Rush

[Aina1]

This is a poem that I just thought about!

As we sit here, together all in one,
You can feel the air
Rush through your hair.

You say that it's just the wind,
Or just a breeze passing by,
If it is, why did it pass again?

You feel like it's passing through you body,
Like a chill you get on a winter day,
But it's way more than that.

It rushes through your soul,
Feeling what you feel.
Sadness, pain, or fear,
It feels it.

So don't be afraid when it passes on,
Your life is still here and young.

We feel the breeze to
As it passes on and says,
" Goodbye ".

So wattya think!?:biggrinki

[Joe Black]

An interesting spin to what it means to feel more than just the wind passing by. well done!

[Aina1]

thanks for your thoughts! :D my friends says that i'm an inspirational writer!

[satsuke]

i like this one but i don't get the alive and young part. u should probably change to somethin' else!

[Ai]

/me enjoyed the piece.

I feel you could work a bit more on the flow of your prose though now that you have your metaphors and your layout down pat try reworking your choice of words to bring a better flow to your pieces.