God?

[Sin]

this is a piece am working on still, anything you can tell me that would help i am willing to listen.

Where could you be?
Did I miss you while i was gone?
Did you stop by while i wasn't there?
Are you too looking for me?
I've looked in every river
and valley and I
looked behind every tree.

I've climbed the highest mountains,
Look in to the sea.
I've searched High and low
and as far wide as the eyes can see.

I've read your books
and listen to your messengers
They told me
you would deliver me
from the pains that chain me

I've looked within,
I couldn't find you
I didn't see you when i grieved
I found no proof that
you'd be there tomorow
to free me from my agony

Is there something
I overlooked?
Did i miss it while searching?
Should I not look to every corner
thinking you could be there?
If not maybe the next one.
Surely you'd be there God
you wouldn't forsake your own son.

[Nesquik]

OMG This is my favorite poem from you.
A few commas may be missing though.
I just love this poem, the search for God... It inspired me.
+rep

[Miyu]

^I agree with sis here.^

Very beatiful, inspiring.

[Sin]

Oh wow, thanks so much i didn't think anyone would like it cause it deals with religion and spirituality. Thank you always for the rep

[Nesquik]

Actually, for me, it's one of the best things about this poem, it deals with religiosity, yet, it doesn't insult anyone's beliefs(or so i think) because it's like a normal person searching for God.
Now i'm all inspired ._.

[Sin]

Glad to hear it, lot's of hidden meanings though.

[Freya]

this is a piece am working on still, anything you can tell me that would help i am willing to listen.

Where could you be?
Did I miss you while i was gone?
Did you stop by while i wasn't there?
Are you too looking for me?
I've looked in every river
and valley and I
looked behind every tree.

I've climbed the highest mountains,
Look in to the sea.
I've searched High and low
and as far wide as the eyes can see.

I've read your books
and listen to your messengers
They told me
you would deliver me
from the pains that chain me

I've looked within,
I couldn't find you
I didn't see you when i grieved
I found no proof that
you'd be there tomorow
to free me from my agony

Is there something
I overlooked?
Did i miss it while searching?
Should I not look to every corner
thinking you could be there?
If not maybe the next one.
Surely you'd be there God
you wouldn't forsake your own son.


I'm moved. Truly.

So many people are searching for something that they can't seem to find. I'm sure that this hits home with a lot of people.

It flows so beautifully. I loved this part:
I've looked in every river
and valley and I
looked behind every tree.

I've climbed the highest mountains,
Look in to the sea.
I've searched High and low
and as far wide as the eyes can see.

The rhymes makes it glide through your mind as you read it. You can actually picture these places that you're searching. ;)

[kakudo]

wow.

[Joan]

I think you captured a normal feeling here. You put words to the things that so many people feel.

I'm not a very religious person myself, but I really do get the point in this, and it makes me think.

Good job Chi : )

[Lenne]

haha. a poet huh?

=p.

i like how you portrayed the message through elaborate imagery. well done.
keep writing

[Sin]

Spank you! read some of my other stuff

[SoundWave]

haha @ cliché subjects :p

Seems like you're a rather religious person.. Anyways The last line, supposing it's a punchline it kinda threw me off. As I wasn't sure if you consider yourself Jesus or just another follower of "god" hehe.

It's pretty descriptive and I like it nonetheless. :)

[Sin]

haha @ cliché subjects :p

Seems like you're a rather religious person.. Anyways The last line, supposing it's a punchline it kinda threw me off. As I wasn't sure if you consider yourself Jesus or just another follower of "god" hehe.

It's pretty descriptive and I like it nonetheless. :)
actually am really not, it wasn't a punch line more like i took a shot at my priest who said to me that god doesn't abadon his children, esp since i feel like that lost sheep that the sheppard never went out to find. All those places i listed were religious places in Israel that i went and visited and despite the spiritual connection of being where Jesus once walked i felt nothing so like Jesus in the night before the day he died i too felt and still do feel abandoned by God. There is no joke here and I am definitely not following anyone. But i wrote it in a manner to make the reader want to seek out their own truths like i did, some might find it inspirational like the girls above, some may find no truth in it and agree with with me on the last line. Or you can see the last line as a push to keep searching if hope and encouragement is what you seek. Nothing is simple about this poem, its all entirely up.

[Decado]

Seems like you're a rather religious person..
Actually I would say he's entirely not. Only an aetheist or some misled believers would believe that God is a physical entity that can be experienced or found on earth.

That doesn't take anything away from the poem though, and it wasn't my intention to imply that it did. In regard to the actual poem structure, and the feel, etc, I agree with those above. :)

[Sin]

Actually I would say he's entirely not. Only an aetheist or some misled believers would believe that God is a physical entity that can be experienced or found on earth.

That doesn't take anything away from the poem though, and it wasn't my intention to imply that it did. In regard to the actual poem structure, and the feel, etc, I agree with those above. :)

Thanks... lol, but in my defense am neither Atheist or mislead.