybody listens in class about all these horrid STDs but every kid thinks the same thing when it's actually time to have sex: "That could never happen to me".

It's realy sad that in this world, the most common deaths are the preventable ones eh?

[Graffik]

^ I love how this debate is really heating up, I'm gone a couple hours and Nightmare and Kholdstare steal the show, so now I feel I must contribute

And webcam images. And voices over microphones and phone. Plus how can they "Not exist"? Are they some kind of spiritual manafestations posessing a keyboard to type out replies to you?


What he means by they can 'possibly' not exist have you not considered he means that the personality who you are talking to, and possibly becoming interested in and friendly with is a simple fake, I'll respond to that argument with this, the actual number of people who do that is numbered to roughly the number of pedofiles alive, and the number of people who don't have lives. Not a lot of 'real' people will waste time with such a thing if it's just for game, unless they enjoy toying with people's emotions [I'm not seeing how the PC and emotions are related but you get my point.]

Obviously the media is biased. Tell me one thing in the world which isn't. They are biased for a good reason, for the deaths and rapes that do occur.

Well of course, the internet is dangerously accesible, and very poorly monitored/policed, so of course the media, law enforcement, and people in general will be biased. Since rapists, predators and other criminals/losers can be anonymous, get what they want, and almost never be found out. That is of course the consequence of such 'freedom' on the net and the accesibility to people in net-dating. It's why internet safety is taught, and parents are advised to watch their children and their chats. That's why online isn't exactly the place to meet your 'beloved', although it can be just as useful as it is risky. Despite the rapes, and kidnappings etc. There are people who do find their one through the net, of course we aren't too aware about it, love isn't exactly 'important' by todays standards of media.

I recall you asking others for some statistics a page ago. Do you have any to support your claim that they are not patient? I think you're very wrong in the assumption that they are not bright or patient. They are very manipulative and if they are not bright, it does not require a load of intelligence to manipulate a child. And your assertion about them not waiting a while before meeting is also invalid. I tried to look up a couple of internet date rape cases online and here are a few of them:
http://blogs.thenewstribune.com/crim...s_deadly_for_o
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/e...er/3078210.stm
In both these cases (it is very hard to find cases where they actually state how long they chatted before) the users chatted for a time frame from several weeks to a YEAR. So yes, they ARE patient.

I agree with you here, a predator is a predator, and will do anything for it to get it's prey. They'll patiently sit-out a holocaust, if what they wanted was at the end of it, so you got to understand, online relationships, aren't exactly probable, possible yes, probable, well if you getting pwned by a predator is a relationship then yes, otherwise not really.

Yes, your parents let you have your e-friends but I would like you to tell me 1 parent who would actually allow their child to go meet somebody they met online alone. This "education" that you speak of will never happen because the police after EVERY case has always said "Please, do NOT go meet somebody you meet online." Every police officer will say it, every government site will say it, and any well established foundation will say it. Even if we WERE to start any education program, how effective do you really think it would be? We have started sex education but has that, in any way, decline teen pregnancy? Kids are having sex at younger and younger ages. What makes you think this will be any different?

I agree 100% with this statement, if you're 18+ go ahead and do it, internet dating can be helpful, however under 18, you shouldn't think about the net for dating, you want to date find a classmate/schoolmate, the net just isn't for the naive and the young.

[Pierrot]

Trust? How can you trust the person when the only thing that is proof that they even exist are the words they type to you?

Nightmare, You can stop the debate now, Khold just won the thread.

This is the very reason Online relationships will always be seen as taboo to the average Joe's of the world.
It's only words that someone can type to you at first, thats all you can base any "feelings" of affection or anything else for that matter when you first start communicating online.

Until you've met the person, until you've spoke face to face, interacted in a real life situation, you can't pretend to know the person, you can say you trust them, but you are kidding yourself, because in this day and age you just never know who your talking to. They could tell you ANYTHING and you can choose to believe what this person says or not, but you can't be certain, the internet is a mask at the end of the day.

I know Online relationships can go the distance, you just have to be EXTREMELY careful and not give too much away. It's the people who do the opposite that end up in the headlines.

[Nightmare060]

^ I love how this debate is really heating up, I'm gone a couple hours and Nightmare and Kholdstare steal the show, so now I feel I must contribute
What he means by they can 'possibly' not exist have you not considered he means that the personality who you are talking to, and possibly becoming interested in and friendly with is a simple fake, I'll respond to that argument with this, the actual number of people who do that is numbered to roughly the number of pedofiles alive, and the number of people who don't have lives. Not a lot of 'real' people will waste time with such a thing if it's just for game, unless they enjoy toying with people's emotions [I'm not seeing how the PC and emotions are related but you get my point.]
Well of course, the internet is dangerously accesible, and very poorly monitored/policed, so of course the media, law enforcement, and people in general will be biased. Since rapists, predators and other criminals/losers can be anonymous, get what they want, and almost never be found out. That is of course the consequence of such 'freedom' on the net and the accesibility to people in net-dating. It's why internet safety is taught, and parents are advised to watch their children and their chats. That's why online isn't exactly the place to meet your 'beloved', although it can be just as useful as it is risky. Despite the rapes, and kidnappings etc. There are people who do find their one through the net, of course we aren't too aware about it, love isn't exactly 'important' by todays standards of media.
I agree with you here, a predator is a predator, and will do anything for it to get it's prey. They'll patiently sit-out a holocaust, if what they wanted was at the end of it, so you got to understand, online relationships, aren't exactly probable, possible yes, probable, well if you getting pwned by a predator is a relationship then yes, otherwise not really.
I agree 100% with this statement, if you're 18+ go ahead and do it, internet dating can be helpful, however under 18, you shouldn't think about the net for dating, you want to date find a classmate/schoolmate, the net just isn't for the naive and the young.

You can't realy generalise by age when it comes to maturaty. In the end, age is just a number. What I would advise to any parent, is to give the child the resorces to try and detect the fox among the chickens, so to speak, as well as occasionaly check their conversations. Esetablish a comunication between you and the child and when it comes to meeting the person, then go with them to meet them.

All I am trying to prove with this thread is that yes, there are risks. However, we should not condem those who find the love of their lives online simply because of the medium they descoverd each other through. Do all you can to try and minimize the risks.

I personaly feel that denouncing online relationships as "fake" is more dangerouse than dating online it's self. If we do not support the people who are dating online, they will be encoraged to hide things from you. And they are at far greater risk of being the victim of an online predetor then if they are supported and helped to stay safe.

Lets put this into perspective.

Jimmy A falls in love with someone over the internet. He tells his parents about it and they go "that's nice. But be carefull. Please use this, that and the other tool just in case it's a pedophiall. And expect me to look at your conversations every now and again. Other than that, good luck!"

The next day, Jimmy uses these methods and descovers that this person she was talking to was a Pedophiall after all. And consiquently blocks this person.

Jimmy B falls in love with someone over the internet. He tells his parents about it, but they go "I forbid this relationship! It isn't real, you don't know the person and it's dangerouse! Your grounded for a week, don't you dare talk to that person ever again!".

The next day, Jimmy wakes up extra early when his parents are asleep and talks to his lover and agrees to meet her in two hours. Jimmy goes out, and consiquently gets raped by the Pedophiall who lured him.

Because Jimmy A was taught how to be safe, and his parents supported him, he was able to remain safe because he knew what to do.

To Pierrot: Your Paranoia incarnate aren't you? What you just spewed is what the average Joe would say, considering that they can't comprehend about how to find out who is lieing and who is not. If you cannot feel anything through words, then how are books sold? How do sad books make you cry? How to horror stories make you scared? Just because it's text does not mean you cannot get anything from it. You never know who that bus driver you met a few hours ago realy is. He could be a rapist and hijack the bus taking it to a remote area to kill and rape everyone! Should we not trust bus drivers now?

[Pipp-ORK]

Trust? How can you trust the person when the only thing that is proof that they even exist are the words they type to you?

That's just a chance you have to take based on your own decisions and how well you know the person (because yes, I believe it IS possible to get to know - and trust - somebody over the internet). I've met some people here who I've been speaking to daily for two years now. I trust them just as much as I trust my offline friends. They've helped me to grow and evolve as a person, I care about them greatly, and I consider them among the best people I've known (and I DO have a social life, and offline friends, so don't slap me in the face with the "that's just because you're a loser and nobody likes you" argument).

And webcam images. And voices over microphones and phone. Plus how can they "Not exist"? Are they some kind of spiritual manafestations posessing a keyboard to type out replies to you?

I agree, completely. And paying somebody to sit on webcam for you? Come on, I doubt that's a common occurance, and it's a situational thing anyway. Who the hell is going to pose in front of a webcam for you at, for instance, 3 AM? Unless you have a colony of willing webcam aficionados living under your bed, I'm sure there are ways to sniff out stuff like that. You can only hide yourself for so long, even over the internet.

Ok, my point wasn't that it was PRE-recorded. It was that it would be recorded as you talk to them. Before they were talking about cybering in this thread. What if somebody were to record you on webcam and publish it on a website?

Then that's your own fault. Doesn't really have a lot to do with online relationships exclusively. I could record a pornographic video of an offline lover and post it all over the internet just as easily.

And you think finding multiple pictures of the same person is difficult? Have you heard of myspace or facebook? I could easily just post pictures of the same person.

Again, you can only hide for so long. Unless you're a total idiot, or some flighty 12 year old, you'll figure it out eventually. Honestly, I can't see two people even CONSIDERING an online relationship without a wealth of trust under their belts first.

Most kids keep their online relationships a secret from their parents, who usually disapprove of them. Once again, if we cannot educate kids (which you agreed, we cannot) how can they take ANY of these precautions?

I doubt young kids are capable of having an ACTUAL online relationship in the first place, and of COURSE kids are going to be more suspectable to internet predators. I thought this thread was referring to responsible people competent of having a serious relationship, either offline or online, instead of some immature preteen just discovering the internet, and themselves.

All I am trying to prove with this thread is that yes, there are risks. However, we should not condem those who find the love of their lives online simply because of the medium they descoverd each other through. Do all you can to try and minimize the risks.

I agree with that as well. Relationships are ALWAYS about taking a risk, and offline relationships aren't any different. Of course online relationships will be more dangerous than offline relationships - you're not getting everything at face-value, but online relationships shouldn't be totally given up on because of that. They can happen, they can work out, and sometimes they don't - this is the case with every relationship.

[DarkSlayer]

I'm not disagreeing with what you're saying. I'm saying your misinterpreting what Shinomori said. He said it's just as easy to pick up whether somebody is lying on the internet as it is in real life.
In that sense, yes I have to agree with you. Just from text alone it is normally not very easy to tell if someone is lying or not.

[Graffik]

I agree, completely. And paying somebody to sit on webcam for you? Come on, I doubt that's a common occurance, and it's a situational thing anyway. Who the hell is going to pose in front of a webcam for you at, for instance, 3 AM? You can only hide yourself for so long, even over the internet.

Yea, I had trouble believing that statement too.

And you think finding multiple pictures of the same person is difficult? Have you heard of myspace or facebook? I could easily just post pictures of the same person.

You speak as though you've done it. Seriously, the 'legitimate' face-to-face relationship holds roughly the same value in one way. Meeting somebody online is usually for a personal note rather then a 'physical' one [I'll do tis' to try debating both sides...] Afterall, there's not that many naive people out there, we know how easy things are assecible on the web, so pictures and such have no value in the actual relationship. Even if it is a predator with all kinds of technical genius, they usually have a minimum success rate.. or rape, since they have to try out hundreds of people until they're able to get the naive little boy or girl they can manipulate. I believe that from the relationship standpoint, the words said are pretty easy clues. [ I feel that I am contradicting earlier posts of mine.. :P] If you think about it, a predator and other 'hunters' will ask questions, mostly hidden, and will reluctantly answer yours [ this is from police information about the behaviours of these individuals], If you believe the person you're talking to is like that, well there goes the Trust? How can you trust the person when the only thing that is proof that they even exist are the words they type to you? Also, many of the people debating the agreeing side of this debate, all said the majority of their [IRL] are friends who give them advice and help them talk about things that bother them, I don't think any predator will really waste time listening to "Frankie did this," or "Frankie did that," without hinting a little bit of annoyance or attempt at changing convo. While a real friend [IRL] would be there, trying to comfort their pal, giving some tips, trying to lighten the mood, the cases of a fake person being able to copy these emotions are very rare, even if it is just typed words on MSN or IM etc.

Online relationships in general are just like your regular relationship, without the physical component. And like every relationship, there are those 'hunters' but then there's those who become friends, and good friends at that...
[I am a real hypocrite, this is almost opposite of my initial opinion..]

I personaly feel that denouncing online relationships as "fake" is more dangerouse than dating online it's self.

Now there's some food for thought, your example was very enlightening. [of course I was biased before] I agree, that without empathy and showing an understanding but also giving some awareness are much more effective in keeping the kid from meeting someone they only know online, and if the parents are aware, the kid might get to meet them of course the parent will 'tag-along' until they deem things safe. So in that instance, an online-relationship poses very little risk, but the fact of the matter is, can we change everybodies predetermined pretentions about online relationships?

[iladys]

Until you've met the person, until you've spoke face to face, interacted in a real life situation, you can't pretend to know the person, you can say you trust them, but you are kidding yourself, because in this day and age you just never know who your talking to. They could tell you ANYTHING and you can choose to believe what this person says or not, but you can't be certain, the internet is a mask at the end of the day.
Would this not suggest that you don't know all of the people you've met online because they're all putting on a facade? This can be manifested offline as well. People can be physically unreadable.

That's just a chance you have to take based on your own decisions and how well you know the person (because yes, I believe it IS possible to get to know - and trust - somebody over the internet). I've met some people here who I've been speaking to daily for two years now. I trust them just as much as I trust my offline friends. They've helped me to grow and evolve as a person, I care about them greatly, and I consider them among the best people I've known (and I DO have a social life, and offline friends, so don't slap me in the face with the "that's just because you're a loser and nobody likes you" argument).
I'm with Pipp on this 100%. I've met some of the greatest people online, and have developed friendships which are just as important to me as my offline ones. They have also helped me grow and are a part of what makes me the person I am today. You can have many friends offline, have a perfectly normal life doing sports, surviving, wtv, and still have the time to make friends online, and keeping them. I've met over 15 CB members who are exactly what I've known them to be, trust is always an issue, no matter where you are.

[Elocin]

I've been overlooking this debate and I want to put in my two cents here. I'm too lazy at the moment to quote and seriously read over everyone's posts here. >_>

Anyway...

I believe that it is very well possible to talk to a person online for a long time (I have e-friends who I've been friends with for 4 or 5 years now who I still talk to on a regular basis). Of course, they bug me to meet them or I bug them to come visit, and on previous message boards I've been on with them, we have talked about have conventions and such.

I think a part of this is that people are at the wrong places to meet people at. I'm not saying this would never happen, but I believe that the chances of me going to an anime board like this and meeting a sexual predator off of it are slim. Now if I were to go onto myspace or an AIM chat room and try to meet someone there, I wouldn't do it, even if I have talked to that person for a year.

In fact, I'll tell you a story. I was 18, and I just got a myspace account. I had a picture of a kitten up there to hide my true identity. So there was a guy around the area that started messaging me and after a few messages, he became my friend and he gave me his AIM information. I figured I'd start talking to him, as a friend and stuff. So we started talking about our hobbies, what we do for fun, where we work (or go to school). Then we stopped talking for a while. And then he was all "I wish I could snuggle with you right now. I wish you could drive over here to meet me." Now, this is after we were talking for maybe an hour, if even.

Yeah, that's pretty creepy. I blocked him.

But, people I've met from CB and other message boards are a different story. I have met a few people from CB offline before and nothing weird happened, even when I flew halfway across the country to meet someone, nothing weird happened. Of course, I'm 20 years old, and yeah, my parents obviously didn't approve of this, though they have no qualms with me going to meet people in Chicago.

All I can say is be careful, use your best judgments, and know who and who not to meet. I am here in one piece because I know who and who not to meet.

All these people I have met, I have talked to on the phone, texted, etc.

Now, onto the subject of online dating. I believe that they can work out if both people are putting effort into it (just like a real relationship) and if the two people can meet. Meeting is a crucial part of it. I wouldn't say that online relationships are fake until the two people meet IRL. IRL just means that you are able to touch them, feel them, etc. The emotions are still there, as they were before the two people met. Of course, you need the physical with the emotion, but emotions play a bigger part than the physical part, IMO.

And this is why I will say that online dating isn't for everyone. Some people need that constant physical contact, and some are perfectly fine without it. It takes a lot of patience and trust for any distance relationship to work. Though I will agree that an online relationship turns into a long distance relationship after the two people meet.

But uh, I'm 20 years old. Would I advise a kid who is 13 or 14 to engage in an online relationship or meet whoever from online? No. Mainly because they need parental consent to travel halfway across the country to meet the person. And yes, it IS dangerous. Make sure you know what you're doing. Online relationships aren't for people who are 13 or 14, but for someone who is an adult and who has more freedom it is more doable. And make sure that there is someone with you like a friend or family in the area in case something were to go wrong.

So yeah, overall, just be careful, know what you're doing, and an online relationship can be rewarding.

/two cents

[Hitsugaya Toshirou]

Ok im not gonna knock anyone on what they do online or whateva but, dating online to me, nah i dont see how you could have a connection with them without spending time with them, going places with them, etc. real talk, how can you have "feelings" for this person you met online? its alot different from instant messaging this person then actually talking to them face to face. and if you were "e-dating" someone does that mean when approached by another and the question comes up if your in a relationship, how you gonna respond? saying yeah im in a relationship online? i just dont approve of it but, thats just my opinion.

[Ritsuka Aoyagi]

I would just like to say here in the beginning of this, Thank you Elo for bringing this back On Topic. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you...

I read all of this except the like 4 posts in front of Elo, and it might be that I'm hungry but i felt sick reading this... word like "Sexual Predator" "Pedophile" "Rapists" in almost every "point" on most of the posts... That my fellow CBers is not the topic. Sure, its a possibility to encounter one on the internet, but you have that same risk walking out your front door so please, STFU about them unless you can make an informed on-topic post about it, better yet don't bring them up again... thats a tangent that doesn't really have any pertinence here...

ok, on to the quotes ::
Anyone can fall in love online. You can learn from experiences and know a person as well as fall in love with them.
And its answer
I believe you can never love a person only love the idea of the person until meeting face to face


How do you know you're not talking to a half-baked jerk, who happens to know how to choose their words? you can't, unless you've seen them real-time and spent considerable enough time to see them slip up.
That is true, you need to spend enough time with them irl to understand how they really are. You may be honest in your online relationship, and someone might be toying you around.
As not many people know I've been slightly dishonest about my self... and I'm not here to make an excuse about allowing others to assume i was a girl and just going with it. But i kept that even over to MSN and anyone from CB.

a few people actually did develop feelings towards me and were hit hard wen i finally told them the truth, and true to that person it only proved a bump in our friendship.... So, i guess I'm saying YES you could be being lied to, and Not know it. In my case i wasn't toying with them, proved hopefully by the fact i came clean when it started to develop in a more serious way.

In the end, a relationship isn't based on physical ... and 'personality' alone, it comes down to emotional bonding that manifests itself through hardships, as well as favorable situations.
I agree with this, though it is my opinion that emotional bonding is more than capable of producing a sturdy relationship, be it romantic or friendly. All of my "online friends" that i had before Joining this community where put through the same Identity issue about me as any of my friends of CB will now deal with, and those relationships from before are all a good 4 years in the making if not more.

Also to address that "Trust" issue people seem to find so hard to form on the internet, Those that I count as my true friend, that I've know longer than a few months of course, have my complete trust and I would gladly leave my life in there hands. (and to beat it before it starts, "Yes, its not a "smart" choice because i don't know them in a face-to-face manner, but that my choice to make right?")

[Nightmare060]

To HollowGraffik: I servearly doubt that we will be able to change EVERYONES opinion when it comes to online relationships. But I personaly feel that with the right kind of education , support and knowlage about how to spot the threat, we can minimize the risks and ultimatly the number of victems of Pedophillia. So while we will never be able to compleatly sway everyone to understand how online relationships can work, I do think that we can certainly helo alot of people to understand.

To Mirage: You know, after reading your post I've come to the realisation that I've never realy seen anyone who fits the steriotype for somone who dates online. Many people claim those who do it have "no life" and such, but just about everyone I know who has dated online at one point or another is the exact opposite.

To Hitsugaya Toshirou: You don't have to understand, or aprove of it. All I ask is that you can respect peoples opinions enough to allow them to do it. To each their own as they say. Not sugesting you would crucify anyone who does date online, just making a point is all.

To Elocin: A very fair opinion. I only have a slight disagreement on the age bit, as I think it can vary depending on a persons maturity. Age is just a number IMO. Other than that, I compleatly agree. If you wanna date online, go ahead. Just be carefull.

To Pipp-ORK: Deffinatly agreed. It can vary so much between people just like any relationship.

To KaidaSorano: The main reason I was mentioning Pedophialls is because that is one of the most common things people bring up against online relationships. Anyway, would you agree that both on and offline relationships have their pros and cons, and so it's not realy fair to call one less valid than the other?

[Graffik]

To HollowGraffik: I servearly doubt that we will be able to change EVERYONES opinion when it comes to online relationships. But I personaly feel that with the right kind of education , support and knowledge about how to spot the threat, we can minimize the risks and ultimately the number of victims of Pedophillia. So while we will never be able to completely sway everyone to understand how online relationships can work, I do think that we can certainly help alot of people to understand.

Well, yes, but I must add something, with KaidoSorano's example, I must restate my earlier hypothesis, although it is possible for a real relationship, you just never can know who/what you're talking too.

I'm assuming the below comment is directed at Nightmare...

[Ritsuka Aoyagi]

Asking if someone else agrees is not a point proving tactic... as proof its not your best choice... EVERYTHING has its pros and cons... even if all you experience are pros someone got the cons... and i can tell you right now our view on online relationships may look close to the same but they aren't ... as apparent(to me at least) in some of your previous posts.
Yes, Online Relations have both good and bad points to them, its just depends on your personal values whether the the concept is good or bad... IMO this is an overly circumstantial, opinionated issue and should be done...

[Nightmare060]

Well, yes, but I must add something, with KaidoSorano's example, I must restate my earlier hypothesis, although it is possible for a real relationship, you just never can know who/what you're talking too.

Well some people are more willing to take a risk than others. Yes there is a risk that your not knowing exactly who your talking to at first. But in life, to find out many things, we have to take risks sooner or later. And so for those who belive that their true love can be found online, they are willing to take some level of risk to find that person.

[diamondedge]

I don't believe in online relationships as full relationships, but I feel like adding my two cents to defend internet somewhat. Won't comment all though, since it would be too much.

Internet dating is for ugly people.
Internet dating is for everyone.

It's for people who can't "get any" in real life.
Just shows that people who date "for real" in real life are so shallow to place sex in a relationship over anything. No, you can't have real sex online, but this is a very poor excuse.

Plus, sex and love can be two totally separate things, hence the number of swingers we have nowadays. You don't have to be in a relationship to get any. In fact, it's actually way easier to have sex if you're not bound to someone, unless you have some crazy fetish for people that are already in relationship.

You need a REAL boyfriend!
Are you saying that people online aren't "real"? That's... pathetic. Online or offline, we're still people and we have feelings.
Interesting one, and also really debatable.

But online doesn't count (as I have concluded at the end) as THE real deal for me, and I've said why.

Someone said, love is like crystal - they say its unbreakable, but it's still glass.

Same with the net really - you can NEVER tell what someone really thinks unless you are right there next to him. People are messing with each other all the time.

Once I was pretending to be 23 year old male on some chat, and people bought it. Due to being really experienced when it comes to internet relationships of any kind, I knew what people wanted. 5 minutes after I started talking I had 2 girls wanting to talk to me, and later on, meet me.

People are FAR too trusting online, and too naive.

And another thing, say it too personally. I can be stubborn when it comes to net, but no way in hell am I letting it actually hurt my feelings. Yes, behind every word we write, behind every character we are, there is a person with feelings. If you let it get to you online, then you most likely can't handle the real life sh!t.

Too much buts to make it count for me.

I have few selected people that I consider my friends. If I am happy to talk to them that makes them my friends, even if I am absolutely thrilled about them, they are still just my friends. I won't go around saying "I love you" because of that. I believe that friendship is possible online, but no more than that.

Also, my deepest apologies to everyone I might offend, but people who get emotionally attach to people on internet really fast, and like to change their "internet loves" really fast tend to be emotionally unstable and overreact a LOT, and have no spine, slightest insult makes them cause a drama.

Oh yeah, I don't need a boyfriend.

"Anything is better than to be alone eh?"
I understand if you can not bear with the feeling of loneliness, but to some that feeling is very comforting. It pisses me off when people say I don't have feelings or that I'm socially retarded because I refuse to date. I have my reasons and I'm fine without having a partner.

What if they're a 40 year old perv?!
And that is where the webcam comes in. There's also something called "trust". Some people might not have webcams, but that's their choice to take a chance or not.
Yas, what if?

What if I don't have a webcam?
What if I know that internet information can be abused and someone will trace me down if I show that person my face?

And most of all, so what if you have webcam? Does that tell you how sweet his lips taste, how soft his touch is and how strong he wraps his hands around you when you say "I love you'"?

Yes, I am romantic at heart. I believe in order for relationship to work, you have to express affection. And that is a proven fact (importance of sex sex alone is great example of that, but not the only one, mind you).

Trust on the internet?

Define trust for me please, as I can't respond properly.

My version of (online) trust is: Trust yourself, and yourself only.

It's just dumb!
How is it dumb? What if the couple is really serious about it? And they plan on seeing eachother as soon as they can? If they see eachother offline, then it turns into a long distance relationship. Even if they see eachother once a year, it'll still be long distance.
If they see each other AND have enough chemistry, patience and understanding and trust to keep it long distance, that's perfectly fine. IF.

All you have to be is pacient, trusting, and communication is the key to every relationship.
You make it sound so easy.

There wouldn't be a single problem in this world if people had those qualities.

Give me good reasons why internet dating is wrong or something. Nothing like "for the love of god! itz ONLINE11!" I'll ignore comments like those.
I'm not saying it's wrong, I just don't approve it as a real romantic relationship. because:

1.) Not because it's online, but because this is internet. I can't put the difference in words.

2.) Because I can make a fool out of anyone online. But at the same time, I am well aware that can happen to me too.

3.) Honesty on the internet? That is unheard of. How can you be so sure, if person on the other side is telling the truth? It's hard to tell in real life, but you would blindly trust someone on the net?

But then again, what is honesty to you?
Showing your naked picture, telling your darkest secret, saying you won't kiss or flirt with another guy until you meet?

In real life, holding someone's hand looking him into the eyes and saying "I love you, I want to be with you" is something I can not do, that's why I refuse to believe that online dating is the real deal. If they "meet" online and later on end up together is entirely different matter altogether, but anything else fails for me.

And another thing, internet dating is not for everyone. Some people like to cuddle, and you just can't do that online. I understand that it didn't work out for you, but just because it didn't work for you, doesn't mean that it won't work out for others.
Discuss.
Fair enough. But as I said, due to undeniable physical attraction (not the looks, but the desire to be next to someone) and the fact that internet is just far too full off assholes who just want to take advantage of people's feelings is just far too great for me to even consider such thing as online relationship. :)

Also, would you be so kind and link the original thread and forum on which this was originally posted? I really enjoyed this, thanks!


As for cybersex, I've read some negative views about it. What it is not real sex, it is just as hard to do as real sex. After all, 90% of sex is in your mind.

Arousing someone to the point of orgasm with him not even seeing or touching you, but imagining and executing his act through the words they write, that is an art.

Despite what people think, cybersex can give immense pleasure to all who participate, but it requires mature and patient people, with vivid imagination.

It goes way beyond "I take your clothes off and fu*k you hard."

If you claim cybersex is bullshit, you've either never done it, or you suck at it.

Even if you disapprove it, it has more effect than you can imagine, even though it's still incomparable to real sex, it does work.

(And it's great for getting ideas for juicy sex IRL. trust me, I know.)

[Elocin]

To Elocin: A very fair opinion. I only have a slight disagreement on the age bit, as I think it can vary depending on a persons maturity. Age is just a number IMO. Other than that, I compleatly agree. If you wanna date online, go ahead. Just be carefull.

I only mentioned age because, honestly, what parent is going to allow his/her child to meet someone they've been dating on the internet? They aren't of legal age, so they can't just go off and do it on their own. Someone who is 18 or older can because they are a legal adult, therefore it would be easier and a little more flexible for them to be able to go see someone.

But yeah, as with any distance relationship, I can't see it working unless there are plan