Adrift

[Ai]

Islands Of Our Soul

Adrift in the vast space,
Floating stretched out on a plane of nothing.
Nothing bothers me,
Nothing alarms me,
Nothing intrudes on my hours of solitude.

No man is an island it once was said,
But each man has the ability to destroy the bridges that lead to his own island.

[zen]

woa that was short but it didn't seem to leave anything out it was great and truthful. Like a life lesson

[Joe Black]

No man is an island it once was said,
But each man has the ability to destroy the bridges that lead to his own island.

these lines truly spoke to me in terms of meaning in my own life.
truly a powerful piece of work.
although short, you said more than enough.

[Kazmiz]

You did a great job of conveying the idea of peacefulness. I'm really feeling the calm:P

However, I did feel the final line was a little to heavy word-wise and it seemed to be sort of anti-climatic when compared to the rest of the poem's light feel.

Maybe you should lighten that up, but then again, you were probably intending it to be that way.

[Isis]

If you broke the last stanza into more lines, it would have worked but as kaze said, it was kind of anti-climatic, although you might have intended it to be. I particularly liked the poem because it was calming, but also because the last stanza made you realise and think.

/+rep when I can :P

[Ai]

Thankyou all very much for your comments...Most of my pieces are very short it's just my kind of style when I have to write a longer piece I usually end up finding so much wrong at the end of it that it just annoys me so much.

As for the comment that the last line is a bit heavy for the rest of the piece what are your thoughts on the following change?


Adrift in the vast space,
Floating stretched out on a plane of nothing.
Nothing bothers me,
Nothing alarms me,
Nothing intrudes on my hours of solitude.

No man is an island it once was said,
But each man has an ability,
To destroy the bridges that lead to his own island.

Thoughts? It's not really what I wanted as i'm happy with the original piece however I'd like to hear your thoughts on whether or not you believe this is better then the first draft I did.

[Isis]

What if you made the second line 'But each man has the ability to destroy'?

I understand if you like the original, because that's how you see fit and its really up to you to change it. If you feel it, then change it, if you don't, just keep it as it is.

[Ai]

Kinda like

No man is an island it once was said,
But each man has an ability, To Destroy,
To destroy the bridges that lead to his own island.

I get what you mean but when put in that context it suddenly lengthens the whole last stanza a whole lot more then was originally intended and sidetracks off the point of the saying at the last line..Thats why I liked the original a whole lot more.

But if this looks better then by all means tell me please..^^