uni
05-25-2008, 12:10 PM
Dearest members of clubbleach, i've come to this thread tonight with a story. A story of tragedy, battle, and glorious triumph! Gather round, do not be afraid.
unique beckons forth the seemingly weary bystanders
Thou needn't be afraid, i do not bite -- hard!
unique lets out a loud, disgruntling chuckle of sorts
This story begins with a grumbling, discomforting feeling. You see, i was sitting at my chair, simply minding my own business when i felt a feeling, a feeling of -- the need to dispense of waste from my rear. Yes, that is right, i felt the sudden urge to make waste from my bum! Do not fear, tis natural. With this feeling, i set out on a small journey to my nearest dump site, some might call it -- a bathroom. Such a short, yet tragic journey it was. For one my way, as luck would have it, a wall placed it's self in front of my toe! Aye, that's right, the horrid thing meant me great harm and harm it gave me for it jammed it's self right into my toe, damned wall was obviously possessed, possessed by spirits with obvious mal-intent!
Eyes widened, unique chuckles at his rather small audience
Do not worry, as you can clearly see, i am now ok. Content with my victory of the wall and being the great man that i am, i continued on with my journey. Alas, i made it to the entrance of the dump site, with great relief as i would shortly be ridding myself of this terrible feeling within the depths of my stomach area. I peered into this dump site in search of a place fit for the likes of me to make waste and there it was, a toilet. Glorious as it was i had to hold back my tears, for if i did not hurry, i surely would not make it. I quickly dropped trou and placed my rear upon the gloriousness that was the toilet seat.
Eyebrow raised, unique nods his head with pride
That's right, dear friends. I had made it through my treacherous journey, but the worst has yet to come. For little did i know, the my stomach and toilet had plans of their own! Conspiring against me, of course. As i continued with making waste i felt a burning sensation! Oh, the pain was horrid, i tell you. Suddenly it struck me, i had remembered why this pain had plagued me with it's existence. Tragic as it was, i had brought this upon myself for earlier in the day -- i had taken part of a feast among feasts, fit for a king and among this feast i had taken it upon myself to feast on some "spicy foods" oh the shame i felt for feeling doubt. Doubt in my stomach whom i'd falsely accused of conspiring against me. In an attempt to free myself from this plain i had remembered, i brought something with me. A wonderful site it was, as i pulled out a package from deep within my front pocket. I gazed at it with relief, for this would bring me great joy. This -- package of wetnaps!
unique roars with laughter as he pulls a small package out of his pocket
Yes, this is it, my savior and soon to be -- unique looks down and shakes his head with apparent disappointment -- impending doom.
I quickly brought a single wetnap to my rear and with a swift, precise wipe. I had found relief, for my rear burned no more! I quickly dispensed of the wetnap among the rest of my waste and was done with this terrible place! Only thing left for me to do, was clear the waste and erase it's existence. In triumph i raised my hand to a shiny handle, quickly and firmly with a downward push, i flushed the toilet -- but to my surprise the toilet was not yet finished with me! In an obvious attempt to destroy my glorious and amazing moment it would not flush! Instead, the damned toilet countered my attempt and refused. Tragic as it was, i could not let the toilet win! I had to figure something out and quick for not only did the toilet refuse to flush -- the water rose and threatened to overflow! I hastily surveyed my surroundings in search of an instrument of sorts that would rid me of this terrible situation and stop this toilet from defeating me! As i began to lose hope out of the corner of my eye, i saw it, a figure so beautiful it brought manly tears to my eyes. That is right, i saw -- a plunger.
unique holds up a plunger with triumph in his eyes
Quickly, i assaulted the toilet with said plunger and with a roar and shout of "Hiyah! Have at you, foul creature!" i plunged the beast and forced it to flush! With great pleasure i watched as my waste disappeared into the depths of the beast. I had at last won and come to a triumphant end in my journey! With that, i've returned to you all and have shared my story. Tell your friends, your family, the incredulous story of unique's journey.
unique stands up and gives a bow to his no longer existent audience and smiles
unique beckons forth the seemingly weary bystanders
Thou needn't be afraid, i do not bite -- hard!
unique lets out a loud, disgruntling chuckle of sorts
This story begins with a grumbling, discomforting feeling. You see, i was sitting at my chair, simply minding my own business when i felt a feeling, a feeling of -- the need to dispense of waste from my rear. Yes, that is right, i felt the sudden urge to make waste from my bum! Do not fear, tis natural. With this feeling, i set out on a small journey to my nearest dump site, some might call it -- a bathroom. Such a short, yet tragic journey it was. For one my way, as luck would have it, a wall placed it's self in front of my toe! Aye, that's right, the horrid thing meant me great harm and harm it gave me for it jammed it's self right into my toe, damned wall was obviously possessed, possessed by spirits with obvious mal-intent!
Eyes widened, unique chuckles at his rather small audience
Do not worry, as you can clearly see, i am now ok. Content with my victory of the wall and being the great man that i am, i continued on with my journey. Alas, i made it to the entrance of the dump site, with great relief as i would shortly be ridding myself of this terrible feeling within the depths of my stomach area. I peered into this dump site in search of a place fit for the likes of me to make waste and there it was, a toilet. Glorious as it was i had to hold back my tears, for if i did not hurry, i surely would not make it. I quickly dropped trou and placed my rear upon the gloriousness that was the toilet seat.
Eyebrow raised, unique nods his head with pride
That's right, dear friends. I had made it through my treacherous journey, but the worst has yet to come. For little did i know, the my stomach and toilet had plans of their own! Conspiring against me, of course. As i continued with making waste i felt a burning sensation! Oh, the pain was horrid, i tell you. Suddenly it struck me, i had remembered why this pain had plagued me with it's existence. Tragic as it was, i had brought this upon myself for earlier in the day -- i had taken part of a feast among feasts, fit for a king and among this feast i had taken it upon myself to feast on some "spicy foods" oh the shame i felt for feeling doubt. Doubt in my stomach whom i'd falsely accused of conspiring against me. In an attempt to free myself from this plain i had remembered, i brought something with me. A wonderful site it was, as i pulled out a package from deep within my front pocket. I gazed at it with relief, for this would bring me great joy. This -- package of wetnaps!
unique roars with laughter as he pulls a small package out of his pocket
Yes, this is it, my savior and soon to be -- unique looks down and shakes his head with apparent disappointment -- impending doom.
I quickly brought a single wetnap to my rear and with a swift, precise wipe. I had found relief, for my rear burned no more! I quickly dispensed of the wetnap among the rest of my waste and was done with this terrible place! Only thing left for me to do, was clear the waste and erase it's existence. In triumph i raised my hand to a shiny handle, quickly and firmly with a downward push, i flushed the toilet -- but to my surprise the toilet was not yet finished with me! In an obvious attempt to destroy my glorious and amazing moment it would not flush! Instead, the damned toilet countered my attempt and refused. Tragic as it was, i could not let the toilet win! I had to figure something out and quick for not only did the toilet refuse to flush -- the water rose and threatened to overflow! I hastily surveyed my surroundings in search of an instrument of sorts that would rid me of this terrible situation and stop this toilet from defeating me! As i began to lose hope out of the corner of my eye, i saw it, a figure so beautiful it brought manly tears to my eyes. That is right, i saw -- a plunger.
unique holds up a plunger with triumph in his eyes
Quickly, i assaulted the toilet with said plunger and with a roar and shout of "Hiyah! Have at you, foul creature!" i plunged the beast and forced it to flush! With great pleasure i watched as my waste disappeared into the depths of the beast. I had at last won and come to a triumphant end in my journey! With that, i've returned to you all and have shared my story. Tell your friends, your family, the incredulous story of unique's journey.
unique stands up and gives a bow to his no longer existent audience and smiles