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pkalexkaz
01-25-2006, 10:35 PM
My story is based on Bleach,but it has some characteristics of some other anime too.I have divided the story in volumes and chapters.Only if you like it i will post the next chapter.Below is the first volume,first chapter.Tell me if you liked it!Thanks for your time.
[SIZE="5"]ANOTHER SIDE OF BLEACH
Bleach vol.1 Chapter 1:The strange monster
My name is Alex.I am sixteen years old and I live in the city of Athens in Greece.I go to the first grade of TEE for computers.I have two sisters and one brother.My older sister is seventeen years old and her name is Sofia.She realy is a chick,so me and my brother Gregory are having problems with every dumass that tried to hit her,just because they broke up.My brother is sixteen and he realy is overprotective with our younger sister,Mary who is thirteen.Our parents are business men so we don’t see them really often.In fact,it may even take a year for us to see them.The send everytime lots of money though so we live in quite luxurious life,but I work on my own for extra money.
This is just one part of my life.Another part is my friends and all the stupid things we do to laugh.I go to parties,I drink,I dance and many other bullshit.The closest friends of mine are John as Johny,George as Hog and one weird fellow but really a nice guy,Ivan Miller. Johny and Hog are Greeks and Ivan is from Mexico.These guys are pretty cool to hang out but I can talk with them and my family only about these two parts of my life.
The third part of my life is…ghosts.That’s right,they do exist,I talk,listen and touch them.I don’t know why but as long as I long as remember myself I see ghosts as clear as I a living. I know what are you thinking right now ”Hey this kid is nuts”or something.But it is true.My entire family can do that actually.But they just sence their precence not see them.Sometimes they see a blur but that’s all.I don’t know why I’m the only one that can see them.But I know this.Every time those ghosts ask something from me so then move to other side such as send away some people that they bother them in the place they died.This whole thing is tiring from time to time. The worst thing though,is lately their number is dramatically increasing.But I do have ordinary life such as my school and work so I don’t have time to run all the time and help them.
-Alex,wake up,man,we are going to be late!
-You litlle *****,when it is to wake me,do it more gently!Damnit!It’s 8!Oh shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!
Alex stood up and rushed to the bathroom.By the time he brushed his teeth and put some clothes on him,his family had already left.When he ate some quick breakfast,he took his schoolbag and run in the door.he was about to open it….BAM!!!Alex was so shocked by what he saw that he slipped on the floor.A group of ghosts!Not just one or two but at least ten!
-What the hell!?
-Young man…We seek help from you…
-What kind of help?And how come you are so many?Always it is the most one ghost.
-We have been all killed by a Hollow…Now it will probably come to devour our souls…
-Hollow?What it’s that?
-A Hollow is monster…A monster that likes to kill and then devour the soul to become stronger…
All of a sudden a strange howl and loud was heard!
-Aeahhooooooooooo!
Alex passed the ghosts to go see what this loud howl was.He ran towards the street and when he turned….He was more shocked than to see such a large group of ghosts.A huge monster,with a white mask and hole in the chest!
-That is a “Hollow”,said one ghost.It goes around to devour souls…But it prefers souls with high spirit force such as yours and your family’s…Beware!It’s going to attack you!
That was exactly what the Hollow was doing.With its big fist.it aimed towards Alex!Alex dogded literally the last second!
-Shit.How I fight something like this?
-While he was saying that a man with a red cape appeared!He drew a sword and attacked the Hollow!
-Iiiiiiiaaaahhhhh!
With a strong hit by this red-caped man right in the face,the Hollow dissapeared!
-Piece of cake,said the man.He turned to Alex.Now it’s your turn!
-What do you mean?Who are you?
The man smiled.It was finally time.
TO BE CONTINUED…SIZE]

Gandisama
01-26-2006, 08:34 PM
to gamises ... XD

Rabid_Wolverine
01-26-2006, 09:39 PM
Quite intersting. Grammar is a bit poo though. Story is ok.

pkalexkaz
01-26-2006, 10:05 PM
hey gandisama who are you?Might you be Dex?Re malaka tha se ftiajo ego!
And thanks Rabid if you like it i will post the next chapter.

SmallKid57
01-26-2006, 11:58 PM
its ok... sry man just not my style, but keep writing!

pkalexkaz
01-27-2006, 01:23 PM
Guess i'll post the next chapter if i find out that more people are interested.

Gandisama
01-27-2006, 10:24 PM
boris na mou klaseis ta arxeidia XD ego enoousa ot gamises to bbc code kai oxi to fanfic sou ;) alothough kapos re gamoto dem mou pai :/ either way keep writing ;)

Pipp-ORK
01-27-2006, 10:35 PM
Except for a few grammatical errors, it's pretty good. The beginning is a little slow, though, and it would've been a bit better if you hadn't given so much information about the characters all at once.

ADMBird
01-28-2006, 02:53 AM
It was...OK.:)
But if you post the next chapter i'll read it.

pkalexkaz
01-28-2006, 11:10 AM
You think Pipp?Well "spoiler" the truth is that (in my mind at least)i haven't said anything informative yet!Oh yeah!And by the way the second chapter is already written(To gandisama:μαλακα θα τους κανω να πορωθουν με την ιστορια μου!) and i will post it in about an hour.

PS oh yeah what grammatical errors have i done?

pkalexkaz
01-28-2006, 11:13 AM
Here is what i promised!The second chapter!(Didn't took more than a minute)


ANOTHER SIDE OF BLEACH
Bleach vol.1 chapter 2:Auron,the red-caped man.
-Who the hell are you?asked Alex the man.
-What do you mean?You don’t know who I am?
-If I knew I wouldn’t ask dumass!
-You had better show a little more gratitude to the man that just saved your sorry ass.But I usually ask that first.Answer or else…
-Or else what?
Instead of telling him,the man raised his sword.
-Well?he asked.
-Damn you,answered Alex,My name is Alex.Your turn!Who are you?
-I’m Auron.
-Auron?That is a strange name…
-Who asked you?Fool, don’t you understand to whom you are talking to?
-Ehhhh…A dumass called Auron I guess…
-Tsk.Well anyway, it seems that you have enough spirit force to see Hollows.That means you will have another visit from them.
-You mean those monsters?
-Yes.And I think that your family has some spirit force,right?
-What’s this spirit force anyway?
-Which part of “spirit force” don’t you understand?It’s the force of your soul,it’s strength.Spirit force determines how strong you are.
-How strong I am?What do you mean?
-We don’t have time for questions.Has your family has spirit force at all?
-Well they can see ghosts,if that’s what you mean…
-They will be attacked by Hollows then.
Alex was stunned for a second.Then he remembered what day it was.It was the trip that his school was having!
-Shit,he shouted and started to run in order to find his family. “Why this all happened.I don’t get it!But if they are really going to be attacked,how will I save them?
They probably can’t see ghosts or Hollows.So I’ll just take them away in a safe place”,he thought.

-Our brother is a complete idiot Mary,said Gregory,I can’t believe he missed the trip!
-Give him a break will ya,said Mary,He is probably caught in the public!
-Don’t be so naïve Mary,said Sofia,he probably got to bed again.When we return I!?
Sofia suddenly stopped.She looked terrified!
-What’s the problem sis,asked Greg.
-Did you just hear that?
-Hear what Sofia,said Mary,you look!?
A loud howl was heard clear as day!The three brothers looked for the source of the sound.
-There,pointed Sofia,It’s a blur though…
-Is it a ghost?asked Greg.
-I don’t think so!answered Sofia it’s a huge something,but I can’t say for sure!
-Alex,started Mary,is that…Mhhhhh!
-Mary!cried the other two.
Alex kicked the Hollow right in the back of the knee.It was a stupid move to do,but when he saw the Hollow raise his sister up,a hot blaze fired inside him.
-Hey mother****er!Alex shouted to the Hollow,Why don’t you try to take mine great soul?
The Hollow howled and let Mary fall.Greg caught her in the air!
-Sofia,Greg,take Mary and get the hell out of here!screamed Alex.
-What about you,cried Sofia.
-Just GO!
When they were gone,Alex’s brain started to work. “Ok,he thought,That Auron went for that mask.If I do the same I’ll probably…”
-You won’t hurt it,someone said behind him.He turned to see Auron.
-Do you want to know how to fight those monsters,so you can protect yourself and your family?
-Of course!
-Then you will train with me for one month.No breaks,no complaints.Understood?
With a quick hit Auron killed the Hollow.He looked Alex in the eye.
-Yes,said Alex
Auron just smiled.


TO BE CONTINUED…

Daeruke
01-28-2006, 08:03 PM
in greek? the setting is a little of. but its ok