Rewind

[Isis]

Fear unconditionally
As memory rewinds itself
Repeating thoughts lost
in the fray of time

Useless to object, what
Destiny has chosen
You've all but found
that chance to retake what's yours

Regretting nothing, yet
still living in the past.
He is no longer your ideal
but a far away dream

Disappear purpose
Into an abyss of collision
As the past and present
Continues to blend..

No longer sensing
The capability to connect
Pushing every fibre of emotion
In the wrong direction.

[zen]

It's really good, hope that ya feel better :P

[Ai]

A very lovely piece Iladys, The flow wasn't the best you've come up with so far which I something I think you could improve upon in this piece though I don't have a suggestion how you could do that because this style of writting is more suited to you and not me.

However I would just like to mention my favorite line in this piece because even after finishing reading it, It still kept on jumping out at me and screaming keep me hold me take me..^^...

"Regretting nothing, yet
still living in the past."

A really nice line indeed and a great quote did you come up with it yourself or were you inspired by another quote?

[Jaran]

I'm sorry to say this, but I really dislike this poem.

It seems like just another generic poem of juvenile detachment from life. Yet another sad ballad inspired by the masses of Linkin Park fans who lock themselves in their rooms after they have a bad day at school.

Yet another poor mass of words strewn together by emotion that spews forth from a teenager's tear ducts as their parents tell them they're grounded for a week because their grades are bad.

Please, please, PLEASE don't write poetry like this. Express yourself, yes. But do it for a reason. Use poetry to tell the world how you feel, that's great. But make an attempt to distinguish yourself from the teeming masses of sobbing young men and women who can't reconcile their hormones and their lack of freedom.

Show some intellectual reason behind your poetry. Write about how you can't understand why your parents seem to hate you. Write about the feelings you have when looking at the person you love. Write about something that happened to you the other day. I don't really care what you write about, as long as you do it with some passion.

The only reason I say anything is because I think you have potential. I think you could make truly beautiful poetry that speaks to people's souls. All you need to do is make your soul speak to yourself.

[Isis]

Wow, Jaran that's a first from you mate.

I accept your opinion cause I know where you're coming from. Funny that it had nothing to do with being juvenile (@18, I must be horrible haha) but I can see how you could establish that.

It really is an outlet of expressing myself based on past feelings and current emotions. I'll admit this poem seemed to not fit well with me but I felt like posting it anyway. I'll take your advice to heart though :)

@Ai: Haha, Im glad you noticed! Cause it didnt seem to sit well with me either. I'll definitely try to revise this poem. As for that line, I came up with it myself. I dont know if its from a quote or something but I didnt look it up.

[Sin]

I think only the ending needs work

[Isis]

Thanks Carl.

Can anybody tell me how the revised version fairs?

[Sin]

1st line in the 4th stanza and the last two line of the poem. That's where my beefs are

[Isis]

Thanks carl, I'll revise that again :)