Relationship Thread

[Kuri_Shinigami]

Sometimes people in general break up over silly little things..but they don't get back together leaving the both of them confused. So during this time of confusion they try to move on not really realising that they still like each other...or something like that..im sorry if im confusing...

[Sahiden]

I understand the situation...
I guess you should try to get back together. Talking works, as long as you don't do anything stupid. (like I would do...)
If I ever get confused I try getting transparancy in my feelings. That usually clears my mind and makes me think in a more objective way. Unfortunatly I get confused quite often.
sinkinswimmer, don't ever give up communications with someone... Sooner or later you'll regret it. (I know I do regret some communications I no longer have. It's when you no longer have an option that you really start to miss it.)

[sinkinswimmer]

thanks for everyone's input. i'm not certain she wants another shot, but then... what other point would there be in her telling me all this? anyways, the best i can really do is just take things as they come at the moment.

[ISAMU]

I am one of those guys that has girls falling for him left and right (not to sound full of myself or some thing, it just happens). Problem was I could never find any one I liked.... Any ways I wasnt even thinking about looking for some one when I joined a epal site. I ending chatting with this girl from another country. We both love each other and have been “together” for about 2 months now. She is 3 years younger then me but I don’t really see this as a problem. The problem is mostly the distance and what people thing (mostly what my parents think). My parents don’t like the fact I like her lol. So I just want to know what you peoples think about this whole thing. THANKS!

[zanoubia]

i think u should forget about her and have ur parents decide who u should marry
its alwayz better that way
who am i kiddin, u guyz dont do that do u?...no.. i didn't think so
oh well, maybe someone else here can help u....

[asian]

this kind of thing is someting that you have to decide for yourself. if you want to be with her, or do what your parnets want. things don't always go your way. you just have to believe what your heart is telling you and trust it and go with it.

[Mablu]

okay, i like someone here, she calls herself chiapet, but she doesn't want to date because she says she doesn't want an online relationship and that she's waiting for her soulmate. any advice to give?

[zanoubia]

okay, i like someone here, she calls herself chiapet, but she doesn't want to date because she says she doesn't want an online relationship and that she's waiting for her soulmate. any advice to give?
oh, i know her!
trust me, u dont have a chance ^_^
online realtionships dont work that well.

[Darren337]

oh, i know her!
trust me, u dont have a chance ^_^
online realtionships dont work that well.

ok that wasnt the most optimistic of outlooks...

meanwhile, if she doesnt want to have an online relationship, just respect that. ya never know, you may find someone in person next week *shrug* anything goes.

[zanoubia]

ok that wasnt the most optimistic of outlooks...

meanwhile, if she doesnt want to have an online relationship, just respect that. ya never know, you may find someone in person next week *shrug* anything goes.

i think it was great advice...lol

[ISAMU]

Sorry for not posting sooner lol. Thanks for voicing what you think about my situation. I can't live with out her so i am going to just keep things the way they are for now. If my parents don't like it then though i can make my own choices for myself every once in a while.

Mablu, i agree with zanoubia. The only reason me and my girlfriend are still together is because we love each other so much we would die for the other person if it came to it. Online relationships have a ton of strain on them that "normal" ones do not. For instance my Girl Friend was sick the other week and all i could do was sit in my freakin computer chair and try and comfort her!

[Darren337]

isamu has a valid point. but another valid point is that if you have the resiliance persistance and the love, even an online relationship can work... tho even i must admit it would be much tougher to maintain.

[Ryoji]

You need to have the resolve, the persistence, and of course, the love to be truly with somebody and last. I do believe I'm in love with my girlfriend, and I've been incredibly stubborn and annoying and dorky with her for 19 months now, as of tomorrow, and I would love to spend the rest of my life with her..

[asian]

aww...that's so cute, everyones found someone...
but you need to be commited, it won't work if you're not, trust me. i'm not ready to commit so me last relationships...fell apart...

[Darren337]

i have a mindset where i might as well throw all ive got at the person im with... i mean... why not? are you scared that he/she might be the one? i commit and let things come as they may.

[Sahiden]

I'll probably never get a chance at being loved by the one I love...
Well, I guess it's my own fault. I could see this as some kind of recoil of my previous self... I don't deserve being loved by her in the first place anyway...
All I still can do is hope she likes her current boyfriend a lot. As long as she's happy.........

I will forever pay for my mistakes.

[Officer Kenji]

no offence hina but she acutally stole your cat? lol again no offence

[asian]

no, it's more like, he isn't the one. i just want someone who isn't so damn clingy! it's that too much to ask?!?!?!
i just like having me alone time and he just needs to understand he doesn' thave to bother me every waking second, or call me every chance he gets. i hate it. i mean, what's the point of calling every several hours when you don' thave anything to talk about?!...clingy people...*shakes head*

[WAHCHING]

Me and my girl 10month is a couple days ago, and im planing on doing something this weekend, but dont know what to do, you guys got any tips ? i dont want to do the usually movie then dinner, thats like soo played out.. i cant think of anyhting right now..

[sinkinswimmer]

well, i don't know what else there is to do in AZ... you could try a picnic for a change. uh... hiking, something outdoors ish... girls like sappy romantic stuff... usually

[asian]

haha MOST girls like that stuff. well...lesse...i donno...do something spontanious!

[Ryoji]

I'm taking my g/f to Santa Monica Pier for her b-day this month ^^...
Arizona, huh? I drove there once...went to the Grand Canyon. Have you two been there together before? If not, that might be a good idea. There's those waterfalls at the heart of the canyon, very beautiful. It's a long hike to it, but you can get there, willing you get a permit from the Indian reservation.

[Darren337]

asian: clingy sux. thats why i let her call me so i dont become a pain. (its never a bother if she calls me so it works out better that way)

waching: just spend the day with her, and go with her wherever she wants to go. in my experience girls like it when you basically accompany them wherever they want to go. (if theyre in the mood for such)

ryoji: good stuff with the pier idea

[Ballistics]

Hmm yeah that shounds good...to me I wouldn't mind if a girl called me but I guess they do...lol I never have anything good to talk about anyways so i usaly never call anyone...but siting back in a relasionship isn't a good thing ether...you gotta keep active with it cause otherwise it will get dull in no time...if you always just follow her and never invite her to a date from time to time then hell...

Well there you have it amigos, what do you think girls? if they just sit in the back and never do anything on there own as in dates doesn't that sound a little boring? Ballistics out...[B]

[Ryoji]

Sometimes a girl just wants to be spoiled, at least for one day...there's those girls that never get listened to, and every time they have a chance to be heard or there's something she wants, the guy makes up some pig-headed excuse not to do or get that. *rant*

[Darren337]

hey B, im active in the relationship in person, i dont just sit there and stare at her, hehe. i will take her somewhere or do something with her if she wants... i just dont call her endlessly.

ryoji: meh... sometimes things arent as they should be, and that is one of the results of a long chain of bleh.

[Ballistics]

yep, yep thats cool...hmm what if you are in this pickle...

Your girlfriend thinks shes with child even though she took the birthcontrol. She admits she doesn't trully trust you yet and your still keeping the relation underwraps...worst that you don't even have a job in case she does in fact have a little you in store...

hmm I don't have any thing like that going on right now but I had to post something to do with relations...so if you were in all that what would you think would be the best coa? (course of action)

Well there you have it amigos, na-na-na do it na-na do it na-na-na-na-na MASTERMIND! Ballistics out...[B]

[WAHCHING]

well, i don't know what else there is to do in AZ... you could try a picnic for a change. uh... hiking, something outdoors ish... girls like sappy romantic stuff... usually


i might do that, i have to come up with something good

I'm taking my g/f to Santa Monica Pier for her b-day this month ^^...
Arizona, huh? I drove there once...went to the Grand Canyon. Have you two been there together before? If not, that might be a good idea. There's those waterfalls at the heart of the canyon, very beautiful. It's a long hike to it, but you can get there, willing you get a permit from the Indian reservation.

i havent been there, i heard its boring, but i have an idea later on, i might go rent out a cabin in flagstaff during the winter so it snows, that sounds like a mighty fine idea... :biggrinki

asian: clingy sux. thats why i let her call me so i dont become a pain. (its never a bother if she calls me so it works out better that way)

waching: just spend the day with her, and go with her wherever she wants to go. in my experience girls like it when you basically accompany them wherever they want to go. (if theyre in the mood for such)

ryoji: good stuff with the pier idea

thats true, gurls just like there men to be by there side

[Tennyo Hakumei]

Well it's good to see that so many guys believe that they should be active in a relationship, the last boyfriend I had, well we barely went out, he got angry because I never got jealous when I saw them with other girls...well he was the perfect example of a macho jerk once he even told me that the best place for a woman was in the bed and pregnant, of course that after that I broke with the bastard and now I don't why I was with him in the first place and now that I think about it he wasn't like that, he started to act like that after we started the relationship.

Anyway since I broke up with him six months ago I hadn't been in a relationship and well maybe is time I get in one, but this time maybe I shall chose better.

[zanoubia]

i have a problem
i like this guy dan radcliffe . he's really cute and sweet and i just go all red when i see him. wat should i do?

[Donkmue]

My girlfreind and I have been going out for half a year about, we used to see eachother alot, since we go to the same school, but school is out right now. I only see her when I go out and referee soccer and after I check the feilds to see if her brother is playing, and if he is, she is there. But we never really see eachother besides then. I'm not really sure how to set up a date, seeing I am too young to drive and so is she, and her mom works all day, and my dad works all day, and my mom is always off running errends.

[zanoubia]

I need help!!
*points to post on the top*

[asian]

lol, i think you should stop watching harry potter for a while then zan b^_^d.
er...donk, just like...i donno....you don't always have to have a date to see her...maybe just go for a walk with her and talk to her about things.

[zanoubia]

u found out ^_^ i knew u would be the one to tell me that, but
i just wanted to try it out anyway

[asian]

lol i got cha! someone around here is bond to know...and it happened to be me! haha ^_^.

[Tennyo Hakumei]

If it wasn't for the small fact that my love life is non-existant I'll ask advice

[Chih1ro]

I have a huge ****ing relationship problem. I was seeing an up and coming singer while I was in Tokyo...she is truly sweet and awesome, but there are 2 major problems.

1, she lives in Tokyo... I only go back there once or twice per year, so I obviously wont see her much.
2, she will most likely be too well known to have a relationship with a normal boy like me by the next time I see her.
3, she works for my father, and has been told that she'd be fired if she invests time in a relationship....she has to concentrate all her time on practicing...

I really like her, and we had some great times... I lost interest in all other girls because of her....shes cute, very nice, and has a very nice voice. Sure, she used to be a prostitute, but 1 in 5 women between the age of 16-30 in Tokyo are involved in one or more form of sex business so it doesnt really bother me. I cant stop thinking about her :sad: :sad:

Clearly, theres no future of this relationship because it ended when I went back to the US, so I need help forgetting about her. This is the first time I cared about a girl that i was dating in an emotional level, so i need some words of wisdom.

Oh, shes the second person from the left of this picture. I became pretty good friends with the other guys/girl in this band too.





http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y200/moochi635/feature_banner01.jpg

[asian]

wow...i'm really sorry to hear that chihiro...
well...there still could be a future...i mean...nothing is stopping you from contacting her. and just because she's famous doesn't mean she can't be in a relationship with a normal guy...*looks at post*...crap...i'm not helping am i?...*bangs head*

but if you really care for her, just don't think it's over becuase of some problems. if you two really want to be together you'll find a way to work around these things. relationships aren't something that just happens and you never have to work with them. if you want to be together both of you have to work and overcome all the obsticles; no matter how hard they are. if you just give up like this then you'll never know if you really could have had something. just...don't give up. if you don't have faith in her and yourself to get through problems like this then...well...yeah...
she's really beautiful, i hope you can work things out.

[Chih1ro]

Thanks asian, but it just cant work... if we actually lived in the same country, I can see a possibility but... due to the fact that shes half way around the world, it wont be possible. I talked to her recently, and she recently did a TV commercial and was in a TV show of Fuji Television. Shes becoming unreachable now. Trust me, if i was living in Tokyo, Id still be with her despite her fame. But its not fair to her and myself if we try to let this thing drag out. My future lies in the US, hers in Japan. I gotta forget about her and find a girl here.....trust me, I really wish things could work out. But I gotta look at reality here........bleh, this sux...

My only hope is to find a way to bring Rukia into the real world and make babies with her or something.. i dunno.

[asian]

>_<...oh chihiro...we're gonna have to make something to bring rukia to life for you...
but, sometimes over the seas relationships work...but just don't cut her off completely which it sounds like you're doing (no offense). but still...just don't try and forget about her like that *snaps fingers, no noise...snaps again, still no noise...* dammit...*snaps fingers, snap!* okay anyways. just don't try and forget her like some useles information it hurts when you do. just...well...if you don't see her for a while maybe the feelings will just...go away...i donno about you but it happens to me all the time. just don't try and forget about her completely, she sounds like a great friend.

[Darren337]

zanoubia: talk to the guy.

chihiro: dude, im sorry man... ive felt similar pains but never anything THAT bad. listen to some postal service.. i have "nothing better" on loop right now.

[sinkinswimmer]

zanoubia: talk to the guy.


nuff said.

chihiro san... wow. can't say i can relate to anything like that. i can say that i'd rather be in your position than mine at the moment. at least you have half the globe between you. i'd just try to be happy you guys had the time together you did.

by the way,

あなたの友達はきれいです。

[asian]

oh you guys...dan radcliffe is the guy who plays harry potter in the movies. i don't think zan knows him personally...>_<...
...i've ran ou tof wise words to say...not like anything i said was wise....

*looks at japanese*
er...
anatano something something...hakire*ri* (i think that's right...i'm not sure...) desu?

[Shintao]

well from a gurls point of view i would say u should be yourself. there will be a gurl to love u if you be yourself. plus if all dont go well be patient. i would say its all timing and faith.

[zanoubia]

darren thought i actually had a problem ^_^
u need to watch harry potter more....or maybe i have stop watchin it so much.....

[dark_bahamut]

i never had a girlfriend before but i have a friend that's a girl and i kinda like her...

[asian]

do you talk to her? cause...if you like her, even a little bit just talk to her and see if you get more feelings for her.

[Chih1ro]

www.sosuave.com is a man's best friend.

[asian]

*opens mouth* I... *closes mouth* i'm not gonna ask...

[Chih1ro]

Actually, the more accurate link would be http://www.sosuave.net/forum/index.php
The forums answer many of everyone's relationship issues (mostly for guys).

[asian]

chihiro...i...*closes mouth*...nevermind...i'm still not gonna ask.

[Chih1ro]

I seriously have no clue what you want to ask.

[asian]

i seriously have no clue what i'm gonna ask either...something mgiuth just shoot out of me mouth...fingers...whatever...
i have to say though...that's a really...odd...forum...

[Chih1ro]

Its actually a well known forum, as seen by the insane amount of members and posts. It teaches many techniques that I think every man should know. Not just for getting girls, but for life. I know it has helped me in the past, and thousands of others.

[asian]

ah...you sound like your a spokesperson for them...
i can picture it now
::chihiro:: sosuave.net, learn teachniques the right way!

[KuroShinobi]

what i would like to know is what techniques? but on second thought, never mind.. some questions are better not asked!

[Chih1ro]

Various techniques, like how to approach a girl that you never talked to before, how to steal a girl from her current bf, how to not be a shy little bastard, good sex techniques, etc. The number 1 thing is CONFIDENCE. Even if you are not attractive, a guy with a lot of confidence can get you into places.

Do you ever wonder why you sometimes see an ugly guy with a smoking hot girl? Because the guy has confidence, and doesnt let his subpar looks hinder his game.

[KuroShinobi]

wow... now i know why... actually, i've always been wondering about these ugly fat guys having attractive gfs!

[asian]

good sex tenchniques? *rises eyebrow* i mean...<_<...>_>...PG FORUM! haha.

i've never wondered that before. i was always like, hell yeah, go ugly man.

[KuroShinobi]

ahahaha! that also tells me why my bro has a gf and girls falling for him!

[asian]

lol burn on your brother! lol.
what you can find online these days...

[KuroShinobi]

i doubt he goes to those kinda sites chih1ro was talking about cuz if he does, he wouldn't be half the jerk he is.. but money-wise, he's quite nice (like that time he offered to buy the cables for the ps2)!

[asian]

haha maybe that's why all the girls like him.
they want his money.

[KuroShinobi]

i doubt that, his ex-gf was a rich girl! owh, his love life is kinda funny! his ex-ex-gf was a girl always like serving him, pleasing him and buying stuff for him despite she herself hardly having enough to eat(as a student) but he dumped her because he doesn't like that kinda girls! then, he got this rich girl as a gf and he had to serve her like a queen instead (worst thing is i myself have to serve her too!) and she always throw a tantrum! then, he dumped her because he couldn't stand serving her anymore! it's so funny!

[asian]

that's a weird relationshiup problem...
no offense
but your brother is strange.

[KuroShinobi]

non taken.. i guess weirdness run through the family blood!

[asian]

lol, it's a very common thing.
you should be proud of your weirdness!
*waves flag*

[KuroShinobi]

i guess my weirdness is kinda hard to forget! i mean, there's this girl who saw my in the streets who happened to be my friend's friend who i got introduced to actually remembered me on the streets! i guess it's kinda hard too for me to be forgotten!

[asian]

lol, i think that's a good thing. so yes!
but some people have really good memories like that.
or you just made an impression she could never forget.

[KuroShinobi]

i guess there's too much weirdness to be forgotten! here we go again.. off topic!

[asian]

lol, you took the words right out of me mouth...
haah we really are skilled at getting off topic...

[KuroShinobi]

damn! we should make an fc for off-topicness! since we're already off topic, i was just checking thru the do you have a crush thread and found chia's my space posted by mablu and there was your account! nice cheongsam (that's what you call it i think!)!

[asian]

lol, geez people looking at me myspace...<_<...>_>...
cheongsam?
<--confused.

[KuroShinobi]

that's what you were wearing right?

[asian]

er...yes...
i have no clue waht's it called.
i'm so ashamed
i'm part chinese, but i don't know anything
my grandfather must be rolling in his grave
i just brought shame onto the family.
*bows head*

[KuroShinobi]

hahaha! how did you get it? don't tell me you bought it?!

[asian]

it was my sister's, i donno how she got it though...
she's the whitest one in the family...
maybe...she...no..no...

we're so off topic...^_^*

[KuroShinobi]

despite that, we still go on! bwahahahaha!

[asian]

lol, yeah, we do.
i think we need a special section just for us to go off topic.

[KuroShinobi]

haha! the off-topic fanclub! i'll go make it!

[asian]

lol, you're actually gonna make one?

[KuroShinobi]

haha! of course not! i think we better get back to the original topic!

[asian]

lol, i'll never know with you ^_^*
okay okay...back to topic...back to topic...
someone post a problem!

[KuroShinobi]

Dr.KuroShinobi will attend to all relationship problems! I got a degree in talking crap but a doctor's a doctor! i deserve as much respect as all other crap-talking doctors!

[asian]

lol, yes, everyone respect kuro-san.
now, i'm the real realtionship doctor! *poses*

[KuroShinobi]

yea! and i m just here to make your problems go worse! and occasionally talk a patient to commiting suicide!

[asian]

O.O...o.o...okay...okay...everyone just stay...stay calm and...and...DEAR BUDDHA RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

[KuroShinobi]

i'm just here to bring piss(peace)!

[asian]

lol. *everyone stops running, but keeps far distance from kuro*

[KuroShinobi]

>_< *sniff... sniff* why is everyone staying away from me?! all i want is to make a few people to kill themselves and tear down a few relationship! is that too much to ask?! *cries*

[asian]

lol *pats head* i guess it is. gomen nasai...

...no matter how hard we try...we always end up going off topic, even if it's just by a little..

[KuroShinobi]

ehehehe... be proud! you must have special skills to do that! no everyone could do such a thing no matter how hard they try!

[asian]

lol, finally! something we're not noobs at! *throws confetti*
well, this asians going to sleep, something else i'm not a noob at!
:doindadom

[KuroShinobi]

how could anyone be a noob at sleeping but sweet dreams, neways

[sinkinswimmer]

well... i heard back from my ex... she was apologetic, cause there was a bit of an edge to her words in the last email she sent me... she said (again) she's been thinking a lot about us in the past... also, she said she's not certain about her current boy toy... (the one she left me for, no less) ... thoughts? anyone? i'm still uncertain as to what to make of it.

[asian]

i'm telling you man, second thoguhts. at lot of people have them after breaking up.

[KuroShinobi]

the thing is whether you still love her and you don't mind her cheating on you which she may do, go with her... but if you don't have the slightest feelings for her, you'll just let her be with her current. but then again, her feelings for you may be true... most people just dump their current for another one to find that he or she still loves the old one.. well, another great mysteries of life...

[sinkinswimmer]

well, i do still have feelings for her, but i don't want to be with her if she's gonna cheat on me... i don't know... *head explodes*

[asian]

just think it over and do what you truley belive is right.
no head explody...
that's gir's job.

[KuroShinobi]

yea.. like what asian said, follow your heart!

asian! you've gotta ruin my goal of making people kill themselves! *sniff* all i ever wanted was to... *sniff*

[asian]

lol i'm sorry kuro! *walks you into room of highly depressed people*
have fun!

[Darren337]

yes not everything related to relationships is a total drag. anyone got any happy points to touch on?

[Meiko]

My goldfish died today! FINALLY!

[Darren337]

My goldfish died today! FINALLY!
o_O



...and in other news...

[asian]

lol...
poor fishy...
*looks around*...nothing else to say...

[netorcs]

Relationships are wonderful things.. sometimes they are a complicated things but they fill parts of you that you forget you have.

[KuroShinobi]

like all other things in life, relationships have it's bad and good parts.

[slowjoe69]

For all those that care i just got ingaged last weekend that is if you care i don't know why you would though.

[Chih1ro]

I care, congratz buddy!

[netorcs]

Congratulations Slowjoe!

[asian]

aww horrray! *throws confetti*

[Darren337]

cool, some happy relationship news!

[Chih1ro]

To change the subject, im officially done with my ex.

[Darren337]

To change the subject, im officially done with my ex.

the singer in tokyo?

[Chih1ro]

aye. ill see her again next time i go to tokyo, but it will just be a friends type thing.

[Zim394]

uh huh...ya right...

[netorcs]

What happened Chihiro?? Or did you just decide this?

[Zim394]

dude!?!?!?!?!?! if ur a he why do u have a pic of ashton kutcher (off topic)... ya and when did u decide this?

[KuroShinobi]

Hey... Good point, Zim!

[asian]

chihiro has a picture of ashton because he thinks ashton is awesome.

anyways...i don't really know what to say about that...

[Chih1ro]

You guys are silly. Ashton is awesome, thats why i have him as my avatar. Isnt it obvious? It even says "Im awesome!" on it... pssh, people these days....

[asian]

ha, see? i was right, now where the hell's my cookie?

[Chih1ro]

Actually, the real reason why i have Ashton as my avatar is because i hate him so much due to his stupidity. If you ever saw the episode of Saturday Night Live where they made fun of Ashon, you will understand why I have the quote, "Im Ashton Kutcher! Im AWESOME!!!". It was one of the funniest SNL episodes ive seen, so i decided to use it as my avatar. The myth has finally been revealed.

[asian]

haha psh, i don't watch Tv anymore. i've been cut off from the real world that doesn't include anime.

[Darren337]

ashton actually looked quite intelligent in butterfly but oh well, i guess he's just a good actor.

anyway back on topic, good luck staying friends with that girl... best of luck man.

[asian]

i don't think it would be a problem...cause...i donno...but...i'm not helping...
psh, i'll just stop now...

[Darren337]

depending on how strong the feelings are, it may be really difficult to just be a friend... trust me, i know.

[asian]

yeah i know...
but i used to have strong feelings for one of my friends and he knew but we're still cool...

[Darren337]

when it works out its really cool. my experience like that back in high school didnt end so happily.

[asian]

that sucks man.
yeah...it sucks when stuff like that happens...

[sinkinswimmer]

ashton actually looked quite intelligent in butterfly but oh well, i guess he's just a good actor.


i suppose he was... but for someone who was supposed to be a genius (in the movie), you'd think he'd understand that you can't change the past without changing the future... sorry, that's the uber nerd in me coming out.

as for things working out with friends... never happened for me in high school. i imagine i took too long to tell them so they decided to find someone else.

chihiro, sorry to hear it didn't work out. but it's good to keep in touch.

and in other news, my ex and i are still communicating through email, and the emails are becoming more frequent back and forth. like 2 each in a week now... not to mention we're sorta flirting back and forth in our emails... i've decided that if it happens, i'm willing to give things another try, so my main question now is: should i tell her i've been thinking about getting back together? or not? *more confusion*

[asian]

eh, if it was me, i'd wait until they said something about it. but then again...she might not say anything so you would have to take the initiative...
< not he;lping again...
okay so anyways! wait a while, if she doesn't say anything, bring it up.

[Darren337]

sink: did you see time machine? same idea as butterfly: it wasnt about being able to change the past, it was about TRYING against all reason.

as for your ex, i say wait until it seems pretty sure that she's thinking about that whole getting back together thing.

above all be careful.

[sinkinswimmer]

yes, i did see time machine. it was the same concept. and yeah... i guess i should wait to see if she does or says more that she's thinking about it too...

[sinkinswimmer]

wow... double posting... at least it's not in the same day... i think i killed this thread. so now i'll try to bring it back.

well, i just spent an hour with my ex at starbucks. (Coffee EVIL!!! I had tea!!!) At first I was pretty bitter and wasn't sure what to expect, nervous as all hell too. But as we sat and talked, I was becoming more and more glad I was getting to see her. By the time we parted I essentially realized that I DO want her back. Her boy toy called and I could tell it wasn't a good call, cause she got visibly upset during the call. Fortunately things moved back into the same light atmosphere as they were before. We flirted a lot right before we both left.... we've been talking about doing a pretty nice dinner since she's gonna give me a phone for my kid sister. ... and now the dinner is more concrete, only lacking a specific date (though there is a good timeframe).

Well, that novel aside. I'm fairly certain she's getting sick of her current relationship, and I know I have a good shot of taking her back. But my main problem is, I don't know the best way to go about it. Cause if I just turn around and say, "Hey, I want you back." or something equally as corny, I'll pretty much blow any chance I had of getting her back. I know I should probably try to play a gradually increasing part in her life, but I don't know how to go about that. Any suggestions from the ladies? Insight from all is welcome.

[Sandal Hat]

My only advice is proceed cautiously because you are stepping into hostile ground.Just wait for the right moment on your *date* and when you think you guyz are sharing alot of vibes look her in the eyes and just stick your tongue as far into her throat as it can possibly go then make sure you aren't out of condom :)

[sinkinswimmer]

lol, thanks sandal hat. i'll see if it works. well, i guess i really did kill this thread. it's ok guys, i can take a hint.

[asian]

bringing back old thread! CB needs to be revived!
anyone got any problems?

[sinkinswimmer]

ok guys. i could use some advice. i don't need help. on the contrary. i'd like to be able to help a friend of mine. she's going through some rough times. she posted a pretty depressing piece of prose in her AIM profile and that's how i know about it. she hasn't told me what's going on directly, but i'd still like to help.

is there a way i can bring it up without making her feel like i invaded her privacy? if i say, "hey, i saw your profile the other day, is everything alright?" is that entering potentially dangerous territory? i mean... consider her own ups and downs at the moment, i just want to be sure i'm not gonna cross any lines in the process of trying to help. any ideas?

[Sahiden]

Just talk to her, but don't start asking what's wrong right away. You first ask about random things, then you try asking something on a subject that could trigger a reaction that seems the same as the one you read. Then you ask her what's wrong... And there you go with the conv.

Normally, looking at profiles isn't a dangerous step, nor is bringing them up in a conversation, but you never know with depressed people. So try walking the safe road and try figuring it out through a normal conversation.

(If she's really depressed, you need to make her feel like she isn't alone... You need to support her in any way you can. Because a depression really can get to you... I know all about that. Offcourse, as you said, you don't really know what's wrong with her. So you can't fix the problem unless you talk with her about it. In a depression it's really helpfull for a depressed person to know that the person isn't alone in the world, and that other people want to help solving maybe even an very personal problem.)

Other than that... I really can't come up with any advice right now. (I just woke up) So all I still can say is: good luck

[Darren337]

i agree with sahiden's advice. and i would like to augment it as such.

look at what you know:
- there's a problem and she's depressed.
- you have no idea how to help and IF she even wants help
- she posted what i would call "a cry for help" but you dont know if she wants an answer.

looking at this from a purely logical and strategic standpoint, i would say talk to her as normal, but do so with a little more interest in how she's doing. ask her how her day was, or how its been so far. if you dont talk that often, ask her how she's been since you last talked. basically try to keep the focus of the conversation on her.

this is a difficult thing to do at times, because many people will do all they can to avoid being put on the spot, but its always good to try. with any luck, she may open up to you.

note: whatever you do, dont pry, dont force and dont insessantly beg to know. if she politely (or even impolitely) tells you off, take a step back and leave her space. as i would say, just bend to their will (within reason) and that usually helps.

[sinkinswimmer]

^^ thanks for the advice guys. i just asked her how things were and she opened up right away... we generally talk through email and she usually takes a couple days to get back to me, but this time she got back to me in the same day...

i'd post an excerpt, but it's sorta long. here's what she had to say.... given in a "point by point" style

-she consistently wonders if her current relationship is worthwhile
-she's scared he's gonna cheat on her
-just yesterday she was seriously considering leaving him
-he does things that suggest he doesn't take their relationship seriously
-a couple days ago she stopped by his work and was gonna surprise him and say hi. he was blatantly flirting with a co worker whom he has admitted to liking.
-she cried a lot after seeing that
-she's essentially at the breaking point and would normally come see me in person, but the bf is a prick and doesn't want her to see any other guys. for any reason

i want to just call her and tell her that seeing him openly flirt with another woman when he doesn't think she's around confirms all the doubts she's having about this guy.... but i've never trusted this guy from day one and she knows that. i'm worried that if i try to give her advice on what a creep he is, she'll just disregard it as the same old, same old. (though i haven't voiced any complaints about him in a while.) how do i tell her it's time to move on? i've known her for years and i've never seen her get this low. i mean... she trusts me enough to tell me what's going on, so there must be something i can do, right?

[Sahiden]

Use this:

A very good friend of mine (Sahiden from the forum CB) had a boyfriend like that, she knew, but didn't take action because she was afraid she would never find someone she could love again. In the end he broke up with her, because some other chick he slept with had a better ass...
She was devastated, but in the end she agreed she should have left him years earlier. Nobody deserves to be treated like that. It's injust, ridiculously injust.

(edit: Funny thing is: this is a true story...)

[Darren337]

I'm picking the name of a friend of mine just to use as a place holder so you can get an idea of what you COULD say. this is what i would do, since ive run into a similar situation.

"denise i know you have feelings for him, but look at the facts, youve caught him flirting, he admits to liking other girls, and while its completely ok for him to flirt, youre not allowed to even TALK to other guys for whatever reason. does that sound anywhere near fair? i know i sound like a broken record, but think of it as the squeaky wheel instead... i dont feel good telling you this but you probably feel worse because youre in this situation."

so yeah i just played out a template for you. rehearse that if you want, change it up, do your own thing... point is show that you care. make it seem like even if only as a friend, you truly care for her well being and that seeing her in her current condition is distressing.

[sinkinswimmer]

both good suggestions. this is essentially what i ended up saying... there's other stuff, but it pertains to stuff i didn't include originally... so i left it out.

This worries me. You shouldn't be in a position that upsets and confuses you so much. You may have already done so, but you should really try to talk to Steve about how you feel. It really upsets me to hear what you're going through right now. I really don't know what to say, but if you ever need anything, just let me know.

And if you happen to let it slip when you tend to study at UNLV, I might be able to bump into you on "accident." But I don't want to cause you any problems either. So whatever you feel comfortable with.

I'm glad you appreciate my patience and that you feel you can trust me enough to share what's going on in your life. I just wish I had been more patient with you in the past. Please keep me informed as to the state of your situation. I want to know if things get any better or worse. Do take care of yourself.


EDIT: Oh, I forgot. She usually takes a while to write me back. But this is twice in a row that she's responded by the end of the same day. I doubt it actually means anything... but it is confusing me a bit. Just thought I'd share.

[Darren337]

ok first i'd like to commend you on a very good way to try and comfort her in writing. secondly the greater speed in which she is respoding you can probably be traced to one particular thing: you used to say you didnt like this guy she's with. maybe she's starting to believe your old words. PLUS she trusts you, and since you are willing to talk and help her with the whole thing, she is more likely to get in touch with you quicker, as the conversation now holds higher priority with her.

[sinkinswimmer]

^^ i got commended. i'm quite flattered >_<

yeah. i think she's starting to trust me more and more. but with that trust, i have be careful not to betray it. cause i absolutely want to just tell her ditch the guy. but that's generally counter-productive. i've discovered it's generally more productive to be supportive until she figures things out on her own.

[Darren337]

Girls are stubborn with guys in general... or so ive come to that conclusion, however invalid that may be. anyway just keep the same level of... hmmm... concern. dont tell her to dump the guy flat out unless she asks you for your dead honest opinion and and you warn her that you dont feel good saying it even tho its what you really feel.

[sinkinswimmer]

i can't say anything about a girl being stubborn, cause i have a tendency to be pretty bad like that myself at times. and concern is a good way to put it. but it's hard to keep calm and just sit back and watch with objective advice when you know they deserve to be with someone better. *sigh* but who you chose to date and continue dating is a decision that everyone deserves to make for themselves. that way if it turns out to be a mistake, it's at least their own mistake.

[Darren337]

i completely agree with you, and i understand you frustration with having to hold your tongue so to say. you just want to take the reigns and call it quits FOR HER... just so she can be happy.

sidenote: yes you are stubborn, as am i. and i gauge the stubbornness of the girls around be against my self. damn they are pretty stubborn.

meanwhile just keep the same routine going. what will happen is eventually you will break her down. she will no longer be able to lie to herself with you being so calmly honest to her.

[sinkinswimmer]

yeah. the hardest part right now isn't being calm, but being patient. everything will just keep building up until reaches a breaking point. the way things have been lately, i can only imagine that it's gonna happen soon.

lol at the sidenote. fair enough.

[General Cox]

Im going through it at the moment as well, all i knwo is that it feels utterly s**t, she keeps going off at me over the littlest things atm and its taking so much effort to be the bigger person and let it slide, hopefully itll be worth it in the end :)

[Darren337]

good luck to the both of you. having patience for the ppl you care about (any and all, friends family and your signifigant other) is something that takes time and a LOT of effort sometimes... well worth it, yet sometimes thats a fact you can only see after the event.

[General Cox]

i know the feeling completely, just wish sometimes they would also do it back :/

be nice to see if i was getting anywhere as well, whether to throw in the towel or keep going, but then if i knew the future id probably mange to f*** it up somehow anywho :D

[crazy_shinigami v2]

i wish "she" does like me.[who is she?u want to know?she is my classmate lol]
but it seems like she hate me more than anything[duh]

[Sahiden]

Hate probably isn't the right word here... unless you managed to upset her a lot of times in a row.
But if you like her, you should try to make contact with her, talk to her.
You don't have to start about love or anything immediatly, just try being a friend.
Wishes like these aren't just wishes, they are only wishes because you want them to be, because you're the only one who can change the situation. (She isn't going to come to you, you know...)

I kinda had the same situation a few years ago. (boy did I screw that up... I'm really lucky she's still a friend of mine. But I grew up and now I know what I shouldn't have done.)

[crazy_shinigami v2]

lol
maybe its true
but, it still cant be helped
she didn't even want to talk to me
i donno why
and i didn't remember if there are anything i did that upset her
lol
its god will whatever would happen between she and me

[strydr]

there is this girl i like, to me she is the most ultimate perfect person for me.
We have a very little in common, she loves the beach, i dont, she likes the parties, i dont, i like card games, she doesnt. we are the perfect opposites.
we often send each other sms's and letters - i am a little of a poet, and she likes the poems.
we have both confessed to liking each other and i know that i am deeply in love with her - and i know she loves me i can feel it.
One of the problems is that she is 2 years younger, i am 17 she is 15. she was a party animal/drug user when i met her, but she has changed in this past year and has become a girl you could marry, she is clean nowadays. everyone tells me the timing is wrong , does age matter???
She says she doesnt want a boyfriend because she doesnt want to hurt the other guy who likes her, i think that is bull - my theory is "you have to hurt to love - nothing is perfect."
so between us we are nothing to each other, but we do like each other - and are not allowed to like other people - so what are we???
but today we went out alone together just for a milkshake, and then i called her when i got home and she said that she didnt want to mess up our friendship and that she didnt want a boyfriend for the next few years - should i still think about our relationship or should i be out looking for other girls - (another thing about me, is i am mature about relationships and i am not a player - and i dont often find a girl who wants to be serious, or the right girl.)

Can anyone give me their soul opinion on this - i am begging you give me some sort of good advice - i am a little heartsore right now so... dont mess.

[sinkinswimmer]

she has her reasons for not wanting to date anyone right now. if you really like her, you'll respect that. you can't force anything on her. what you do from here is your choice. you could keep hanging out, having fun and just take it from there. or you could find some other girl to date. or... something entirely different. whatever would make you happier.

EDIT: timing is very important. the biggest mistake for young people is to rush into a committed relationship before they're ready.

[General Cox]

know the feeling, me and my ex did the waiting game kinda thing and took things as we felt comfortable, but we split up becuase she though we were being "weird", tbh i wasnt really noticing much difference, but we kept kinda seeing each other, then some things came to the surface three weeks ago and now she wants a break, i know i need to give her her space to work things out, but its the hardest thing iv ever done to let her do this

my problem is how do you know when it is over?

[sinkinswimmer]

well, you're in a weird place. maybe you didn't think things were weird between you, but maybe things never really felt right to her. if she starts dating someone else. it's over. .... btw, how old are you two?

[Darren337]

not to kill the help line, but if im not mistaken stryder you already came to a decsion yes? *hehehe*

well just in case, you can continue the discussion in here to your heart's content. help is only a request away.

[General Cox]

well im 18 and she is 17, i know bit too young for serious relationships, but then i dont really take age into account any more (unless they are like really young or really old thats just wrong!) ooo im 19 in uder a month ^_^

[crazy_shinigami v2]

age doesn't matter
what matters is what our feelings to the person we like and what hers
if it is true love,
it wont make any difference

[Darren337]

age doesn't matter
what matters is what our feelings to the person we like and what hers
if it is true love,
it wont make any difference


age doesnt matter unles youre 25 and she's 14... hahaha. you see the love is the most important part, but also you have to consider will the love you two have for eachother withstand any problems you may occur from being together.

when i went out with a girl 2 years younger than me her mom was the biggest problem. not only because she wasnt that keen on her daughter dating a guy 2 years older than her daughter, but she was (and probably still is) a control freak. im pretty sure that woman (i say woman and NOT lady for a reason) is bi polar if not something similar

[strydr]

well now if i kinda want to move on to find another girl where do you find good people nowadays, where i live all the girls are really not nice - Darren337 and G-Cox i met the previous girl a year ago when we in the same tour group(her name is Ra, and i am the serious type, that's why its been a year, cause i tend to take my time - i have never not had a serious relationship), but where would you find decent girls these days, not clubs, not some random place, and you cant just walk up to a nice looking girl and ask her out... can you?
I go to an all boys school, my previous serious girl friend was in junior primary - that's me! So i dont just find girls that easily, once i have one i tend to cling and attach, maybe thats my problem.

[sinkinswimmer]

Age is an issue until you're about 23, or 24. I wasn't talking about age difference, just their ages out of curiousity. Most people don't really come into their own until after they live by themselves for a while. So all I'm trying to say is that even if you're very mature at 17, 18, or whatever age, the both of you will continue grow and change. Maybe you'll grow even closer, or maybe you'll grow apart. There's no real way to know in advance.

[crazy_shinigami v2]

the most suitable difference of age between we and our lover is 1-6 years[dont care older or younger]
just like my mom and dad who married when my dad was 25 and my mom was 19[they know each other since they r in secondary school n when they got work they married]
and theres another man i know who married a woman aged 40 and he is 25
so whats the matter with age?[just if the girl u loved is still studying, give her time to let her study until she got a work and can marry u]

[sinkinswimmer]

so whats the matter with age?

I wasn't talking about age difference, just their ages out of curiousity.

Let me say it again. I wasn't bringing up age to make age difference an issue. I was bringing it up out curiousity.

[crazy_shinigami v2]

actually i wanna reply it to darren but i forgot to click at the reply button at his post.
sorry if i made you confused

[Sunfire249]

To Strydr

Really, age shouldn't matter. If you really seriously DO think you like/love this person, then try it out. But... I think you should give her some space when she asks you "I don't want to be in a relationship". But then again, she might be ignoring you for a reason so... Iunno.

But, when she gets to age 18, I think you can start making a "move" on her. Not too much, don't crowd her. But you know. Just have normal conversations and stuff and she might start to like you ^_^ I'm fairly bad at giving advice about this kind of topic but... I hope it helps ^_^;;;

[crazy_shinigami v2]

love is the most beautiful thing in r life
even if there r any age difference, losing them is like losing r life

[sinkinswimmer]

actually i wanna reply it to darren but i forgot to click at the reply button at his post.
sorry if i made you confused


hahaha, ok then. that makes a bit more sense now. :sad:

[Darren337]

ah, a small consolation on a topic that is to help guide us through a phenomenon that makes absolutely no sense, hehehe

[crazy_shinigami v2]

what if:
you had a crush with a girl,be her boyfriend, then she broke up x 99
[fell in love then broke up for 99 times and still single, how does it feel?lol]

[Darren337]

depends on the person... some people do that becuase they are social butterflies, and never settle down. others throw everything they can at the first person that shows interest and when it falls apart they tell themselves "the next one" and try again, only to have the same results.

[crazy_shinigami v2]

that is a boring life

[asian]

asians got one...
i like this guy...i'll call him moose. i liked moose all last year and i thought i was over him but i guess not. and sometimes it seems like he likes me as well...
but i also like this other guy...i'll call him llama. i liked llama since school started but he's going to homecoming with a girl. so i'm stuck in the middle...and don't know what to do...
i still like moose but i don't want to take a chance and ruin our friendship.
i like llama but he doesn't like me more than a friend...
it's like they're playing tug-o-war...and i can't get on one side...

any suggestions?

[Darren337]

slowly see if you can get moose to come around if you know for certain you dont have a chance with llama

[crazy_shinigami v2]

search ur feelings, there always r answers

[sinkinswimmer]

asians got one...
i like this guy...i'll call him moose. i liked moose all last year and i thought i was over him but i guess not. and sometimes it seems like he likes me as well...
but i also like this other guy...i'll call him llama. i liked llama since school started but he's going to homecoming with a girl. so i'm stuck in the middle...and don't know what to do...
i still like moose but i don't want to take a chance and ruin our friendship.
i like llama but he doesn't like me more than a friend...
it's like they're playing tug-o-war...and i can't get on one side...

any suggestions?

watch out for llamas, they spit! hehe. :eek13:

ok seriously now. well, llama does seem out of the picture at least from what you've shared. going for moose would be a good way to get llama off your mind. but if things fall through, your friendship will be awkward for a while afterwards. i can understand your situation. well. if you're sure you like moose, i say grab him by the horns.

umm.... look at it this way. if you give it a shot and it doesn't work out, at least you tried. if it don't try it, you'll sit and wonder about what might have been. which would you prefer?

[Darren337]

watch out tho, moose are eight feet tall and known to act very unpredictably. *hehe*

[crazy_shinigami v2]

asian, what matter is ur feelings.who do u love the most?

[strydr]

To Strydr

Really, age shouldn't matter. If you really seriously DO think you like/love this person, then try it out. But... I think you should give her some space when she asks you "I don't want to be in a relationship". But then again, she might be ignoring you for a reason so... Iunno.

But, when she gets to age 18, I think you can start making a "move" on her. Not too much, don't crowd her. But you know. Just have normal conversations and stuff and she might start to like you ^_^ I'm fairly bad at giving advice about this kind of topic but... I hope it helps ^_^;;;

hey thanx a lot - she is still, young, and i really dont understand girls, like today (her name is Ra) Ra called me to ask me what i was doin, but we r in a "kinda break-up" phase, since we didnt go out before, just friends who like each other, but...

i asked ra this so many times but she didnt want to answer, because of stupid reasons but maybe someone can give it a title -
we are friends, we have both admitted to liking each other, about 3 months ago we made a promise to see each other once a week... and we are not allowed to see other people.
So what are we??? - this is not a riddle :face82:

[crazy_shinigami v2]

u r not allowed to see other peoplez?[nah, doesnt care anymore]
i think thats love but kinda not really in good shape

[strydr]

well when i asked her how she would feel if i did go out with another girl she said that she would feel hurt, so i thought,'' i dont wanna hurt her.'' - so by that process i thought we couldnt go out with other people, and because we told each other that we like each other - this relationship stuff is dead complicated!

[crazy_shinigami v2]

it is complicated thought,
but where a will theres a hope
these r the last thing u could do if it doesnt work up:
1-broke up with her, u r not fated to be with her[if it is]
2-just wait until she gets 20[but this is more complicated ]
3- leave her alone until she made a decision
4-kill urself, end of every problems[but this is just joking , dont ever do this lol]

[strydr]

it is complicated thought,
but where a will theres a hope
these r the last thing u could do if it doesnt work up:
1-broke up with her, u r not fated to be with her[if it is]
2-just wait until she gets 20[but this is more complicated ]
3- leave her alone until she made a decision
4-kill urself, end of every problems[but this is just joking , dont ever do this lol]

2 - i think this girl maybe the 1, i know i am too young to say that but it feels like "real love"

[crazy_shinigami v2]

so keep on going then until she is ready.

[strydr]

i did it for a year - that's being her friend, but i cant control my feelings - what the hell how do i stop liking her - start liking other girls???

[crazy_shinigami v2]

start liking othr gurls- not a wrong thing to do
coz u cant really predict what will happen next right?[like she has another,well i dont wanna broke ur heart then]
if u really want to start liking other gurls then, dont judge a book by its cover
there r many good for nothing type of girls in this world

[asian]

see it's not as easy as it seems...cause moose isn't ready for a relationship yet. and llama, well sometimes it seems like he likes me and...yeah...
crazy, i can't throw that word around so easily. i don't love either of them, i like both of them a lot. love is just something i can't say right now.

[strydr]

well to everyone before ...
What if you figure out that you like a previous girlfriend (or in my case a girlfriend to be) 's sister - what do you do??
In the case of twins, what do you do??

not that i am moving onto the next one so quickly - just out of matter of intrest what would you do ?? ^^^^^

[Darren337]

sister - damn thats a tough one. you have to be very careful about a move like that. going out with her sister can LOOK LIKE (i emphasize this because this is most likely NOT why you like her sister) either youre a man slut and will just get the next one over, or you're just trying to get closer to her by going out with her sister.

twins - ...uhm.... dont get them mixed up... hehehe.

[crazy_shinigami v2]

well to everyone before ...
What if you figure out that you like a previous girlfriend (or in my case a girlfriend to be) 's sister - what do you do??
In the case of twins, what do you do??

not that i am moving onto the next one so quickly - just out of matter of intrest what would you do ?? ^^^^^

if i go out with my sister[well, to make it dramatic so i say separated while we were little and we dont know each other] its still make sense if i still dont know
who she is.but if i already know the truth, i shall ask my parents why were we separated[like our family r too poor to take care of more than one children so they leave her at the orphan's house or they r not my real parents]
and if i ever did "something" with her, i will commit suicide coz of my sin n before that i'll say sorry to her coz i have no rights for her

[strydr]

that is some serious stuff Crazy - but does that happen in your country

hey to tell every one that i am gonna move on, and gonna try to get over Ra i cant deal with her afraidness - she is so scared of hurtin someone that she cant move forward, i gave her Onegai Teacher to watch and she still doesnt get the idea - and for those who have seen onegai teacher - she doesnt get the idea that love isnt perfect you have to hurt - it is just a process!

[sinkinswimmer]

see it's not as easy as it seems...cause moose isn't ready for a relationship yet. and llama, well sometimes it seems like he likes me and...yeah...
crazy, i can't throw that word around so easily. i don't love either of them, i like both of them a lot. love is just something i can't say right now.

ah. again. not a very fun place to be right now. but trust me on this, high school boys are stupid and they don't really know what they want yet. so don't try to lean one way or the other, just try to have fun if you can. if that even makes sense at all. :sad:

[strydr]

i wanna know what everyone thinks - cause i feel a little bad that i did but without noticing...
I liked this girl (everyone probably knows her by now cause i talk about her so often), i call her Ra. now when i met Ra she was not a good state. she was involved in a lot of partying and a lot of drugs, but if she wasnt with her bad-influencing friends she was cool, a very nice person, someone you could tell something to and she used to think about it before letting it go through the other ear (and i know this cause i was with her on tour to malaysia for 3 weeks). So when we came back to SA, i went to visit her often and one night i phoned her to find out how she was, and she told me, crying, that she made a big mistake, so i told her to go to sleep.
So next morning i gave her a piece of my mind and asked her some serious questions to do with her life, so she decided to listen to me and told me that from that moment on she was gonna stay clean (she only listened to what i had to say cause she liked me) - but she went partying on new years and made another mistake, so i went to her house and confronted her and asked her what she wanted out of life - she eventually said that she would really stay clean. from that our relationship went smooth, i wrote her a 14 page letter telling her that i like her (i actually dont remember what i wrote - all that i wrote the last 2 pages were about her). i sent her most of my favourite music and she loved it.
But this is how she is now - she is drug free, party free, and likes the music i like.
Me - i am drug free, i am party free, i like my music.
So.. have i created my own special person, because she knows me best.
But i dont like certain things she does, like surfing, bodyboarding, the beach, marching bands - i support her to do the things she want, but she doesnt want to lately without reason. - so i broke it off (that wasnt the only reason). i want her to become her own person, not the person i want her to become - because right now i feel as if i have created this person who is for me perfect, but by pushing her in the right directions - it is almost as if i have programmed my own Persocoon(like in chobits) - i really dont feel right.
Someone tell me what they think

[General Cox]

you havent created her as your perfect person, you have got her clean, out of drugs with some hard, personal discussions with her. Thats not getting her to be your person, thats something any good friend should be doing. We all know drugs ruin peoples lives (watch trainspotting if you dont know, its pretty close to truth), and you got her out and from what we know, she wanted to be with you

You dont actually know why she stopped doing those things, there could have been other reasons that you dont know about and she didnt want to tell you about. have you tried talking to her about how you feel about her becoming your perfect person?

[strydr]

actually now that i think about it - i havent, that is one thing i didnt. but i will try, i am kinda in the moving on phase so give it a month or so, but ya i should, and thanx for the advice g-cox
i appreciate it

[strydr]

been wondering - how do you get over someone, cause the more you think about NOT thinkin about the person, the more think about them, and you cant exactly not think bout them when a romantic song comes on, its just there all these feelings, what the hell do you do with them, they arent goin away. And she makes it a ton heavier sending all these love sms's and stuff, so what does one do in this situation. I cant stop my feelings but maybe i am not trying hard enough...

[Darren337]

been wondering - how do you get over someone, cause the more you think about NOT thinkin about the person, the more think about them, and you cant exactly not think bout them when a romantic song comes on, its just there all these feelings, what the hell do you do with them, they arent goin away. And she makes it a ton heavier sending all these love sms's and stuff, so what does one do in this situation. I cant stop my feelings but maybe i am not trying hard enough...

while its probably not the healthiest of methods, i tend to think about them on purpose... just like anything, if you do it enough, it can begin to bore you. you can play out a song, or get tired of eating the same food day in and day out. i used the same logic to rid myself of thoughts of my ex.

[General Cox]

i honestly dunno mate, im ment to be doing it just now, but its not going well for me at the moment :/ maybe theres a manual on this sorta thing, cause i aint no good at it.

sorry got a bit sidetraked at love sms which, because im tired, i had to look at a couple of times to stop seeing what i thought it was :p

[Ino]

been wondering - how do you get over someone, cause the more you think about NOT thinkin about the person, the more think about them, and you cant exactly not think bout them when a romantic song comes on, its just there all these feelings, what the hell do you do with them, they arent goin away. And she makes it a ton heavier sending all these love sms's and stuff, so what does one do in this situation. I cant stop my feelings but maybe i am not trying hard enough...

Umm, ok, so did you break up or something? Because if so, then why is she sending you love sms?

[strydr]

Umm, ok, so did you break up or something? Because if so, then why is she sending you love sms?

Well if you read anything before this post that i have written, you could get the whole story, but for you... ok... shortened version
We were friends that liked each other, who admitted to it, i was ready she wasnt,i wanted to be a couple she didnt(i think it has something to do with her parent's divorce or something, Oh yes, she didnt want to hurt a guy who liked her b4, wait the same time i liked her - you can get a better idea if you read previous posts), we remained friends but lately she has been sending me signals of wanting something(which were way off), but i cant handle just friends, so now i am trying to get over her so that i can accept her as more a friend than a GIRLFRIEND.
But afta i told her that i need a break, she sends me all these messages about missing me and stuff. I seriously dont wanna hear anything, cause like today my cousin told me that he saw her with the other guy(whose heart she didnt want to break), i feel kinda pissed, she told me that that guy is just a friend, maybe i shouldnt be so jealous, maybe i should accept that i am and will be alone for sometime, cant help that - i already sent her off.
If you wanna hear a whole lot more about my situation, tell me, i got a lot of problems.
I Like darrens idea of getting bored of her, sounds like an idea, ill try it, and
G - Cox i am with you on this one - i cant stop these feelings.

[Darren337]

the only other advice i can offer you is MAKE SURE YOU KNOW WHAT SHE WANTS. if she wants you for sure and NOT this other guy, then dont try and get over her, tell her how you get mixed signals by har actions. is she's just jerking your chain and trying to keep you around her, then take my previous advice.

[Ino]

Ok, now I get it. This is quite complicated. =( *pats* Yes, maybe the 'getting bored' thing will work - you will forget your feelings for her at some point anyway - but you can't just will them away. It will take time. I know that's not a solution, but it's the truth. My other instinct would be to ask her to stop sending you messages like that, but she could take that the wrong way and it could damage your friendship. Perhaps, if you want to be completely single and free for a while, then focus on the benefits of that - you don't have to see them all the time, you can flirt with whoever you want, and there are no messy break-ups to deal with. I hope that is helpful in any way. ^^;

[jodec123]

Originally Posted by General Cox
i honestly dunno mate, im ment to be doing it just now, but its not going well for me at the moment :/ maybe theres a manual on this sorta thing, cause i aint no good at it.

ya, Relationships for Dummies...........i could use that (hangs head and sighs)

[sinkinswimmer]

been wondering - how do you get over someone, cause the more you think about NOT thinkin about the person, the more think about them, and you cant exactly not think bout them when a romantic song comes on, its just there all these feelings, what the hell do you do with them, they arent goin away. And she makes it a ton heavier sending all these love sms's and stuff, so what does one do in this situation. I cant stop my feelings but maybe i am not trying hard enough...

find someone else. just hang out, date, whatever. who cares? do whatever you're comfortable with. and before you know it, this new person will help take your mind off the old one.... *rebound*

[crazy_shinigami v2]

i like a girl n she hates me
its obvious coz i know why, he had an asshole as his bf.DAMIT!
why r girls nowaday likes assholes pretty much?

[sinkinswimmer]

oh my.... you want the long answer or the short answer?

[crazy_shinigami v2]

just any answer u wish to tell

[sinkinswimmer]

ok. i think the universally accepted answer is....

no one knows

ha! i kid. i'm sooo tired and should be going to bed...

anyways, i think there's a number of possible explanations, but seeing as how i'm tired, and more importantly, i'm not a girl... i'm probably not a very reliable source. i'll see if i can't collect my thoughts better after i get some sleep. then i'll try to give you a coherent answer.

[Darren337]

girls want the bad guy because they have appeal... but they only want the appearance, not the actual bad guy. and they just dont get it that "if he looks bad, he probably is, no matter how sweet he acts at first."

[strydr]

thanx, darren, sinkinswimmer, and ino - kinda helped, but i really want to get over this person, and i know she wants me - but kinda unsure - damn, this is complicated, and "Relationships for Dummies" sounds like a good idea. Arigatou

[crazy_shinigami v2]

maybe being alone is better
Relationship is for dummies!!!!!!!!!!!

[Lord of the Bling]

Well, I will admit the freedom of not being attached is truly delightful. But it would be nice to have someone to come home to after a hard day of work. I guess it depends on what kind of person you are and what you do. I would love to be in a relationship but Im to be deployed to Iraq with the next few monthes so I dont want a significant other on my mind while I do my thing in the sandbox.

[General Cox]

i must say my sonseptions of breaking up were completely wrong before i went through this. Somehow before i always thought breaking up was easier for the guy and the girls took it badly. Now im here i think its the other way around.

Girls are always making fun and accusing guys of not having feeling but it couldnt be further from the truth. Once girls have split up they seem to go inot, go kiss as many guys as possible mode, which really does piss me off. Yes i know not all girls are like this. But iv seen a few relationships end around me, including my sisters one, and it seems to be the in thing, to once after breaking up go and get close to another person. IMO they are starting to become the emotionally redundant ones.

The funny thing is, if you ever try to confront them about it, thye seem to be able to turn it back on you somehow :/ meh, sorry for the rant, thats been on my chest for a while >_>

[Chih1ro]

My friend caught his gf cheating on him...with his best friend. He got really pissed, went around and ****ed at least 10 girls (hes a very good looking guy), and transferred to a different school. Some guys just cant take it too well.

[kunchi]

i'm a guy and when i go through a break up and im the one who got dumped i become very numb at first, then go to depressing/drunken remminitions of my time with the girl, then i pull random girls, then finally have a couple of one night stands and im cured.
this process take a few months ofcourse but as they say; 'to each his own'

[_strangechild_]

I don't like when guys and girls say stuff about each other, for example when a girl says, "Guys suck [moan moan etc etc]" it's so irritating, as I don't like that they act as if ALL guys do and blah blah blah. Anyways,

That's sad.
I wouldn't do something like that (sleep around and what have you).
I'm not too attached to my emotions, when it comes to big things - so I'll be sad, but I'll act how I normally do, and then I'd get over my sadness in about a month or something. =)
=D I'm better alone, I feel much more comfortable. Ha! Not that I have people lining up for me horrible self. O_o

[Darren337]

solitude has advantages in the lack of obligations.

but then again, when you have deep feelings for the other person, those "obligations" dont feel like obligations. but in all honesty, they are still obligations.

as for how guys and girls taking breakups, i think some girls (well a lot that ive seen) have this ability to play it off like nothing. they act happy and unaffected... almost like they just put a mask on (or makeup, hah.) but guys.... we dont hide from our feelings. not to say that all girls hide from theirs, but most guys DONT hide from whatever their feelings are. if we are crushed, devastated.... it shows, for that is what we are.

[_strangechild_]

as for how guys and girls taking breakups, i think some girls (well a lot that ive seen) have this ability to play it off like nothing. they act happy and unaffected... almost like they just put a mask on (or makeup, hah.) but guys.... we dont hide from our feelings. not to say that all girls hide from theirs, but most guys DONT hide from whatever their feelings are. if we are crushed, devastated.... it shows, for that is what we are.

I don't feel that I hide them, I just don't feel like acting sad, I mean I could but it does nothing for me - nor anyone else - and I am happy, but on the whole I'm not. Lol and I don't wear make-up. I don't even have my ears pierced. O_o

[Darren337]

...I don't feel that I hide them, I just don't feel like acting sad...

ah... i see. well from a guy's perspective, from the outside, this appears as if the girl is cold and heartless, or she's hiding from her emotions.

[_strangechild_]

ah... i see. well from a guy's perspective, from the outside, this appears as if the girl is cold and heartless, or she's hiding from her emotions.
Probably. People do know me as cold and heartless, lol, sadly. But not for that reason.. I don't think.
I don't really see guys express their emotion, much. When near the verge of breaking down you can see some contain it, just about, but that's all really (and there's this one guy who has mood swings).
But most guys I know are almost definately more open and comfortable with talking about certain things. But when they speak about things it seems less important to them as it would be for a girl. [Tilts head]. I dunno another way of putting it, something along those lines anyways.

[Darren337]

Probably. People do know me as cold and heartless, lol, sadly. But not for that reason.. I don't think.
I don't really see guys express their emotion, much. When near the verge of breaking down you can see some contain it, just about, but that's all really (and there's this one guy who has mood swings).
But most guys I know are almost definately more open and comfortable with talking about certain things. But when they speak about things it seems less important to them as it would be for a girl. [Tilts head]. I dunno another way of putting it, something along those lines anyways.

in my case, i try to talk calmly about breakups not only to alarm the person im speaking to but to try and keep balance.

[_strangechild_]

Likewise.
But it shocks the person I tell anyhow because they'd not even know that I had been in a relationship - I don't talk about these things to people unless it's brought up in a subject. =P

[strydr]

but to tell you the truth about all the girls i have gone out with, when they broke up with me, i was the really sad down one, not the girl - what is up with that, did they maybe not feel anything for me or it(the relationship), or maybe it was me???
I always thought it was me until the beginning of last year. Jeez i am 17 years old - i am already having serious relationships but thats how it is

[sinkinswimmer]

well, strydr. sounds to me like you get more attached in the relationship than the girls do. maybe at some point you get too needy and the girls get creeped out and dump you. which would leave you on the down and out and her.... not so much. just a hypothetical instance, cause i don't know all the details.

[Ryoji]

here goes...my g/f and I decided to stay as best friends (which doesn't work out well, I was told) -- we were together 21 months before in a serious relationship. We decided to take a break because we both have to focus on school (I'm a senior and she's a junior), and wanted some space for a bit to think about everything. It's weird now though...we both still love each other very much, but she started liking a guy that she went out with back in junior high again, being the stupid irrational person I am, I told her to do herself a favor and go out with him, and she did -- as of last night. She also didn't tell him we were supposed to go to homecoming together, and he just asked her out to homecoming.

[sinkinswimmer]

ouch. that's rough. ummm.... i don't think she'll go to the dance with you instead of her new guy. i was set to go with a few girls as friends, and they'd have blown me off if they had the chance.

[Ryoji]

Yeah...It's just that, I grew virtually completely dependent on her, and now we're "best friends"...its hard for me to just lay it all down right now, but I guess that's how it is so far.

[sinkinswimmer]

yeah, i was just fortunate that i was older. at the school i attended, only jr. and sr. class members could buy tickets. so they couldn't blow me off for the a guy their own age. heh.

but your "best friends" thing sounds like me now...

[strydr]

Yeah...It's just that, I grew virtually completely dependent on her, and now we're "best friends"...its hard for me to just lay it all down right now, but I guess that's how it is so far.

Ryoji i feel for you, my story is practically the same.
THis girl and i liked each other, but me decided to stay friends(she wanted it not me . and yes it DOESNT work.), but we both admitted to liking each other a lot.
Then 2 weeks ago i told to sort her mind out, cause she said she didnt want a boyfriend. Now she is with a guy who previously liked her , before i started liking her - they kinda had a little thing. But damn, "best friends" hurts - you cant exactly say anything about liking her cause it makes it hard. It is total bull.

well, strydr. sounds to me like you get more attached in the relationship than the girls do. maybe at some point you get too needy and the girls get creeped out and dump you. which would leave you on the down and out and her.... not so much. just a hypothetical instance, cause i don't know all the details.

Hey i know you are right (and emphasise on know instead of THINK), i do have that problem, right now at this moment i am trying to sort that out, can you maybe give more advice on it??? i am lost... i even shaved myself bald to start a fresh start. PLZ help>>>

[Darren337]

strydr: you need to learn to keep your distance. while that may sound harsh, its only as harsh as the problem is. if you only need to step back one step, then one step of help is necessary.

a lot of girls like you to be around, but they dont want to feel like you're taking over their life, or like you will ALWAYS be hovering right over their shoulder. think about it this way. if you always go to her, you wont have the chance to enjoy the feeling you get when she comes to you... right?

[sinkinswimmer]

Hey i know you are right (and emphasise on know instead of THINK), i do have that problem, right now at this moment i am trying to sort that out, can you maybe give more advice on it??? i am lost... i even shaved myself bald to start a fresh start. PLZ help>>>

well... the best i can say is don't rush things. yes, a girl wants to know you care for her, but at the same time she doesn't want you hanging all over her right from the get go. let your relationships build up to a point where you BOTH are comfortable being around each other a lot. you may want someone to call your own very badly, but don't give off that vibe. it'll do you more harm than good.

[kunchi]

some distance is good in a relationship people just get freaked out if you're calling them three time a day for no reason. but to much distance is bad no contact with the one you love for a week puts a downer on things for awhile.

so play it cool and do a big romantic gesture once a month. tis why i've been going out with the same amazing girl for nearly a year now (woo aniversary celebrations in december!!)

[strydr]

To all of you who know my situation from previous threads, i called Ra after a week and she didnt even glich on the phone, maybe i should stay away for longer, cause i didnt speak to her for a month and now i feel as if maybe i pushed her away, but maybe thats what i wanted. Was a month too long???

[ssmercurys]

Hmm, you went a month without talking ? Unless you guys were seriously mad at each other a month is a LONG time to not talk to someone, it almost sounds like she doesnt want to talk to you anymore ( I dont understand what you mean by "glich" ) I could totally be wrong but even with me and my g/f (which are happy going on 1 year in December ^_^ ) I do know this and I know this well.....give girls there space BUT!! and a big BUT!!! DO NOT ignore them. If you show that your not interested or just ignore there presence they will more than likely start turning towards someone else. Just my 2 cents

[sinkinswimmer]

mercury has a good point. a whole month is a long time to go without talking to someone. i'm not sure what you mean but glich either, but i'd say that if you feel you pushed her away... try to talk to her more regularly, like once a week. if you get bad vibes from it... it may be too late to do anything.

[cetamora]

This is pretty fun. It's just like a that's 70s show ep I saw the other day. Steven didn't what to do with Jackie and he asked Donna n Eric 4 advice and then they said totaly different things. The guys said, keep distance and the girls said keep close. Very holarious^^. I think it's a very thin line. You can't realy tell if you aren't there to feel the vibes.

[sinkinswimmer]

^^ i forgot about this little smiley...

:spammer:

:p:

[cetamora]

???? Whatte? Is there somehting you wanna tell us sinkinswimmer??

[jodec123]

ya im not to sure i like that big ol' spammer sign..........

[strydr]

well - she kinda started emailing me again, but the process of getting over her was quite hard, it is losing something that you really want (love that is) - you really have to be strong to let it go, but the sign that she is speaking to me again, probably means i havent lost her yet . !

In my previous thread by glich i mean, when i called her she was like, "oh its you." so it sounded as if she didnt want to speak.
Cetamora is kinda right - there is a very thin line between too long and the right period of time to not speak to someone.

So...
do you think it is okay to give up on love, because (at the age of 17) i have tried so many times but it never works ever since my first relationship, so is it okay to give up for a little while???

[sinkinswimmer]

^^ or maybe she wasn't expecting your call cause it had been a month! seriously. i can't say what's going on for sure, cause i'm not there to see it all unfold. but this shouldn't be rocket science. look at it this way, if she really didn't want to talk to you, would she bother writing you an email?

you're 17, you have years to go before you'll really understand what love is. don't rush things, it won't help. if you don't want to give up on her, don't. if you do, you do.

[General Cox]

thats very true sinkinswimmer, youv got to follow your heart at times like these, whatever it may be telling you.

ceta, sikin was calling you a spammer, because you post useless posts everywhere that are all one line peices of nonsence

[strydr]

thanx, but i have only been serious about love and relationships stuff - it is something genetic , my mother and all my aunts and uncles were the same, so ya that is probably the reason. in future you should write what you think about the situation, or ask me and i will take time to write (type) it out for you. but do you think it is healthy to be serious at my age.

oh yes thanx!!

[strydr]

another thing i have been thinkin about is that maybe she trying to make me a little mad almost saying,"It didnt really matter that you didnt call" - kinda like a reverse thing you know, cause i wanted her