Immortality

[Sin]

If I should die before I wake
Let the sun shine out
Let the rain fall stop
Let the love birds sing
and the children dance to their song

Should you be gone before I return
let my broken heart never mend
Pull me through time
Let my suffering resonate through out
For i will never find another love like yours.

If death should find you
Let me curse the heavens
From every corner of this universe
Let the world be cast into darkness
Let it turn cold as ice
for it would only mirror my heart.

Should you stay with me
Let our love last all of eternity
We will walk together
every first winter's snow.
And in your heart
I will find peace and immortality.

[Baby-Pie]

omg just beautiful its so not common the words u used or the ideas u put in there
awesome job

[Sin]

Thank you! I had some excellent inspiration from a someone I care about dearly.

[Asuka]

Chi-bear, that poem was the shiz. It was so emotional.

[Aina1]

omg . . . it has a deep meaning of eternal love and it echo's ur feelings. BRAVA!

[Sin]

I was actually so moved by the ending of the movie "The fountain" and there is this girl I am starting to really like so it was easy to find the emotions and just had to place the words together.

And Kira thank you so much for the rep its appreciated.

[Isis]

It was a beautifully written poem, Carl. It was very emotional and deep :)

[Sin]

Thank you, means a lot to hear that from you.

[Alerane]

Thats a beautiful poem Carl.

[zen]

man carl--I mean chi XD it was great just wonderful not only did you move me, you make me want to finish watching the fountain, +rep

[Sin]

Al: thanks
Bludd: You can call me carl if you want, we're cool enough for that. And thanks man for the compliment and the rep. And you should definitely watch it, i know the begining was a little weird and the advertisement was misleading but the way it ends and the power of the music is just way too overwhelming that even i couldn't help but shed a tear or two because to have loved that deeply is something i aspire too before i die.

[Joe Black]

this is one of the best of your works I have seen so far! very emotionally powerful. +rep

[Sin]

Oh man thanks i didn't think much of it when i wrote it but am glad you guys like it.

[zen]

don't be modest it's awesome and since the fountain is on on-demand I'll watch it now.

[Kenji]

Emotion truly brings out the best in a person.

This poem was so good, it shows how much you love the other person by comparing it to something as large as the universe.

I loved it Chi, truly a masterpiece.

[Sin]

Thank you, thank you

[madam.elsie]

beautiful poem. kudos to you!

[Sin]

Thank you very much, it's all really appreciated you guys!

[zen]

*cheers*
this seems too be your most popular work, and in my opinion your best also.

[SoundWave]

ohhh .. Just had to see what all the fuss was about.

I like how you use descriptive imagery, makes it easy to follow, awesome flow aswell.

Only thing that got me stumped was this part:

Pull me through time
Let my suffering last and echo through it
For i will never find another love like you.

The flow gets a bit awkward there.. Maybe it would sound better without the "it". Just a suggestion. Though it might get a bit wonky with the repetition of "through" there..

baaah nvm me, I'm just over analyzing.

Loved the poem as a whole.

+rep fa sho'

[Sin]

Yeah that was bothering me too, Let me try something new...
Alright tell me what you think of it now, i tried something else that i was thinking.

edit: lol, hype?

[SoundWave]

edit: lol, hype?
Haha naaaaaw..

It's actually better now that you changed it, good job.

[Icestorm]

Nicely done, the ending was good.

[Sin]

Thank you, its really appreciated

[kakudo]

wow..... thats all I can say.......

[Sin]

:biggrinlo lol, thank you very much!

[Lex]

Stunning!

[Sin]

Thanks i tried my best...

[Freya]

I like the poem, how it translate the feelings that would be felt if each of those things happened. Very nice.

[Jooliyan]

Alright that was your best one i know ive said it before but seriously that one is amazing like i. im speechless

rep for sure

[SolBeowulf19]

Wow....just wow.

[Sin]

:o people are still reading this one?? wow ok um... thanks a bunch you guys!!!