I feel.... I want

[ladyrukia]

I feel like a child
though almost 21

I feel like a sex toy
though i still a virgin

I feel my hands tighten
around my neck
till i pass out

I feel like like he doesn't love me
anymore

I want to cry
to cleanse my soul

I want to be with
those who love me

I want to enjoy my
scared virginity

I want to blossom
be free to enjoy
life to the fullest

[vidDa]

Again the same mistakes as in the last poem. (the flow, the "cuts", and that obnoxious i (I)) Keep it going.
Personally I don't like the theme cuz of my personal feelings bout certain someone.

[Chi]

Yeah definitely should revise this, work on the flow too. The flow you started out with ended abruptly and the scatters everywhere.

[ladyrukia]

lol ok then can u explain how to write a better flow? cause i thought it flowed well