Wish

[Chi]

Tired of failing
So tired of
feeling empty
Can't relate
No forgiveness
can't hope
only regret
for those
i could not save
and now
only those
thoughts fill
my days
I wish that
I wasn't alone
But I've long
since abandoned
all hope and
foolishly I wish
that a better day
comes along tomorrow

[Isis]

I have a feeling of what you're talking about but still, its a very strong poem.

[Chi]

thanks Shaz... sorry we never got to write that story but feel free to write it yourself if you ever find time or have any interest in the matter.

[Joe Black]

the pauses in this poem are effective, and it is right to the point.


I foolishly wish
that a better day
comes tomorrow


these last three lines I think were your strongest, and brought it to a nice close.

[SoiaXShinji]

wow i liked it chi ^ ^

[Lex]

I like the way you write about reality in such...imaginative words...makes it seem unreal. Awesome!

[Chi]

I like this poem... i wrote it under some intense emotional/physical stress and it came out better then i thought it would

[Baby-Pie]

i feel your pain in there *hugs* but u seem at ur best when ur feeling it right at that moment..mayb poetry shud be only written when the emotion is present .. great job

[kakudo]

Its awsome...

[Freya]

I can see this poem relating to all sorts of things. I can see what you may have been writing about too. Some of the worst feelings are those of regret or wishing that you could have turned back time to change something that made you have pain in your life. I like how short the lines are. It makes it blunt and poignant.

[SoundWave]

I for one have a really hard time with these "simple" pieces, that just contains a few words in a column.. Mostly because when I've reached the end it all feels scrambled in my head and it's hard not to stress through the whole piece. Which also tends it to force out enjambment and makes it uncomfortable.

You see the first few lines keep a nice pace, then farther down you get it just picks up speed until I'm reading too fast XD.. anyways it only means that you to read through more than once I guess. Which doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing, just a tad annoying if you get my drift.

Maybe some punctuation could work here >.>.. I dunno..

So all and all it wasn't your best, though keep it up!

[Chi]

this one is supposed to be read like that... in fragmented pieces to reflect my scattered thoughts as i reflect on my many failings as a person in my life.

[Ai]

A really nice piece with a great theme that you delivered really well.
I enjoyed reading it a lot and whilst I was reading ti I was listening to nightwish - Nemo so it was schweet.

Only thing i can suggest is the finally line needs a bit more splash to it. why not.

"Comes Along Tomorrow"

:p

[Chi]

I incorporated your advise in there, thanks much dude.