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SoundWave
06-11-2008, 02:35 PM
Have some waste
Sweet bitter taste
Stale like tar paste

Spinning Trash
Turmoiling clash
Of pizza and ash

Out with the old
In with the new
No more brew

Memories of last
Flashing past

Concuring lies
What belies
Hazing eyes

Another glass
Another ass

Joy is drinking,
Pain is drinking,
Your confidence is shrinking..

What were you thinking?

Joe Black
06-11-2008, 03:29 PM
i enjoyed how the poem's short line structure emphasized the quickness of the actions you would later regret. although the rhyme scheme seemed a little forced, AAA BBB CCC DD EEE FF GGG G rhyme scheme portrayed a blatant directness. well done.

SoundWave
06-11-2008, 03:41 PM
Honestly I don't understand much of rhyme schemes, however I wanted to make it feel like you're nauseated.

Thanks man for the critique