Unnamed Emotion

[Poison Ivy]

Unnamed emotion

Sitting in my beautiful darkness,
listening to the bittersweet melody,
while the sacred monsters surround me,
coming after me in beautifully tattered dress;

I hide in the shadows,
as the silence screams in agony,
when this feeling comes over me,
your hiding there just below;

I have yet to understand,
why you induce it in me,
while I run in terror from thee,
yet im drawn across the land;

My objection shatters,
and I sadly decree,
that I cannot flee,
and all my hope lay in tatters

[Chi]

Spelling, also in the first stanza the last line doesn't quite fit in there. I feel like your forcing it.

Second stanza, i think your message is not getting through as clearly as you would like it too. I suggest changing the wording around a lil and see how that goes.

Third stanza: its all over the place, too much forcing it.

Fourth stanza: I like it and i see why you wrote the poem you did so it could close like that but again i think its missing a little something and am not quite sure what it is. But none the less i liked it for what it is and can be.

[Poison Ivy]

well this was for my english class so I had a very short time to write it..

[Slaughteress]

thats a pretty poem!

[Poison Ivy]

^^ thank you

[fadzly]

poem.poem.poem.....em..........

[fadzly]

poem.poem.poem.....em..........

turn left ,c u...turn right cu......,back c u.......front c u....../???????.nose?

[A&E]

I'm getting a sense that the theme of this poem is temptation? The only reason I ask is because I'm usually terrible at deciphering other people's poetry. :Haha

However, in this particular poem, I was actually able grasp the point you were out to make; I think, haha. When I finished reading the poem, it immediately reminded me of one of my favorite songs, "The Walk" by Imogen Heap, about a woman trying to "walk" out of a bad relationship, but finding herself unable to because the relationship itself had lured her so far in that it was impossible to escape. I love scenarios like that. :p

I somewhat agree with Chi in that there is room for improvement, but if I'm right about the targeted theme (I hope so), then I must say, I thoroughly enjoyed this poem. :)

[Lex]

Nice poem but I have to agree with Chi...that last line of Stanza one just doesn't quite work...but it's your poem and I have no right to judge what you felt when you wrote it.

[Poison Ivy]

thanks guys

and A&E its not temptation but your close

[A&E]

Lmao, I told you! I'm terrible when it comes to translating poems. :sadd:

But whatever, it's still nice. :)

[Poison Ivy]

well you were close so dont feel bad....and thanx ^^