Should polygamy be allowed in society?

[kiramina]

What do you guys think about having more than one spouse?

I believe it may solve some problems with family but I also see the financial burden and the other problems that may come due to the legalization of polygamy.

[DarkSlayer]

In all honesty, it's hard enough for two people to keep a solid marriage together, let alone 2+ people.

I think that Polygamy would actually cause more problems than it solves.

With all of the insecurities that people have today, and with the morals and standards that many of us have grown up being acustomed to, polygamy would not be accepted in society. (Not that it is, because it isn't)

On a personal level: I despise the very thought of polygamy.

[Tai Dai]

I don't think it shouldn't be allowed at all. I don't even know why those women don't care.

For all us christians "god didn't make 5 eve's for adam"

[Elocin]

I would say no. I realize that there are religions out there which practice it, and I don't want to offend them by any means, but to me, marriage is between 2 people only. And by marrying more than one person, I believe it takes away the true meaning of a marriage--a union between two people who truly love each other.

[Graffik]

^ That's the change in the meaning of marriage, used to be a 'man and a woman' who love each other... lol, not that it matters

Polygamy shouldn't be allowed, there's already enough stress in marriage, then having to argue with another spouse/ about another spouse. In all honesty, how does one divide their attention two ways, and still make it hold any meaning. Polygamy is just a myth people put in religon for an excuse to 'screw around' more.

[Elocin]

Well, I realize that there are people on this board who are in love with people of their own sex and I didn't exactly want to offend them.

I just don't believe that people can love, I mean truly love, more than one person at a time. And I don't think it will help the divorce rates much, either. >_>

[♥ Ayalicious ♥]

Well, I realize that there are people on this board who are in love with people of their own sex and I didn't exactly want to offend them.

I just don't believe that people can love, I mean truly love, more than one person at a time. And I don't think it will help the divorce rates much, either. >_>
Loving members of the same gender in no way implies that they are polygamous. *laughs* You won't offend them.

I believe in the undeniable existence of polyamory. I've experienced it, and I've seen loved ones undergo it too. It's beautiful, yet so deeply tragic, especially when you are forced to choose, or when you wish for a polyamorous individual to choose you (it's like being a sheep in New Zealand, in essence). Polyamory, however, in no way limits itself to marriage in the way that polygamy does. And I believe that something as sacred, and lifelong bound as marriage, should consist of two people only, regardless of gender.

Yet, in cultures like those of the Muslim ethnicity, marriages are polygamous. Legally, too. A man is allowed to take four wives, though a woman may only marry once. I've discussed this with a (female) Muslim friend or two, and they find this aspect of their culture/religion unfair, but what can they do? It's become a traditional norm. They can only hope that their husbands will marry them and them alone.

Should polygamy be allowed? No, if it is only limited to men. But personally? I wish that it didn't exist. Hippie communes may find the spreading of love and the sharing of lovers awesome, but I don't. If/when I marry, I'd selfishly want my man to myself.

[Miyata]

Polygamy is only allowed for a man in Islam if he is unable to conceive a child with his first wife. Only then can he marry another, which in modern day society usually happens after he divorces her first.

Either that or he just doesn't divorce.

Just thought I'd clear that point up.

[Graffik]

^ Y'know a lot about Islam, I had to go through the Qu'ran to make sure that was correct, jks.

I don't think she was really speaking religously, more ethnically. Afterall, the majority of the muslim ethnicity in 3rd world countries in North Africa, and South Asia, have this practice in their daily lives. Of course it is fed to them that it is their right, when in truth the restrictions are eminent.

[Please don't bring up Prophet Muhammed [s.a.w] that was ages ago, so an arguement about that wouldn't be valid to the time, polygamy was wide spread then]

And as a side note, polygamy only restricts to marriage of several selves, what do we have to say about mistresses, and other 'polygamous' [if that's a word] like relationships. I mean adultery and affairs are pretty common now-a-days

[DarkSlayer]

And as a side note, polygamy only restricts to marriage of several selves, what do we have to say about mistresses, and other 'polygamous' [if that's a word] like relationships. I mean adultery and affairs are pretty common now-a-days
You basically answered your own question.

"What do we have to say about mistresses, and other 'polygamous'...like relationships. I mean adulter and affairs are pretty common now-a-days."

"Polygamy only restricts to marriage of several selves"

Basically Polygamy is someone with more than one spouse, whereas these "polygamous relationships" are just people who are screwing around and either can't choose one or don't want to choose one.

Either way it's wrong in my book.

[peacmaker]

I just see polygamy is slave system for women who have little choice who they want to marry. Two polygamy is just another sytem of man to have all bed room action they want. Wish those in this kind of system would wake to fact that their world is a mess and quick pretending the right way to live.

[Alienor]

... i'm probably get flamed for that one.
I'm one of the rare people who believe that being three in a relationship can actually work, IF (and it's important) all three are treated equally and it isn't one person loving two, who tolerate each other. It has to be three people who love each other. Now I know it's rare, and hard to make work, but I still believe in the potential of it.
And one little thing I will add here, if one of the three is of a different gender from the two other, that person would have to be bi too, at least in spirit, that is accept the idea of him/herself with someone of the same gender, so that the fact that the two others involved ARE doing it is not just a kink and is treated with respect. If all three are of the same gender the problem is slightly different IMO.

Now while i've said that...
polygamy it itself, the right for one man to have several women, but yet women are only allowed one man (the opposite exists btw. Just in smaller, less known cultures, but there are examples), is just plain unfair. It's putting the woman under the man and that just makes me sick. People are not properties.

[Princess Tofu]

I'll just say, through my point of view, is that being polygamous is just taking much larger risks than in a regular marraige and should be more stressing to the man, and equally to the wives, since the men need to learn how to somehow keep all of his women happy and pleased, whereas the women need to undergo the emotional pressure that comes from being in a branched relationship with their spouse. However, even if I dont agree that it is a really safe or efficient practice, I believe that if everyone involved can make it work, then there shouldnt be a restriction to their relationship. Hell, even if their relationship is miserable, isnt that a freedom when it comes to relationships, the right to be miserable? Because if not, then heterosexual marraiges in American should be banned, since over half of them end with a lawsuit. :|

[Dark Fire]

Stri this is a debate not a poll if your going to state your opinion then you need to have a reason to back it up -Her post was deleted, thanks for pseudomodding! -A Staff Member

I am neither for nor against it if a man can handle two women at once the so be it, if people are against it that is fine too.

Statistically though there are 2 females to every 1 male... I just thought I give you guys that info

[FullMetal Rebel]

It all depends on the philosophical of the people involved. Some people will be okay with it, others will not. If you ask me it will only increase the murder rateXD

[-lalito-]

Are you serious <_<
I can barely get one girl and others are marrying two!

I am against it because they are drying up the market for others and real love in my opinion can only be between two people who feel exactly the same way for each other.

[Princess Tofu]

Are you serious <_<
I can barely get one girl and others are marrying two!

I am against it because they are drying up the market for others and real love in my opinion can only be between two people who feel exactly the same way for each other.

So point 1, since I see this said alot, means that just because the common man can't have more than one wife, than nobody can? :p

Second point, there are 2 women to every man, so, they wouldnt be bleeding the market if it were controlled, and plus, there are men who never settle down, and there are far less men in polygamous relationships then you'd think

And as for the third, I think babies are delicious, so, because to me, eating babies is morally correct, Imma go ahead and devour a bucket full of them. [/example] I'm pretty much saying, just because you dont think it's right (and I dont just mean you), means it should be banned? Main reason why morals should have no place in lawmaking. :|

[shanyetta]

A common problem that occurs in a polygamist society (especially the very large communes) is very young girls being forced to marry older men. Girls that are 13, 14, 15 etc.. and possibly younger are forced to marry men who already have a lot of wives and are old enough to be the girls' father/grandfather.

Also, often times the new wives that come in are younger to replace the aging other wives. The women are often abused and females in general are not treated as equals.

The problem with polygamy is not the number of wives but the practices that they do in their society and how they treat the women.

So I disagree with polygamy.

BTW (history lesson) in the Old Testament a lot of the Bible's famous men had several wives and quite a few concubines. This was not uncommon back in that time.

[Dark Fire]

see but that is not a polygamy issue that is a Pedophile issue. Also if polygamy was legalized, it does not mean that every man has to have to have multiple wives just like if gay marriages were legalized it wouldn't mean that everyone had to be gay. The people who want to be in a polygamous relationship could while the other who don't would just go one with there everyday lives. I think in many cases polygamy could work, look at all the swinger couples there are out there. The reason that polygamy and other forms of extraordinary marriages are not legalized is that religious special interest groups (for example the southern baptist counsel) pay and or influence politicians in order to keep the laws in alignment w/ their personal views.

However Law not governing morality would send any country into chaos. Infact governing morality is exactly what laws are for, however how much the law is aloud to step in on personal territory such a something like a spouse cheating on their partner is not something the law need to be involved with. And to touch more on tofu's final comment, from a sociological stand point, the only things that are good and bad are what the majority says it is. To better expand upon that point Hitlar (and most of Nazi Germany) believed that he was doing the right thing, does that make what he did ok? No, why for the simple fact that the rest of the world (or majority) believed other wise. On the rever side of that, say a criminal is put to death for mass rape, killing him is murder, but is it bad? No, why because the masses say that is it ok.

[shanyetta]

The women are often abused and females in general are not treated as equals.

The problem with polygamy is not the number of wives but the practices that they do in their society and how they treat the women.

I wasn't just speaking about young girls being forced to marry. I also said the statements above which are my main reason for disagreeing with it. I'm not saying that all polygamist relationships are like that but a lot of the larger communes are very much like that.

[Chi]

*Chi thinks*

I disagree with most of you...

I say to each his or her own, as to the question of whether it should be allowed am inclined to say yes. If the pursuit of happiness lies in three people being involved in a relationship then so be it. That is their right to be happy by whatever ways they see fit.

You cannot account for your personal inability to maintain a 1-on-1 relationship as the soul basis for a decision that by law would affect all of society. There are plenty of couples who do things like, spouse trading, Orgies and/or have casual relationships and their relationships last longer then the average one on one relationship.

Personally i don't think humans were always this one on one societal marriage structure, that's something that came from jealousy and insecurity and later on picked up by religion and other societal structures. Long ago the alpha male of the tribes passed on his genes to all the females until a stronger alpha male was found. Marriage is a modern institution. And by modern i refer to the last 10,000 or so years when men started farming and forming settlements, villages and cities. xD

So just because its not for you, doesn't mean you should enforce your beliefs on all of society. Even if 99.9% of society agreed with you, for the sake of that .1% it should be allowed. After all, god was willing to spare Sodom and Gamora on the account that there be one good person in the city, he would spare them all. Think on that.

[shanyetta]

*Chi thinks*
After all, god was willing to spare Sodom and Gamora on the account that there be one good person in the city, he would spare them all. Think on that.

He didn't spare Sodom and Gomorrah (He saved only Lot and his family, although Lot's wife turned back and looked at the destruction and she turned into a pillar of salt. He spared Nineveh (Jonah and the whale story).

Anyway, I am not saying that the number of people in the relationship is the problem. BUT what Polygamy has led to in most of the larger communes is not good. Woman are treated badly and little girls are forced to marry older men. Read into it's history and you will see that polygamy has led to more bad than it has good.
A Website that women who used to live in polygamist societies created. (http://www.polygamy.org/)

[Chi]

He didn't spare Sodom and Gomorrah (He saved only Lot and his family, although Lot's wife turned back and looked at the destruction and she turned into a pillar of salt. He spared Nineveh (Jonah and the whale story).

Anyway, I am not saying that the number of people in the relationship is the problem. BUT what Polygamy has led to in most of the larger communes is not good. Woman are treated badly and little girls are forced to marry older men. Read into it's history and you will see that polygamy has led to more bad than it has good.
A Website that women who used to live in polygamist societies created. (http://www.polygamy.org/)

:whatevah: i didn't say that he did, only said that he was willing to had the towns people not pushed it. So...

Plus you cannot count the crimes of a few cultists and nut jobs as the majority. There are plenty of normal people who practice polygamy without disrespecting either one of their wives or husbands. xD (it can happen)

[shanyetta]

^^@Chi: The problem is that it is not a few. It is bigger than you think it is. The larger communes are huge and a lot of them if not all have these issues running rampant.

[Chi]

^^@Chi: The problem is that it is not a few. It is bigger than you think it is. The larger communes are huge and a lot of them if not all have these issues running rampant.
Yeah and what am saying is that compared to the general population, and the scale of the entire human existence including all those who have ever lived and practiced polygamy those communes are in the minority xD

Perspective

[xiphosforr]

i think its wrong completely and utterly.
It creates more tension between the husbands and wives and would make people feel uncumfortable. It is natural for humans to be competitive; image having to choose which husband you like better, you'd have to treat all equally and spend equal amounts of time with each. I can kind of understand where the idea is coming from in that it would solve many problems caused with marriages. But i'm the kind of sappy person that believes in 1 true love and one soul mate, i know its corny but hey so am i :D
In short polygammy shold never under any circumstances be allowed into our society- it causes more problems than it could EVER solve !

[Vicent]

Ok first at all I think we need to clarify something, we are not talking abou Islam society, we are talking about OUR society. You ask: Should polygamy be allowed in society?, but theres a lot of societies across the globe and each one of them have their own startands of what is good and bad. And I say that for some people who use what islam womans or mans thinks about polygamy in their society according to their own beliefs. And Im sure its not the point to make critc out of other peoples religion and idiosincracy.

Now, back on topic.

I think most people here are missing the main point, you cant just go and marry two people because you feel like you love them, wives/husbands are not accesories. When you are in a relationship its because you love that person, you are conected with him/her and you know for sure, the feelings you have for that person, are deeply and honest. When you go on polygamy, i cant really understand how can you have those feelings for two different people.

Marriage here goes to second term, people often think of marriage of some kind of contract or forced commitment when it actualy its only a way to show and proof their love for each other to society and in religion, to god. You dont have to marriage someone to love him/her.

... i'm probably get flamed for that one.
I'm one of the rare people who believe that being three in a relationship can actually work, IF (and it's important) all three are treated equally and it isn't one person loving two, who tolerate each other. It has to be three people who love each other. Now I know it's rare, and hard to make work, but I still believe in the potential of it.

I somehow agreed, this is the only way Polygamy could ever work. If all the persons involved in that relationship are (or atleast belive) that they truly love each other. Putting aside the sexual orientation issue.

*Chi thinks*

I disagree with most of you...

I say to each his or her own, as to the question of whether it should be allowed am inclined to say yes. If the pursuit of happiness lies in three people being involved in a relationship then so be it. That is their right to be happy by whatever ways they see fit.

*Agreeds* But still read next comment.

You cannot account for your personal inability to maintain a 1-on-1 relationship as the soul basis for a decision that by law would affect all of society. There are plenty of couples who do things like, spouse trading, Orgies and/or have casual relationships and their relationships last longer then the average one on one relationship.

Ok, I dont know if you are using this as an example of how does polygamy could work or if you are in disaprovement with it.

But thats not the definition of relantionship, thats the definition of self satisfaction, lust and pleasure. People who goes into this kind of relationship are all egoist who only think of satisfy they sexual desires. Not a relationship at all since each individual person only cares about themselves, like I say before, people arent accesories.

EDIT: I think I failed to asnwer the question. I say YES, personly I belive in love so hard I think I would never fall in love, not truly, ever. But if people who have low standars of what LOVE is for them, then go ahead and mary as many people you want.

[Chi]

Ok, I dont know if you are using this as an example of how does polygamy could work or if you are in disaprovement with it.
Personally am not a fan
But thats not the definition of relantionship, thats the definition of self satisfaction, lust and pleasure. People who goes into this kind of relationship are all egoist who only think of satisfy they sexual desires. Not a relationship at all since each individual person only cares about themselves, like I say before, people arent accesories.
If your referring to my statement about people who get involved in spousal trading and orgies i both agree and disagree. I agree because it is satisfying their personal desires. But i disagree because sex is a crucial part of a relationship/marriage in modern times. It cannot be helped. So to fulfill their sexual desires in whatever way they both consent too and see it as a lifestyle culture then its not necessarily selfish nor is one person being used as an accessory. It just is something that some people do, and others only dream about doing.
EDIT: I think I failed to asnwer the question. I say YES, personly I belive in love so hard I think I would never fall in love, not truly, ever. But if people who have low standars of what LOVE is for them, then go ahead and mary as many people you want.
I said this to one person I thought i was in love with but apparently it didn't register with her, maybe it will with some of you.
"When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake, and then it subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots are become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the desire to mate every second of the day. It is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every part of your body. No... don't blush. I am telling you some truths. For that is just being in love; which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over, when being in love has burned away. Doesn't sound very exciting, does it? But it is!" -- Iannis 2001

That is a man Iannis who address' his daughter who is engaged to a man (Madras) but is falling for another man (correlli) in the movie "Captain Correlli's Mandolin." He tells her what true love is versus what she thinks love is. Later on in the film Iannis writes this letter to Captain Correlli about the state his daughter's been in since he's been gone.
"[writing to Corelli] Antonio, I do not know if this letter will reach you, or even if you are alive. Perhaps someone else sent your record (talks about pelagria's song, as song he wrote for Iannis' daughter that he later recorded and sent to her), and that is why we found no note. I would like to say that Pelagia is happy, but she is full of tears she will not let fall, and of a grief no doctor can mend. She blames herself for the pain we have suffered, and perhaps the same is true for you. You know I am not a religious man, but I believe this: if there is a wound, we must try to heal it. If there is someone whose pain we can cure, we must search till we find them. If the gods have chosen that we should survive, it will be for a reason." -- Iannis 2001
The point of this is that, what people usually call love in today's society isn't really love anymore. That is love *points above* that is true love. True love doesn't fade away, you can't forget it nor find comfort in the arms of another man or woman. It stings and burns you when the person you love isn't with you. You smile but it lacks joy, you laugh only to fight back the tears you won't let fall when that person is gone. And when your alone your eyes are puffy and red and snot faced because the thought of him or her with another sets your soul on fire at its very depths. And at the end of it all you live a hollow life where your alive but your not living.
So can i share that with more then one person, i don't think so personally but despite that its not my place nor anyone's for that matter to say it should be banned. Because there are those would still try it so why not let them. After all what kind of society would not allow someone else the pursuit of happiness just cause they don't agree with it. I don't agree with some religions should we not allow them either?

[Vicent]

If your referring to my statement about people who get involved in spousal trading and orgies i both agree and disagree. I agree because it is satisfying their personal desires. But i disagree because sex is a crucial part of a relationship/marriage in modern times. It cannot be helped. So to fulfill their sexual desires in whatever way they both consent too and see it as a lifestyle culture then its not necessarily selfish nor is one person being used as an accessory. It just is something that some people do, and others only dream about doing.


I was only refering to how serious i think people are about real love and how strongs are their bonds when involved in that kind of releationships. I never talked anything about sex, I think sex its a plus, if you with your mate like to have it all time or if you arent really into it, its up to you, its a choice. Couples even practice abstinence after marriage. Because eventually we will reach a point when our bodies would not be able to keep up with the sex.

"Sex and money, the two biggest problems in marriage"

Because, for me, you can not determine how much you love somebody based on two things (most communs errors in releationships) how good sex is and how much affection he/her shows for you. And thats what I meant, by self-satisfaction.

@chi: And mostly about the rest of your post, you share my point of view but with fancy quotes :p

Finally, I think its made clear, why i cant understand how can you love more than one person. But thats not a reason why people cant do as they want.

[McSlash]

In our society? I don't think so.

I personally believe that our society as a whole takes marriage as a joke, more or less. My Aunt has been married twice times, divorced twice. My boss has been married four freaking times, divorced three, and a fourth on the horizon. Not to mention celebrities, who are (unfortunately) role models for kids, get married and divorced within weeks, sometimes days.

My point is, is that I don't think a marriage with multiple people involved can work unless we make it serious. I honestly don't think polygamy can work in most societies in the world.

[Unholy]

If all parties are fine with it, why not. I mean there are many "open" relationships, where partners may have other known partners. If these people want to get married why not? I mean they can always just live together anyways, so what's the difference? As long as it was structured properly to avoid abuse such as to avoid tax etc.

With the current way people get married and divorced, I personally don't really see the point in marriage though. It's a big expensive todo, you get fancy rings showing you are together, but there is no real contract, nor is there really any legal difference either. The whole thing seems more like a comparing cock sizes, its the person with the fancyest wedding, or the biggest ring, or just for the title of being "married". Marriage isn't a commitment when you can bounce in and out of it like rabbits. If more people spent their time making their relationships work rather than worrying about what commitment level they are at, we'd probably be better off.

Regardless though, if these people want to get married, why not? :D

[SolBeowulf19]

One other element that could be a burden is the children. You've got multiple wives who might want multiple children, and you kinda have to spend time with each one of them. I mean, one man I read about had roughly 15 children. So the problem is spending time with each one of them. In order to grow up....properly, i suppose....I believe it mandatory for a father to spend some time with each child he has, and that can get REALLY hard when you have more and can cause problems when not done. Now, this is from, i guess, the Harem perspective, which I think is what we're working off of. The opposite would still apply for the mother as well. And when you have a combination of the two....that could make things easier.

[Shazu_Misao~]

i personally am completely against the idea of polygamy due to the fact that i was affected by it quiet badly.

as many people have said in the previous posts, you can only love one person, and i agree with that, if you were to bring in another spouse, your marriage will most likely go down the drain (witnessed this first hand, and more than once).

I've seen a man marry another girl and lie to that girls family that he is a single man, when he isn't and has more than six kids already and a wife too, his first wife is now depressed, losing weight and probably going anorexic because of this, his children still have no clue to that he has done this because the rest of his family are keeping it a secret, but slowly they are starting to realize this. Also he quit his 40k job for some reason, and is supporting his family with only gawd knows what.

to me that isn't how a marriage should be, the family is already starting to break, and the only reason that they are probably still together is the fact that his first wife is jobless and does not have an education to support herself.

i know another man who married his brother's ex wife, (his family, mother, sisters, brothers all abandoned him because he did that.)
while he was still married to his wife for over 18 years, and had 5 kids, his marriage went down the drain no matter how hard he tried to keep it a float. as far as i know that man, tried to brain wash his children in to believing there mom was a bad person and that they would have a better future with them, so he took most of the kids with him, and then about a year later, he dumped them on his ex wife, who was at that time pretty much homeless, while he was living comfortably in a 4 bedroom house. you can guess that his kids pretty much hate him now?
to me this should not be allowed in society at all, because

1. it ruins marriages
2. the kids get effected by this more than a normal divorce/marriage
3. you end up losing more than you would gain.

however, like alienor posted earlier, if 3 people can find it in themselves to love each other equally and unconditionly, as long as they don't have any kids heads to screw up, then i'm all for it :D