Seperate

[Chi]

Separate

It is pain
It is saying goodbye
It is the feeling of loss
It is the prelude to divorce again.

It is giving up dreams
It is denying your heart
It is being ripped apart at the seems.
It is being in the 1950s again.

It is a single mother
A drug using daughter
because the Father's locked up.
It is having lost hope.

[Joe Black]

The repititition of the word "It" give this poem a good sense of definition in terms of seperation. but what I enjoyed most was the last verse, that which really emphasized a strong notion of the word 'seperate'

[Baby-Pie]

very nice carl its deep and when read brings up many pictures on fast forward if u get m effect display...pretty kool huh
lol anyways good job...keep em comin

[Isis]

You did know that having people comment on your potw entry while the potw submission period hasnt ended is against the rules right? It wont be fair to other people if you do. At least if you want some feedback, ask someone away from the poetry section :P

Anyway, its a good perspective.

[Chi]

You did know that having people comment on your potw entry while the potw submission period hasnt ended is against the rules right? It wont be fair to other people if you do. At least if you want some feedback, ask someone away from the poetry section :P

Anyway, its a good perspective.

I withdrew this piece and submitted another in its stead. Check my new entry its still in the same spot

[Lex]

I wish you'd stop writing poems about such sad stuff...:sad
Well written though so I'm still pleased with your work

[Chi]

LOL, i can't help it... i write what i feel. But am not depressed, there's a certain beauty to be found in sadness and in pain. It allows you to better appreciate the good moments

[SoundWave]

As been said before, you're good with flow..

Though it is blatantly straightforward and obvious (at least to me)..
It's more like a personal rant than anything else :p

I don't mind the repetition, HOWEVER it gets kinda dull if not done in moderation and takes away a piece of the imagination. As such I don't get any pictures in my mind by reading this, you see the words might strike true, but I just brush it off after reading this. I'd be satisfied if it leaved a little more room for contemplation :)

Keep 'em comin' ^^

[Lex]

I know that's what makes it so good!

[SoundWave]

I know that's what makes it so good!
Meh.. to each his/her own :P

anyways, I forgot to add, I'm not trying to bring you down or anything. I enjoyed it and only meant my critique to further your trail of thought as you write and it's up to you to pick out the good bits to take with you and bad bits to discard ^^..

cheers

[Chi]

LoL, dude i got what you said don't worry. I know what you mean but this one was meant to be what it is. However i did want you to see or at least imagine what it was that i was trying to say here. Because that's what i think of when i think of separate but also in the case of the ending its the end result of separating that family. But thank you for the criticism that's why i post em

[kakudo]

U need to stop this astonishing poetry! jk u keep leaving me speechless......

[Freya]

Separate

It is pain
It is saying goodbye
It is the feeling of loss
It is the prelude to divorce again.

It is giving up dreams
It is denying your heart
It is being ripped apart at the seems.
It is being in the 1950s again.

It is a single mother
A drug using daughter
because the Father's locked up.
It is having lost hope.



So sad, but unfortunately you're telling the truth. So many people are lost in today's society. I like how you started out with smaller things that can make you feel separated and then the last part builds to losing hope which all of the previous lines lead too. :)

[Chi]

awwwwwww thanks *pats lil sis*

I have no idea when you guys left me these messages.