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[Orihemi]

I worked a while on this I would appreciate any comments on it but please dont take it?


How beautiful this valley of light.
With the sun shining down upon the waterfalls,
Heavenly gold light against emerald green and crystal water.
Drinking in your beauty.
Those mountains standing gracefully and peacefully before me
Keep me safe O mountains.
Keep me in this valley of bliss
Hold that which could hurt me from my sight.
I have seen to much pain and death,
I will stay here if you keep it out.
The water shall flow forever in this valley
The emerald green shall remain,
Youth is eternal here.
Even if I shall die tomorrow,
My eyes have gazed upon you.
Oh love, I shall stay with you.

[Ai]

Its a lovely piece with great descriptive measures however the flow which you set up in the first 4 lines is shattered by the 5th line..

But apart from that I really really liked it keep the coming ../rep

[Sin]

^ agree with Ai, the flow was disrupted but dispite that it's beautiful

[Orihemi]

Here's a new one

Seeking the Gem

Those sweet eyes call me forth,
The abyss between us vanishes.
We stand before one another
Still seeking what is before us.
How can it be
That I never saw you before.
Yet, our bond has always been there.
Can it be that, because you saw me
Sought me out
Among all the other gems you could have had,
You wanted the one
that hardly anyone sees?
Why is it that your eyes dispell my lies?
My true self lies, always, with you.

[Sin]

you could just edit your previous one... you don't have to repost it just so you know.

[Orihemi]

The second poem is a different one Iwrote at about the some time last year.

Just fixed the last one

[Sin]

Oh in that case you can start a new thread for it to avoid confusion. I thought you edited the first one. I was wondering why everything is different... silly me but yea create a new thread for it that we can comment properly on it

[zen]

yea, if you are going too constantly post poetry, you can apply for the poetry corner club memebership and you can make an ipg. I don't really feel like explaining it so thoroughly, but it's easy.

[Orihemi]

For some reasoon I'm not allowed to post new threads, never have been able to. I've sent messages to the contact link, but they never answer me. So I try to stay on just post.

[♥ Tess]

Next time contact the forum Administrators directly (via PM's) :P


What error comes up? how were you able to create this thread?
Please PM me so we can resolve this ASAP :)

[Sin]

shoot him a PM about it and see where that goes http://www.clubbleach.net/member.php?u=21667

Ha ha ha, i was just going to refer her to you, how funny is that!