View Full Version : The Cabin
Now, before you start scrutinizing my terrible writing, I’d just like to give you a little forewarning: The “moral” or “lesson” of this story isn’t blatantly obvious for a reason; then again, for some, it may be. I don’t know. I guess what I’m trying to say is, put everything into consideration (beginning, middle and end) before saying “What was the point of this?” or “That didn’t make any sense.” :p
I have a habit of leaving my stories wide open and not thoroughly explaining the logic behind the absurd situations I come up with, so please keep that in mind while reading this. It’s just light fantasy, really.
Anyway, just wanted to get that out of the way. Feel free to give harsh critiques. I'm already aware that I need to work on my flow and character development.
PS: I’m posting this in two parts to relieve the shock of seeing a huge entry of text and to persuade the TL;DR crowd to actually look my story over. May or may not work. We shall see.
PPS: Mods, if triple posting isn't allowed under these circumstances, by all means, delete this post.
...I talk too much.
The Cabin - Part 1
The three of them rested on their backs on the forest floor carpeted with decaying autumn leaves. The open space they laid in was bordered by an assortment of twisted cedar and pine trees. The gentle rustling of leaves was the only sound made in the otherwise silent woodlands.
Their once polished school uniforms were now soiled and covered with pieces of nature. The soft-skinned, smug-looking girl crossed her arms as she absorbed the dull, grey clouds through her hazy eyes. She then glared over at her two accomplices.
The tall, lanky boy had his school blazer thrown above his head; arms spread out, eyes closed. The shorter, more heavyset boy had his arms extended underneath his head while gazing intently into the dreary sky. A cool gust of wind whistled over the relaxed students, followed by a loud clap of thunder. The girl winced slightly and stood up from where she lay. Grabbing her schoolbag and sweater, she brushed a few pieces of crumpled leaves off her skirt.
“You two can get soaked if you like, but I’m heading back,” the girl began in her snotty voice.
“Oh, c’mon, Fran!” the stout boy complained. “You’re such a killjoy.”
The girl grunted and looked over at the boy with the blazer wrapped over his head. “Isaac? Are you coming?”
The tall boy moaned and clenched harder on his dirty blazer and waved it at the girl. “Dirk’s right, you know,” the lanky boy’s voice muffled through his blazer. “You’re always ruining the moment.”
Fran recoiled. She cast both boys an irritated glare and began walking towards the edge of the large space.
A crow’s sudden horrific screech bellowed loudly through the quiet forest. Startled, Fran jumped and tripped over a jutting tree root, thudding as she hit the ground. Dirk and Isaac roared with laughter at the sight of the fallen Fran and began clapping mockingly.
“You’re both pathetic pigs!” Fran yelled and sprinted into the thick forest.
“Ah, c’mon, Fran!” Isaac called, picking himself up from the ground and heading after the girl. “We’re just messing around!”
Dirk picked himself up as well and tossed his undersized blazer over his back. Isaac patted down his own blazer as he followed Fran through the grey woods. “We really shouldn’t let her head back on her own, should we?” Isaac said, pulling his arms through the blazer’s sleeves.
Dirk shook his head quickly as they both jogged after Fran. The visibly distressed girl glanced over her shoulder and saw the two schoolboys beckoning her. Ignoring them, she turned around and continued through the forest. Fran halted suddenly and looked at the trees ahead. Dirk and Isaac had caught up to her.
“Er, look,” Isaac began, standing behind Fran. “We’re…sorry for laughing at you back there.”
“What happened to the tags I put up?” Fran asked, ignoring Isaac’s apology and staring up at the trees in front of her.
Dirk and Isaac turned their heads, scanning the surrounding woodlands. “They couldn’t have fallen off, could they?” Dirk asked.
“You saw how hard I pinned them into the bark,” Fran said, rolling her eyes at Dirk.
A sudden draft of wind breezed over the teenagers’ heads, sending a pleasant aroma up their nostrils. Isaac and Dirk closed their eyes and grinned, completely forgetting about their dilemma.
“Mmm, smells like someone’s baking cookies,” Isaac said, taking short sniffs like a dog after a rainstorm.
“Where is it coming from?” Fran asked, somewhat interested in the appetizing scent.
Following his nostrils, Dirk impulsively trailed off into the woods away from Fran and Isaac, as if the aroma had entranced him.
“Where are you going?” Isaac called after Dirk.
Dirk did not respond, but continued his spellbound stroll through the dense forest. Isaac glanced worriedly at Fran.
“Dirk!” Fran and Isaac both yelled, receiving no response from Dirk, who was now several paces away from them. Both Fran and Isaac treaded behind the zombie-like Dirk.
The branches grew thicker as the students pushed deeper into the woods. The delectable aroma grew stronger as did a fog, which seemingly materialized out of nowhere. Dirk halted; Fran smacked into his back.
“Watch it, Dirk!” Fran snapped.
“A cabin!” Dirk finally spoke, pointing forward.
Fran shook her focus away from Dirk and looked ahead. An aged log cabin sat in front of them with a chimney made of ivory. An eerie cloud rose from the chimney, sending out the delicious aroma that had lured them there.
“Hey, maybe whoever’s in that cabin can help us get back,” Isaac pondered aloud. Before Fran could even dispel Isaac’s thought, Dirk had already run towards the cabin.
“What are you doing?!” Fran yelped from the edge of the encircling forest. Ignoring Fran, Dirk pounded loudly on the cabin’s door. Isaac shook his head and went running towards the cabin, turning back at Fran and shrugging, as if there was nothing to lose.
Fran groaned and plodded behind the boys to the cabin, swinging her schoolbag over her shoulder. “I can’t believe we’re doing this,” Isaac laughed apprehensively near the cabin’s doorway. Fran’s heart began beating rapidly as she heard footsteps approaching from inside the cabin. Dirk bit down on his lips.
The Cabin - Part 2
The door slowly creaked open to reveal a tall, strikingly gorgeous woman veiled in an elegant lavender robe. Her lustrous dark hair flowed down to her waist and waved gracefully as the wind from the doorway blew through it.
The woman’s astonishingly dark eyes moved from one adolescent to the next, carefully inspecting her visitors. “Yes?” She whispered from behind the doorway.
Fran nudged Dirk. “We-w-we’re lost.” Dirk stuttered, stunned by the woman’s beauty.
“Lost?” The woman paused briefly and began to chuckle admiringly. “Well, come in.”
Fran looked tentatively over at Isaac, then at Dirk. “C’mon!” Dirk insisted, walking excitingly into the cabin. Fran and Isaac were hesitantly behind him.
The inside of the cabin matched its aged exterior, paling in comparison to its attractive owner. The small room where they stood was nearly covered in dust and cobwebs. There was an excessive amount of archaic furniture the woman had placed around the room. The center of the room contained three finely detailed wooden chairs surrounding a large table of similar intricacy. The captivating aroma was stronger now than ever before in Fran’s nose.
“Please, have a seat,” the woman motioned to the obscure table. The three teenagers introduced themselves before sitting around the table. “Now, what business do the three of you have in these woods?” The woman interestingly inquired.
“Um,” Fran began to whisper. “We’re supposed to be at school, but…”
“But you decided to take the day off?” The radiant woman smiled after practically finishing Fran’s sentence.
Fran lowered her head. Isaac scratched the back of his neck as beads of sweat ran down his forehead.
“You keep it nice ‘n warm in here, eh?” Isaac mumbled, quickly changing the subject.
“Ah, that would be coming from my stove,” the woman said, walking through an entry near the rear of the room into a dusty kitchen. “I’ve been cooking all day, you see.”
Dirk leaned over the table to get a better view. The woman strolled back out of the kitchen carrying several plates in each arm. The plates were overflowing with exquisitely complex cakes, cookies, pies and a variety of other pastries; each desert fashioned like a work of art. Isaac and Dirk nearly fell out of their seats upon gazing at the lavish treats. Fran closely examined the woman as she placed the plates on top of the wooden table.
“I would guide you back through these woods,” the woman began. “But they say never travel on an empty stomach.” The woman laughed deeply. Fran smiled uncertainly. Isaac and Dirk grinned at one another and began digging into the rainbow of pastries.
Fran, taken aback by the boys’ manners, looked apologetically at the lavender-cloaked woman. Not noticing Fran, the woman watched the boys, her eyes glistening.
“What’s wrong with you idiots?” Fran muttered at the boys through gritted teeth. “I’m so sorry, ma’am!”
Dirk and Isaac were literally flinging food into their mouths, crumbs covered their cheeks and clothes.
“Quite alright,” the woman answered lifelessly. “As long as they are well fed before we tread into the woods, all is well.”
Dirk licked his fingers as he grabbed a handful of sugar cookies from the nearest plate. He dipped the cookies into a large chocolate cake and tossed them down his throat. At this point, Isaac had buried his face in two cherry pies.
Her heart sinking, Fran gulped what felt like a gallon of saliva. The two boys were now scrapping their fingers wildly on the table, their heads swaying from plate to plate, munching away at the contents.
“I think it’s time to go,” Fran stammered as she pulled herself up from the table.
“But your friends aren't finished,” the woman replied firmly.
Fran grabbed Isaac; she felt ripples stirring within his shoulder. Dirk’s blazer and shirt began to rip, revealing a back covered in coarse hair.
“Dirk?” Fran’s voice shook. “Your shirt…”
The boys’ blazers and shirts ripped off completely, showing nothing but thin, brown animal-like hair. Their ears grew longer, wider, and then turned the same brown color as their newly grown fur. Fran gasped, slowly backing away. W-w-what. Words could not escape her lips. Her heart felt as if would explode from her chest at any moment. The boys’ fingers, which were still clawing into the desserts, slowly transformed into hooves; which then pounded loudly on the table.
“What are you doing to them?!” Fran finally exclaimed at the still woman, tears forming in her eyes.
“I have not done a thing,” the woman responded calmly, watching the boys gradually transform into warthogs. “They are merely what you see them as.”
Fran clutched her throat, feeling sick. The two warthogs kicked wildly at the table, unable to hold themselves up any longer, and fell violently to the floor. Fran watched in terror as her former friends squealed maddeningly on the log cabin’s floor.
“Turn them back,” Fran wept, now on her knees, reaching for the enraged hogs, but afraid to touch them.
“I’m afraid only you can do that,” the beautiful woman said, staring down at the traumatized girl. Fran shook her head, bawling frantically.
“Please,” Fran pleaded, now clutching boldly on top of the fidgeting warthogs. “You have to change back! You can’t leave me!”
***
Dirk and Isaac tried to suppress their chuckling as they sat in the wooden chairs next to the distraught girl. Fran sat between the boys in front of the primeval table, which was still crowded with food. Her arms were stretched around both of her classmates.
“We aren’t leaving,” Isaac smiled at Fran and turned back to his plate. “Not yet, anyway. You should really try this honey cake. It’s so good!”
Fran’s eyes widened and her face paled. She glanced from Isaac to Dirk; both had returned to their respective lanky and stout, schoolboy selves.
“But…you were pigs!” Fran shouted, looking at the boys and then at the alluring woman, who winked at her slightly.
“Oh, well…thanks, Fran,” Isaac quipped while Dirk and the woman chuckled.
“Finish up now,” the woman began, clapping her hands together. “I need to guide you all back to the school before the rain comes in.”
Fran gasped briefly and pulled her friends nearer to her, embracing them tightly.
Joe Black
07-29-2008, 04:24 AM
What I enjoyed most about this story were the complex descriptions of setting and character appearance, which complimented the original plotline. Look forward to reading more of this work! [so maybe I can learn a thing or two to help my own writing]
EDIT: almost forgot about well deserved... +rep!
Well colour me impressed! Love your work on this short story, very discriptive. Well done, you caught my attention, I will be looking in on more of your work soon.
What I enjoyed most about this story were the complex descriptions of setting and character appearance, which complimented the original plotline. Look forward to reading more of this work! [so maybe I can learn a thing or two to help my own writing]
EDIT: almost forgot about well deserved... +rep!
Thanks, Joey! I'm still learning a lot about writing myself from reading other writers' work. :)
Well colour me impressed! Love your work on this short story, very discriptive. Well done, you caught my attention, I will be looking in on more of your work soon.
Thanks, Lex! I'm hoping to post another short story soon if I get around to it. :p
Hime-chan
07-30-2008, 01:54 AM
A&E, I actually enjoyed reading your story and you already know how I feel about reading. I really liked it.
nice job ^_^
Lol, thanks, orihime. I'm glad you enjoyed it. :p
I'm eagerly awaiting the next piece of work from you
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