Her and my guitar

[Chi]

She's like a queen,
each move is filled with
such style and grace.
She's like the sound,
you can't help but
to take it all in.
She's dancing close,
I can see her hips
moving to the sound
of the plucking strings.
She's like a star,
shinning high above,
far beyond my reach,
as she's dancing to
the sound of my guitar.

[Do'Urden]

You let me know when you need some rythm in that guitar solo...

[Chi]

??? huh??

[Do'Urden]

I was offering a base line. My way of saying I liked the piece.

[Chi]

Oh lol, thanks you lost me there for a second. It was originally my POTW entry piece but i don't like the structure of it and am trying to reform it so i won't partake in something that's broken.

[Do'Urden]

I don't write like that. I write it down, and critique as I go. By the time I finish I have to be satisfied. And then I don't go back, I'm too OCD

[Chi]

Ehh... am experimenting with different formats. writing pieces with hidden meanings is sorta my thing at the moment.

[Do'Urden]

I like up front writing. I'm more a fan of word play. i.e. "search yourself for something which to hang yourself". That's my soup.

[Tai Dai]

I liked it =)
I don't know what to suggest but some grammar stuff
"She's like the sound,
you can't help but
to takes it all in."
takes to take?

"....far beyond my reach.
As she's dancing to
the sound of my guitar."
If the sentence starts with as it's a fragment i think, so you could get rid of the period before it or something else...

I'm an idiot that likes and sticks to rhyming, but i liked this poem.
Great job =)

[Chi]

Lol, it's cool i fixed it thank you