Your Lips

[Sin]

This is a poem I wrote for a friend and she said it was ok for me to post it up... So this is for her.

Smooth to touch,
they inspire unknow passions within me.
Oh, how sweet must your kisses be.
It's taste is unknown
but I still wish that they'd choose me.

I can daydream
of what it'll taste like to me
But nothing dreamed
Is ever quite like reality.
It would taste so much sweeter
like the nectar of a peach/

perhaps more exotic,
Something soft like a mango.
I would hold you tight
make you feel safe and never
ever let you go.

[zen]

it's good, but a friend? hmm thats a sorta a sensual poem for a friend. it's good gives great emotion and feelings

[Sin]

LOL, yeah just a friend. You've never kissed a friend?

[Ai]

Apart from the lack of punctuation where it's needed it's a nice piece.

There are several lines there which I feel would make the whole piece flow a lot better if you reworded them so they say the same thing just in a different context such as the following.

of what it'll taste like to me
But nothing dreamed
Is ever quite like reality.

and

but I still wish that they'd choose me.

Other then that /rep for a nice piece that I enjoyed.

Can't /rep you for a while...sigh

[Sin]

thanks ai, i think i fixed it, i'll be revising this soon enough though

[Nesquik]

That's for a friend? O.O
I love the flow btw.
This one deserves +rep /Must spread some rep

[Sin]

:o

thanks

you repped me bfore?

[Nesquik]

Yeah, i think it was on the God one..

[Sin]

:o did you change your name?

[Nesquik]

Yup. I think i +repped it when my username was Estopa <3

[Sin]

Sweet now i recognize you ^^

Thanks and yes it was for a friend... she's on here so i can't say more then that.

[Nesquik]

Yay ^^

Np, and like, wow xD

[Do'Urden]

I think the emotion is great. But the flow is a little off, and Ai is correct, there are punctuation issues. But's that's just superficial when it comes to writing. That kind of raw emotion is excellent.