Memories In the Rain~ Poem

[Mizu no Kokoro]

Removed From Site~
Thank You All For The Comments~

[HallowDude]

BRAVA!! *claps* :pangel3: good poem...

[maximoose666]

Not bad at all :)

I suggest you worry less about rhyme. Don't be too bothered if something won't quite fit the rhyme scheme - it's better that than the word sounds silly 0.o
I like the flow of it though.
I'd be interested to know if the repetition of "dark sky" is deliberate.
But look at your comma usage. It's a bit random in places.
The enjambment is good :)

[Mizu no Kokoro]

Not bad at all :)

I suggest you worry less about rhyme. Don't be too bothered if something won't quite fit the rhyme scheme - it's better that than the word sounds silly 0.o
I like the flow of it though.
I'd be interested to know if the repetition of "dark sky" is deliberate.
But look at your comma usage. It's a bit random in places.
The enjambment is good :)

yup, the dark sky part is deliberate^^ about the punctuation, i dunno, sorta put the commas where i think there needs to be a bit of a pause/break. suppose to be helpful for interpretation purpose O_o although my usual style i prefer not to punctuate unless absolutely have to~ but thanks for the helpful comments! keep 'em coming^^

[MaskedDrifter]

Awesome poem. I love it. I hope you do good in that contest you are entering it in.

[Helikaon]

Nicely done, i can really imagine it

[maui]

first of all, koolbeans with the title, coz i love rain.. and its a bleach ep too. :P
and i just loved its flow. nice job, and good luck. ^_^