[Poetry Battle] Kensei vs. Toasty

[Yamamoto]

It's on. :D

Theme: Hope
Style: Any

First to 5 votes wins :)

(I was watching a documentary :p)

The Tibetan Song

A folded piece of paper
One of many pleas for hope
A written, heart-felt song of prayer
From the child who calls Tibet home.

"Let the wind carry my soul
Let it fly gracefully like the crane
Let it echo across the great plateaus
Under the great ocean blue sky"

"Here we are living among the mountains
Across the ranges, on the roof of the world
We are not lonely, we have each other
As long as we recite our chants and prayers."

"Give us peace among each other
Where we live with beasts and men- in harmony
Lead us to the path to a great rebirth
Bless our souls, guide us to the great enlightenment."

A folded piece of paper, a silent written prayer
Tied among thousand others, rainbow colors of prayer flags
Let the breeze carry their wishes, across the roof of the world
Scatter our songs of prayer, forever echoing in the cold abyss.

[Toasty]

Taking the Plunge

Will you catch me
When I leap into the future?
I am on the ledge of
Hopes and dreams.

I could still turn back,
And walk down the road
Of easy opportunities
And wasted time.

But down that road,
Lies disappointment and
Regret of a life unlived.
The mirror to the past is cruel.

Will you catch me
When I plummet into the unknown?
I am wavering at the sight of
Small chances and distant horizons.

I could still run back,
And cling to the security
Of my silver spoons,
Riches not my own.

But those riches will all
Turn to dust with age,
And I will fall still,
Off a different ledge.

And you will not be there
To catch me then.
Will I remember this moment,
And lament this choice.

So will you catch me,
On this ledge of hope?
When my future is still bright,
And my dreams are still big?

Will you catch me,
As I plunge into these clouds
That obscure my vision
And keep me guessing?

Will I need you to catch me
As I leap into that new world?
Or will I grow wings and
Soar towards my bright future?

[Do'Urden]

It's on. :D

A folded piece of paper, a silent written prayer
Tied among thousand others, rainbow colors of prayer flags
Let the breeze carry their wishes, across the roof of the world
Scatter our songs of prayer, forever echoing in the cold abyss.

Alright. This was a good poem, I liked it, but when you left me with that last line it turned from hope to despair. This would have been an excellent piece had you started it with the despair and worked towards hope. Ending with despair sets the tone of the whole poem... :x

Taking the Plunge

I could still run back,
And cling to the security
Of my silver spoons,
Riches not my own.

But those riches will all
Turn to dust with age,
And I will fall still,
Off a different ledge.

And you will not be there
To catch me then.
Will I remember this moment,
And lament this choice.

So will you catch me,
On this ledge of hope?
When my future is still bright,
And my dreams are still big?

Will you catch me,
As I plunge into these clouds
That obscure my vision
And keep me guessing?

Will I need you to catch me
As I leap into that new world?
Or will I grow wings and
Soar towards my bright future?

This is what I was talking about with Kensei. You leave the reader with a sense of wonder and hope for the future, but only after you drag them through self-doubt and animosity. Kudos.

Vote: Toasty.

[Katen Kyoukotsu]

I actually liked both allot. I don't have time to do a full review right now so I'm just going to give the basics.

Kensei I thought yours was really good the only line that took me a bit out of it was "From the child who calls Tibet home." Tibet was just a little bit too real and detailed when put together with the rest of the poem. I would have gone with something more fanciful like "from the child who calls the clouds home". Other than that really good, it was discordant at times but it really fit with the poem.

I liked yours too Toasty but it was just a little bit repetitive and after reading kensei's poem it felt a little shallow. The shorter lines I think detracted a bit from your imagery, I think if you had described your position more it might have been a bit more meaningful to me. What I did really like though was the gradual turn from needing someone to make your dreams come true to making them come true yourself.

For this one my vote goes to kensei.

[Chi]

i really liked Kensei but i just connected more with Toasty's, my vote goes to Toasty because i just connected with her more. xD

Toasty

[zen]

My vote goes to kensei, because your description Of their home is very accurate...and you did it in a visual way, then saying that they all where tied to that one pray. Tom me is the definition of hope so my vote goes to you kensei good job.

[Toasty]

/me bumps

Come on ppl!

VOTE!

We need more votes to find a winner. Please?

Kens and I are sad.

[Isis]

You silly things.

@Kensei: I liked your take on hope and the first two stanzas were the best out of the bunch.

@Toasty: A personal take on hope is sometimes more appealing than taking another person or object's version of hope. Liked the imagery in this one.

Toasty gmv.

[Yamamoto]

Lol, sorry this is changing to 5 votes, stupid me :p

so if i'm correct, it's

Toasty- 3
Me- 2

^^

And just some quick replies to some comments ^^:

@Do'Urden- Oh, i didn't realise the last lines were of despair, my interpretation was they still had hope even in their world ^^

@Katen- wow, that line is so much better, i never thought of that xD

@iladys- Fair enough :), i was just giving a different view and do something different :D

Thanks to all who voted so far, keep 'em coming ^_^

[Toasty]

So is this battle over by the end of the day? or...?

I believe the typical deadline is one week, right?

<3.

Well, maybe we'll get a few more votes.

I'm just waiting for it to be declared over.

[MetalSpawn]

My vote goes to toasty. I liked both poems but toasty's appealed to me more

[Gowansweetpea]

A folded piece of paper, a silent written prayer
Tied among thousand others, rainbow colors of prayer flags
Let the breeze carry their wishes, across the roof of the world
Scatter our songs of prayer, forever echoing in the cold abyss.
__________________
kensei....I can see this being a sign of hope surviving int the darkest of times....

Will I need you to catch me
As I leap into that new world?
Or will I grow wings and
Soar towards my bright future?

Toasty.....Repeating "Will you catch me" throughout the poem seemed a bit too repetitive for my tastes...maybe if it were only used in a couple of places it would have been perfect to me..

I enjoyed both very much so and connected with each in different ways,which in turn makes this a difficult decision for me.

I vote for Kensei

[Lightey Natsume]

I Vote Toasty he connects to this poem and it has nice flow

[Yamamoto]

Lol finally XD

Congratulations Toasty, j00 R d WiNN3r!! :)

Thank you for all the votes everyone :D

[Toasty]

<3!

Thanks to all the voters.

/me does a winner dance... it is smexy... it is nerdy...

>.>

<.<

:)

<3.

Thanks. And good job, Kens, yours was really good, and it was very close through the whole battle!